Long story short,
Started a new job after finding a nice house to rent with good roommates. They know of my use, know the reasons, and don't judge. Things are a near one eighty from last year. I no longer want to die every five minutes, and can think of things other than pain.
If you had asked six months ago, I would have said that by now I would not be here. Or that I would be homeless and hopeless.
The new job came outta the blue, and sales is literally the last thing I thought id be great at. Turns out, the job gave me a ton of the confidence back that my illness and addiction took away. I can not express how different my life actually is living in a nice but affordable place making decent money and enjoying work. It is truly humbling to realize how far down I got, thinking I was spiraling into things just being... over.
Anyway. Working everyday, I got in the habit of grabbing a bottle of lope every time I felt sick, then not worrying about wd for two days. Then, I couldn't get off on my oxy or h without the baseline of lope in me. Then the wd started coming faster and faster. Now im experiencing some really shitty symptoms directly from the lope; rashes, extreme itching, kidney issues such as pain and dark tea colored urine, lower back pain. Over a three month span this is.
Sad thing is this: the fuckin lope is partly... hell, maybe greatly to thank for my newfound stability. Scared to change my habit in any way since everything is great except for this.
Im afraid of the kidney shit. So is my girl. She wants me at the er like yesterday. Not happening.
Im tapering the lope, but symptoms persist. I know others here have had some possibly superserious shit happen from using a lot of lope regularly. Im just having a hell of a time getting off of it. The withdrawl is the worst I've experienced... from anything... truly vicious shit. And this is not my first rodeo at all.
So.. im tapering and crossing my fingers and trying to keep my head up at work.
Im on the mdone clinic waiting list.. seriously wish it would hurry the fuck up because this is crazy. I was using lope to avoid getting sick, avoid waking up sick, etc, and it was a pleasant delusion... now its over and time to pay. Fuck.
Let this be a warning to others... using lope as a maintenance tool should not be overdone.