something i wrote today. again, as per my usual style, this is the first and only version. the only thing i go back and change are spelling errors. let me know what you think, and if you see any errors. thanks. also, you can probably tell i dont use much punctuation and capitalization. slows me down, and you know what im saying.
the pod is crushed and powdered, sitting in a small pile on the top of my education by william s burroughs. that seems fitting. its been so long since this plant has touched my lips that the bitter smell almost makes me puke. it was definitely something i had gotten used to. i fill my mouth with a large gulp of water, hold it there, and then pour some powder in. as fast as i can, without throwing up, i swallow the whole lot down. my stomach cringes and tries to shove it back up my esophagus. i slam another swig of water down quickly and that takes care of it. i repeat this process a few more times to get all the powder down into me. im surprised i didnt throw up.
now the wait comes. the wait for that wonderful glow that makes everything alright. the one that takes all your problems, packages them up, and sends them off in the back of your brain to fester silently while the warm overcomes your body. they sit back there quietly stewing and growing stronger for when that glow leaves you. those thoughts will come back stronger and haunt you more than you ever know. this is just a temporary escape from your concerns. they are always there, just silenced while this euphoria rides your body. but maybe, just maybe, if you keep taking more of this wonderful plant, gods own medicine, you can permanently silence those concerns and kill them off for good. you have to try, its such a good idea, how could it fail. rotting in the deep, dark realm of the back of your brain should kill those useless thoughts off. who should have to worry about life, jobs, money, house, car, food, health, friends, family, or anything that important and annoying anyways. your life would be easier with all those concerns gone. so overwhelm your body with the wonderful plant and desecrate all those worries and memories of horrific things. finally, you can smile and enjoy yourself. day after day you feel wonderful. no worries, no problems. life is definitely good under the warm, safe opiate blanket. you could go on like this forever, right? sure you can, and you will.
thats what you keep telling yourself, while you sit safe in your little bubble, all the while as the world around you crashes down. but inside your safe, little world you dont notice the terrible things happening around you. suddenly no matter how much of the medicine you take, those terrible thoughts that you supposedly smothered are back and stronger than ever. they have been playing dead in the back of your brain so long, just sitting their feeding off your soul to gain all the strength they need. so much energy has now been drained from you that once these thoughts pierce back into your mind, they easily envelop all that you are. they easily overthrow any free thought you may have had and overhaul you completely. there is no fighting it, not now. you are too weak to stand let alone fight back. this beautiful medicinal plant that you thought was your savior has ended up taking your life and destroying it beyond recognition and saving. you underestimated it completely. you underestimated yourself. you underestimated everything. all that is left to do is kill off your former self, and see what happens in the future. whatever lies ahead, never forget to respect what is unknown.