I question my decision on and off. I was going to go the methadone route and had talked to a clinic but at the last second and with the prodding of my family (they had heard all the methadone propaganda and stigma and they were footing the bill at that time for the treatment) I decided to give sub a try and got on it a year ago. I never intended for it to be a longterm thing, I told myself I was gonna do a short 1-2 week taper with sub and then take the sub "as needed" on a non daily basis only if a craving to the point where I thought Id relapse, similar to how you are supposed to take benzos for panic attacks instead of daily. I figured my doc and family wouldnt know and I could maybe "feel something" from sub by taking that way and also avoid a strong physical dependance to it. Of course that didnt work and to top things off I ended up getting in legal trouble and and now on paper for awhile.
It pretty much has meant for the last year I had to stay clean off everything but bupe and its hard as hell. For alot of that time I was on suboxone and aside from the first month where it did seem to help quite a bit it did close to nothing for the following 6 or so months I was on it before I was switched over to 'tex. For the last few months I have kind of developed a new appreciation for bupe after getting on tex and getting my tolerance to the point where I low dose (2mgs spaced out every 12 hours) but now that or lack of a better word "new honeymoon phase" is pretty much gone, I still get the "glow" from low dosing and keeping the doses apart but its so slight that Im like "is it placebo?". To be honest I also crave getting high more frequently than I should and feel that methadone would work better for me. Only problem is is methadone is almost 2x the cost of my bupe treatment now since I get the generic and Id have to do the whole daily clinic thing for awhile. Anyways sorry for the long winded post I just wonder if anyone else feels this way about bupe. I'll think to myself "why should I put myself through a WD that is almost as miserable or possibly is as miserable methadone when I dont feel much from my dose in terms of craving relief like I would with methadone".