What would your ideal scenario be?

[chemboy7]

Good question. I really don't know how to answer this one. It seems like when I just KNOW what I want, it turns out I'm wrong.

Thought I wanted to get sober with subs... wrong. Fuckers sucked the soul out of me. Said fuck it, along with other things, and started using again.

Then I thought, hey Methadone might be the answer.

Did that for a good while then decided, on my own, to get off and live the "sober life".

Doing that currently and I fucking hate it. I'd much rather get high, but if history is any kind of lesson... that won't agree with living a productive life.

I don't know what I want, I suppose. I'm an irritable cunt that hates his reality no matter what.

[jibthis]

I voted for both DOC maint. and total sobriety. I hate this maintinance shit so much. I'm currently on subutex between 2 and 4mg a day. I absolutely hate it I have no emotions anymore, don't get excited, don't have a sex drive, I'm just dull and boring now.

At least when I was using I was both happy and outgoing with a raging sex drive (not saying I got off every time). I like the idea of being able to obtain a script of say dilaudid or at least morphine, but I just don't see that happening any time soon here. Hell I'd even be up for a script of methadone but I can't justify driving 30min each way everyday to get well. Also I hear a lot of people here saying they become dull and lethargic on methadone which I already am on my sub.

I wish I could be free of it all really, but I just don't know how to cope. When I'm off I have a decent amount of pain (around 3-4 out of 10), severe anxiety, and a good deal of depression. I'm in no way getting any pain relief from the sub, but it does take away most anxiety, some depression but not enough of either pain or depression. One day though it would be nice to be free!

Honestly the only reason I'm on maint. now and not DOC is because last week I used I got pulled over by the local narcotics group. It was a horrible experience and I never want to go through that again (although I was never arrested). I had just picked up got on the main road and a state boy was right behind me (I was stuck at a red light seen him behind swallowed the goods), he pulled me over as soon as it turned green and two under covers boxed me in. Man that was hell they tore my car apart made all kinds of threats such as bodily harm jail, the works. Luckily I held out and never gave in, finally they let me go. But it has kept me away from copping. I copped a couple times after that until I could see the doc but that's it.

[fearofnormalcy]

I voted sobriety.

I don't think the length of my habit left me with much permanent damage, and the PAWS and cravings have certainly subsided, so I'm running with it.

I didn't have a needle habit to break, so that made things a little easier, though. While my Fent use sure jacked up my tolly, things have gotten much better over the last few months. I'm laughing again, have more energy, and can actually look forward to sex again. My back still hurts, but it's manageable with stretching, exercise and ibuprofen.

Life ain't too shabby.

[Lopossum]

Fuck maintenance. For me, "maintenance" is just what I do to pass the time in between one score and the next. Every time I have used "maintenance" to get off the stuff, it was little more than a lie that I told myself. I want to be sober so bad - not be dependent on this horrible shit, not have to melt into a puddle of helpless protoplasm when I can't fix, but I don't want to lose the feeling of being high either. I'm sure many other addicts have been at this crossroads before.

Your mileage may vary.

[Dr. McKay]

I think history would tend to agree with my breakdown:

Most people who have access to clean (medical) opiates, can self-medicate ad libitum for years, if not decades, without serious consequences.

They tend to find a dosing level that is compatible with their lifestyles, and are able to live contently. They rarely increase their doses over time, and their tolerance--while higher than the opiate-naive population--remains moderate.

They suffer no legal or medical complications due to their opiate use.

Some people who have access to opiates will "fiend" on these drugs. Just like some people display little or no self-control when it comes to alcohol comsumption, or cocaine, or any other drug (include oxytocin & sex).

They will continually increase their dose; their tolerance will sky-rocket and they will engage in high-risk behavior to get their DOC into their body. Anytime a person loses control of their actions, there is a high likelihood of legal & medical ramifications.

Cleanliness & sterile preparations take a backseat to getting that high. Violating laws and the risk of arrest or imprisonment are of little concern when fiending.

So Junkette, I think your poll will prolly show people prefer getting their DOC and using it in moderation. It IS possible to live a decent life and take their medicine multiple times a day.

Bupe and Methadone are merely substitutes (I think poor substitutes) for most people's DOC. Better than nothing--yes. Less risk--yes. Life-Stabilizing--yes, but only because obtaining one's DOC often involves risks.

Ideally, we can get by naturally on our body's own production of endogenous chemicals. There are too many examples of a body's failure to provide enough of the right chemicals-- Type I diabetes for example. We live in a time when chemicals are available to help us--whatever our problems or deficiencies may be.

To deny a person the right to live their life in the manner they choose--as long as it hurts no other person--is barbaric.

Did I just ramble??!

M F

This could not be any truer for me.

I am hypothyroid so I need a daily pill for my low thyroid.

I am also hypogonadal (low testosterone levels) - so I need weekly injections of testosterone to feel like a man.

I had an emergency lamenectomey on my spine so I have intense pain that will never get any better and my body can not produce eneough endorphines to help ease the pain- so I need pain medicine to keep my pain level in check along with just keeping me feeling normal since I have been taking opiate pain medicine for about 13 years.

So,
I have to have certain medications or I would be extremely sick and have mental issues and could not do anything productive.

[Just1Fix]

I opted DOC maint, why? I got no damned idea.
1st what the hell is my DOC, opiates yea, but there's so many options- maybe if the doc gave me a menu I could order from every couple days.
2- maintaining kinda sux, its just kind of blehhhh not high, but feeling normal. Maybe I'd try n save up my 'menu' selections & get by on less & like once a week just throwdown...
3- dependence is a biatch no matter how you slice it. Its a burden relying on a substance(mind you, the greatest substance known to all mankind) and going thru the hoops- whether its copping on the streets, dealing with sketchy dealers and sketchier 'friends', CASH is the big liability whether its streets/docs/dealers- and I've worked f/t thru 90% of my addiction and rarely called out 'sick'- can labor thru day 1, day 2- hell no.. There's always 'sick time' no matter how well plotted out our minds are' oh I'll just save 2 bags for the morning' and you wake up with about 3/4's of a bag- or less..
4- Sobriety is quite possibly more of a biatch than dependence is. People freaking suck- there's just no limit or how stupid, insane, self serving, greed driven, and just outright a nuisance.. If I didn't need to deal with people to exist; without living in the forest in the middle of nowhere- sober might be possible...
5- Even if sober or maintaining was possible, we all have learned just how powerful opiates are- and that in and of itself damns us into (ab)using again..