What to say to your kids about opites... [Archive]

Badly Drawn Girl

04-17-2007, 04:24 PM

I needed some more options to choose from but I went with yes, they'll find out eventually. I don't believe they will necessarily find out anyway. I'm just an honest parent. I was raised by a very old fashioned family and I could not get any of my questions answered if they dealt with sex, or drugs or anything "uncomfortable." As a result, I was full of misinformation and I think I would have made some better choices if I'd had that open line of communication with my parents.

So I made a promise to myself that I would always answer my kids questions as honestly as possible. I don't think they have a right to know EVERYTHING about me but I'm pretty open. My oldest is 16, he knows about my pill problems, he knows I was researching going into methadone treatment, and he knows that I kicked. My younger son is 8, and not aware of all that. Neither is aware of my temporary crack binge. They both know a ton about drugs and alcohol. Their father is a crack addict who is always in and out of prison. They are surrounded by alcoholics/addicts on both sides of the family... so I want them to be well aware of the potential dangers.

I've shared before on here that my older son is SOO anti-drugs that he should be in the DEA. He thinks cigarettes and alcohol should be banned. He's a lot of fun to be around. lol! But at least I don't spend much time worrying about him doing something stupid. He won't even go to parties if there is alcohol. He doesn't go to many parties... :p

Chemical_Boy

04-17-2007, 04:29 PM

When they get older I think.
I am open with my parents about my drug use to a certain extent- mostly regarding past use. It would worry them to death if they knew I was blasting coke into my arms.

I know about theirs too. One of my parents and I used to share a puff off of the happy pipe once in a while.

I don't have kids yet, but I am thinking that I would have a hard time lying to them if they asked straight out about something that wasn't too bad (for instance, weed) I don't think that I would be telling them about slammin dope or smokin some crystal though. . .

Unless they were older AND in trouble, maybe to scare them or something.

I don't really know. This is a fucking complex question once you sit down to start thinking about it. . .

nick

04-17-2007, 04:34 PM

It's like all complex questions-the answers tend to be simple.

I don't want to scare my child,I just want her to know the truth.

I don't want to lie about anything and as I say,In my case the truth is a matter of public record.

I felt Millie Kicking for the first time today and it was one of the most amazing things I've experienced and I've experienced a lot.

flipside

04-17-2007, 04:36 PM

nick

04-17-2007, 04:39 PM

Hey Luv,do you fancy being a cyber god parent?

Honestly,I'm sure A will like the idea.

I can't think of a better cyber god parent.

flipside

04-17-2007, 04:40 PM

candyshop

04-17-2007, 05:57 PM

oh, it's : " YOUR CHILDREN and opiates"

i read : "children and YOUR OPIATES"

to which my answer is -they can fucking get their own

nick

04-17-2007, 06:03 PM

oh, it's : " YOUR CHILDREN and opiates"

i read : "children and YOUR OPIATES"

to which my answer is -they can fucking get their own

Damn straight sis.

flipside

04-17-2007, 06:04 PM

Hey Luv,do you fancy being a cyber god parent?

Honestly,I'm sure A will like the idea.

I can't think of a better cyber god parent.

Absolutely luv! I'm so touched.....Now I have another reason to keep on pushing through. I've actually already gotten a few gifts for Millie.

Just responded to you PM

tptptp

04-17-2007, 06:09 PM

Don't have kids but if I did it would probably be more along the lines of what chemboy said. Would I tell them the truth? yes, IF a) they were older, and b)there was a point in telling them - like them having probs with them I dont think kids finding out their parents are drug addicts at an early age is a good thing, especially with all the BS they'll "learn" in school about drugs, having DARE come into their school etc. lol

On the other hand I would never do drugs with them, not even pot, I don't think thats the right thing to do ever. Even though I'm not really against pot or anything but I wouldnt encourage ANY health detrimental behaviors to my kids and I sure as hell wouldn';t do it with them. You can be their friend and parent, but when it comes down to it, the parent role is way more important.

Ragdoll

04-17-2007, 06:17 PM

Absolutely yes..

I accept full responsibility for the choices I've made. Never would I glamourize drugs to my children, I want them educated and forewarned. To make better choices than I did. To understand the concept of self-medicating and thier genetic predisposition.

I don't believe in lying to children ( except under very rare circumstances). Do they need to know all the details?..no. But if there is even the slightest hope that they can learn from my mistakes and not follow in my footsteps by my sharing my experience..I'm sharing.

And if by chance they do follow.. Hopefully the lines of honest and open communication will already be established.

I'm borrowing your words, flip, because you put my own thoughts so well using your words (did that make sense?).

Since my former husband/dear friend/kids' dad is mentally ill, and since I have had clinical depression since I can recall memory as a very young child, I have educated my kids about mental health issues since they were tiny people. I've alwyas discouraged them from alcohol and smoking, because I neither smooke nor drink and have seen in my own family the awful damage both do, and encouraged them to seek help for depression and anxiety - medical help, both eastern and western medicine, as well as spiritual help by self-educating and by practicing typically Buddhist techniques for relaxing and coping with life as we know it.

So, in short - education and understanding, rather than denial and ignorance.

Opilover

04-17-2007, 06:19 PM

My kids knows that I'm on pain medication but they don't know how much I take or anything like that.I told them I need it right now because of the chronic pain I'm in and they understand...

nick

04-17-2007, 06:24 PM

Absolutely luv! I'm so touched.....Now I have another reason to keep on pushing through. I've actually already gotten a few gifts for Millie.

Great,you're clearly qualified for the job,report for duty as cyber godmother.

Thanks Luv,I pmed you and I'll send you the details.

Now all we need is for you to pass this urine test-purely a formality.

That last bit is my very poor attempt at humour.

Welcome to the family(Millie's getting luckier by the second).I'll send you A's details tomorrow.

WarmCyanide

04-17-2007, 06:27 PM

the worst thing that was taught to me in school was drug education

the anthem was how bad they are for you and that you could die.

then when i hung out with my friends and saw them try drugs and they didnt die or go crazy,
i thought I'd give it a whirl.

i think kids should know WHY people try and/ or get hooked on drugs: BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD. then counsel them further. if you just say drugs are bad dont do them, well what would a rebelling kid do?

euphoria2002

04-17-2007, 06:32 PM

Well let's see, I don't have any kids yet..... but if I did, hmmmmmm. OK, I'd wait until they were a little bit older (as in 8, 9 or 10) then we'd have a little sitdown discussion on the subject.

First off, I'd ask them what THEY know about drugs and what their attitudes are. Then I'd give them the play by play on how things really are (ie. drugs are bad, but....) I'd let them know my expectations that they shouldn't do any of that stuff while they're young but if they were doing it or were tempted to do so, just let me know so I can give some good advice. I think I'd rather be talking to my kids about what they are doing, than to not know what's going on.

Then, if and when the day ever came that they told me they had tried something or were thinking about it..... that's when I'd tell them about what kind of drugs I've done. The last thing I want is to have my kids go using drugs as some kind of teenage rebellion thing. You know how it is, tell someone they can't have (or do) something then that's the thing they go nuts trying to have.

Maybe I'll use reverse psychology.........:rolleyes:
"No, first you finish your pot, then you can go play with your friends.......Awwww, Dad! "
Er, maybe not, but you see what I'm getting at.

Euphoria

ps. WCyanide said it exactly! They get all the propaganda in school, then later they see how it isn't necessarily true. Better to tell them the truth.... whatever that is.

flipside

04-17-2007, 06:36 PM

I'm borrowing your words, flip, because you put my own thoughts so well using your words (did that make sense?).

<snip>
So, in short - education and understanding, rather than denial and ignorance.

Turn about is fair play:) If you knew how many times I did not respond to a post because you had already said everything i could think of to say....
Great,you're clearly qualified for the job,report for duty as cyber godmother.

Thanks Luv,I pmed you and I'll send you the details.

Now all we need is for you to pass this urine test-purely a formality.

That last bit is my very poor attempt at humour.

Welcome to the family(Millie's getting luckier by the second).I'll send you A's details tomorrow.

Ha ha, joke's on you.. I could pass...with my own urine LOL! Be well luv.

dirtdog

04-17-2007, 07:41 PM

Well I dont have children.
I'm only 22 and I have 2 younger brothers, 11 and 2.
My brother has approached me about drugs and knows about my drug problem.
I tell him drugs make you feel GOOD, but they are BAD because look what they did to me...
I didnt do shit since Ive graduated from high school. Never went to college. Never made any real improvements on live. My health is poor. Ive been through a lot of bad experiences.
I said Im not telling you not to do them. Just be careful and be responsible. If you have questions, ask me. I won't judge.
I feel drugs distract you from your dreams(goals, what u really want out of life)
Now I dont do em like i used to. I mainly drink, take a vicodin or two. Dabble in my bros adderall now and again ;)

WarmCyanide

04-17-2007, 08:15 PM

I feel drugs distract you from your dreams(goals, what u really want out of life)

fuck. i'm going to bed. truth hurts gotta break through soon!

nick

04-17-2007, 08:18 PM

fuck. i'm going to bed. truth hurts gotta break through soon!

Haven't we ALL.

dirtdog

04-17-2007, 10:17 PM

Yeah I know
Truth's a bitch
sooner or later
We gotta hear it
or
face it
I'd rather be sooner
So I have more time to be sucessful
Financilly-truly dont need money to be happy
But!
I want stuff, like a Harly fat tail, a 71' stingray vette
and such
;)

Badly Drawn Girl

04-17-2007, 10:21 PM

i think kids should know WHY people try and/ or get hooked on drugs: BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD. then counsel them further. if you just say drugs are bad dont do them, well what would a rebelling kid do?

Absolutely. Kids have a very good bullshit detector. If they are being told that
nicotine is just as bad as any other drug, that pot is a gateway drug, well they
start to discount everything that they are learning. Like you said, they see
their friends doing it and nothing bad is happening to them.

I will never understand why so many people think that education about drugs, or sex,
will cause kids to use drugs or have sex. I really feel its the other way around.
Education can NEVER harm you.

OpiBli$$1988

04-17-2007, 11:12 PM

i personally would keep it hidden from them until their 18. let them form their own opinions in the meantime. if they want to believe in DARE and that drugs are evil shit, then good, who wants their kids to become a junky? like i said id keep it quiet until their old enough..because i wouldnt want them thinking "oh my dad does drugs they cant be that bad" or them thinking its cool that i do drugs and that they want to try them too.

fxcx

04-17-2007, 11:22 PM

this is a really good topic of discussion i havent really thought about it much. my daughter is nine right now and for me i dont think it will be a matter of if iwill tell her but how i will explain it to her, as im sure her mother and grandmother (my mother) will be sure to make a negative comment or two about me on this subject when she gets a little bit older.

Badly Drawn Girl

04-17-2007, 11:30 PM

i personally would keep it hidden from them until their 18. let them form their own opinions in the meantime. if they want to believe in DARE and that drugs are evil shit, then good, who wants their kids to become a junky?

The problem is that they DON'T believe what they are taught by DARE.
DARE is a huge huge huge failure. It's an enormous waste of time/money that hasn't
produced good results. The data on it's "success" rate is dismal.

That's why parents need to be parents and make sure that their kids are
getting the information from them. I've always felt that the schools have no business teaching drug education/sex education and the like because that's the parents job. Just my opinion of course. :)

plainsight

04-17-2007, 11:46 PM

I imagine it's a lot easier to answer this question when I don't have kids of my own. I answered "yes" mainly because I remember how angry I was a few years ago when I learned of my parents' past addictions. I was a big drinker in my late teens, and instead of talking to me about their experiences they spouted DARE shit and acted like assholes.

I like to think I'd put drug use on the same level as talking about sex. I'd be honest with my kids, but it wouldn't be full disclosure. The trick would be explaining how I weigh my personal beliefs against the laws of the land.

kyuss

04-17-2007, 11:49 PM

Somethings I
don't share with
my children
like my drug habits
and sexual habits.
It's none of their business.

doctor diesel

04-18-2007, 05:56 AM

I have four kids. My eldest is 18 and she knows I chase the dragon. She thinks it's cool, she's tried it herself, it made her sick, so she has no desire to try it again - or any other substance for that matter.
My 16-year-old girl knows nothing about what I do and never will because she has a dangerously addictive personality and will take any risk if she thinks she's going to get her 'jollies'.
The other kids are little and no, of course I don't say anything to them.
My secret is totally safe with the big girl.

Doc.

#1 Stunner

04-18-2007, 07:03 AM

Oh my, where to start?
First kids learn what hypocrisy is at a young age. As BDG pointed out, it should be about education, NOT prevention. They use all these moronic scare tactics about drinking and drugs, only to see virtually every adult drinking....so they are like WTF??
And another thing -- schools preach about sex as if it was the most demonic thing a kid could do... of course if you tell a child "not" to do something, they are most assuredly going to do it -- 'specially if it is an 'adult' activity. Americans have a HUGE teen pregnancy problem -- whereas in Europe, (and many other nations) this is not as big a problem...why?? Because the Europeans teach their kids that sex is natural and is going to happen, they educate the kids about being responsible -- have sex, but be safe about it... Americans? ABSTINENCE -- What a fucking joke!

As much as I would love to be honest and somewhat forthcoming with opiates and children, the real problem is the invasive teachers that will DRILL kids almost on a daily basis... I have not only heard but SEEN parents get busted for having prescription meds etc.. All because teachers trick the kids into accidently ratting their parents out! Example: " Kids, if any of you see mommy or daddy with medicine bottles a lot, I need to know." <-- Sooo many things like that... My sis got in all sorts of trouble because she had pins at her house, and sure enough the teachers saw them on a reciept along with school supplies...so they decided they needed to call CPS (never mind that my sister's kids wear very nice clothes, and are in all sorts of programs etc etc) on her... It was horrioble...Ooohh oops forgot that her Bf IS DIABETIC and they were for him....

I understand keeping kids away from meth and meth houses and labs, but teachers are CPS happy these days.
Sick sick sick.

OxyContinuously

04-18-2007, 10:27 AM

I thankfully don't have any children, an honestly don't ever plan to, but if i did, i wouldn't come right out of the blue and talk about it. Now if they asked me for whatever reason, i probably STILL wouldn't say anything cause frankly it's none of their business, like Kyuss said.

i will admit that I am just relaying my personal feelings as a single guy w/ no children (or girlfriend/wife for that matter) and it oculd def. change if i was ever in that situation, but probably not.

later

PS----> hey Nick that's great, about feeling the little one kick!! I can't imagine what that would be like knowing that the littel baby inside was created and is a part of YOU. That's really deep, bro. I am truly happy for you man, and I'm sure you just cannot WAIT fo her to be born!!:D :D

Oxy

Badly Drawn Girl

04-18-2007, 01:03 PM

Oh my, where to start?

And another thing -- schools preach about sex as if it was the most demonic thing a kid could do... of course if you tell a child "not" to do something, they are most assuredly going to do it -- 'specially if it is an 'adult' activity. Americans have a HUGE teen pregnancy problem -- whereas in Europe, (and many other nations) this is not as big a problem...why?? Because the Europeans teach their kids that sex is natural and is going to happen, they educate the kids about being responsible -- have sex, but be safe about it... Americans? ABSTINENCE -- What a fucking joke!

So true. My oldest son is 16 and just recently started dating seriously. I told him straight up "There is nothing wrong with sex. Sex is a beautiful thing. It isn't sex that's the problem. It's the potential consequences. What would you do if your girlfriend ended up pregnant? Could you support a child at your age? What about STDs? How would you handle getting a potentially deadly disease? It's not the sex. It's about making good choices and staying safe."

I've also spent a lot of time talking to him about the emotional consequences of sex, especially for the girl. My son knew more about sex at age 10 then I knew as a young adult. And that's a good thing in my book.

vanilla_mlkshake2007

04-18-2007, 02:42 PM

I say No only because I inject the drugs and also because my two youngest are 11 and 9 and I don't see how this would benefit them.
My 20 year old daughter however is aware of my drug use,I was honest with her.Actually she was tooken away from me when she was 7 and I was using crack and alcohol.( i haven't used these drugs in 12 years.
I can also say that by sharing my drug experiences, she shared hers,apparantly while the D.H.S. had tooken her away and left her to live with her dads g/f.That wom an supplied my daughter with vicodins at a young age and was addicted to Methadone also.Unfortunately she got pregnant and the baby was also born severely addicted and had to stay in I.C.C.U for her first month of life.
Now my daughter looks forward to getting high with her daughter when the child is older.
I guess the reason I say No is cuz I can't see the benefits of doing so.The 2 children I am raising now have no idea I am doing pills(except from the Dr. pills) that is good enough till they are older.
I guess it all depends on the age of ther child.

#1 Stunner

04-18-2007, 03:46 PM

So true. My oldest son is 16 and just recently started dating seriously. I told him straight up "There is nothing wrong with sex. Sex is a beautiful thing. It isn't sex that's the problem. It's the potential consequences. What would you do if your girlfriend ended up pregnant? Could you support a child at your age? What about STDs? How would you handle getting a potentially deadly disease? It's not the sex. It's about making good choices and staying safe."

I've also spent a lot of time talking to him about the emotional consequences of sex, especially for the girl. My son knew more about sex at age 10 then I knew as a young adult. And that's a good thing in my book.

You know what is even worse? America is currently in a violent crisis with the school shootings and the overall rise in violent acts. Why? Hmmm.... let's see --- well on just about every channel on TV there are movies filled with murders, shoot 'em up flicks, killings, explosions, war, and a lot of this is glorified... BUT DON'T YOU DARE SHOW a naked human body!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! This is a villanous and unforgiveable act! In other parts of the world a shampoo commercial on TV might show a woman's breast briefly, and nobody cares or makes a big deal about it... Here? INTOLERABLE! WTF??!? How ass-backwards is that? What is worse: showing a movie where people undress and maybe make love or just change clothes, or having a film where people are getting offed left and right, and the celebration of killing and death is glorified???

Badly Drawn Girl

04-18-2007, 04:08 PM

What is worse: showing a movie where people undress and maybe make love or just change clothes, or having a film where people are getting offed left and right, and the celebration of killing and death is glorified???

I couldn't agree more. I'd rather my kids see a naked body, or even a couple making love, over something violent. We, as a nation, have our "moral" values screwed up. We've taken something that's natural and beautiful and made it dirty.

reddragon3668

04-18-2007, 05:12 PM

PS----> hey Nick that's great, about feeling the little one kick!! I can't imagine what that would be like knowing that the littel baby inside was created and is a part of YOU. That's really deep, bro. I am truly happy for you man, and I'm sure you just cannot WAIT fo her to be born!!:D :D

Oxy

I guess I have been outta the loop as of late. Congrats, Nick, on the new kid on the way! My last one is now 8 months old. Her name is Molly and she is so precious. Absolutely gorgeous! I know you can't wait to get your hands on yours! Is this your first?

My children know that I take meds for my back trouble. I let them know that its serious medicine and dangerous, mainly so they will leave it alone (this is mainly for the little ones...just by chance they might come across one I dropped on the floor), and if something does not look right with me, they will get help.

The older children know of my addictions/recreational drug use some years ago. The jury is still out on that one as to whether or not I think it was a good idea. My oldest daughter has often thrown it up in my face when I was trying to encourage her to be different or to do better. You always want better for your kids than what you did or had yourself, ya know...

So, all in all, I think I would still do it over cause it has given me more credibility with my older children when offering them advice in that area.... at least they know I wasn't just born yesterday...

nick

04-18-2007, 05:30 PM

I guess I have been outta the loop as of late. Congrats, Nick, on the new kid on the way! My last one is now 8 months old. Her name is Molly and she is so precious. Absolutely gorgeous! I know you can't wait to get your hands on yours! Is this your first?

My children know that I take meds for my back trouble. I let them know that its serious medicine and dangerous, mainly so they will leave it alone (this is mainly for the little ones...just by chance they might come across one I dropped on the floor), and if something does not look right with me, they will get help.

The older children know of my addictions/recreational drug use some years ago. The jury is still out on that one as to whether or not I think it was a good idea. My oldest daughter has often thrown it up in my face when I was trying to encourage her to be different or to do better. You always want better for your kids than what you did or had yourself, ya know...

So, all in all, I think I would still do it over cause it has given me more credibility with my older children when offering them advice in that area.... at least they know I wasn't just born yesterday...

Hi bro,yes Millie will be my first and I'm looking forward to her arrival very much.To be honest Millie keeps me going.

Badly Drawn Girl

04-18-2007, 06:24 PM

Hi bro,yes Millie will be my first and I'm looking forward to her arrival very much.To be honest Millie keeps me going.

That's wonderful Nick. I never wanted children and yet ended up with two of them... lol
I can honestly say that they keep me going. I probably would have offed myself in my
20's if it weren't for my older son. They are truly my pride and joy, and possibly my only
achievement.

I haven't accomplished much in my life but when I look at these kids, I can't help but feel proud. They are intelligent, sensitive, and filled with such self confidence.

Anyway, that's a long winded way of saying congrats to you. I can't wait to here little Millie stories in the future! :)

Rhonda

04-18-2007, 07:14 PM

I'd tell my kids please let me know whats going on OK?

If they asked me what I'd done in the past I'd tell them the truth because the truth is always better than lying. Kids can tell the truth and what is BS. There's a lot more respect with the truth and a better chance they'll listen to what you say.

alowishus

04-18-2007, 11:32 PM

doctor diesel

04-19-2007, 10:14 AM

I will NEVER do drugs w/ my kids.

I feel that is one of THE WORST things you could do as a mother/father.
It's sickening.

Here here Alow!

candyshop

04-19-2007, 10:20 AM

Sorry didn't read ANY of the replies, aint got time - need sleepy; worked 37 hours in 3 days and I don't get OT pay..... (get other things that make up for it though :D )

My answer - never.

Not until they are older; late teens, and only if something comes up to bring past drug use out, "don't do what I did and stick a tab of LSD in your eyeball son....". :rolleyes:

I will NEVER do drugs w/ my kids.

I feel that is one of THE WORST things you could do as a mother/father.
It's sickening.

abso-fucking-lutely

my child is my whole world
and i have zero intention of ever being his friend
i think you can be a parent OR a buddy-not both

i will never party with my son

he does not even know that i smoke

i may be honest about my past when he is older
but children need to see parents resist temtation

Raz

04-19-2007, 11:38 AM

Whos got the answer. We can only respond to whats relative. Drugs are so fucked up from the norm.If your clean you've got one viewpoint, if your usin you've got another. What would you do if your kid said "I am sick, help me out, please? Ps, my kid don't touch shit, but knows whats what. And i'm glad she knows,coz no fucker is gonna influence her by sayin "here try this ;its pucker".WE all gotta live in the real world. Drugs are here to stay.....I want my kid to be informed and if my use steers her away from usin, then some good has come out of it. And thats priceless.....

sweetdreams

04-19-2007, 01:51 PM

well for me i am a single mom so it was kinda hard. I had to tell me son when i went into rehab. I belive he already had known what for but Im still not positively sure. I NEVER got HIGH in front of him and neither did my boyfriend. But i sure did make up plently of accuses. I had tons of them!!! i could really have a book of them,which is pretty pathetic, when i think about it, but it alswys seems like my son knows--- like now my boyfriend has been messin up on crack and Ill tell you what that son of mine knows it! I can tell, he will say smart comments under his breathe about it,
My son does know that i DO go to the methadone clinc. i mean i have to go there everyday. it was like "mom where ya going?" it was either to go buy drugs or now to go get methadone, I like he would rather me stay on the methadone to be honestl with all of you.

Opiyum

04-19-2007, 01:54 PM

dont bother reading this....I forgot that Im never going to have kids. My oldest brother releaved me of the pressure from my mother years ago. She has grandkids and she is happy. Thats the only reason id ever have kids anyway.
because of that I dont really know what i would do until i had a kid.

I voted yes. It's kinda hard to say exactly what you would say.
i wouldn't want to start getting into deeply on the subject. I dont want to say junkies are great people because mostly they aren't (dont get all "Waaaait a minute on me about that). I also dont want to get into my opinions about the war on drugs and politics and blah blah blah.
In that situation it should just be about me, what I did, what it taught me and definatly the downsides of ever starting a career with opiates. Oh and harm reduction of course. Make sure my kid knows that if they went and used something and had a bad experience to talk to me about it. Had any questions that i would answer them.
If your kids planning on taking acid with his friends this weekend thats most likely whats going to happen. So I may as well prepare him/her a bit.

Everything else i'd leave up to the kid to figure out on their own.

candy

04-19-2007, 02:19 PM

At one point during my divorce, my ex-husband went through my garbage and found empty Morphine vials and syringes. I had them wrapped in about 6 of those plastic bags you get at the supermarket and they were in a community dumpster. I never thought my ex would go rummaging in the alley in the dumpster. Anyway, the point is that he called the cops and as I drove up returning from work, with shit on me, he stood there with the garbage bag and the shit I threw away. My son, inside the house had hid my drugs and equipment in his room somewhere out of fear the cops might come in and search our house. He was 13 at the time and he is 19 now.
The cops, thankfully were not about to look into a bag of garbage that was pulled out of a community dumpster, claiming it could be anyones stuff. The one time I actually respected law enforcement!
But what really threw me is that I had no idea my kid knew where I had hid my kit! It was in the bathroom and hidden within my makeup and girl stuff.
When I asked him, he stated that I spent quite a lot of time in the bathroom and he knew I was up to something and when my ex claimed drugs, my kid went straight to the bathroom and did a quick search and hid the kit!

My kid is so straight arrow, I couldn't imagine him even having a drink. He states that seeing what I have gone through has made him fear drugs, but he still respects the fact that I have managed to get clean off of heroin and such and on Methadone where I am a much better Mom! We have an open relationship and get along well. Every now and then when I might spend some time in the bathroom, he will look at me funny, but I assure him, I am doing other things!
Now my 8 year old....No, I don't discuss anything with him and when they had, "Just say no to drugs week" or "Red Ribbon Week", and he wanted to make a poster to be put up at school, I just couldn't do it. I don't necessarily agree with the school's views on education related to drug use, but my own use just prevented me from being able to produce a poster that he could place up at school!
Maybe when he is older I will talk to him about my own struggles!

Opiyum

04-19-2007, 02:25 PM

bronyraur

04-19-2007, 02:30 PM

...At any rate its a great thread you started Brony. Its just way beyond my understanding.

thanks Opiyum.

it's beyond most of my comprehension too.

nick

04-19-2007, 02:39 PM

Candy and Alow,I just know that you're great parents,but when Millie is old enough to ask, I'm telling.
I don't see another way,I think lieing to my child is worse than telling the truth.

I'd never do dope of ANY kind with Millie......that would be fucked up beyond words.

Actually,Candy I think you're a Star and your kids are lucky to have you.

Alow,that goes for you too.It's obvious you both Love your kids very much and what child could ask for more?

blenderqueen

04-19-2007, 02:51 PM

My kids knows that I'm on pain medication but they don't know how much I take or anything like that.I told them I need it right now because of the chronic pain I'm in and they understand...

pretty much my situation exactly!!!!! they do see my popping pills constantly & know (it's pretty obvious has been since I was pregnant & It all began) that I am in a lot pain all the time. of course I also pop allergy meds too;)

they know nothing of my history with the street drugs. maybe someday they will. my nearing 15yr old SD whom I fear is quickly heading down that path may know soon though even telling my horror stories probably won't help as she'll is going to have to figure it out for herslef just like we all did, as hard as is to watch.

now my 5yr old just knows mommy has a bad back & sore leg:o so so does he LOL I am careful not to "overdue" it I mean I certainly don;t mind the extra warm glow & side effects that go with my meds or if I take a few extra on a bad day but never enough I am nodding out or anything like that. at least not until everyone else is in bed or DH is strictly in charge of children b/c he knows I am having a very bad pain day luckily he's pretty good about that most of the time & I rarely take advantage of it:) gee sorry that turned into such a long answer. I think med make me type a lot! LOL so my kids must think popping pills makes me a computer addict seriously LOL!

Raz

04-20-2007, 03:44 AM

candy

04-20-2007, 12:20 PM

I bet your an awesome mom.

How do you approach your ideas on the drug policy here in the states with him if at all? Im just wondering if you even get into that aspect of it all. I wonder if he gets confused when all he hears is what you would imagine he hears in school about drugs but then he has this great mom that would do anything for him yet once had a drug problem.

At any rate its a great thread you started Brony. Its just way beyond my understanding.

Opyium, I have not really talked about it much with him. He knows I go somewhere to get my Methadone and I have taken him with me a few times when I had no choice, but I just don't think he is old enough to understand. Especially with the crap the school put out to these kids. Half of them with most likely end up with a drug or alcohol problem anyway, but all they discuss at this age is that drugs are bad and people who do them are bad. And , they throw cigarettes in there as well. Can you imagine all those 6 year olds coming home thinking daddy uses drugs because he smokes. Technically, tabacco is a drug, but come on, there is a better way to go about it. And the same thing happened with my kid when he came home in first grade and said,"You are smoking drugs" to me. I sat him down and explained that the school uses scare tactics and to come to me for clarification on what are drugs!

They do talk about some good during that whole week about not taking someone else's medication and things of that nature, but someone needs to go in there and change the way they present the use of illegal substances and those addicted or using pain meds and such. Make it age appropriate, not feed the same shit to every kid in every grade, 1-6.

As far as the country's policy on drug use and the so called,"war on drugs," I don't discuss with my younger son, but my older son and I have discussed it and he did a speech for his forensics class about that very issue and how in his view, legalizing drugs would be the best way to go about the "war on drugs." So, with my older son, we discuss it and he has seen what I have been through and doesn't agree, especially when it comes to the treatment of users in regards to obtaining health care.
I used to take him with me years ago when he was younger when I worked at needle exchange and just could not understand why someone couldn't go in and buy the syringes they needed to keep them free from HIV/HCV. The fucking government that's why!

Anyway, if I was to dabble a bit every now and then.....I wouldn't tell my kids unless it became a bigger problem. Is that right?

SalvationThroughDilaudid

04-20-2007, 12:36 PM

Yeah, but not at first. When they're little, I wouldn't want them to know about drugs, sex, or anything else that children shouldn't be worried about at a young age. But gradually, just like learning anything else, I'd want to teach them that people have choice, and that MY choice just happens to be different from most other people's choice.

Just like learning science. When you're a little kid you learn about plants right? You learn about all the parts of a plant, then you learn about germination, then photosythesis, etc.

You don't just skip straight to learning about cellular structure of a plant's walls or how certain plants have psychoactive attributes and why. You gotta learn gradually and keep all that other stuff out of focus until it's time to learn it, but only demonize drugs as much as needed to keep them away till they're old enough, for example don't say that ALL drugs are bad and ANYBODY who does drugs is a horrible person who's going to hell and will never get their wings when they die or some such. Instead tell them that they should never take ANY drugs that YOU don't give them, or that the doctor or school nurse doesn't give them, and be sure to mention that alcohol, tylenol, cough syrup, and flintstone vitamins are ALL STILL DRUGS regardless of the little children's pictures that are on them.

Which is another thing entirely for me, I don't believe that drugs should have pictures on them that make children want to take them. Putting a picture of fred flintstone on a fairly benign vitamin C pill is one thing (not necessarily good), but putting happy children's pictures on a bottle of tylenol "liver killer juice" is quite another. That's my $0.02 on the subject anyway. :cool:

nick

04-20-2007, 12:42 PM

Opyium, I have not really talked about it much with him. He knows I go somewhere to get my Methadone and I have taken him with me a few times when I had no choice, but I just don't think he is old enough to understand. Especially with the crap the school put out to these kids. Half of them with most likely end up with a drug or alcohol problem anyway, but all they discuss at this age is that drugs are bad and people who do them are bad. And , they throw cigarettes in there as well. Can you imagine all those 6 year olds coming home thinking daddy uses drugs because he smokes. Technically, tabacco is a drug, but come on, there is a better way to go about it. And the same thing happened with my kid when he came home in first grade and said,"You are smoking drugs" to me. I sat him down and explained that the school uses scare tactics and to come to me for clarification on what are drugs!

They do talk about some good during that whole week about not taking someone else's medication and things of that nature, but someone needs to go in there and change the way they present the use of illegal substances and those addicted or using pain meds and such. Make it age appropriate, not feed the same shit to every kid in every grade, 1-6.

As far as the country's policy on drug use and the so called,"war on drugs," I don't discuss with my younger son, but my older son and I have discussed it and he did a speech for his forensics class about that very issue and how in his view, legalizing drugs would be the best way to go about the "war on drugs." So, with my older son, we discuss it and he has seen what I have been through and doesn't agree, especially when it comes to the treatment of users in regards to obtaining health care.
I used to take him with me years ago when he was younger when I worked at needle exchange and just could not understand why someone couldn't go in and buy the syringes they needed to keep them free from HIV/HCV. The fucking government that's why!

Anyway, if I was to dabble a bit every now and then.....I wouldn't tell my kids unless it became a bigger problem. Is that right?

Drug "education" sucks.

Candy,it's subjective.Do what's right for you and yours.

SalvationThroughDilaudid

04-20-2007, 12:45 PM

As far as the country's policy on drug use and the so called,"war on drugs," I don't discuss with my younger son, but my older son and I have discussed it and he did a speech for his forensics class about that very issue and how in his view, legalizing drugs would be the best way to go about the "war on drugs." So, with my older son, we discuss it and he has seen what I have been through and doesn't agree, especially when it comes to the treatment of users in regards to obtaining health care.
I used to take him with me years ago when he was younger when I worked at needle exchange and just could not understand why someone couldn't go in and buy the syringes they needed to keep them free from HIV/HCV. The fucking government that's why!

I wonder how it went. Did his speech do well? The main problem I have when presenting my point of view (similar to yours) is that I just MUST be a drug addict. I mean only a horrible junky would say such drivel, right? I just wonder how the other students responded to him. He's in college right? I don't remember forensics being offered in high school. Seems like your peers are a bit more intelligent and openminded in college, but not always...you still got that one asshole running around with his head up his ass, completely unwilling to accept anything outside the fuckin box. Just curious.:cool:

nick

04-20-2007, 01:27 PM

SalvationThroughDilaudid

04-20-2007, 01:42 PM

STD,I Don't consider you to be a full blown addict.................think about where you're going.

Sorry man,just trying to look out for you.

I appreciate it...I'm not a full blown addict. I'm thinking about where it's all headed, I'll PM you if you don't mind. I could use some conversation.

candy

04-20-2007, 02:03 PM

I wonder how it went. Did his speech do well? The main problem I have when presenting my point of view (similar to yours) is that I just MUST be a drug addict. I mean only a horrible junky would say such drivel, right? I just wonder how the other students responded to him. He's in college right? I don't remember forensics being offered in high school. Seems like your peers are a bit more intelligent and openminded in college, but not always...you still got that one asshole running around with his head up his ass, completely unwilling to accept anything outside the fuckin box. Just curious.:cool:

Actually, he won a trophy at a state match for that speech. It was really good. He talked about the war on drugs, needle exchange and making syringes legal for all, and about his own experience as having a family member who had a drug problem and how he views the systems treatment of users!

I'll, tell ya and I hate to brag, but that is one brilliant kid. Physics is his major and he will be going off to state soon. How he can get up in front of a thousand people and give a speech is beyond me. The greatest part is he is a stutterer and can control it now, but in front of all those people, I would pass out.

It can be difficult to present your views on drug use, especially with a non-user. And I agree, your looked at as an addict, but I don't think anyone can really understand or have a clear view on addiction or drug use until they have been there themselves.

I agree about the bottle labels of little children looking so happy on drugs like Tylenol and my little one knows not to touch anything or take anything without Mom.

I also wanted to touch on what was said about choice. That is something I have discussed with my kids about their choices and the consequences of their choices. It goes the same with using drugs and the consequences of that choice. It's a bit easier to talk to a 19 year old than an 8 year old about the choice regarding drugs, but I can't follow my older kid around. He will make a choice and hopefully it's the right one for him. Would I be upset if he tried pot once or drank once? NO! If it became a problem, then I would intervene. But I think that comes more from instinctual behavior than him making a choice. I want my kid to go on and become that Physicist, not strung out on heroin. I'll be his Mom until the day I die and how I feel about his future and quality of life will never change no matter how old he is.

Then again, what I don't know won't hurt me and if he can be responsible and make the right choices, he will be OK.

I want my kids to make their own choices, the right one's, but all I can do is teach them in the way I see is best.
There are so many ways you can look at this subject of drug use. As a Mom, I am going to help my kid!
As far as school education goes, as I may be against the way they go about some of it, you have to think of those kids who get nothing at home from fucked up parents or who deal with abuse.
I don't know if I am making my point, but you can look at it from all different directions.

SalvationThroughDilaudid

04-20-2007, 02:59 PM

I don't know if I am making my point, but you can look at it from all different directions.

Yep, that's my motto these days...seems like anything can be good or bad, so long as it's in the proper context. It all depends on where you're standing when you look at it. :cool:

Also, this smiley is so fuckin cool !!! :cool: I mean really...the dude is frickin awesome...:cool:!!!

Opiyum

04-20-2007, 03:24 PM

Opyium, I have not really talked about it much with him. He knows I go somewhere to get my Methadone and I have taken him with me a few times when I had no choice, but I just don't think he is old enough to understand. Especially with the crap the school put out to these kids. Half of them with most likely end up with a drug or alcohol problem anyway, but all they discuss at this age is that drugs are bad and people who do them are bad. And , they throw cigarettes in there as well. Can you imagine all those 6 year olds coming home thinking daddy uses drugs because he smokes. Technically, tabacco is a drug, but come on, there is a better way to go about it. And the same thing happened with my kid when he came home in first grade and said,"You are smoking drugs" to me. I sat him down and explained that the school uses scare tactics and to come to me for clarification on what are drugs!

They do talk about some good during that whole week about not taking someone else's medication and things of that nature, but someone needs to go in there and change the way they present the use of illegal substances and those addicted or using pain meds and such. Make it age appropriate, not feed the same shit to every kid in every grade, 1-6.

As far as the country's policy on drug use and the so called,"war on drugs," I don't discuss with my younger son, but my older son and I have discussed it and he did a speech for his forensics class about that very issue and how in his view, legalizing drugs would be the best way to go about the "war on drugs." So, with my older son, we discuss it and he has seen what I have been through and doesn't agree, especially when it comes to the treatment of users in regards to obtaining health care.
I used to take him with me years ago when he was younger when I worked at needle exchange and just could not understand why someone couldn't go in and buy the syringes they needed to keep them free from HIV/HCV. The fucking government that's why!

Anyway, if I was to dabble a bit every now and then.....I wouldn't tell my kids unless it became a bigger problem. Is that right?

I don't know if there is any right or wrong to it but it sounds like the way i would discuss such sensitive material with my possible future kids.

You have some great kids on your hands there. as I'm sure know very well. Much love in your direction candy.

Opi

Badly Drawn Girl

04-20-2007, 03:48 PM

I wonder how it went. Did his speech do well? The main problem I have when presenting my point of view (similar to yours) is that I just MUST be a drug addict. I mean only a horrible junky would say such drivel, right?

I've always felt that drugs should be legalized, even when I was totally straight. I was the "good" kid in high school. I went to a school filled with rich kids, many of whom were on coke. Acid was popular. Just lots of kids messing around with drugs. I very rarely smoke marijuana, and hated drinking. So while I didn't think drugs were for me personally, I couldn't understand how the US policy was helping in any way. And when DARE came out, and I saw some of that curriculum I thought "This is all madness!"

I've tried to pass on my beliefs to my older son but he isn't having it. He's seen too much pain and destruction due to alcohol and drugs and he just wants it all to go away forever. I understand how he feels, completely... but it isn't going to go away.

candy

04-20-2007, 06:34 PM

Thanks opi,

Throwing some love right back at you. :)

I would do anything for my kids and being on Methadone is the best thing I can do right now. I know I am a much better Mom and less isolative when I am off the H.

And to look at something from all different directions has matured me, I think. I know I am more open minded and willing to accept someone else's view on something, but on the other hand I am less likely to allow someone else to sway me from my own opinions or to criticize me regarding the choices I have made.

limitless_euphoria

06-12-2007, 07:22 AM

I was raised by the Mr. Mackey Principle (you know the character from south park) "Drugs Are Bad... MMMKay."

We had the D.A.R.E. program in school (basically trying to keep kids off drugs). Personally it just made me more interested. Wow they have things you can take to make you see stuff! Cool!

As I came of age my Dad told me about some of his experience. He did some pot and hallucinagens in college but he had made me aware of how he had to go to rehab in 1987 and his whole story. He told me however that since I had a bettter upbringing than he did, perhaps I would not have these problems and would use better judgment. Nope, sorry old man.

I tried alcohol at a very young age, I then tried pot, ephedrine, acid, ecstasy, coke (A LOT), H (A LOT), pills (A LOT), more booze and really the only two major things out there that I have NOT tried are PCP and meth. No interest, thank you. Not after having gone to hell and back.

My biggest fear is when my kids get to be teenagers or young-twenty-somethings and want to try all the stuff I did. I'd almost feel like it was my fault as I come from a long bloodline paternally speaking of alcoholics and mentally ill people. My Dad was an active alcoholic... he's in recovery. His Dad was during WWII, he died 20 years ago but he had stopped drinking too. And his Dad, he was a nutjob. Back in their day they treated alcoholics with amphetamine. No wonder they had to take him away. And as far as I know, his father (my great, great grandfather) was a drunk who died on the steets of Boston, MA. Great family history. No CLUE what to tell the boy. He's 1 and 1/2 and alreayd has an attitudde. Oh well, thoughts anyone. I know some of you must have gone down this road at some point.

nick

06-12-2007, 07:45 AM

We've discussed this before and my answer's the same,I'm telling Nick junior the truth.

OxyContinuously

06-12-2007, 08:39 AM

I agree, tell your children the truth, you know, don't necesarily scare them about all the terrible things that alcoholism can make come to fruition, but be honest and let them be aware of the family's history, obviously if they are young, then wait till te time comes, but be honest. THis way, they know about the history, and can make an informed decision about whether to start down that road or not.

Be there as a dad and that's the best you can do.

take care

Oxy

mrnatural

06-12-2007, 08:39 AM

Try to open him up to as many positive experiences as you can and in particular, encourage READING. Teach him tolerance and love for others and try to live it yourself. And the "golden rule."

My wife and I tried to limit our most outrageous behavior to times when we were away from the kids or they were away from us. Try to be relatively discreet, but don't lie to them as they start asking questions. We smoked and grew pot around them constantly, but tried to do other dope in a more discreet way. Both of them saw me and how drugs affected me; sometimes boisterous,foolish, sometimes damn fun and interesting to be with. They also saw how miserable I could be when I was out of drugs, but I tried always not to let that affect how much I showed them I loved and respected them. Try to encourage them not to be afraid of failures, and not to give up. Mine have inherited from me an affinity for the underdog; there's always something out there you can contribute to, and someone will always appreciate your help. Be honest if and when they ask; they'll still make their own decisions. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. Teaching tolerance and respect goes a long way. Good luck.

nick

06-12-2007, 08:46 AM

As long as junior learns to think for herself,I'll support and love her whatever she chooses.

greasy_bear

06-12-2007, 09:41 AM

"Distract grandma for me while I rummage through her medicine chest"

NastyZilla

06-12-2007, 11:05 AM

"Distract grandma for me while I rummage through her medicine chest"

Now that's just damn funny. Of course, my granny had THOUSANDS of Tylenol #3s in her closet when I was a kid. My mom used to tell us (my brother and I) to say we were sick, or had a headache, and to "accept anything she [granny] gives you. Then give it to me [my mom, another addict]." In my family, you were crazy NOT to take pills, by their way of reckoning.

Seriously, there's no straight answer for me to the question that's been asked by Brony. For instance, there is no way in hell I'm going to tell my son (who is in elementary school) that I'm addicted to drugs.. even if he were to ask, God forbid. However, I plan to tell him that we have a looooog family history of alcohol and drug abuse (see granny's story, above), and that he should never try them because just one "taste" may be his downfall (it was for me).

When he's a lot older, I will be honest that I've had (hopefully in the past tense by then) an addiction problem. But I don't plan to discuss my addiction now... just try to put the Fear of God into him about how bad our genes are when it comes to addiction.

nick

06-12-2007, 11:11 AM

I'm not sure fear is an effective longterm teaching tool.

I'm not suggesting you tell zilla jr that your a junky,but maybe tell them that this is your medicine and sometimes it makes you feel good and when you don't have it you feel very bad.

If Nick jr asks why I need medicine,I'm gonna tell her that it's for my tired soul.

NastyZilla

06-12-2007, 05:30 PM

Fear of God is just a term of speech. What I meant to say was that I intend to give my son a strong education and awareness of how "weak", genetically/mentally speaking, his ancestors are when it comes to alcohol and drugs. I genuinely think my side of the family (maternal and paternal) are drug addicts waiting to happen... the moment we touch the stuff BOOM, we're addicts. Seriously, the best way to avoid it is to never try it. And if he does try it, he needs to be very aware of the danger.

I don't agree with the thought of telling a child I need an opiate to feel well AND that I take copious amounts of said opiate (as opposed to just taking it whenever I got a migraine, back problem, etc.). Saying you need meds to stay alive/functional is okay if it's not addiction, IMO ... for instance, if I'm diabetic (and need insulin) or have some other disease. The difference in occasional health-related use and addiction is, in my mind, that I think that the "mommy needs a handful of pills to feel right" approach might lead the child to say, "Hmm, if mommy self-medicates with opiates, they must make her feel good, ergo, I'll feel good if I try them." I don't want a child to grow up with that mindset.

Oh, and Nick, you're a year older than I am! Your tired soul, my ass! Come on, sweetie, these are the best years of your life. Hell, I'm an addict and I STILL think my life's pretty sweet (knock on wood!). You've got that beautiful little girl on the way... once you hold her, you'll be amazed how "re-invigorated" your soul will be.;)

Back to addiction... I really do shudder think what I would have become if I'd started in my teen years, rather than my 30s. That's the one thing I don't like about the thought of legalization ..... I fear the untold millions of new addicts who would have access to opiates at tender ages and fuck up their futures. If I had gotten my hands on opiates at 16, I can promise you I wouldn't be logging into this forum to post... I'd be calling collect from a jail cell, if I was even alive.

nick

06-12-2007, 05:41 PM

I'm sorry Zilla.What one tell one's children is a VERY personal thing and I didn't mean to be presumptious.

I don't know,I've been doing "our thing" for over two decades and I feel ancient,but I just know Millie will make it ALL bearable.I'm looking forward to holding her so much and I'm sure when she's here,I'll change a lot of my opinions.

Oh and oddly,there's NO one else in my family with anykinda substance abuse problem.I must be the "choosen" one.

Rhonda

06-12-2007, 06:25 PM

I dont think Id tell them anything while they were still young. Maybe when they got to be teens and even then its hard to say. Anyways still no kids yet so Ill worry when that day comes.

tui

06-12-2007, 07:26 PM

[quote=limitless_euphoria;142487]I was raised by the Mr. Mackey Principle (you know the character from south park) "Drugs Are Bad... MMMKay."

We had the D.A.R.E. program in school (basically trying to keep kids off drugs). Personally it just made me more interested. Wow they have things you can take to make you see stuff! Cool!
[quote]

yeah i remember those anti-drug booklets from high-school. that's how i learnt the lingo. gotta know what to ask the dealer for...
;)

t

pharmboy

06-24-2007, 04:51 AM

I tell my kids Id rather they poke smot than drink alcohol. And after seeing
their mother they agree. From the harm reduction side of things pot is much
safer than alcohol. would you rather somebody drunk off their ass drive you
home or somebody that smoked some weed. I vote weed. every time.

ProdigalSon

06-24-2007, 02:04 PM

I dont even think its worth it to bring a child into todays world. I have the utmost respect to anyone who does, and raises them to the best of their ability.

If I did have kids I dont want them to make the same mistakes as me, but realize thats darn near impossible. I think proper education is key when dealin with drugs/booze

Raz

06-24-2007, 03:17 PM

Hola, age has to be a consideration here. What age should your kids be? But i will say this, " if your using your kids will suss, sooner or later".Your just not the same as john or jane doe,s mum and dad.I hid jack shit from my Rosie. I stopped smokin in front of her at 5, but when on a search for my younger bro at certain houses i let her see the kinda life the users who my bro hung out with. It wasn,t attractive, so i hope it WISED her up. But whatever it's all personal choice. I just think anyone offers my kid shit, shes gonna know what it is.But wether your present or not its still gonna be about personal choice. What age you educate your kids is up to you. But forewarned is forearmed. No fucker is geting my kid through nieviety!!! Drugs are here to stay, they're never goin away!

El Dave

06-24-2007, 05:54 PM

Elaboration: If you're a stone hearted whore setting up Johns for busts for the cops to get your next fix, or hitting old ladies over the head for their welfare check to get another rock, then YES, your kids should see, and as early as possible, how badly uncontrolled drug useage can screw up a person. If you're a recreational user that manages to pave their own way through the jungle without stepping on toes as you go, then YES, your kids should know, and as early as possible, so that they can know that drugs aren't the problem, people are. Children should be raised to never, ever do a seriously evil, self destructive thing like "vote for the best of two evils", and always try to "do the wise thing", like if you're going to do one or the other then smoke a joint instead of breaking open that six pack, and vote for anti-anti-drug legislators if you really must vote at all. Children should be taught that drugs are not bad, but what we do with them can be, and most especially the dangers of things like acid around the time of conception and the real facts like the surety of the downtime that comes with up-time. Education is what's needed, instead of denial, and part of that is first admitting where the real problem is. The real problem is a society where lawyers are allowed to make the laws and institutions are financed by the existence of a "problem" with no real incentive to want to see the "problem" go away and increased budgets if the "problem" gets worse. The most horrible nightmare of the people running the DEA (and the people running your hometown narc squad, as well) is that one day all the drug lords would tune into Jimmy Swaggert and get religion and dry up all the dope. If we'd stop hiding THAT from our children we'd be doing a lot more for them than hiding our own personal choices does for them. I guess I also feel that if Mommy and/or Daddy feel that drugs are 'wrong' then they shouldn't be doing them at all, not just keeping it hidden from the children. Of course, if it's a privacy thing (we don't screw or shit in front of the kids, either.. but not because we're hiding it) that's a different thing. Of course, these are merely my own opinions, and both my kids are grown, and I just be an old man with no understanding who talks way too much, but for whatever it's worth, there it is.

Oops.. just saw one more I have to comment on.. limitless, you might tell the child the story, and don't lie about the feelgood, but remember and portray vividly little tidbits like what the jonesing is like twenty minutes after your last rock flowed down the pipe. Let him know about the crawling around on the floor on your hands and knees looking all over for that little piece that you know dropped because it must have dropped you saw it drop didn't ya oh god let one have dropped for half an hour or so, while your old lady screams at you until you begin the hunt through the house for something left to sell because there's just got to be something left to sell. And as soon as you and the old lady get off the shit you're gonna get her wedding ring outa hock, you know but for now... Yes, I say tell him, but make sure you tell it all. It's really just more of what I was saying above.. education should be complete and with the full facts at his disposal he'll have the best chance of controlling things. Dat my thought.

is_today_monday

08-16-2007, 01:23 AM

I don't have kids, and have no intentions of acquiring any for myself either, but if I did, I'd use the honesty approach. Would be a great opportunity to present them with the whole truth about drugs, no drug-war propaganda. Besides, I'd rather them learn from me about my drug use then them hear it from someone at school or wherever, saying, 'You're mum's one of those filthy junkies', ya know?

Set

08-21-2007, 03:40 PM

Not trying to come off as totally cheesy, but nobody needs to know my business or what I do...not my kids, my family, and nobody else as well...Lemme put it this way...I wouldn't ask you what you do or how you do it because it's none of my business...:cool:

Here's a point...I am NOT only straight & clean right now...it's nobody else's business if I wasn't...no offense meant...but just because I post here then is it a requirement that I also be using? I don't think so...:confused:

If I use then it's my decision of where and when, and I don't telegraph to the world that I am when I do use...;)

That's just common sense...;)

WarmCyanide

08-21-2007, 10:09 PM

Oh my god Set!!?? it's been months since i have been OT in your threads. last time i remember you were in Florida durring hurricaine season. i thought you fell off of the face of the earth. relax

mark_renton

01-06-2008, 10:47 AM

If my duaghter wants to be part of my life one day, then I would have to tell her the truth. Sorry hun your dads a junky, try to learn from my mistakes and not do the things I have. My own father usually came clean with me about his addiction, but he tried to hide how much he did and lied about a lot of other stuff concerning his addiction.

I feel like if you want to be both parent and friend to your kid ( a tuff balance'n act) you have to be honest with them, there has to be some kind of trust there, and they will never totally respect you if they see you lying about an important subject like this.

limitless_euphoria

01-06-2008, 11:16 AM

Personally when my kids get to be teenagers I plan on warning them about drugs. I know this sounds odd but I'd almost rather they fool around with a little pot than turn into teenage alcoholics. If it grows in the ground it's one thing—if it's a pill or a powder beware. Pills from the doctor when you need them are one thing—but pills that you decide to take "for fun" might start off that way but you may be very, very sorry. I certainly plan on telling them that I wish in a lot of ways I had called it quits after pot and shrooms (the natrually occuring stuff). Since I come from a long line of alcoholics I'm not so keen on the booze. Only time will tell—but I'm sure someone somewhere will offer them drugs so it is my responsibility to be a good Dad and give them a good talkin-to.

mark_renton

01-06-2008, 11:54 AM

I'd definetly rather see a kid smoke a joint than drink a beer any day of the week.

Dezarc

01-11-2008, 12:41 PM

I think most kids wil see the truth. You cannot lie to a child without serious side effects. DARE for example give way too much mis-information about drug, and when the kids see that what DARE said is for the most part untrue, they decide to find out for themselves... SO I think that telling th kids the truth when you think they can handle it will be far more productive then the lies that our educational system decides to tell them. The kids know when they are being lied to to, and in the end it just makes them want to go and find out for themselves, if you as a parent, tells them the truth, they will come to respect that, and know wha tthey are in for it they decide to do drugs. The mis-information that our kids are given really just makes matters worse, tell them the truth and whatever your kids decide to do, at least it won't be becuse they saw their friends doing drugs and found out that DARE( or whatever) was bullshit, they will know that at least you were being straight with them, and they will deinitely respect you for that, and hopefully make truthfully informed decsions...

cactus31

07-01-2008, 11:05 PM

I waffle about this.

I'm not sure what to say about drugs in general, especially opiates. When the time comes for telling my daughter (she's 11 now), I'd like her to know that there are drugs out there with horrible consequences for abuse (or use).

She knows I'm on pain killers that are prescription only. She knows they are illegal for persons w/o a script. And she knows I take them daily. But she knows why, too. She's seen dad in physical pain that makes me writh on the floor, keeps me up at night, and makes me generally miserable without the God-send that is opiate painkillers.

I just hope she's never put in a situation that would require her to be on any kind of opiate for an extended time; firstly, because I never want her to be in enough pain to warrant opies, and I know what a slippery slope they can become with extended use.

After all the horror stories I've read here, about how people got their starts on opiates, I'd just as soon she stay the hell away from them.

One day an accident victim, years later a fucking junkie. It seems there is no escape with prolonged use.

And when there is an escape, when a user does manage to kick, he or she is presented with days to weeks of physical pain and misery; vomiting and God-awful shitting, insomnia, etc...and then weeks to months of depression and mental anguish that I am convinced cannot ever go away.

Like every parent, I just never want her eyes opened to the evils of the world....but sadly, it's a battle I'll never win. you simply can't hide drugs from kids.

Like the old timers say:

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".

Suboxstitute

07-01-2008, 11:29 PM

My two kids are mid to late twenties (yes, I'm older than dirt - oops, I forgot, that's Uncle Wiggly).

They've both smoked pot and one of them (the male child) drinks, but not to excess, since he's got a live-in girlfriend (soon to be wife) with a young girl, and he's raising her; they're a family, and he no longer plays cards, etc. and comes rolling in drunk. My daughter came home drunk a few times in high school, drank in college, and now it sort of makes her sick, so she just doesn't bother.

Anyway, my approach (and their growing-up years were not my heavy pill-using years thank god, that happened when they were just about ready to leave) was to ask them lots of questions about this drug or that drug, see what they knew, see if it was around their school, found out how much they knew that was mis-information and then corrected it. I remember talking about long-term effects, etc. a few times.

The thing was, they were both willing to talk to me. Esp. my daughter. She was a freshman when my son was a senior in high school, and he couldn't take a pee at school without me knowing about it (Thankfullt they have a normal adult relationship now!) OK - they COULD have been completely bullshitting me and using everything under the sun. But I don't think they were. More likely, they possibly experimented

I didn't do a lot of warning, they figured it out. They some some kids die using heroin cut with something; knew someone who died with a mix of pills.

pain-pateint

07-02-2008, 07:42 AM

I don't have kids, but it seems to me that by the time they or their friends have driver's licenses [circa age 15-16] they should have access to information about substances and driving. I would also want them to know that they could call me ANYTIME if they or a friend who drove them had been drinking or using and that I would get them home with NO QUESTIONS ASKED by me, though I would answer theirs completely.

When they are old enough to drive, they need to know enough to stay alive at a minimum, don't ya think?

rockbottom

07-02-2008, 08:31 PM

my daughter who is seventeen--knows all about my addictions--one of her uncles died from an od--one of her uncles is banished to another state for drug related crimes--i'm only half the man i could be because of drugs--so although she knows, she Hates drugs with a passion--luckily she has unconditional love for me-- if i could have hidden it ,i would have, but in my case not an option---i got lucky with that girl:cool:

Poppylvr

07-02-2008, 09:07 PM

RB - it sounds like you and I are both lucky in our kids.
Sue - our stories have similarities. I tried to get clean off percocets back in 1990. Went to a 28 daqy spin dry followed by lots of AA and aftercare. Took my kids who were then 8 & 6 to lots of AA - I overheard them playing "I'm a drunken junky" many times. So they knew simply Mom took too many pills and it caused our family pain and grief and I had to go to lots of meetings.
Then in 1998 I had moved on to injecting morphine. My daughter asked me about my tracks one day - I lied to her. At 16, she was alert and aware - and I lied. I used to itch & scratch like a madwoman and the kids noticed. They also noticed I would either be fuzzy and happy or really irritable and sick alot.
When I was busted in Nov98, they became so angry because of my betrayal. They stayed angry for a long time - couple of years. but gradually, they forgave me and blessedly, I have a great relationship with them.
My son drinks alcohol - too much, but less at 24 than at 18. He says he has never tried drugs, and I 98.5% believe him. He has brought home many suffering friends, some of whom I have taken to their first AA. He has been with me to AA as recently as a couple of years ago, and if he feels his drinking gets out of control, he knows where to go.
LIn 2000, my daughter broke her foot and about the 2cd or 3rd day on lortabs she said Mom I understand now why you like opiates. That scared the SHIT right out of me. We had several talks afterwards about what that enjoyment means and how she needs to be hyper aware because she has a (retired)junky for a Mom.
So my take is be honest with your kids about your use. Don't glamorize drugs. Explain about consequences. For both kids I always had the policy of if you're too drunk to drive call me & I will pick you up no questions asked - until the next day when you are alert again. For a while, my son was really drinking out of control. My hubby & I told him straight up - if we know you are DUI, we WILL call the sheriff - we'd rather you have a DUI record than hurt yourself or someone else.
I think if you are honest and tell them the bad with the good, you will teach them what they need to know.

Princess

07-03-2008, 08:45 PM

Good topic! Can't believe I never noticed this one.

My son is a very mature age 9. He knows all he *needs* to know and then some.

He's always known that I take prescription medicine. He knows I've had cancer twice and other serious health problems I will have to deal with forever, yet he's NEVER seen me fucked up (at least not to where its noticible ;) ).

One day about a year or two ago, he asked "Mommy, why do you take so many pills?". So, I took him to the doctor with me and let the doctor explain what all is wrong with me (health-wise) and why I NEED pain meds.

I let the doctor explain the side effects, addiction possibilities, possible death for over using, etc...

When we got home, I asked him if he had ANY questions about drugs, prescription or otherwise. I answered everything honestly. I didn't feel the need to share what all I've um, experimented with and don't know yet if I ever will, most likely I will.

I think being as open and honest as possible is the best way to go. The lines of communication are open and we have an awesome relationship.

All I can do is educate him and hope for the best. 'Drug war' or not, drugs will ALWAYS be around.

EleusisII

07-13-2008, 06:52 PM

When my daughter asked why I always take so many pills, I told them the truth:

"They make daddy feel all nice and glowy, and is the only thing thath helps daddy being able to cope with you little shits... Now run over and get me a beer from fridge, before I smack you so hard, your kids will be born dizzy!"

She even opened it for me herself. God, they're so adorable when they're six!

Seriously though, Actually I'm usually discrete, so they don't notice me gobbling percs and the like. My daughter knows that I take pills for pain occasionally, but she never asked a lot about it. My boy whos two saw me take some one day, and of course wanted some too :)

The thing is though, I'm a pretty cautious guy, and always take them to the doctor when they're sick, so they're used to people taking medicine.

My daughter watched some guys smoke marijuana one time and asked about it, I just told her it some people like to smoke it, just like some people, like daddy, likes to smoke cigarettes. No reason to make a big deal about it, she'll hear a lot of crap about in school later.

Anyways, I smoke weed occasionally too, and don't plan on making a big deal out of hiding it from her.
When she's big enough I just tell her that some grown ups like to relax with a little wine, and others, like me prefer marijuana. And absolutely none of the above for her, until she hits sixteen.

Speaking of, in Denmark it's somewhat normal that it's the parents that "teach" their kids to drink. You know... Let them have some wine or whatever whenever they're old enough. which is usually 13-14 and let them get drunk. The thought behind it, is that that way, they'll know alittle about alcohol and how it affects them instead of experimenting on their own or with their friends...

jonny-5

07-13-2008, 07:15 PM

Speaking of, in Denmark it's somewhat normal that it's the parents that "teach" their kids to drink. You know... Let them have some wine or whatever whenever they're old enough. which is usually 13-14 and let them get drunk. The thought behind it, is that that way, they'll know alittle about alcohol and how it affects them instead of experimenting on their own or with their friends...

yea many european countries are like that, thats how it was for me (didnt grow up in europe but my family came from there, or maybe its a jew thing) my parents gave me alcohol at a pretty young age, i remember at 5 or 6 my mom giving me baily's in hopes that i would pass out. i used to love that shit when i was little. well my mom drinks every day anyway, and its weird but whenever im clean she gets mad as fuck if i smoke weed but doesnt care if i drink.

as far as my kids go, theyll know when theyre old enough to. assuming im clean and doing well then, i dont want them to think that if you catch a habit its easy as hell to get rid of it. "look at dadddy, he used every drug in the book and shot speedballs and now hes fine!"

resorcinol

01-07-2009, 07:10 PM

If I ever have kids in the future, I'd be honest if they asked. If I manage to get clean and stay clean, and they asked about my past, I'd be honest, and if I was on opioids again due to relapse or future CP, I'd be honest about that too.

I'd tell them something along these lines:

Although the propaganda from the government wants you to believe opiate users are bad, evil people, that's not the case. Some of them do horrible things, but they don't do it *because* of the drug (the horrible things), they do it because they weren't good people to begin with -- if it wasn't doing awful things to other people to get opiates, it'd be doing awful things to people for other reasons / in other ways. I would mention though that most drug addicted people have had moments of doing something not so kind that they regret, but I'd make it clear that not all opioid addicts are driven to do bad things to others, and many are essentially invisible as addicts to outsiders. I'd let them know that many people from all walks have an addiction, and that many of them manage to function with that addiction. I would remind them that some people are indeed out of control addicts, too, and that there's no predictor to which type you would be if you become an addict for the most part.

I'd tell them to steer clear from opioids and try to deal with mental issues in other ways before resorting to something so drastic and life changing as getting a habit. I wouldn't loose support / respect for them if they got hooked on opioids and still were good people, but I'd definitely try to steer them away from the path I went down (because we all know how it's a blessing AND a curse at the same time, to know the pleasures and the medical wonders of opiates).

I'd discourage hard drug use by steering my kids towards soft drugs like MJ the SECOND they showed any interest in drug use. If they have no interest in drugs, of course I'd support them 100% in that as a virtue. BUT if they show interest, I'd encourage soft drug use, moderation, and avoidance of extremely addictive hard drugs.

This is what I THINK I'd do with the situation.

I don't plan to ever have kids ATM though, so this may never be applicable to me. Also, we can never fully predict our future actions with accuracy, it's part of being human.

Hiram

01-07-2009, 07:25 PM

Speaking of, in Denmark it's somewhat normal that it's the parents that "teach" their kids to drink. You know... Let them have some wine or whatever whenever they're old enough. which is usually 13-14 and let them get drunk. The thought behind it, is that that way, they'll know alittle about alcohol and how it affects them instead of experimenting on their own or with their friends...

I think this may counter the prohibition type mentality where kids wonder what the fuss is all about, but I don't know that opiates fit the same mold as alcohol in that we never forget that first high and many of us commonly feel the need to chase that in which makes us feel good. I feel compelled now to look up the statistics involving opiate addiction in societies such as Israel where I've heard it is common to use things like poppy tea to alleviate pains that begin at an early age such as teething.

resorcinol

01-07-2009, 07:44 PM

^

You're probably right, since alcohol is generally a less euphoric and fun drug than opiates.

It's probably different for alcoholics though (I hate that term though -- I like ethanol addicts. It's more appropriate because it conveys the fact that it's a DRUG ADDICTION just like addiction to illegal substances more clearly. "Drugs AND Alcohol" pisses me off too. Alcohol is a drug, but since it's legal and regulated, the government, and sadly the medical profession too, feels the need to make a distinction between the two. Some would argue "well alcoholic drinks when consumed in a non-binge manner are more of a food. OK, the what about PT... that's a "tea"... could be called a "food" too).

I think for those predisposed to become addicted to ethanol, that first experience with an alcohol buzz may be just as memorable as an opiate addict's first opiate buzz is. I was addicted to alcohol before opiates, so I do have some experience with that.

Hiram

01-07-2009, 08:38 PM

^^I've had two friends on here state that they began their opiate career at a young age. One mentioned that it is common in his culture to treat people as young as infants for discomforts by using poppy tea as the remedy. The other, whose parents owned a pharmacy claimed that she was given hydrocodone to combat discomfort when she first began menstruating. There are two many other factors in an individual's life to be able to use the chicken and egg debate on this topic IMO, but it would be interesting to see some research done on how this may affect brain development and the probability of a person later becoming dependent on opiates or even other substances. Sociological issues, economic issues, psychological, traumatic events and so many other factors would most likely make the study difficult to follow for the duration of a person's life, but it can still be theorized by studying the chemistry associated with brain function and brain activity beginning with subjects at an early age in the developmental process and further on into adulthood.

Raz

01-08-2009, 12:58 AM

you can only show your kids what you know.....Before my young bro died, he was a fucker, took whatever he could get his hands on, booze ,pills, along wiv a smack habit....I had a cople of false alarms, hearin he o;d b4 he actually had(thats the way he died, methadone od) so i used to go on frantic fuckin searches for him...And obviously cozza swims old job, i knew all de hang outs skag houses etc....

I took my daughter wiv me and let her see what smack has the "potential" to do to you, if you let that habit run away wiv you and give up and just sucummb untill your livin in squalor.....

She wasnt to impressed wiv der livin conditions....And she knows drugs have fucked my health(smoked some bad shit once, fucked my lungs up).....

She;s nearly sixteen now and has no desire except for an occasional drink, maybe once every 2 mths and a few puff cakes at christmas...She dont smoke and is a good kid....Who i hope knows the real world.....

She made me laff de ova day,i was criticisin some kid, sayin "i woulda don dis yada yada" she just said, "But dad not everyones like you"......Made me fink, she;s an individual and will make up her own mind.
All we can do is guide and help...I know she;s been exposed to drugs, its 16yrs old to get in clubs here, lotsa E an shit.....She hasnt fucked up yet.....And at the end of de day she;ll make up her own mind....You just hope an pray they make de best choices for them....

losangeleslifer

01-08-2009, 02:40 AM

^

You're probably right, since alcohol is generally a less euphoric and fun drug than opiates.

I beg to differ.;)

frankie

01-08-2009, 04:16 AM

My eleven year old son knows that i take medication because i am sick, he doesn't know that i use them recreationaly. I don't think he needs to know everything about my life but i do talk to him and tell him the why's and dont's and the what will happen if... besides his father od'd and died two years ago from an alcohol, xanax and oxy cocktail and he knows what happened. I think that not telling them is not such a good thing since they are so curious and i would rather that he heard it from me than finding out off the streets...

SHELLEY

01-08-2009, 03:01 PM

wow... very old thread?
good question tho

when my girl is old enough, i'll answer any question she asks honestly
i'll let her read my blog if she wants to
maybe then she'll understand what i mean
when i tell her that she saved my life

resorcinol

01-08-2009, 06:08 PM

I beg to differ.;)

Different strokes for different folks :)

Hiram

01-08-2009, 10:28 PM

What about not taking children for granted and actually spending time with them as a parent so they don't have a void that needs to be filled?

Narkotikon

01-08-2009, 10:33 PM

I don't plan on having children, and honestly don't really want any, but if I did, I'd be honest. I'd give them a lesson on basic harm-reduction once they were around the age of 12 or so. Can't ever start too early. I'd say "listen, I can't tell you what to do, but if you're going to do this, at least be as safe as you can be." I'd answer any question that they had, and I'd be as unjudgemental / unbiased as possible. I mean, if they did need it, I'd be totally pro-maintenance if that's what they wanted to do. I'd also teach them that the government lies about opiates. They demonize it.

Duckfeet

01-08-2009, 10:34 PM

"Go get daddy a glass of water and a spoon..."

WV_Girl_26

01-08-2009, 10:52 PM

What about not taking children for granted and actually spending time with them as a parent so they don't have a void that needs to be filled?

Are you saying that all people who use drugs are doing so to fill a void? Most often one created by a parent?

SeVeN

01-08-2009, 10:56 PM

sorry if this has been said but theres been too many posts to read them all. Id say "what the heck is an opite??"

Hiram

01-08-2009, 11:12 PM

Are you saying that all people who use drugs are doing so to fill a void? Most often one created by a parent?

I've dealt with friends and family members that have committed suicide or od'd. Drugs aren't always what is used to fill the void or to create balance where it is lacking. The common denominator of every one of these people that I've known whose lost the battle is that they were children of divorced parents or a widowed parent. My fallen comrades that I was close to are in the double digits and not all became addicts, but they still lost the battle. 100% of them had a single parent that had to work to support them, which left an imbalance and ultimately ended in suicide or death by other means.

WV_Girl_26

01-08-2009, 11:42 PM

I am sorry to hear about those you lost close to you. I was very lucky in the fact that I had great parents and an amazing childhood. Mom making dinner and dad tucking us in at night, family vacays, the whole family at sporting events yada yada yada. Seems odd that my brother and I are both junkies. He much more hard core--crack, coke etc me just the pills. I was on them for a few cp conditions and someone said "hey ever tried it this way" and thus began my journey with snorting them. I am sure a vast majority start this path for the reasons you mention, it is very sad.

pharmboy

01-09-2009, 08:30 AM

I dont tell my kids not to do anything except alcohol ( but they still do from time

to time ) but my kids have pretty much figured out everything in moderation.

Actually they are better at it than I am. So I don't worry too much, they have

their shit together SO FAR. And when they don't then the hammer will come down.

My kids stay with organics mostly weed, mushrooms. E every now and then but

they know not to over do the E. Good kids I have no complaints. Now my CAT

she's a different story, she's a total pot head , always bugging me to let her

chew on the plants. I'm going to have to send her to rehab.

firefeind

01-09-2009, 12:34 PM

im in an interesting situation: im a mother and a 3rd generation drug user. my father, his sisters, and my grandfather all did drugs. my dad and grampa were open with each other since my dad was an adult. my dad and i have had some very open discussions about drugs and addiction, beginning when i was 16. i have to say that i really appreciate his advice and guidance (how not to go into debt or have debtors, how to spot a sketchbag, not-so-common sense in avoiding legal entanglments, how to be a functional addict in general, harm reduction as the standard). i swear this is why im still alive. iv already had to discuss drugs(not speceficly opies yet) and addiction with my 8 year old, due to the fact that several people we know have been less than functional at times (i dont go into into any "ugly" details). i have explained to her that people often get addicted because of a deep and painful sense of "something missing". she has expressed genuine compassion for anyone obviously struggling with addiction (and she has called people on it, which is shocking to anyone who hasnt seen her do so before, cuz shes so little), but will avoid anyone driven to any abusive outbursts. im not scared that my being open with her about my drug use will make it acceptable for her to use drugs. by being honest and real with her i will keep her respect and tighten the bond between us: i want her to be honest so i role model honesty. i keep it simple, approachable, and real.