Any chance u reckon??

[OpiateQueen]

Originally Posted by Papa Verine

OpiateQuee, if you're used to 100mg of Valium, you should take from 6-8mg of Xanax. It's just my experience, I don't believe .5mg Xanax is equal to 10mg Valium.

Now be really careful, just as everybody else has already said. You don't want to have a benzo habit on top of all the methadone. You like to party hard... and I can relate to that very well. But I don't party so hard any more. I realized it's not a good way to live. There always comes a week when I cannot get any opiates, or benzos, and the withdrawal from both of them at the same time is pure HELL!

So, you've been warned. We should all try to reduce our habits if we can. Many of us are trying and trying. We wish we never started taking these things in the first place...

actually i made a mistake, the times i've had vals in the last year (3-4 times) i've had about 5-10 tabs. But i can't rememeber - are they 5mg or 10mg tabs?? (they def weren't the 2mg ones)

[matfield]

yeah thats what i wanted to say! did you really always took the 10mg diazepam??
50mg is a lot of valium IMHO!!! Especially on top of that much done!! thats too much...sorry.
i was addicted to diazepam as well but i never took more than 60. 40-50 was the average in my worst time.
i had to and wanted to cut it down when i started mmt and i managed to do that although it wasnt easy.
nowadays i can feel 0.5mg...hell even .25mg as an anxyolitic dose! (which is the lowest therapeutic dose the come in)

you know i'd like to tell you something very personal: these days i do really often think about dying and how i am afraid of it now and that i do not want to die with 31 due to a fucking overdose.
and how fast it may happen not to wake up anymore.. especially with such a combo you are talking about and you are taking. (like this day when you were taking more and more xannies until you..um..passed out??)
its difficult to say what i want to say and it sounds like preaching but for real: we only have this one life and with this kind of lifestyle it is so easily gone as we all have witnessed more often than one would like to.

so opiatequeen...please think twice what you are doing. there is so much more this life has to offer than dying over fucking sleeplessness or chasing a high. you know..?

[OpiateQueen]

Originally Posted by matfield

yeah thats what i wanted to say! did you really always took the 10mg diazepam??
50mg is a lot of valium IMHO!!! Especially on top of that much done!! thats too much...sorry.
i was addicted to diazepam as well but i never took more than 60. 40-50 was the average in my worst time.
i had to and wanted to cut it down when i started mmt and i managed to do that although it wasnt easy.
nowadays i can feel 0.5mg...hell even .25mg as an anxyolitic dose! (which is the lowest therapeutic dose the come in)

you know i'd like to tell you something very personal: these days i do really often think about dying and how i am afraid of it now and that i do not want to die with 31 due to a fucking overdose.
and how fast it may happen not to wake up anymore.. especially with such a combo you are talking about and you are taking. (like this day when you were taking more and more xannies until you..um..passed out??)
its difficult to say what i want to say and it sounds like preaching but for real: we only have this one life and with this kind of lifestyle it is so easily gone as we all have witnessed more often than one would like to.

so opiatequeen...please think twice what you are doing. there is so much more this life has to offer than dying over fucking sleeplessness or chasing a high. you know..?

i don't really want to die either...iguess.... i didn't just keep taking them til i passed out exatly... i waited about an hour betwween each one.. But are the yellow vals 10mg or 5mg? i can't remember.... if they're 10 then yeah i was taking between 50-100mg, but only occassionally - and no benzos in between. When i say occassionally i mean every 3 months or whatever...
And i took 2mg of xanax and it did pretty much nothing. just went about my normal day... but yeah i'm not just chugging down the whole pack and i haven't had anymore since i got them and i will try and be extra careful about getting a habit.

[matfield]

yeah guess what i wanted to say is you often sound like high risk behaviour- and i care for you

[GOLD N DIEMONDS]

Originally Posted by matfield

yeah guess what i wanted to say is you often sound like high risk behaviour- and i care for you

Mighty DAMN nice you are matfield
yeah its NOT the benzo habit really at worry
IT the very high RISK level of an OD due to benzo use-
especiallY with HIGH level of Methadone
does NOT really matter if they were 5 or 10 mg vals
what matter is benzo cause forgetfulness (nature of the drug with everyone)
AND A FATAL OD IS A ONE TIME DEAL.

Take care- take better sleep meds and learn to let them work with your body sleep

[Suboxer]

Originally Posted by OpiateQueen

i don't really want to die either...iguess....

That's your problem right there. That's why you're so self-destructive. Thanatos. The death wish. Anyone who has to qualify the statement "I don't want to die" with "really" AND "I guess(ELLIPSIS)" needs to do some SERIOUS introspection, maybe with the help of a certified counsellor. Living with that mind, "I don't really want to die, either, I guess...." is living a slow suicide, and on the fast track to six feet down.

[starla]

OpiateQueen, please don't take any offense to this, but, i've been lurking for quite some time and some of your posts are scary. Please please please take it easy with the benzos. Don't you have a child? While you might not be too happy with life right now, you still need to wake up each morning for your little one. You're playing with fire and you're not the only one who's gonna end up burned. Please be careful. Good luck.

[OpiateQueen]

Originally Posted by starla

OpiateQueen, please don't take any offense to this, but, i've been lurking for quite some time and some of your posts are scary. Please please please take it easy with the benzos. Don't you have a child? While you might not be too happy with life right now, you still need to wake up each morning for your little one. You're playing with fire and you're not the only one who's gonna end up burned. Please be careful. Good luck.

yes no i really DON't want to die and main reason being my beautiful baby boy.....
But i mean this seriously - what posts of mine does everyone think are so scary?? I mean there are other people who have shot up their methadone (everyone knows thats dumb) and there are stacks and stacks of people on here doing benzos or askin how to get them or whatever... What is it particularly about my posts??
i'm really trying to get a job - i'm hoping and really feel like i will feel alot better about myself once i do. Not a vet one to start with - i'm thinking an easier admin type one or something - temping for gov is what i would really like at present..

[starla]

Originally Posted by OpiateQueen

yes no i really DON't want to die and main reason being my beautiful baby boy.....
But i mean this seriously - what posts of mine does everyone think are so scary?? I mean there are other people who have shot up their methadone (everyone knows thats dumb) and there are stacks and stacks of people on here doing benzos or askin how to get them or whatever... What is it particularly about my posts??
i'm really trying to get a job - i'm hoping and really feel like i will feel alot better about myself once i do. Not a vet one to start with - i'm thinking an easier admin type one or something - temping for gov is what i would really like at present..

yes, i'm sure plenty of people do shoot their done. not all of them have seizures like you do.. it just scares me. i enjoy reading your posts and when you're on such a high dose of done and then adding benzos ontop of that.. it's asking for trouble. like i said, i enjoy your posts. and i would like to keep reading them, so, please be careful. i didn't mean to offend you.

doesn't methadone make alot of people drowsy anyways? but, it doesn't help you sleep?

what is so scary? with such a high dose of methadone.. then add in benzos.. and then this comment from you: 'i don't really want to die either...iguess....' that! that's what is scary. i wasn't trying to judge you. i'm speaking from experience.. i took methadone and klonopin and almost died that night. if my husband hadn't been watching over me, i probably would have.

just be careful, please.