screw this, I have finally had it with done

[opiobsessed]

Before I begin, sorry if my swearing offends anyone but I am so pissed right now that I just want to bust into a pharm and steal all the fentanyl I can.

Yesterday morning on the way to the clinic I got in a fucking accident, this dumb cunt just stopped all of a sudden out of the blue just to let some idiot make a left turn into a strip mall, causing me to rear end her so hard it pushed her a few car lengths ahead(thank god nobody but us were in that lane). Surprisingly we were not injured and literally no damage was done to her car and mine.

I've never been in an accident in my life before and I am so god damn fucking pissed right now that if I could I would commit suicide in the most peaceful way, overdose on fent and just fall asleep and never wake up again. I have been wanting my life to end for a long time now(at least since 1990 when I started having serious health issues).

I fucking hate driving period as it is, even more so in the fucking crazy chicago burbs the way they drive. I am now so fucking sick of driving to the damn clinic everyday that I would do anything to make it as easy as possible to switch back to suboxone. Fuck I should have listened to the wonderful advice the wonderful supportive people gave me way back last year when I was posting on here about if I should switch from sub to methadone. One person I remember said, dont do it, dont do it over and over again, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Of course he is damn right about that one, I am so fucked right now, that I feel so depressed that I am tired all day and dont give a damn about anything anymore. I only do just what I absolutely have to just to get through the day chore wise. I've gone 4 days without a shower and even that is a hassle to do.

I flat out asked the clinic what the procedure would be to switch me back(thank god my suboxone doctor said he would gladly let me back in). They said they would have to lower me 10mg a week and I'm on a friggin 190mg now. My counselor talked to the doctor at the clinic and gave me even more horrible news when I talked to her. She said even if I got down to 30mg and they cut me off and I went into 24 hours wd, that even if I started back on the usual 24mg suboxone 3 pills through the day that I would be in wd so bad for so long that it would never work again because I switched from a weaker opioid maint drug to a much stronger one(methadone).

My counselor said that even if I took 4 8mg subs a day that I would be in misery and it just wouldn't work and that it would be a bad move to do this.

I'm going to call my sub doctor and verify this with him, in the meantime I would greatly appreciate everyones input on this. I suspect the clinic is just tellling me this because they dont want to lose another patient's money and from what I suspect is that most people here in the busy chitown area are on suboxone. Because the clinic even has a couple of papers hanging on the wall stating that if "you or anyone you know has an opiate addiction problem" try to be supportive and steer them off the streets and on our program and they have a bunch of tear off stubs with the name of clinic and number to give to a fellow opiophile out there.

And surprisingly alot of them are torn off each day I go in, so there must be alot of us opiophiles here in the burbs as well as the city.

Sorry for my long story, hope everyone could bear reading all this, I just have to vent today because I am so fed up with everything right now and see no hope whatsoever at this point in my life.

[candy]

First off, don't give up!

I myself am getting off of Methadone, for different reasons.
Are you able to get take homes? This way you don't have to go in everyday.

I am doing a blind detox at my clinic and so far I haven't suffered any w/d's. I did this once before, but went back to using.

I am going to give it one last go here and see if I can do it!

Ask your counselor or clinic doctor is they do a blind detox. Not knowing where I am dose wise and how much they are dropping me, works for me!

If going on subs is your option then that's great too, but try doing the blind detox if your clinic does this. This way you come off only one drug!

Just a suggestion, Good luck to ya!

[nick]

Sorry bro,this sucks,but hang in there.

You're alive and not in jail-well maybe a metaphoric jail.Trust me it's better than a real jail.

[Synack]

You'll make it, I'm sure it's a bitch but it could be worse.. btw, if I recall - swearing is fucking encouraged in the rules... or maybe that's just what I've come to believe...

[jonny-5]

a couple people i know switched from methadone back to dope for a little while to get off the 'done and then went on subs. it seemed to work for them with minimal discomfort.

[opiobsessed]

To poster above me, that sounds like the perfect idea, if only the fucking dea had not shut down the best one and only rop pharmacies I had, I would have ordered consult yesterday and probably had meds in hands today or tomorrow. Then just tell the clinic, fuck this and quit, yea it would be a hell of a time listening to them trying to keep me there but if I quit I quit.

I would then immediately wait till wd's set in and enjoy sucking down some 10/500 once again and get buzzed and have it timed just right to where I run out of hydro 120 count, the day I go into my suboxone doctor to get back on subs.

[opiobsessed]

By the way I forgot to ask, does anyone know if its safe to drink alcohol on methadone? I'm on 190mg plus 4 10mg valium daily, I just had an idea in my head that it would be kick ass to take it very slowly and carefully and take a few sips of this 30 proof UV grape vodka I got sitting unopened. If I would to have a bad reaction to this combo, I would imagine it would not be too bad if I only had about one or less drinks and stopped if I started getting sick.

[nick]

By the way I forgot to ask, does anyone know if its safe to drink alcohol on methadone? I'm on 190mg plus 4 10mg valium daily, I just had an idea in my head that it would be kick ass to take it very slowly and carefully and take a few sips of this 30 proof UV grape vodka I got sitting unopened. If I would to have a bad reaction to this combo, I would imagine it would not be too bad if I only had about one or less drinks and stopped if I started getting sick.

Man,you can't just walk away from a 190 ml habit.You're looking at a long slow taper.


Be careful with booze,'done and benzos.It's a dangerous combination,but booze in moderation is fine.

Take care.

[ProdigalSon]

Sorry bro,this sucks,but hang in there.

You're alive and not in jail-well maybe a metaphoric jail.Trust me it's better than a real jail.




WORD.

Good luck man hang in there

[tui]

Very surprised they prescribe you valium and methadone together. There have been a ton of deaths due to that combo. Whenever I've been on the 'done they test for benzos frequently, to cover their asses...

Apart from that, just taper down. You'll surprise yourself, it isn't so bad. And because your body will gradually get used to a lower dose you'll be fine switching to sub. I just did it from 95mg 'done & it was
a-okay. Just take your time.

Methadone sucked the life out of me.

I firmly believe we'd all be better off if they'd just subsidize heroin. Seriously.

t

[Raz]

Hola amigo,man surely you can't be takin 190ml in one hit? Do those wankers let you take your juice home? If so, reduce your intake a little each day,2ml a day = 14 ml per week. I too have been on the juice a long time, my supply comes from buyin it from other junkies here in spain.And takin that much juice, i wouldnt advise boozin too much.A little is ok, beer etc. But i would steer clear of spirits. Anyway good luck Bro, never give up. Things could be worse! Peace Raz

[opiobsessed]

Yep, my only take home privilages so far are the weekends, thank god for that. I got my 3 take homes for this weekend due to the holiday and them being closed this monday. Other than that, I have to drive every darn day during the week and drink it in front of them, when they dissolve the pills before handing cup to you, they give you a choice of juice or water. I always take water because it tastes kind of yucky in juice surprisingly. But of course I'm used to the past when I would crush up 8 vicodin and dissolve em in water and drink it down.

The only reason the clinic allows me on the valium is because I was on it when I joined and my psychiatrist who is not at all affiliated with the clinic prescribes it for me for my nervousness and outrage problems I've had all my life, just like my Dad had and what do you know he was on ativan most his life. I guess that's how the clinic can cover their asses because they have nothing to do with the valium.

Speaking of valium, the other day of the accident, I came home so pissed and enraged, my family was gone and had given me my supply of valium until they got home maybe today. Well I sucked down all 6 valium I had when I got home and was dissapointed that it didn't buzz me or at least calm me way down, just made me kind of tired. Then my Mom called and when I told everything, she came home a day early, worried I was going to do something drastic like I had in the past when alone.

Well I took a tagamet before heading to the clinic today and they seem to make the done work a little better. Hopefully today will be a better day. And damn I'm all thumbs up with the poster a few above me, they should have Heroin maint programs here instead of methadone.

[Nate]

Whatever you do decided to do, good luck! Methadone is a nasty nasty drug to get off of, but its by no means imposible, with the right tools its do able! Just don't give up, keep goals!

[tokin]

By the way I forgot to ask, does anyone know if its safe to drink alcohol on methadone? I'm on 190mg plus 4 10mg valium daily, I just had an idea in my head that it would be kick ass to take it very slowly and carefully and take a few sips of this 30 proof UV grape vodka I got sitting unopened. If I would to have a bad reaction to this combo, I would imagine it would not be too bad if I only had about one or less drinks and stopped if I started getting sick.

Alcohol + methadone = Bad combo...plus methadone stores itself in your liver and when you drink alcohol, it washes all the methadone away. It's basically a waste, in my opinion.

Benzos + methadone = One of the worst combos ever...for your body. Many people have died from this and while I do it, I definitely don't encourage overdoing it. Start VERY low and don't jump up too damned high or you may just do yourself in.

I feel your post though, bro. I got into an accident at the end of February (some dumb bitch, imagine that) and everything was cool...till her daddy made her call the cops (I'm an adult, she was around 17). They gave me a hassle due to my pinned out pupils then were like "Ohhhh, you're driving under suspension" (which I wasn't...their computers were fucked up, long story). Anyhow, that day cost me $400 and lost a $14 an hour job due to that.

I've been on the done now for almost a year and I don't think it's that bad. In my opinion, it's more mind over matter. I take 120mg daily.

I wouldn't bother going back to sub, if I were you. I feel that it's worthless, so just work with the done...do your best to get take homes (no smoking bud! at least not for me :() and try an anti-depressant. I hate them, but going through all of this, they lift my spirits up a bit because christ knows it's not anything pleasant being a junky and having the thoughts and urges that we have.

Peace, bro. PM me if you ever need some help or wanna talk. I'm online quite a bit (just haven't been here in AGES!).

-tokin

[Inspektahdek]

By the way I forgot to ask, does anyone know if its safe to drink alcohol on methadone? I'm on 190mg plus 4 10mg valium daily, I just had an idea in my head that it would be kick ass to take it very slowly and carefully and take a few sips of this 30 proof UV grape vodka I got sitting unopened. If I would to have a bad reaction to this combo, I would imagine it would not be too bad if I only had about one or less drinks and stopped if I started getting sick.


If you're going to drink, make it a beer or two maximum, don't even touch that vodka bro!

I'm scripted hella narcs, percs, fent, oxy, and valium that I take and do abuse often daily. I also use ROPS like one or two like u mentioned for when I get sick off my scripts to maintain. It's a vicious cycle and I kinda feel your pain. I'm trying to get a bupe doctor soon so I know what you're going through but vodka is not the answer. I went down that path once and went into vodka W/D's as well and that's almost worse than opiate withdrawals if not on the same level. Leg twitching, hand shaking, cold sweats and inability to sleep because of a more rapid heart rate. I remember walking to the store and sweating immensely going there and when my change was being handed back for my vodka my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

You def dont want to mix an alcohol W/D in there for sure. The valium should def suffice for those needs and I'm very lucky to be scripted that as well so I don't have to go through alcohol hell. Now I rarely drink a few beers a week and Id like to keep it at that. 190mg done and valium @40mg is alot bro, and I hope this can keep u at bay before u find what really cures your ailment. If going back on subs really helps u, more power to u. I'm assuming u just want to be in a position where u have take home product and dont have to go to a clinic to get your methadone because of the environment there. That's completely understandable. What would be your equivalent dose for subs to 190 of done?

I'm not religious by any means at all and am completelly agnostic/atheist moreso but I will say a silent prayer for u just for positive reinforcement.

[OXYCANTSTOP]

HEY MAN I FELL YOUR PAIN WITH DONE SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO FUCKING STOP BUT ITS HELL

[opiobsessed]

Thank you all very much for your support and understanding. I guess I'm not the only one living in hell being a junky. I'm feeling a little better today, thank god for a long weekend of resting and just goofing off all weekend doing my own fun things.

I just wish I could still order from a rop pharmacy, but since nww went under I dont know who to trust. I'm on drugbuyers and read about the story about nww. Then I heard from here or some other site that the owners of d buyers got taken over by the dea. Now supposedly the dea tracks everything on that site and the last thing I need now is to go to the hub to pick up a nice supply of hydro and get busted.

Do any of you still successfully get hydro online without a problem? if its too risky, heck getting a bunch of pods would be better, for my liver as well. Tried pt once and it was like WOW, due to my high tolerance, I had to grind up 12 or 14 pods to get a buzz that was almost just like my 1st vicodin high.