Liquid Handcuffs teach Lessons

[HiJacked]

Hey there people.. I'm pretty much just finding this forum and since the-hive.ws went down I've been absent from any/all BBS boards. This seems like a nice warm environment with knowledgable posts/replies and no sign of any negative flames. So with that I'll begin:

Being that these past 5 years have been spent smoking my chiva to the tune of a 1g. to a 1/4g. a day ,depending on how much I plundered and pillaged people in my life for their /my dope money.
About a year ago I had had enough of waking up every morning sick so I began MMT for about 4 1/2 months dosing daily at 70mg but I never even tried to stop smoking heroin until the last month prior to detoxing. The sheer terror of the soon to come sickness has always kept me from ever whole heartedly trying to ride the WD's out all the way. I tricked myself into thinking that I'll use heroin to ween off of the methadone with. LOL!!
I was supposed to stop adter 3 or 4 days but it blew up into a 5/6 month bender that I've just recently (60days ago) started MMT again and this time I'm not chipping or doing any chiva.
See I've always given methadone the proper respect and attention it needs from its users on maintenance. I can be at 95mg and feel as close to normal again as I've felt since the day I realized I was hooked on smoking black tar.
So methadone is helpful in that. But I pay for it with cash not medi-cal so even if I wanted to accept life as a lifetime cure for this sickness , I cant. 95mg is high enough to make it hard or nearly impossible to cold turkey off it and not relapse with the only other substance readily available to me, heroin.
Even when I've seen people tapering at the clinics suggested schedule they get to around 30mg and cant do it.
So in short it seems as though turning to methadone to escape and ease the withdrawal symptoms from smoking heroin is like switching seats on the titanic, your still screwed. Only instead of facing the fairly short term heroin withdrawals I chose what may wind up Triple the length from meth's withdrawals.

Affording Bupe isnt a option as of yet but if it were how many of the readers here have transferred from meth to bupe for its detoxing effects that are said to be alot milder than heroin and alot shorter than meth's WDs?
A word of warning to opiate addicts thinking about latching onto the clinics nipple for your daily fix to put off facing the cold hard truth...UNLESS YOU WANT TO NEED OPIATES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AVOID METHADONE MAINTENANCE WITHOUT A TREATMENT PLAN SETTING THE LENGTH OF YOUR DETOX TO FIT YOUR RECOVERY AGENDA.
If you just go into most clinics and jump on maitenance they'll dose forever as long as you give them dirty tests. The dr wont start decreasing your dose until you've shown to be stable. This is how the clinic I'm at now is. They want to keep you on forever. You piss dirty they raise your dose up.
Now another County run clinic is just the ooposite. They will dose you at just enough to get you by, and test you several times a month, and if you give them too many dirties they boot you off the program.

Anyways I'm out of here so be safe and try to take this thread for what its worth.....:D

[SomniGod]

Liquid handcuffs....ain't that the fukkin truth!!!!


~S~

[lolleedee]

Liquid handcuffs...it is all in how you look at it. MMT saved my life. I just view it as medication for addiction. people take insulin for diabetes, blood pressure meds for hypertention. Meth is just the medicine i take to treat my opiate addiction. It helps me to live a better life. I HAVE a life now..instead of stealing, lying, overdosing and hurting every single person I love! Now, I am productive..I don't steal..I am available to my family and friends..If I have to be on it for the rest of my life so be it. If i go off of it so be it. What matters is that I am happier and not going through withdrawl everyday!! No more pukin' or sweats and chills!! I know that other people think differently, but for me it has been good. If I hadn't gone on MMT I would be dead..no doubt about it! I hope that you find a way to feel good too. Methadone isn't for everyone!! I was on suboxone first and that didn't help me, but I know people that it is doing wonders for. Everyone is different, so I guess we just all have to experiment until we find what works for us!!!!:)

[milky_tears]

Hello HiJacked, I've read a lot of your stuff from the hive days and hope you become active here too!

I have to say that I feel somewhere inbetween! Some days I feel kind of like HiJacked, but most days, I'm more inclined to agree with lolleedee. I think that there is a definite posibility, mabe even a proability that I WILL have to have some kind of opiate every day for the rest of my life, and as I don't pay for my methadone, never have to lie/cheat/steal to get my methadone, wont be ripped off, know exactly what I'm getting, etc, etc... I am now at the stage where I can get stoned (H) once, or a couple of times a week, which is enough to keep me sane, and the rest of the week I've got my sweet green breakfast to keep me well.
I sometimes go a week - 10 days without even thinking about getting high, other times I think about it every day, but it is SO good to wake up in the morning and not to have to think about all the crap that comes with scoring every day

[lolleedee]

I'm with you, Milky!! It is soooo nice to wake up and not (a) be so sick you want to die!!! or (b) already be scrambling around trying (and praying that you will be able to) score! I would be lying if I said that I don't have cravings, cause I do~almost everyday still! But at least "the green breakfast"(that's cute, Milky!) keeps me from doing the extroadinarily stupid things that were becoming a part of my daily repetoire(I think I spelled that wrong) I'm pretty sure I will always need an opiate...but so what! I will always need to eat too and I don't sit around and complain about that!! Of course, I have only been on MMT for a short time (73 days today) so who knows how I will feel a year from now. I'm just glad that it is keeping me out of trouble and keeping my head out of the toilet!!!! I just wish they would color it a different color! Purple would be nice...red...even orange..green is just gross!! LOL:D

[duke_nemmerle]

I'm with you, Milky!! It is soooo nice to wake up and not (a) be so sick you want to die!!! or (b) already be scrambling around trying (and praying that you will be able to) score! I would be lying if I said that I don't have cravings, cause I do~almost everyday still! But at least "the green breakfast"(that's cute, Milky!) keeps me from doing the extroadinarily stupid things that were becoming a part of my daily repetoire(I think I spelled that wrong) I'm pretty sure I will always need an opiate...but so what! I will always need to eat too and I don't sit around and complain about that!! Of course, I have only been on MMT for a short time (73 days today) so who knows how I will feel a year from now. I'm just glad that it is keeping me out of trouble and keeping my head out of the toilet!!!! I just wish they would color it a different color! Purple would be nice...red...even orange..green is just gross!! LOL:D

Word, I don't get the aversion some people have to medications, especially when they help so much. I remember when I was freaked out all the time due to crazy anxiety, I have absolutely no qualms that I need a medication to function daily.

A person who has to take insulin every day doesn't feel they're weak for needing a drug to survive, and I don't think with mental health issues that should be any different.

[milky_tears]

@lolleedee- Isn't methadone colored red in the US? I thought so..?

[devilsdrug]

times have probably changed but 30 years ago the done was clear in a 2 or 3 gallon jug with a metered squirter for different doses and they just shot it into orange or red koolaid.

[HiJacked]

Green breakfast huh?? Well in central california its pink syrup that taste eerilly similar to cherry twizler licorice. And I totally feel you lollee and milky about MMT's benifits in my life as well. It's just where I'm coming from is the $67 a week point of view, which beats the $35 and day (heroin/gram) point of view to death without a doubt. Maybe I'm just mad at my situation and if I had my methadone coming free to me I'd let the Dr. increase my dose past 100mg like he's been inclined to do to everyone that'll let him. Its like the guy gets more money for giving out more methadone or something...I know thats not true , but it seems like it to everyone who deals with him. Even the counselors say it.

So maybe I need to quit hating on the clinic cuzz they do help people and its not their fault the government makes them treat their patients like untrustworthy fiends. Or is it...naw! it's the governments scheduling of methadone that makes it to where we must wake up and drive to the clinic to dose. But bupe isnt this way here in the states...why cant they do what their doing with bupe for those taking methadone? Surely its a money thing somewhere along the trail. If medi-cal covered bupe then it would be dispensed right alongside methadone no doubt. But since you have to invest a few thousand dollars into bupe and no insurance providers are covering the two bupe pills available they're letting special dr.s with special liscences provide it to 30 patients only. Thats really pretty sad.
This pharm co makes the drug but sells it at unobtainable prices to the main body of people whom it should be intended to go to...the opiate addict..not the rich ones only.
Anyways thanks for understanding some of my views, as I understand yours as well.

[lolleedee]

@ Milky..Here in New Jersey it is green. They just add water with green food coloring to the liquid methadone. I asked the nurse why they put the food coloring in it and she said it was so people couldn't shoot it! I kinda ' chuckled to myself because I know most people who shoot won't let a little benign food coloring get in the way!!!

Maybe different clinic mix it with different stuff, I'm not sure. I always thought, being we have to go tho the clinic so early to dose, they should mix it with a shot of espresso and Bailey's!!!:D

[milky_tears]

Here in the UK-

Methadone hydrochloride--- 5mgs
Green S and Tartrzine Solution--- 0.001ml
Compound Tartrazine Solution--- 0.004ml
Syrup--- 2.5 ml
Chloroform water, double strength--- to 5ml

It's SOOOO sweet you can eat a piece of chocolate after your meth and it'll taste sour!

Yuk.

[Coddfish]

As you can see from the posts, methadone gets a mixed bag of comments, and I believe they are all correct. When I first started taking meth 9 years ago, it was literally the only option outside of death that I had. Had I weaned myself off it correctly right away, (ie., with proper support, change in friends, etc.) it would have been great. After all these years of trying to get off and failing over and over, I say it is a hellish thing. For me it was about freedom, and travel, and not having to think about being sick if the clinic I was at got raided (Yes that has happened), or my car broke down, or a snow storm closed the roads, earthquake, tornado, or whatever. I felt like I was being treated like an addict. Some of you might say DUH!, but they say it is a medically treatable disease. . .and yet there are some degrading things a person has to go through to be on MMT. The fact is that meth can be a godsend if it is used correctly, but wait till you've been on it for 3 or 4 years before you think its what you want for the rest of your life! I am truly happy for you folks that have found peace with it. For what it's worth, I was able to get down to 3mg after many years of use and abuse, and that without any serious WD (of course I had to go out "one more time"). So if they tell you you have to be on it for the rest of your life, DON't believe them! It may take years to get off, but I believe anyone can. I have recently switched to Sub, and I am getting the support I need now to leave a lot of this crap behind me. It is a good medication so far, but I had to be below 30 mg of methadone to start it. Not an easy thing to do for some people. I feel more normal now than I have since the beginning, and I am successfully tapering with NO wd's. I'll keep you guys updated.

[RudeBoySes]

I too agree with everybody here... I love how Methadones make me feel. . i dont have anxiety, depression, w/d , etc.. For some people being dependent on a drug for the rest of thier life is ok as long as they feel good and not sick... For others like me.. I dont want that.. I want to go on with life not depending on a Drug.. What will you do if there is war ?

[devilsdrug]

war hell what about natural disasters i kept wondering what all the dope fiends in new orleans were doing besides trying to rob the drugstores

[duke_nemmerle]

war hell what about natural disasters i kept wondering what all the dope fiends in new orleans were doing besides trying to rob the drugstores

Yeah a buddy and I were just talking about this the other day. It would really suck to alluva sudden have your meth cut off I would imagine

[Tar_Baby]

Methadone is dispensed in serveral forms in the usa..red syrup, green syrup, 40mg diskettes, etc..

[poppy]

u can get it sugar free and its still green

[poppy]

I too agree with everybody here... I love how Methadones make me feel. . i dont have anxiety, depression, w/d , etc.. For some people being dependent on a drug for the rest of thier life is ok as long as they feel good and not sick... For others like me.. I dont want that.. I want to go on with life not depending on a Drug.. What will you do if there is war ?
If there's a war or a natural disaster or any other awful thing you can think of I imagine that I will be panicking like fuck along with everyone else who relies on some form of medication for shall we say mental and physical health. In the mean time lets try and look on the bright side, lifes too short.

[JunkYardSaint]

I can't remember when I've read a thread on methadone that had such diverse posts that I am able to find myself in agreement with. A lesser of evils or a medicine either way I don't think I'd be alive without it. I agree, you don't have to be on it for life, I also know that it wasn't until I embraced being on methadone as "OK", I was unable to break the cycle - I've focused on getting an adequate dose, which can be difficult, and have had more success in my recent years on methadone than ever in the past, I still sometimes hope to be free of it one day. I think it's a big subject with not alot of easy answers. It also depends on the individual. I don't think that there is anything morally wrong with being on methadone - or any drug for that matter - but being on methadone is the only drug that's available without all the bullshit the goes along with obtaining illegal opiates.

[JunkYardSaint]

war hell what about natural disasters i kept wondering what all the dope fiends in new orleans were doing besides trying to rob the drugstores

That is quite a thought. WOW....What the fuck did they do? I really would like to hear the stories!! I know that here in Austin we had a few, and I'd heard that all the clinics in Texas had lots of unexpected guest patients from N'Awlins. I don't know, depending on how close I was to a clinic and a pharmacy the thought of looting first the clinic for all my methadone, then the pharmacy just for the sheer hell of it, I might be one of those people who refused to leave lol.

[blackdog]

ah memories...out-patient/in-patient detoxes whatta mill and scam them out-patient seemed though.most of em treated us like low-life criminals...it aint so any more nurse krachet! but i do remember this after 1-2 dirties you were put on a rapid 7 day dtoxe not kept on the prograhm or increased and if you missed 1 -2 days fergetaboudit 20 years later i found a better way.

und sooner ve get older, und later ve git scmatter - some hole in the wall bar........da/dawgg:cool:

[Tar_Baby]

Longtime methadone patient here...14 years on the heroin on and off..10 years on and off the juice starting in 1994 ish..
I have successfully come off methadone serveral times..Wait a minute, depends on what you consider success. I did a home taper from 170 mgs to 0 from january 05 till about may of 05. This was way too fast but circumstances warranted it. I felt like such utter shit and started using crystal meth to combat the fatigue and depression (not a good idea btw, but thats for another story) then I was able to move and got off the crystal meth. I never made it through the PAWS (post acute WD's syndrome~ just google it) and started using heroin again.

Its easy to start feeling normal again on the methadone ...and after a few years or months you almost feel cured of your opiate problem..You can convince yourself that you have totally changed and with your new drive and will can ditch the methadone...
In some cases people can. But most cases when you get down to around 30 mg's ( again, diff for everyone) all those mental probs come back( Im well aware as you are, the power of methadone to cure anxiety, depression, anger issues etc~ its damn near the perfect anti depressant/psych drug) hell after 4 years or so its easy to think that youve just "changed" and overcome all of those issues.
But they will come back and hit you like a fucking brick.
I prefer life on methadone to life on street heroin. I do not miss having to fix 3 times a day( and score 3 times a day and hussle cash)
I dont miss the drug busts putting dealers out of business and thus shutting down my life for at least a day or three.
I dont miss waking up at 4 am panicking and waiting for Wd's to come on...
I could go on and on but I wont.
In short methadone is THE best fix in town...its always there...its cheaper and consitantly pure...legal...and you wont get abscesses from it.
Sure its hard to kick...but by the time you end up on methadone maintenance you have exhausted all other avenues oif treatment.
Methadone isnt for everyone. Its for the few that simply do not respond well to other treatment, and a last resort.
Plan on staying on methadone a minimum of ten years ( dont have to but be prepared for that)
There is simply no easy way of beating a lifelong opiate addiction. Beating the initial kick of your opiate of choice is simply the beginning. Its the months and years after that kick that are hard.

[freedomclub]

I evacuated Katrina to Lafayette, LA I had lived there for 8 years before the last 10 I spent in New Orleans. My heroin dealer watched the storm from his living room window and only lost power for a little while. He lives in Jefferson Parish and was lucky. He also is a PROFESSIONAL JUNKY and had bottles of methadone plus probably the real shit as well. I called the few dealers I knew in my old home town and they doctor shop and had plenty of o.c.'s etc. But I don't wanna live in Lafayette and moved to Austin where I didn't know any drug dealers and said fuck it where's the clinic?

"UNLESS YOU WANT TO NEED OPIATES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE..."


I didn't have a choice.