Let me first start off by saying the reaction I’ve gotten from you all truly is more supportive than my immediate family, this is one of the reasons why I LOVE this site..This thread will probably fall under TL;DR so if you were born after 1990 you might want to click the back button…With that being said…
The first 5 months of 2009 was just BAD..Hell since I lost my job @ IBM in 2007 it’d been BAD due to no steady source of income to support my ever growing BTH habit. Here in California there’s a program for first time non-violent drug offenders called Proposition 36, it’s supposed to be a one year program where they send you to residential /out-patient/AA or NA meetings/drug testing yadda yadda..Well I turned that one year program into a 3 year one. I just kept.fucking.up! So March 2009 rolls around and I was on violation #2 of 3 and the judge suggested I get on methadone maintenance …I never ended up going to that appointment and continued to use. March 23rd I got a knock on the door from SJPD burglary division investigating a theft that had occurred at the home of my then girlfriend, I was so sick at the time I flat out admitted what I had done, the detective took mercy on me didn’t arrest me and suggested I show up to my court date the following day to plead with the judge to get into residential treatment one more time. Well I showed up to that court date high as a kite and was taken into custody. The moment the cuffs were put on me (by a deputy I went to high school with btw which made it even more awkward) I felt a sense of relief and peace never before experienced. This is when the REAL journey started for me. It took a long time for me to get to a cell and the booking process took about 8 hours..I started getting sick around 10pm in the holding cell and the people in there with me were none too pleased..I asked the guard for a blanket to warm me up and his words back to me were “lay on the floor you junky scum.” Great. Thanks a lot pal..In my county theres 3 different jails they can house you in and I was praying to go to lockdown due to the fact those were two man cells and you could hear a pin drop in the pods..I lucked out and was sent to the two man cell after one night in a 60 man dormitory. That first night was pure hell, they would not give me any medicine it was a total cold turkey detox which took about 20 days to fully recover from. I was on a top bunk and every 5 minutes I was jumping off to run to the bathroom and puke/shit..all the blacks and Mexicans just laughed at me..i was unfortunately the only white guy in that dorm.
When I got to the two man cell it was a completely different story..It was about 4 am when I finally got to the cell and I was greeted by a burly tattooed NLR member that was facing his 3rd strike for murder. Over the next 61 days this guy really became my best friend..I learned so much from him and it opened my eyes too where I was headed. I can’t stress enough how lucky I am to come from a family with means because every week I had a visit and money on my books for candy and other tradable jail goods..The detox was pure hell and one day my celly literally carried me to chow because I had not eaten for 5 days. All the whites rallied around me though and took care of me I was absolutely baffled by the camaraderie. I was constantly given a change of clothes due to sweating thru everything that was issued to me..then one day I started to sleep and got used to the routine in there, it’s amazing how the human mind adjusts to ones environment because there was no way I was getting any tar in there and there was no way in hell I was going to pay the prices that were being charged anyways. After two months I was released into a residential program and then it was off to a half-way house July 09...i was so desperate that anything that would keep me from relapsing I would do...so I threw myself into the program of AA (I am not religious by any means and please don’t start a flamewar over this it worked for me when I decided to work the program) life started getting better, I met a wonderful woman and everything was turning around for me… and the biggest accomplishment was I finally was HAPPY and had some self-respect for myself.
In July 2010 I got into a huge fight with my sponsor/support group over taking medication and I kind of turned my back on the program and basically white knuckled my sobriety up until the day I got off probation which was November 3rd 2010…I lasted a week and then relapsed and now I’m worse off addiction wise than I was back in 2009…it literally was like nothing changed, I lost all the material things I had gained, my job, I slipped back into those old dope fiend ways and everyone knew right away..It was so heart breaking to see my mother’s face when she found out I relapsed. I am currently trying to kick but I just can’t/don’t want to stop...I feel like I am stuck in quicksand. I left out a lot of details and if people want to know specifics just post a reply and I will gladly answer...i am pretty open and don’t have a problem sharing about myself.