Jade + Xanax = Whoops!

[is_today_monday]

Today I got a new script for Xanax, plus a couple of repeats. You may have seen in a previous post that I almost ran into big dramas for getting a script filled too early last time - I just have to be careful in future and wait to get the scripts refilled at an appropriate time.

Anyway, I wasn't planning on going back for more - my programme doctor hates me being on benzos, but he's just a total fuckwit. However, at the moment, these 2mg Xanax (and generic brands) are literally worth their weight in street/drug gold right now, so the plan was to sell or swap them for oxy or morph or whatever. I always planned to take a couple myself, since I have the shittiest problems sleeping, and fuck, they are mine, I'll take some if I wish.

Here comes the big, fat, WHOOPS! I've been online for the past... fuck, HOURS, and during a quiet spell, decided to divide out the Xannies and work out what sort of deal I'll cut with whoever it is wanting to do this shit (a mate of mine is setting it up). Turns out, in the past couple of hours, I've already eaten 10 of the fucking things. Uh oh! I feel very nice, but I just want to keep piling them into my mouth til I'm so maggot that's the end of me. I don't have anything especially important to do tomorrow, would have just slept in and bummed around at home. Now, I'll probably be smashed off my tits, bumming around at home.

It'll be another 25-30 days before I can get the script filled again, which is ok. Even if I use this first bottle up all to myself, these other guys can wait til next time (how's that junkie reasoning for you?). I tried slamming them with ethanol, but I didn't feel jack shit. I didn't expect to, but I'm a drug fiend, I needed to try.

I ramble worse than usual when I'm feeling pleasantly smashed. I think I'll leave it about half an hour, forty-five minutes for the last two I just took to kick in, if I'm not sufficiently content, I'll take a couple more. I'm ok, I'm obviously not benzo naive. It's just been such a shit fucking few months I think I deserve to get shit faced and have the ultimate relaxation. Tomorrow I'm off to buy grapefruit juice. White grapefruit juice is the best, yeah? I just want to double check. If in doubt, hell, I'll buy both.

I do apologise for such a long ramble - I do break them up into less-painful-to-read paragraphs. I'm not sure what everyone else here thinks of me, but I'm finally beginning to feel like this is a place where I feel safe and belong. It took a long while for me to feel that way.

My sympathies go out to those who aren't able to alter their mind in a nice/preferred fashion. I'd hit a dry spot for a long time, and it'll come again soon.

If you got this far reading this insanely long, and no doubt boring post, I do congratulate you. It's been a lonely few months in real life - noone gives a shit (IRL) about my friend dying, and if they find out I'm using again, no matter what it is, I'll never hear the end of it.

Thank you for giving me a place to feel safe with the lifestyle that I live.

(No more mushy stuff!)

I have a bit more reading to do, about other shit, take some more pills, and then head to bed. It's 2:33am Thursday here. Sleep in tomorrow - YAY!

Anyway guys and gals...

All the best for your day/afternoon/night/morning.

Namaste