Just started meth maintanence, need help/advice

[Va_va]

Hey everybody, first post in a while, just coming out and waning to get out of my seedy heroin addiction which has gone from bad to worse to horrific. The last four or five months ive been IV'ing and now my veins on my arms are so fucked up and burn when i inject im having to use my hands and my ankles the back of my legs but strangley not my groin. I tried to get into a rehab as things got bad - getting beatings and my smack stolen, having money stolen (over 200pounds), people being two faced and generally just sick of being around these scumbags i have to associate with to get what i need. The only reason they help me is not because im cool or im a mate just because they want and will get something out of me - if i buy two bags il have to buy them one or dealers giving me shit bags as they know ive no were else to go. Ive only one true friend who scores for me and he isnt a user - he has to travel but he gets banging sixteenths and eigths. Anyway so i decided on rehab and my family agreed to pay but hey guess what they wouldnt admit me (the consultant) as he says i now have too big a habit and hes scared that il od when i get out and apparently i have a 95percent chance of going back on if i get out clean. Good news is thou he says methadone maintanence is what i need and that he would get me on fasttrack. Surprisingly he did and three days ago i started on 30mg of 1mg/1ml green methadone mixture.

So here i am on day three and 30mg is no were near enough to hold me and im still injecting the only diffrence is that i dont generally need as many injections as i have as the withdrawels arent there as much in the afternoon untill i go to sleep. I really want this to work so ive come for advice. My plan is as follows.

I keep taking my 30mg each morning(supervised by pharmacist)

I then write down how many shots i have through the day and why, coming off or cutting down is hard to get used to harder than i thought anyway, getting high all day is what im used to. They wanted me to start smoking it when i started the programe but i dont get anything from smoking it - no effect and im not a good smoker i find it hard running it and waste allot. So yeah get down to a limited amount of shots and stick to it.

Then when im increased to say 50 or 60mg i cut down my shots even more.

The when on 90 to 120 or whatever will hold me and keep me compfy i stop using altogether. They wanted me to stop using altogether by six weeks so hopefully i will be raised to an amount that will hold me and keep me compfy.

Thats my plan i just got 10 blues and had two so thats why im planing and thinking allot more positive. I need to get a plan and stick to it, as getting away from heroin and the heroin world is my dream.

In the mean time i think il need to get used to not using and fill my time with things i used to like walking and playing guitar. As soon as i started shooting i stopped going walks stopped playing guitar, quit my job and started thieving (which is something i thought id never do) I lay in bed and gouch and watch telly. And thats it, i want my life back and am not going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers. Okay so il be addicted to meth but il be away from the shit the heroin world brings - beatings and paranoia from police and getting skanked. Which will mean the world to me.

So if anyone has been in a similar situation (and im guessing many users have been) then please help or give any advice u think will be of use to me.

Sorry this is a long thread just i couldnt get it down in a few words.

Thanks for any help - Vava

[lolleedee]

Welcome!!! I'm sorry you are still feeling shitty...as your dose goes up, you will start to feel much better!! It is really hard to get out of the lifestyle, but I have to say, that I am waaayyyyyy happier than I have been in a long time. I was sick of feeling sick. I had a near fatal overdose in july. Was in Intensive care for a week with inhalation pneumonia from inhaling my vomit into my lungs. They gave me Narcan to save my life.(if any of you ever had narcan , it is hell...it puts you into immediate withdrawl and it is so damn painful!) I remember laying there praying, God if you just let me stop hurting and feeling so sick I SWEAR I will never use again! Three days later, laying in the hospital on oxygen, I thought to myself, next time I'll just have to be more careful! That is when I knew I was in serious trouble. I even managed to have drugs waiting at my house for when I got home from the hospital.
Methadone has saved my life. I know it has a bad rap. I hear all kinds of stuff...trading one addiction for another...liquid handcuffs...worse than heroin...
This is just not true. I look at methadone as a medication(not a drug) that I have to take for my ilklness(addiction). I like the analogy of a diabetic taking insulin..I'm an addict that has to take methadone. If we all start thinking about this as a positive thing, maybe our recoveries will be better!!!! Don't get me wrong...it isn't a cure-all...I still have problems...I still have cravings...but at least the meth is keeping me from being sick and from doing all the illegal things that I did to get drugs! So, not only does methadone keep me from having withdrawl, but it also keeps me out of trouble!!! That is a blessing in itself!!!!
good luck to you!!! There are a lot of awesome people on the boards..you'll find tons of support!!! For all of you out there reading this post, PLEASE go answer my other post in this forum about food tasting weird since starting methadone..I need advice!!! thanks!:)

[Va_va]

Thanks loleedee, im not sick im just lost as i want to be off heroin but 30mg isnt enough to hold me so im still shooting on top to keep the withdrawels away. Its just so annoying that you have to use alot more to get a hit when your on meth and even when u do it doesnt last as long as it wud have done off meth. Im going to have three to four shots a day untill i get raised to 60mg and then drop to just two or maybe one if it holds me okay, then im going to stop using altogether when im up to a dose between 90 and 120mg (as long as im compfy on that) and il probably have some valleys to keep me happier as i know il miss shooting up and find it hard filling the time. But benzos arent a problem i can have days off and days on no problem.

Its just good getting a plan laid out as i desperatley want off smack and dont want to blow this chance.

I agree with you 100percent when u said methadone is a medicine, a medicine for the disease of addiction.

People also forget that drug use isnt actually your problem, its just a symptom.

Thanks again, Happy days everybody - Vava

P.S its so fucking hard getting by as a junkie and i cant wait to get free of heroin.

[lolleedee]

AMEN!!! I totally agree with what you are saying. I also feel for your misery! I know it will get better! It will just take some time! Of course, people say that to me and all I want to do is shout "shut the hell up! you haven't got a clue what this is like!"
anyway, I'm here if you need anything!!!:D

[GMorris]

Don't want to scare you or anything, but a word of warning: Even when you hit a dose of 120mg., it may not be enough to hold you coming off such a huge habit. When I went for methadone treatment, I was using tons of Morphine. I was broke and my connection was dry, and I thought the 'done would be all I needed. They started me on 30mg., and I barely noticed any difference. Still, I couldn't get any more dope so I had no choice. They let you go up only 5mg. every OTHER day, so it took me about a month to get to 100. By that time, I was feeling better, but still in mild withdrawal all the time. In order to get more, I had to go back and see the doctor and all that crap. Finally I got to 130mg. and they refused to go any higher. That still didn't do it, but I had no choice except to use dope. I eventually found someone with a methadone script and would buy the pills so my dose was actually about 160-170mg./day, which was really a big help.

Thankfully I got off of the methadone several months ago, and still use Morphine, just nowhere near as much as before. I'm terrified of having to go through withdrawal and I know now that the higher the dosage, the worse the kick is. Back in the '80s I had a bad Dilaudid habit and I kicked that cold turkey. It was easily the worst five days I can remember in my whole life.