Memory...

[Aussieguy]

I haven't used since May and when I was on H it was only for three months.. Can anyone tell me how long it take before you stop thinking about it?

[ontario_opiophile]

Well. It's good that you stopped using. I think i have bad news for you but you could be one of the people who will just forget about using H so who knows. In my experience, I've thought about drugs everyday since I was 13 and i'm 20 now. I've been intrigued by drugs and interested in what everyone else writes about them and i've been interested in research of drugs and basically every aspect of drugs. When I was out of drugs when I was younger I would do all sorts of weird shit to get them. I would pull of stunts like sneaking into people houses and all sorts of shit just to get high. I would constantly look in the house for painkillers even months after I had used any form of drug at all.

I think that it will be very hard to forget about the H. And if you really want to forget about it and move on, you should probably just stay away from everything that has to do with heroin or other opiates or other drugs. Just the fact that your on the site kinda says that your still fiending for heroin. I'm not trying to be a dick I just think you should cut all ties to everything and everyone who does heroin and other "opies". Maybe you could try doing something like hiking? or camping? or canoeing? You could go out every weekend and do something in Nature, maybe bring along a some beer and camp or go for a hike with a friend and breath the fresh air and just feel good. Nature always made me feel good when I was healthy enough to be in it. I used to go hiking and canoeing and camping all the time and It was the ultimate escape and I still think about it everyday. It was better than a drug in my opinion. Just find something you like to do and use that to take the place of the heroin. Learn how to play guitar or the piano or go to your local bookstore and pick up a language book and learn another language.

Sorry I couldnt be anymore help. I dont really know what to say. I think you'll always think about the drug but you can keep it out of your life by doing other things to take it's place. You live in Australia, it's a beautiful country, go out and explore it and live a little bit and get your mind off of the junk. Or get a girlfriend who will keep you from going back to it.

[Aussieguy]

Thanks for the reply ontario! I suspected that it might not be easy and it seems you've proved it. Don't worry - I've tried a gazillion things to stop thinking about it and I'm pretty active physically with other inerests. I've really never been fascinated by drugs, it's just something that happened. I can try and exhaust myself everyday - which I've done - with one activity or another but there's always those minutes where my mind isn't occupied. What I'm noticing is that the intensity seems to be going in cycles. For instance, the last week was really intense but the couple of weeks before that were very, very mild and yet I can't place anything that sets the feeling off. It's weird and I am just trying to understand it.

On a more comic/ironic note I took myself off with a totally ignorant-of-my-condition friend not long after I withdrew, to another state. We drove around and stayed at a motel and got up in the morning and leafed through tourist brochures of the area. The first brochure I happened to pic up announced that the area was renowned for growing opium poppies! - I said we should continue the drive onto the next city..

[SomniGod]

I haven't used since May and when I was on H it was only for three months.. Can anyone tell me how long it take before you stop thinking about it?


not to discourage... but I don't think any user who has really been in to the depths will EVER completely stop thinking about it. However, after 6 months it gets quite a bit easier... for me atleast. My main problem is being idle.... it brings on ideas...some of them BAD....like going downtown!


~S~

[Aussieguy]

Yep. That sets me off for sure but it's impossible to stay active every waking hour. I'll just hang for the six months!! :) Thanks




not to discourage... but I don't think any user who has really been in to the depths will EVER completely stop thinking about it. However, after 6 months it gets quite a bit easier... for me atleast. My main problem is being idle.... it brings on ideas...some of them BAD....like going downtown!


~S~

[rebo]

Aussie ,I haven't used h in over 2 years and think about it everyday ,sometimes through rose colored glasses ,but other times I remember the bad ,I now supplement it by being part of this forum which I might add, helps me to stay clean.
I read of people getting sick etc. and it helps to keep me grounded ,so to whoever started this site I must give a big "thankyou" ,as I do miss the excitement of the chase ,the hit and the rush that follows ,also the fact that I could then relax for a few hours before scouting again.
So what I am trying to say ,if it's in you ,it's in you and you have to be carefull ,you are still a beginner, try and keep it that way!!!!Goodluck brotherman

[shaunclo]

Hey Aussie, I was just like you man, I went on H for almost exactly a 3 month run. I then stopped and was so excited about the fact that I quit. Afetr a couple of months I just wanted a taste again, this is where it got out of control. I was then on a 3 year run that almost ended my life. You have to realize that if you EVER try it again, there is a distinct possibility that you are going to be hooked even more than the first time. The w/d are bad the first time, but it is the easiest to get over. Its the ones that follow that are almost impossible to handle. I think its because you know whats coming and the anxiety is a million times worse. I have been clean since May 2004, and I still consider myself a junkie, because I cant stop thinking about it. It unfortunately hanuts you for almost ever. There was a lot of great advice I already read in previous posts, take those to heart. Substituting is one thing you will have to learn, dive into work, pick up some hobbies. I know you cant keep your mind busy at all times, but I believe it will get easier to say no as time passes. Beware of people you hang out with, they will bring you down eventually (I know) get some good friends who know how to party sober-style. Let me know if there is anything you need to help you........Shaunclo

[rachamim18]

First, I do not buy into a lot of the talk about "a progressive disease,etc."


Second, most people who enjoy opiates/opioids will continue to crave them for the rest of their lives, whether sober or active. I first used heroin in 1981 and have never stopped thinking about it....My longest experiment with sobriety was 7 years and not a day went by that I did not want it badly.

[shaunclo]

Yes, that is true. You will always crave the drug of your choice no matter how much time has passed. But what WILL get easier is being able to say no to the thought of doing it again. The more you tell yourself no whenever you get an urge to use, the next time the urge hits you it will be easier to say no to. This is true with me atleast.

[rachamim18]

Generally speaking, this is also true.

[ontario_opiophile]

Thanks for the reply ontario! I suspected that it might not be easy and it seems you've proved it. Don't worry - I've tried a gazillion things to stop thinking about it and I'm pretty active physically with other inerests. I've really never been fascinated by drugs, it's just something that happened. I can try and exhaust myself everyday - which I've done - with one activity or another but there's always those minutes where my mind isn't occupied. What I'm noticing is that the intensity seems to be going in cycles. For instance, the last week was really intense but the couple of weeks before that were very, very mild and yet I can't place anything that sets the feeling off. It's weird and I am just trying to understand it.

On a more comic/ironic note I took myself off with a totally ignorant-of-my-condition friend not long after I withdrew, to another state. We drove around and stayed at a motel and got up in the morning and leafed through tourist brochures of the area. The first brochure I happened to pic up announced that the area was renowned for growing opium poppies! - I said we should continue the drive onto the next city..

Hahah. Well it was no problem to reply. I hope I helped you out. I wish I lived in Australia at times. I would raid the poppy fields and make poppy tea or an extract out of them. What is there to stop people from going and picking poppies? Can't anyone basically just drive to a field at night and collect a few thousand of them and take them home? If they are all over the place wouldnt it be a junkies paradise? With that many poppies you could make all sort of things out of them or slash a few and go back the next night and collect all the opium from thousands of poppies all through the night.

Anyways, keep up the good work. Heroin is a cruel mistress. It' expensive too. With all those poppies I would just use them instead if I had to use. As everyone else said you'll never stop thinking about it. I never did. I have dreams about doing drugs and drinking all the time. So my mind is definitely preoccupied with drugs. I quit drinking after 8 years of heavy drinking and about 6 months of totlly fuill blown alcoholism and I dont think about alcohol much anymorfe for some reason. Even though I loved it just as much as opiates. I dont think about meth or ecstacy or speed or coke anymore either for some reason. I only think of painkillers. Try not to associate with anyone who does the shit. Stay away from them if they are going to be doing drugs around you. Cuz they will get you hooked on it. Keep doing the physical activity and keep yourself nice and busy and make room for lots of nature walks or fishing or something of the sort.

[Zoop]

Somnigod Ontario and Shaunclo are correct ...

I have been "clean" since September of 2000, when I ended up in detox after shooting like 30 Ritalin 20's a day and popping around 30 Ambien 10's "to take the edge off" a day.

I had to be medically detoxed from the Ambi's.

Prior to the escapade with the IV Ritalin that Summer I'd been a heavy RX opiate addict (you name it, I was taking lots of it), and before that "chipping" H, until I got a very good connection for RX drugs, working in a drugstore.

I have completely changed my life around, largely from help with 12-step programs, especially AA. As the great Swiss psychiatrist, and one of the people who contributed to the concept by which AA claims to treat addictions, Karl Jung, said, "the alcoholic (or addict) cannot stop his habit unless a complete psychic change is undergone." (I paraphrase). That is the purpose of the steps - to effect a complete psychic change. The solution is a spiritual one, which treats the underlying mental and physical obsession of the addict.

The reason I put "clean" in quotes is because I'm not really clean - I am a kratom addict now, but I still know the rhetoric, I guess. This happened because I frequented sites like this one, and eventually bought (almost a year ago now) some kratom from an online vendor, just because I was curious.

Well, that shit is remarkably similar to some of the stuff I was NOT supposed to be taking, and here I am...

My point is that I have not worked my program perfectly, obviously, BUT (and it's a big but) my life is INFINITELY better than it was back in '2000.

I no longer work "behind the counter" and have instead started a new career.

Maybe you should just go on the kratom maintenence program. It is a wonderful healing herbal remedy.

[Aussieguy]

I'm lucky insofar as I don't mix with users of anything other than alcohol but then, one game moment somewhere different got me started anyway. I am starting to get the idea that it's with you always - or at least for a long time. Thanks for the advice and the offer!


Hey Aussie, I was just like you man, I went on H for almost exactly a 3 month run. I then stopped and was so excited about the fact that I quit. Afetr a couple of months I just wanted a taste again, this is where it got out of control. I was then on a 3 year run that almost ended my life. You have to realize that if you EVER try it again, there is a distinct possibility that you are going to be hooked even more than the first time. The w/d are bad the first time, but it is the easiest to get over. Its the ones that follow that are almost impossible to handle. I think its because you know whats coming and the anxiety is a million times worse. I have been clean since May 2004, and I still consider myself a junkie, because I cant stop thinking about it. It unfortunately hanuts you for almost ever. There was a lot of great advice I already read in previous posts, take those to heart. Substituting is one thing you will have to learn, dive into work, pick up some hobbies. I know you cant keep your mind busy at all times, but I believe it will get easier to say no as time passes. Beware of people you hang out with, they will bring you down eventually (I know) get some good friends who know how to party sober-style. Let me know if there is anything you need to help you........Shaunclo

[Aussieguy]

I'm with you about the forum. I've taken in so much from it. At first I thought I should just wipe everything to do with H but then I thought again that some knowledge - cause really I am pretty drug naive, might be helpful - which it has been.



Aussie ,I haven't used h in over 2 years and think about it everyday ,sometimes through rose colored glasses ,but other times I remember the bad ,I now supplement it by being part of this forum which I might add, helps me to stay clean.
I read of people getting sick etc. and it helps to keep me grounded ,so to whoever started this site I must give a big "thankyou" ,as I do miss the excitement of the chase ,the hit and the rush that follows ,also the fact that I could then relax for a few hours before scouting again.
So what I am trying to say ,if it's in you ,it's in you and you have to be carefull ,you are still a beginner, try and keep it that way!!!!Goodluck brotherman

[Aussieguy]

To me it's been rather like smoking cigs but more intense. I've been on and off that wagon a few times but, as you say, it's just not doing it again that is the key - hard as it can be!



Yes, that is true. You will always crave the drug of your choice no matter how much time has passed. But what WILL get easier is being able to say no to the thought of doing it again. The more you tell yourself no whenever you get an urge to use, the next time the urge hits you it will be easier to say no to. This is true with me atleast.

[Aussieguy]

Hahah. Well it was no problem to reply. I hope I helped you out. I wish I lived in Australia at times. I would raid the poppy fields and make poppy tea or an extract out of them. What is there to stop people from going and picking poppies? Can't anyone basically just drive to a field at night and collect a few thousand of them and take them home? If they are all over the place wouldnt it be a junkies paradise? With that many poppies you could make all sort of things out of them or slash a few and go back the next night and collect all the opium from thousands of poppies all through the night.

I don't know, because I thought it best to stay as far away as possible! Not that I could have done much. I'm sure the area is fenced with electrified cyclonic fencing..

Anyways, keep up the good work. Heroin is a cruel mistress. It' expensive too.

True and much like a good mistress expense wise as well, I expect. Still, mistresses are just as hard to give up, I imagine.

With all those poppies I would just use them instead if I had to use. As everyone else said you'll never stop thinking about it. I never did. I have dreams about doing drugs and drinking all the time. So my mind is definitely preoccupied with drugs. I quit drinking after 8 years of heavy drinking and about 6 months of totlly fuill blown alcoholism and I dont think about alcohol much anymorfe for some reason. Even though I loved it just as much as opiates. I dont think about meth or ecstacy or speed or coke anymore either for some reason. I only think of painkillers. Try not to associate with anyone who does the shit. Stay away from them if they are going to be doing drugs around you. Cuz they will get you hooked on it. Keep doing the physical activity and keep yourself nice and busy and make room for lots of nature walks or fishing or something of the sort.

Yeah, well, it's probably the expense that stops me. I doubt I'd be any good at 'street cruising' for it anyway, but I have a mortgage to pay and I don't want to lose that. If it was legal and at prescription prices - sheesh - I'd be at the chemist in a shot :)

[Aussieguy]

I'll have to google Kratom. Maybe it has another name here.

=========

Somnigod Ontario and Shaunclo are correct ...

I have been "clean" since September of 2000, when I ended up in detox after shooting like 30 Ritalin 20's a day and popping around 30 Ambien 10's "to take the edge off" a day.

I had to be medically detoxed from the Ambi's.

Prior to the escapade with the IV Ritalin that Summer I'd been a heavy RX opiate addict (you name it, I was taking lots of it), and before that "chipping" H, until I got a very good connection for RX drugs, working in a drugstore.

I have completely changed my life around, largely from help with 12-step programs, especially AA. As the great Swiss psychiatrist, and one of the people who contributed to the concept by which AA claims to treat addictions, Karl Jung, said, "the alcoholic (or addict) cannot stop his habit unless a complete psychic change is undergone." (I paraphrase). That is the purpose of the steps - to effect a complete psychic change. The solution is a spiritual one, which treats the underlying mental and physical obsession of the addict.

The reason I put "clean" in quotes is because I'm not really clean - I am a kratom addict now, but I still know the rhetoric, I guess. This happened because I frequented sites like this one, and eventually bought (almost a year ago now) some kratom from an online vendor, just because I was curious.

Well, that shit is remarkably similar to some of the stuff I was NOT supposed to be taking, and here I am...

My point is that I have not worked my program perfectly, obviously, BUT (and it's a big but) my life is INFINITELY better than it was back in '2000.

I no longer work "behind the counter" and have instead started a new career.

Maybe you should just go on the kratom maintenence program. It is a wonderful healing herbal remedy.

[Zoop]

I think they call it kratom down under, that's the Thai word for it, as it's native to Thailand. It's illegal there, and unfortunately, illegal in Australia as well. I am 99% sure of that - the vendor I buy from has a disclaimer that says "We do not ship kratom or salvia to Australia"

Sorry, I wasn't looking at where you're location was when I suggested you try it out. BUT - I'm sure that the stuff IS available in Australia, it's just not legal - I mean you can get all kinds of illegal stuff there, just like in the US

Yes kratom is a good thing.

Oh, I forgot to say - there are some alternative names for kratom - ithang, ketum and thom are the three most common alternative names.

The Latin name of the plant is Mitrgyna speciosa.

[Zoop]

---------------

[oldschool?]

I haven't used since May and when I was on H it was only for three months.. Can anyone tell me how long it take before you stop thinking about it?
its true many ex-users never stop thinking about it occasionally but i firmly believe drug addiction is well compared to buddisht teaching on craving in general (yea i'm a buddhist and a junky)
the more you use something you crave the more you will crave it and inversely the longer you go without acting on the craving the less often the craving will arise and with less severity

also remeber what they tell you in rehab - the next time you use you'll be picking up exactly where you left off (or in worse shape by my experience) no matter how long you were clean

my final and MAIN POINT is somthing i learned in one of my rehab stints called Post Accute Withdrawll
those in 12 step circles know folks often relapse around one year. 6 month, 18 month after being clean
apparently there is some scientific evidence for why this happens:
your liver puts out a slight discharge every three months so its possible after quitting a drug (or alchahol) and getting over all of the accute withdrawl as you have - this post accute withdrawl is potentially triggered every 3 months or so or multiples 3 -- you don't have to belive me but we had a full afternoon session on PAW severall years ago when i was in a pretty good rehab program (not that good since i'm still a junkey!just kidding - i know the work starts when you leave rehab) and i vividly remember asking the staf about this - it a normal part of liver function but for us addicts or "recovered"addicts that normal every 3 month thing can stimulate cravings

so perhaps its no co-incidence that your craving may have increased 6 months after using, just remember if you act on the craving it will gain strength - i'm no 12 stepper but its very true one is too much 1000 not enought -- never try to convice you self to try "just a shot" that what people mean when they lable addiction a progresive disease - its progressing dispite any amount of clean time and if you relapse you'll be worse off that before you quit in a heart beat!!

[blackdog]

sorry guys i missed this one.i would like to add that from my expierience running with the horse and stoping as many times and then starting again was like a bad relationship with an old high school sweethart which is exactly how i was introduced originally to this shit. i cant help myself i'm a hopeless romantic and i always take a chance as long as theres a possibility of it being a happy story.
the few times that i have been able to take a brake and stop using well all it takes is a thought a smell or seeing a movie to bring me back to the idea of possibly using just one more time. ok its mostly just a matter of. day to day survival. or is it? when i think of dope i tend to romantasize about it rather then remembering the disgust i have for certain parts of it. ah shit confusing aint i??
peace da/dogg:cool: