Turning down drugs

[Sitar]

So the other day I get a call from an old "drug buddy" that I haven't heard from in a long time. He has a bunch of morphine that he needs to get rid of for some quick cash. He was willing to sell me 6 MS-Contin 60 mgs for $30. Man, did I ever think about it.

But... I turned it down. Actually, I pretended to not have any money to buy them 'cause let's face it, sometimes you just don't want to sound like a little puss by turning down drugs. It's the same reason why sometimes when I'm around potheads I'll just pretend to smoke the joint with them instead of turning it down. There are times I don't feel like explaining myself to anyone.

Anyway, I feel good about not giving into temptation and getting the pills. I know damn well that it would have felt awesome to use them, especially with my low tolerance these days, but it would have been short-lived and then it would have sucked bigtime once they were gone, and it would start the cycle all over again.

The really cool thing was that when offered, right away I thought of with far more reasons to not get them than reasons to get them. Really, I couldn't come up with any good reasons to get them.

Just thought I'd share that.

[Seedy]

Good on you, man. That's some solid willpower! And I know what you mean about explaining yourself to potheads. I used to do the same thing but these days I'm happy to say "If I smoke any more I'll be completely useless for the rest of the day". I think some stoners need to hear that.

[poonwhalla]

good for you man.
something like that happened the other day where I drove past a hot spot for dope near me and I passed it by then I chose not do any blow at a friends house the same night. Normally I would have but since I OD'ed and was put on a vent I have slowed down almost to a stop.

[Chipper]

I completely understand. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call from someone about using and my mind starts going nuts over whether to do it or not. Like you, the last time I declined but only to persue it a few days later.

Got to watch those triggers..like Poon, a few OD's later and you start getting cautious...

[flipside]

Good for you Sit..I know I wasn't easy. but the fact that the reasons you should not use were first on your mind..shows how committed you are to your recovery.

[Hammilton]

I wish I could say that I managed the same thing. I not only got my methadone script, I filled it and have used it daily now for 5 or 6 days. It was supposed to just be a 2 day binge. Funny how I managed to extend that.

Anyway- today I've decided I'm not going to take it, nor am I taking it tommorow.

I'd have less problem switching back and forth if I didn't have to manage 3 days of abstinence in order to do it

You know what the interesting thing I learned in all of this? Tolerance *CAN* decrease and stay down for more than one dose. I wasn't sure how much to take, since I'd only been on .5mg of bupe for a week or so, and only on bupe for about two and a half weeks. I just guessed 45mg- I stopped while at 60-65mg- and I'm really glad I didn't just take the full dose. I woulda died, I'm pretty sure. 45mg is more than enough to get me pretty buzzed, and the next day when I took 50 (stupid) I was so fucked up I could barely drive 3 blocks to get home after fishing.

And the weirdest thing about switching back to methadone for this binge is that two things that I never really noticed much before are featuring very prominently in my "experiences." One is how fucking itchy I get. I never noticed it much before, but now I'm itchy damn near 24 hours after I dose. Probably longer than that, even.

two: I notice methadone's NMDA-agonist effects much more. At least I assume that's what it is. I notice that my skin goes almost completely numb, in the same way that it does on ket or N2O, and I also experience this time-lag sorta thing, where I do something and it doesn't get to my brain for a couple seconds. It's not something I experience the entire time I'm high, but it's very noticeable when it happens. This is something quite distinct from just being so high that my brain is slowed down to the point of not realizing what's happening, or so much painkillers I can't feel my skin. I've experienced the latter on other drugs, namely vicodin and morphine, but neither was like this. It's just qualitatively much different.

[MissyAggravation]

sitar that is awesome that you had the strength to turn down such an offer! are you quitting opies for good or are you just taking a break for some reason or another?

we had a similar situation happen today.
our oxy guy came by - not knowing that we had detoxed in the hospital and that hubbs and i are taking suboxone. he wanted to know where we'd been as he'd gotten his script filled over a week ago and had been expecting us to come by(just like we always had for the past 2+ years) on the day he got the script and we hadn't so he showed up at our door with a full bottle of 60 80mg abgs...it felt really, really good to be able to look at him and say "no thanks - we're taking a break for a while". although i don't know if we ever will go back to the land of nod - we like to leave our connections open. we would definitely need to learn a lot about restraint and self moderation beforehand if we were to go back to using.

we had considered buying them for the ridiculously cheap price we pay for them and then selling them for profit to assist in the financial mess that our habit created - but i would rather not lead anyone down the same road we've been on as although of course it wasn't all bad, it certainly left a negative impact on our lives in the end and we don't want to be the ones to lead anyone else down that same road.