The Insanity Of Sobriety

[sidman]

Hello to everyone! It's been quite a little while since I have touched base with you all.
Well,I have to say that life is quite an experience without the regular use of opiates. I say this because as of today and since my release from prison back in february ( 2007) I have gotten high about 15 times. It is a miracle that I havent allowed myself to slip into a full blown habit (yet!)
I am amazed at how life is so RAW without drugs.By this I mean that every feeling that I have, be it anger,sadness,love,happiness, even melancholy, is so INTENSE without dulling it with the use of drugs! I cant count the number of times that I wanted to get high just because of the way I was feeling.
Emotions are one of my biggest "triggers" and it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride without them!
There are times when the craving for opiates is SO STRONG that I feel detached from this planet.I dont crave them so much phycically,but Psychologically( but believe it or not,I still do get physical cravings).It is almost enough to drive me insane at times.
I would think that feeling natural happiness and joy would be enough to make me not to want to use opiates,but actually,when I am having a great day I want to get high like crazy! At those times I try to tell myself to be grateful that I am not "dope-sick" and that I dont have to worry about my next "fix" anymore, But it just doesnt help and I cant figure out why. Then, when I get angry or a little sad, The craving to get high is so intense that I feel hopeless,helpless,depressed,cursed, and crazy.It's hard to describe in words.
Will I ever get over opiates,I wonder? Do any of you know what I'm going through? I bet ALOT of you can relate and that is why I'm writing this.I know that you guy's can give me some good advice because we are all in the same boat ( more or less) and I know we all have great potential to actually excell in life.
I've gotten high now and then since febuary and it felt great to escape from the way I was feeling,but the thought of being "dope-sick" has (so far) kept me from getting a habit.(which is incredible,for me having been on "dope" for many years)
I am just so shocked at how immense the cravings and desires for opiates are! I mean,I can understand having cravings when I am angry or sad, But why do I want to get "wasted" when I am having a great day? It feels like the happier my day goes,the more I want opiates!
Anyways,I am still doing the best I can at this thing called "sobriety" ( or maybe I'm not doing my best)and I know that I will always be an addict for the rest of my life (which can be a discouraging thought) but I really need to keep it real and hear some advice from you guy's.
Just because I dont have a "habit" right now doesnt mean I am better than anybody and I never WILL be better than anyone. I may be "sober" for the most part, but I am still a very sick individual.
Now I know from personal experience that just because I am doing "better" doesnt mean life is a bowl of peaches and that life can be downright miserable. I often wonder how some people have NEVER even USED drugs in their life! The thought of being sober for life blows me away!! I cant even fathom such an existance. To me it feels like EVERYONE should have (or has) gotten high not just once,but at least a FEW times.
I am just a "dry" Junkie who's struggling to get my life together.
Most of my "freinds" are dead from this addiction "Disease", including a girlfreind of mine.
So,I just wanted to let you guys know that I am still alive and "Kickin" ( pun intended....Hardy har har)
On the good side,I did get my G.E.D. and I am getting help from an out-patient "program"
I do have hope ( even if it's just a thread) and I do know that as long as I keep fighting and dont give up, then I will actually become "somebody".I just have to keep getting back up after I have a "slip" and not to beat myself when I do "slip". I know that eventually I will be able to help others who are going through this Hellish-struggle with the rest of us addicts,and someday it just HAS to get BETTER (PLEASE,GOD!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!) eventually,right?
All in All, I know life will eventually get better ( unless I fall of a porch, get run over by a bus, get electrocuted by a faulty toaster, get attacked by rabid animals, crash in a plane, drown in a teaspoon of whatever, slip in the shower, get hit by a stray rock, fall UP the stairs, Overdose on aspirin, forget to tie my shoes and trip into the path of a slow moving train, choke to death on home-made peanut butter,
get my foot stuck in a deserted place, or become trapped on a sand-dune in the middle of the ocean after my boat is attacked by ravenous sharks and sea-gulls or WHATEVER!) and someday I will be able to look back on all of this and not laugh ( maybe a little) but appreciate that I actually got through it all with the help of my freinds....... my fellow addict's.
Any and all feedback from you fellow "Opiophile's" would be greatly,greatly appreciated.Thanx for "listenin"........................ SIDMAN

[Moonrock]

Well Sidman, you seem to have alot on your mind, but the main issue that you're concentrating on is how to get out of the dope life and achieving something in your life.
I'm sorry you had to go through so much suffering from prison to loss of beloved ones.
But there are two main issues here that you gotta absorb in order for you to move on.
First of all, you are an addict (i mean that in a good way, if there's such a thing as good addiction), i dont care if you quit, cutting down or just chipping. The point is Once an Addict, Always an addict, so don't go comparing youself with people who have never experienced drugs and wonder how they're enjoying their lives or so, cause it wont get you any where and you'll just be getting off track. You gotta know yourself, set your priorities and act accordingly, and dont give a rat's ass about what other ppl are doing, cause you're not them, you are what you do, period.
So where does this get us? You? Me? Addicts?
Well, for starters, we dont think like sober ppl, what does it to them wont neccessarily rock your boat. Heaven in a tourniquet, it means the world to me, that's my passion, your passion too i'm guessing, whether it's a tin foil, a rig, or a straw, i bet your car, house are filled with such items. So get it into your system and move on.
You have a wider perspective on life, you've experienced things they'll never understand, what do they have to offer that you havent done? Nothing. So you got the upper hand, you got to experience their world while they'll never even dream of yours.
Second and important, relapsing, this is what you're afraid of? well you wont achieve it with this mentality my friend, the mentality that stricts the definition of "being somebody" to soberiety. Do whatever you want, get high, get wasted, but dont let it rule you, you gotta be the master of you own domain, you decide when to hit, and if it contradicts with your work or whatever you wanna do, you gotta have the will to say no. It's not easy at all. Relapsing occurs to probably all drug users, but since its a habbit, try to control it, also not easy? Well nothing is. But at least dont go for the ultimate, if you're depressed, go to antidepressants, keep the dope to the weekends.
See where your downfalls and slips are, and learn from them, try to avoid em, you cant jsut cut drugs from your life as if they never happened to you. You gotta learn to live with it. I for instance, moved to a new city, new ppl, new job, in order to 'get away from it all and change my life cause it got outa control.
I studied my situtation, observed what is it that makes me lose, and i cut em lose.
And so i control my drug habbit, i love it, cant live without, but at the same time cant let it control me.
It's a different situation to every person, the given, the varriables, the drugs, everything is different from one person to another.
So just take it easy bro, i'm sure you wont relapse unless you want to.
Ëvery time you wanna blow it, just make a list with the pros and cons of this specific hit, and see how much will it distance you from "being somebody"
if you'll still gonna make it go ahead and shoot, if it'll make you slip for good, just throw it down the drain, nothing, nothing is worth spending time behind bars or dying for, even my precious dope.
Good luck bro.

[Rhonda]

Theres been so many times when I feel like being stoned is when I feel normal. Somehow the world looks crazy when your sober. Being stoned sort of puts you on this different wavelenth where everything feels right. Maybe thats why so many people like to use drugs all the time.

[nick]

Good luck man.

[mrnatural]

Theres been so many times when I feel like being stoned is when I feel normal. Somehow the world looks crazy when your sober. Being stoned sort of puts you on this different wavelenth where everything feels right. Maybe thats why so many people like to use drugs all the time.



Seems like dope just puts things in their proper perspective.

[Diluted]

amazing topic man... I understand you 100%...Like, one opie to another... I understand. I've heard from old timers that it gets better every month, and soon it's years..and will always be there.. just apart of your life you battled and mastered.

Religious, physical, mental - anyway to describe it can't be done... but you described it all perfectly.
Mental/Spiritual Disease? Permanant receptors physically? etc..

I understand, if that makes sense,..

[tui]

Believe whatever gets you through. Fuck the statistics. You're you.

One day, i wanna be a little old lady drinking g&t's with my friends, looking back at the good-times, not at black.

t

[Babydollangel]

I just turned 36 and I am grateful every fucking day of my life that it took this long to get me a lil ol opiate habit going !!!! cuz I will say this till the die I die

LIFE being sober sucks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bottom like is the sentence above this...there is no going back and at times I wish id not have gone this route...always knew i loved opies since i was a kid getten my wisdom teeth out, BUT i never had a problem with them .....been scripted them many many times only to save them for killer migraine headaches and the like....NOW, now way those babies have a chance...i gobble them as quick as I physically can..i have no self control...I AM AN ADDICT !!! the potential has always been there NOW its a FACT !
Sorry to say, and beleive me i have TRIED, once you get that taste your mind will never never never never, did i say NEVER? let you forget, thus making you an addict for life...wish it werent so, but it is..
Now you can NOT use for as long as you can control yourself but deep down we all know that brain of yours is remembering big time what treat it has in store for itself should you loose control of your addiction, making it even harder....This disease we have is very much like alcoholsim, imo, we are what we are whether we are abstaining or not and that could change in the next 5 minutes.
congrats on being out and being clean again, if even yet for the moment !

[Babydollangel]

amazing topic man... I understand you 100%...Like, one opie to another... I understand. I've heard from old timers that it gets better every month, and soon it's years..and will always be there.. just apart of your life you battled and mastered.

Religious, physical, mental - anyway to describe it can't be done... but you described it all perfectly.
Mental/Spiritual Disease? Permanant receptors physically? etc..

I understand, if that makes sense,..

yeah and to understand it....to KNOW it isnt going away or get much better (without alot of pain involved anyways, IF even then) is so fucking depressing it makes me reconsider even trying...i mean if we are all doomed into this, why even try....more like acceptace and harm reduction part at this point i guess ! DEPRESSING to know your stuck with somthing life long...and this isnt my only lifetime thing either so its looking even more depressing from where i stand..i say screw it...why bother...its just that somtimes, well, IM O-U-T, therein lies the entire problem i have with all this....tolerence is a bitch and so are wd's.....other than that ROCK on and enjoy while ya got it...lifes too short to go around trying to constantly kick a habit that unfortunately we are all being told, and finding out , isnt possible !!
good luck!

[Skript]

^^^ Thats right!! Addicted and proud of it!!
I just know what life will be like if I quit.. It will suck!
I think it will be impossible to stop, I just cant think
of anything worse that can happen in my life to make
me quit. The depression and anger just make me want
to use again and again...

Its hopeless...
So get high and be happy...

Oh yea and to Sidman....,
You make a lot of sense.. I liked it better when I used
on occasion, over getting my fix every day. The high
was just better... Just keep your head up man..

[HeidiW]

I can't say I'm proud of being a junky, but I'm not exactly ashamed either.
Double edged sword.

[mikells43]

soberity is great i feel. i will have a year on sub soon. this is great. i am ableto fix my old life and move on to better things. i feel that staying clean/sober is the way to go for me. for others i dont care cause im worring about me. i work a 12 step program. thats just me its something i need to stay clean. its helped so much. i hear mixed things on it but hey if it works im staying that way. ive had no alcohol since aug 06 eather. so yea a year soon for that too:). no benzos eather. even tho i talk about them i havn't used them i just give adivce. i can now function and work and make money and actually not be a bum here just using and wondering when im gonna get anouther fix and have to worry about when im gonna run out and have none and be dope sick and will my connect have any or if i go to the er will i score. thats all done with cause i quit . im on a small dose of bupe but hey i will not run out of that shit unless a bomb goes off and i have a glock so ill be allright:).

[HeidiW]

For those of ya that feel good being sober, I wish I did. More power to you? What's your secret?
I've been trying to FEEL GOOD naturally since I was about 10, before I started firing dope and just ain't been able to do it.

I just think maybe some of us are to destined to be unhappy. Who knows? I'm no fucking scientist or Dr.

[Seedy]

Most of the time I can barely even imagine sobriety. I try to imagine how I'd be doing today if I'd never taken drugs (evil booze included) but the mere thought is too crazy to contemplate.

Life's just too hard to endure sober. Why should I have to?

[MissyAggravation]

becoming an opiate addict was a huge fucking awakening for me.
i've been through some tough shit in my life, stuff that would turn the stomach of even the most jaded individual.
but nothing, not even the very worst of it, compares to the pain that being a junkie has caused me.
because i knowingly did it to myself.
it wasn't something that was perpetrated upon me or that i couldn't control.
it was like tiptoeing into shark infested waters. slowly but surely i met what would consume me.
i've been clean now since april 25.
it's been terrifying. even with the aide of the subs(which without i wouldn't have willingly quit opiates).
being high is now what i hold all of life's other experiences up against - nothing can compare to that warmth and glow and the beauty of a nod into nowhereland. NOTHING.
and sidman - those sweet remembrances are enough to drive one to the edge.
that constant and frantic searching to find something to fill that hole is tiresome and maddening.
you've come so far sid, far enough to be able to use occasionally without it becoming a serious slip-up.
it's good that the dopesickness and the manic fretting over where the next fix will come from are still fresh in your mind.
those are the things that you NEED to remember each time you do slip up, let THOSE remembrances be your anchor to sobriety, as i think we'd all be content to use forever and ever if we never had to worry about being sick or where the next fix was going to come from.
every time i think about using again - i picture myself in my mind - crazed and sick with need, convulsing on my bedroom floor in a pool of my own sweat and vomit and just a fart away from shitting myself(sorry for being so graphic).
it's a very sad and very pathetic reality that keeps ME from going back.
after going through that so many times and now coming so far - i just WON'T go back to that.
so each time you do slip up and use sid dear - just be sure to keep in mind those times when you were sorry for the day you ever had your first fix.
and just maybe that will give you the will to go on with your sobriety(occasional slip-ups aside).

[sidman]

Wow,thanks to all you fellow opiophiles for the great "feed-back",and I'm not bullshittin' when I tell ya that money can buy,and dope can't give,the feeling of being "understood". It's good to know that despite being sober, (for the most part) it's okay to be a sick,twisted individual as long as I'm real about it.
It also makes me think about some "sober" people who I know who have all the $$,and all that they want in life. You know what? Despite them being filthy rotten RICH.....they are MISERABLE!! Shit,some of them are even more sick in their heads than even the worst,deprived addicts out there! And they're SOBER?
So that makes me think that,despite being addict's,we are some of the most beautiful ,great people inside,and though drugs may bury those parts of us at time's,they can never really take them away!!
Just look at the president of America!! Now is he fucked up or what?
And now look at John lennon (who was a heroin addict too,for you who don't know) and he was a truly great person.
Again I say....................WOW!!
Thank's for bringing this gem of a thought to my mind guy's.
thanks.

[jonny-5]

im with you guys, sidman and heidi. i wish i could be happy sober. it just aint gonna happen. they say physically you are supposed to feel normal after detox, but even after 10 months sober i felt like i had some kind of "endorphine deficiency?" i dont know what to call it, but yes, i was still physically and mentally craving opiates. the last 5 years have been such a struggle, i cant even imagine how my lifes going to be if i live 50-60 more years like i should.

[tui]

when i'm in the bath i can't help but look for veins, any vein that could handle a shot. i don't know why i still do that. and i don't know what i'd do if i found one.

the doctor gave me a blood test on tuesday. he tried my hands and feet, before he finally agreed my jugular was the only option. sick.

if i hadn't effed up my veins so badly, i'm not sure i'd be clean now.
t

[jonny-5]

when i'm in the bath i can't help but look for veins, any vein that could handle a shot. i don't know why i still do that. and i don't know what i'd do if i found one.

the doctor gave me a blood test on tuesday. he tried my hands and feet, before he finally agreed my jugular was the only option. sick.

if i hadn't effed up my veins so badly, i'm not sure i'd be clean now.
t

damn, he actually went for the jugular? thats crazy thats prolly what theyll have to do for me next time. the last time the nurse gave up after about 25 tries.

[Moonrock]

when i'm in the bath i can't help but look for veins, any vein that could handle a shot. i don't know why i still do that. and i don't know what i'd do if i found one.

the doctor gave me a blood test on tuesday. he tried my hands and feet, before he finally agreed my jugular was the only option. sick.

if i hadn't effed up my veins so badly, i'm not sure i'd be clean now.
t

only jugular left here too, the last vein standing, cant afford to damage it, so snorting is the only option.
i wonder if there's a veins implant !!!!

[Rhonda]

Is that what they call mainlining when they shoot into the jugular? Youd have to be pretty daring to go for that one LOL!

[tui]

Rhonda,

it's a strange rush, prefer it through my heart first, rather than straight to the head. And you need someone else to do it, because the angles all wrong.


Jonny5,

i think only alcohol and drug clinics (in nz) are allowed to take blood from there, regular blood labs aren't.
but it's so much easier...

t

[nick]

As a last resort they use the jugular in the UK.

Oh and Moonrock screw vein implants.You need a metal hatch in your skull,so you can just tip dope straight into your brain.I'll get you one for christmas.

[Moonrock]

i have to pay $10 per shot to a nurse each time i use the jugular,
talking about wasting money !!!!!

[nick]

i have to pay $10 per shot to a nurse each time i use the jugular,
talking about wasting money !!!!!

$10 per shot is outrageous.The metal hatch is the way to go.I have a power drill and scrap metal.So,get a flight over and I'll sort it out for you.

[Skript]

when i'm in the bath i can't help but look for veins, any vein that could handle a shot. i don't know why i still do that. and i don't know what i'd do if i found one.

the doctor gave me a blood test on tuesday. he tried my hands and feet, before he finally agreed my jugular was the only option. sick.

if i hadn't effed up my veins so badly, i'm not sure i'd be clean now.
t

Shit I have good veins and still have to poke myself a few times before I hit.

[bronyraur]

I can't say I'm proud of being a junky, but I'm not exactly ashamed either.
Double edged sword.

agreed. it's a very fine line between pride and shame when it comes to opiates.

$10 per shot is outrageous.The metal hatch is the way to go.I have a power drill and scrap metal.So,get a flight over and I'll sort it out for you.

jesus christ, that's one hell of a mental image, Nick performing surgery. I can just see it now. *shudders*

[sidman]

I used to shoot the Jug while driving.
Hard to believe I was that insane but hey,that's were the sickness takes me.
Thank god I do that NO MORE.
(oh yeah,if you get some "dirty-cut-dope",your chances of Death are much,much greater when shooting the Jug,hell,even so with "good-dope")
Be Careful!!:cool:

[chopstix]

Rhonda,

it's a strange rush, prefer it through my heart first, rather than straight to the head. And you need someone else to do it, because the angles all wrong.




I use(d) my jugular exclusively, it's huge and would be pretty hard to damage permanently. All veins go to the heart first (return path from the artery feed - veins go heart -> lungs -> heart -> system), you would have to hit your carotid artery to go straight to your brain and I'd imagine that would suck considering what happens when you hit a normal artery.

I told a doc once that I used my neck primarily and he said it's dangerous because it's a really bad place for an abscess (which I already knew but don't have a history of) and that because it's so close to the heart that it's more likely to cause endocarditis, which I worry about constantly when I'm using, especially because the dope around here is so dirty..

[WarmCyanide]

every day is a chance for me to cut down. some are winning days others are losing.


i always make excuses. chipping is just so fucking sexy until the balance tips.

i just worry what it does to my body and my soul. why do i need it? if i ever do succeed

i'd still like to check in here. ive seen sober people get great support here.

[flipside]

every day is a chance for me to cut down. some are winning days others are losing.
i always make excuses. chipping is just so fucking sexy until the balance tips.
.


Haunting words..and so very true...

[tui]

I use(d) my jugular exclusively, it's huge and would be pretty hard to damage permanently. All veins go to the heart first (return path from the artery feed - veins go heart -> lungs -> heart -> system), you would have to hit your carotid artery to go straight to your brain and I'd imagine that would suck considering what happens when you hit a normal artery.

I told a doc once that I used my neck primarily and he said it's dangerous because it's a really bad place for an abscess (which I already knew but don't have a history of) and that because it's so close to the heart that it's more likely to cause endocarditis, which I worry about constantly when I'm using, especially because the dope around here is so dirty..

well it def has a diff rush than through the arm. not sure why, but it does. hmm
t

[Huxley]

Hello to everyone! It's been quite a little while since I have touched base with you all.
Well,I have to say that life is quite an experience without the regular use of opiates. I say this because as of today and since my release from prison back in february ( 2007) I have gotten high about 15 times. It is a miracle that I havent allowed myself to slip into a full blown habit (yet!)
I am amazed at how life is so RAW without drugs.By this I mean that every feeling that I have, be it anger,sadness,love,happiness, even melancholy, is so INTENSE without dulling it with the use of drugs! I cant count the number of times that I wanted to get high just because of the way I was feeling.

A significant minority of people are simply incapable of ever feeling well without opiates due to dysfunction of the endogenous opiate system. Opiates are potent anti-depressants, anxyolitics, and anti-psychotics, and for many people only opiates effectively provide relief for their psychological suffering. That our prohibitionist society by outlawing drugs that could serve as potent and effective medicines denies millions of people the possibility of ever leading a normal life is not simply inhumane; it's barbaric. Some of these data may be of interest:


The role of the endogenous opioid system
in the pathogenesis of anxiety disorders
by
Sher L.
Hillside Hospital of Long Island
Jewish Medical Center,
The Long Island Campus for the
Albert Einstein College of Medicine,
Glen Oaks, NY 11004, USA.
Med Hypotheses 1998 Jun; 50(6):473-4

ABSTRACT The author suggests that anxiety disorders are related to a deficiency in the endogenous opioid system. The author classifies deficiencies of the endogenous opioid system as congenital or acquired, and also as real or relative. Individuals with 'real deficiency' cannot function adequately in any situations, including situations which are natural for human beings. Persons with 'relative deficiency' are unable to function adequately under circumstances which are unnatural for humans: their 'adaptational reserve' is insufficient. The use of opioid substances and alcohol is a form of self-medication to reduce anxiety. Acupuncture and its variations, psychotherapy, and the administration of placebo can decrease anxiety because these therapeutic maneuvers activate the endogenous opioid system.
Source (http://www.opioids.com/anxiety/index.html)

[Huxley]

Buprenorphine treatment
of refractory depression
by
Bodkin JA, Zornberg GL, Lukas SE, Cole JO
McLean Hospital, Consolidated Department of Psychiatry,
Harvard Medical School, Belmont, MA 02178, USA.
J Clin Psychopharmacol 1995 Feb; 15(1):49-57

ABSTRACT

Opiates were used to treat major depression until the mid-1950s. The advent of opioids with mixed agonist-antagonist or partial agonist activity, with reduced dependence and abuse liabilities, has made possible the reevaluation of opioids for this indication. This is of potential importance for the population of depressed patients who are unresponsive to or intolerant of conventional antidepressant agents. Ten subjects with treatment-refractory, unipolar, nonpsychotic, major depression were treated with the opioid partial agonist buprenorphine in an open-label study. Three subjects were unable to tolerate more than two doses because of side effects including malaise, nausea, and dysphoria. The remaining seven completed 4 to 6 weeks of treatment and as a group showed clinically striking improvement in both subjective and objective measures of depression. Much of this improvement was observed by the end of 1 week of treatment and persisted throughout the trial. Four subjects achieved complete remission of symptoms by the end of the trial (Hamilton Rating Scale for Depression scores < or = 6), two were moderately improved, and one deteriorated. These findings suggest a possible role for buprenorphine in treating refractory depression.

Source (http://www.opioids.com/buprenorphine/buprefdep.html)

[djnarkotik]

i dunno i guess theres two ways to live a life addicted to drugs. i guess that if you cant stand to be sober and you find a substance that allows you to function, and feel normal then theres nothing worng with that. if it enhances your wellbeing and allows you to carry on with other things that is perfect.

but there is a fine line between doing this and the other way to live life dependnt on drugs. if you get into a a type of drug dependancy where it consumes your life and soul then i dont think that is a good option. for some people this is envitable with certain drugs and if thats how you want to live your life then you should be able to. but i think its not the best thing a individual can do for themselves.

we all need to find meaning in life and have purpose so i think this factors into what im saying. once you get deep into addiction where it totally runs your life, then it becomes your meaning and your life purpose. i dont think thats innately good or bad as i said, but its sad to see someone potential wasted into that. if you find something or someone to live for and then your drug use overtakes that im sure somewhere down the road it will be regretted. the search for meaning is a complex need and if were not careful it will lead us astray i guess. so drugs can help you be a better person and grow and expand, or they can take all of that away.

[AWOL]

I think a lot of people use just to party and have fun.

It's the ones who use to forget who are doomed.

Whatever keeps you alive I guess, what do I know.

................ god damnit where's my alcohol...........

[JunkYardSaint]

I heard it said somewhere that reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
Those raw feelings are a bitch.

I think junkies 'feel' a little more intensley than other folk - I've always thunk that. I reckon y'all find that to be true too

[Duckfeet]

Thanks Huxley. I've spent a lot of my life arguing against this notion. and I've spent years off opiates. but I believe now, that this is correct. I'm on methadone because of it.

And welcome to you...


A significant minority of people are simply incapable of ever feeling well without opiates due to dysfunction of the endogenous opiate system. Opiates are potent anti-depressants, anxyolitics, and anti-psychotics, and for many people only opiates effectively provide relief for their psychological suffering. That our prohibitionist society by outlawing drugs that could serve as potent and effective medicines denies millions of people the possibility of ever leading a normal life is not simply inhumane; it's barbaric.

[WarmCyanide]

huxley sounds right on to me. "dysfunction of the endogenous opiate system"

i was also thinking about the brain's "reward system"

a "normal" person could feel rewarded by accomplishments. i do things to improve stuff around me

such as laundry, normal work day, mowing the lawn etc. but hell, it feels when i take a pill its

a beautiful shortcut. i do still stand back and look at projects i've done and say "hmm, i did that" with a swelling of pride

but the lower self in me thinks of fulfillment by altering my brain in other ways. plugging up my gaps.

sobriety. the type of sobriety when just living normally will make you happy. it will be mine someday! you hear me sobriety, you dumb bitch!!!!

but right now im taking the low road and waiting for it to fall into my lap who the fuck am i kidding?

thats it. im just gonna say "fuck it" and go emo. anyone got a spare windebreaker or dogcollar n some mascara?

[slugbone]

huxley sounds right on to me. "dysfunction of the endogenous opiate system"

sobriety. the type of sobriety when just living normally will make you happy. it will be mine someday! you hear me sobriety, you dumb bitch!!!!




i guess i always wonder why we all think sobriety should be the goal. i mean, why do we instictively think that the only way to suceed/live life is sober?

i'll answer my own question: too many fuckups who can't live a functional addict life have brainwashed us into this "either/or" mentality when it comes to drugs.

[Duckfeet]

I think it might be a protestant ethic thing, if I remember that right. I mean, by making people think it's *good* and *moral* and *right w/GOD* to be sober, we keep'em working hard. Nobody wanna do overtime if they could go home and get right.

I remember in my parent's generation, when Margaret Mead, I think, wrote about natives in Samoa or Pacific Islands somewhere, and these people, they'd get up late, and just loaf around, seems like all they wanted to do was watch the sun go down and have sex and eat...never *produced* anything...

that's why it doesn't surprise me the huge amount of changes made by criminalizing drug use: was really a threat to corporate america. I know, like, when I first started smoking weed, all of a sudden I started enjoying...just walking down the street, for crying out loud...and heroin, hell, I could sit around and stare at my *shoe* for hrs....may not be *efficient* but who gives a shit...

My favorite song is "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding...shit, no wonder I never amounted to anything...between drugs and rock and roll...I never stood a chance ;-)



i guess i always wonder why we all think sobriety should be the goal. i mean, why do we instictively think that the only way to suceed/live life is sober?

i'll answer my own question: too many fuckups who can't live a functional addict life have brainwashed us into this "either/or" mentality when it comes to drugs.

[renton]

Interesting about this discussion on how opiates can help some people to cope better with life and various problems like depression. I recently read that when people are put on opiate blockers like naltrexone to control cravings they often get bad depression and lose the ability to get pleasure out of simple things like exercise or laying on the beach cause it blocks the natural endorphins. I would think this would help to show that our bodies own natural opiates are a big part of our day to day life and what happens if there too low.

[Duckfeet]

Yeah, this is the year I finally believed the stuff written about endorphins being depleted in longterm junkies..I've chased dope, and chased sobriety...back and forth for so many years, and I'm just sick of it. I know how to get off dope, and get sober, and be "normal..." but I always end up getting tired of it, and bumping into somebody, or a doc, where I can get good opiates...and then I'm gone again...the whole thing is rigged...I think it's a *philosophical* thing to, where some people just wonder at why we should bust our humps all our lives just for...what?

I first got some heroin--smoked it--when I was nineteen...and something clicked in me, that I"ve never really been able to unclick....

Oh well...


Interesting about this discussion on how opiates can help some people to cope better with life and various problems like depression. I recently read that when people are put on opiate blockers like naltrexone to control cravings they often get bad depression and lose the ability to get pleasure out of simple things like exercise or laying on the beach cause it blocks the natural endorphins. I would think this would help to show that our bodies own natural opiates are a big part of our day to day life and what happens if there too low.