crushing depression

[SHELLEY]

i don't know what to do, maybe you guys can help me?
i've been shooting heroin for many years
although i'm only 21 years olld
and i'm working as a prostitute making tons of money
but lately i've been feeling sick 24/7
sleeping 18 hours out of the day
crying whenever i wake up, because i'm so dopesick
even if i fell asleep just an hour ago on a heavy dose
i've decided to go into detox
i don't know if i want to quit
i just would do anything
ANYTHING
to feel better, mentally and physically
i'm not kidding about that anything, though
advice?

[Rent]

I am sorry you feel this way. Depression is a bitch to shake. I have been blue for a few months now and there is nothing I can do to get out of it. I know my drug abuse has a lot to do with it. I just don't have the desire or will power to quit either. It's a catch 22, feel shitty no drug / fall into weird depression with drugs. I hope you feel better soon!!

[tui]

i felt that way when i was using too. you're probably emotionally & physically exhausted. doing drugs 24/7 is hard work. and not kind to the soul. i thought i'd feel way worse after detoxing, but it's not true. i feel better, in a way that's hard to describe, more... even. i'm sure you will too. if you feel ready, rehabs a good idea. go let yourself be taken care of.

hugs
t

[slugbone]

i don't know what to do, maybe you guys can help me?
i've been shooting heroin for many years
although i'm only 21 years olld
and i'm working as a prostitute making tons of money
but lately i've been feeling sick 24/7
sleeping 18 hours out of the day
crying whenever i wake up, because i'm so dopesick
even if i fell asleep just an hour ago on a heavy dose
i've decided to go into detox
i don't know if i want to quit
i just would do anything
ANYTHING
to feel better, mentally and physically
i'm not kidding about that anything, though
advice?

well tell us a little more about the situation hon, have you tried subs, bupe, methadone etc...what is it that you want to do, manage the beast or get off entirely?

[Johnny Two-bags]

Maybe it's ass hole remarks like that, that have her depressed. It's her life, who the fuck are you to judge.


Absolutely no one. I was just joking around. Didn't mean to truly offend anyone. Sorry Shelly. I really do wish you the best of luck.

[Chipper]

I have always considered some dope use as a symptom of another problem.

You have some advantages, actually; you are young and you can afford treatment. Plus you strike me as a sensible and honest person who is now motivated to get to the source of their depression.

You say that you are sleeping 18 hours - as Tui says, you sound like you need to get off the train for a while just to have a rest. A very good idea.

Are you using other substances that may be aggravating the situation? Alcohol? Benzos?

And please ignore what Johnny Two-bags said - he doesn't understand...

[SHELLEY]

well tell us a little more about the situation hon, have you tried subs, bupe, methadone etc...what is it that you want to do, manage the beast or get off entirely?

i tried subs, the shit refuses to get me well
i was forced to go cop
methadone, they brought me to 190mg in 3 months
i couldn't even open my eyes
the worst part of it all is
what am i gonna do for work when i get clean?
work for $8/hour? fuck that!
not after making $100/hour for so long
(at least)
but if i keep tricking, i keep shooting...
it's god awful

[tui]

i tried subs, the shit refuses to get me well
i was forced to go cop
methadone, they brought me to 190mg in 3 months
i couldn't even open my eyes
the worst part of it all is
what am i gonna do for work when i get clean?
work for $8/hour? fuck that!
not after making $100/hour for so long
(at least)
but if i keep tricking, i keep shooting...
it's god awful

better to be in this situation at 21 than 31 or 41...

[Rent]

i tried subs, the shit refuses to get me well
i was forced to go cop
methadone, they brought me to 190mg in 3 months
i couldn't even open my eyes
the worst part of it all is
what am i gonna do for work when i get clean?
work for $8/hour? fuck that!
not after making $100/hour for so long
(at least)
but if i keep tricking, i keep shooting...
it's god awful

I know this is out there, but right now try to pocket as much $$ as you can. When your ready and have enough money go into business for yourself. Your already doing it, just do it legitimately. You seem like a smart girl, that just stuck in the grind right now. Use the grind to your advantage!! If your making $100 an hour, you can save up some huge funds to do whatever you want. Buy up some property, open a small diner, who knows. Remember life is what you make of it.

Ramble here sorry. I had my 1st kid at 15. My last kid at 18. All the same dad. I am still with the man, my husband. We have a very nice house, on a lot a land. I have a descent job. My daughter graduated 3 in her class, and has a full scholarship for college in the fall. I mean all the statistic told me I'd be a single welfare mom. But what the fuck do they know. Your life is what you make of it. One thing is I do drive an uncle buck car, but oh well. I seem to crash all the nice ones.

[sidman]

Well,theres no nice way around it...your going to suffer no matter if you quit or not.
Or end up dead.I know quite a few people who are dead now,and some were prostitutes.
You want to live?
You gotta find a way to STOP USING DOPE!!
Get professional help if you can.
There is a way out but the most important thing for you is that you really have to WANT to stop.
I had to turn myself in to the emergency room at the hospital before because my use was making me hopelessly depressed and suicidal.I wanted to die.
I know what your going through because I had a girlfreind who was in your situation.I saw her struggle and struggle,day after day,then she died. She was young.
You have to BELIEVE that you can stop.
Look for the people who have stopped and changed their lives for the better,then ask them to help you.Most of them would be glad to help because they understand.
There was a man who shot dope for 40 years. That is a long,long time!! He's lucky to be alive.You know what? That man stopped using dope and got a Law Degree!! He was 70 years old when he became a lawyer.
So,if he could do it,so can you.
I believe in you and I know you can do it.Asking for help was the first step you took.
You are probably a very beautiful person underneath all that dope and prostitution,you know.
Dont worry about what anyone thinks either because its not about them,its about YOU!
Do it for yourself.
It takes alot of Courage to get off of dope and stay off,but you know what?It also takes courage to be a prostitute doesnt it?!
So,the best of wishes to you shelley,you can do it!
Dont let anyone tell you different.
If I could stop---You can stop too!

[flipside]

^^ Beautifully stated. No doubt you are a very strong young woman despite the weight of everything that is crushing your spirit right now. You can and do deserve to be happy. Don't give up on yourself. I've been where you are and it's an ugly frightening place to be. You have to do the work but you do not have to shelter this alone. We are here for you....

[HeidiW]

Straight up, Sidman is right. No two ways about it. Get off the shit now. You don't want to be a washed up junky addicted to ANYTHING you can put in your arm at 30. It's not a fun place to be.

[slugbone]

^^ Beautifully stated. No doubt you are a very strong young woman despite the weight of everything that is crushing your spirit right now. You can and do deserve to be happy. Don't give up on yourself. I've been where you are and it's an ugly frightening place to be. You have to do the work but you do not have to shelter this alone. We are here for you....


yes and i think the honesty you show us talking about it is brave.

plus if you are used to people talking down to you and judging you....well you wont get that here cause there aint a one of us who hasn't fucked up or done something grey to black area to get loaded.

the barn door is wideopen here to talk many will be close friends given time you'll see!

and youth is on your side for sure. i'd write you off if you were 61 instead of 21 and doing this stuff you know?

[Nate]

The depression that comes along, I personally find to be worse then any withdrawl symptom that I have felt. I am basically at the point where I'm not sure if this depression will ever let up, I hope one day i can feel normal.

I do wish you the best of luck, I know its going to be hard. Depression is such a debilitating curse, but it does not have to controll your life. If you really want it, like REALLY want to stop, you can do it. But it has to be for YOU, not anyone else, it has to be for you!!

If you ever need to talk, just hit up pm. I find having a good support system helps, we are all here for you. Don't feel alone, we are not here to judge, we are here to help.

Take care.
Nate

[ProdigalSon]

EDIT


Now to the OP: Whatever you do, try to get some help. I did suffer with depression for a very long time around your age and it ruined me for awile. Just within the last couple years Ive gotten over it and I honestly feel like and entirely different person. Your more than welcome to PM me if youd like a hand

[nick]

Much luck Shelley.


Hang tight and things will change.

If you ever want or need to talk pm or e mail me because you ain't the first guy to be in a dark place.

[greasy_bear]

You don't know what miracles await when you do the next right thing.

[nick]

You don't know what miracles await when you do the next right thing.

Thank you Jesus christ!!

[greasy_bear]

Thank you Jesus christ!!
Keep pissin' around and I'm telling Dad!

[SHELLEY]

Much luck Shelley.


Hang tight and things will change.

If you ever want or need to talk pm or e mail me because you ain't the first guy to be in a dark place.



you think i'm a guy?
is it because i put my crackhead friend up by my name?
naw, that's just g-baby, he's cool
i'm a 21 year old girly girl
who loves the needle