ok, this is weird

[jonny-5]

something really weird happened to me for the first time tonite. the only reason im posting it here is because if i tell anyone i know in real life, they will focus on the fact that i wanted to do heroin instead of the fact that i didnt end up doing it. i gotta tell someone tho.
anyways, i moved up here 7 months ago and stopped using heroin. i knew from experience that i wouldnt go downtown and ask people for drugs because, well, im a pussy. so today i guess you could say that i had the possibillity of getting some, and i really wanted to. i kept telling myself that its cool i can do it one time, etc. im sure u know the story. so i was waiting for a call back and i decided to smoke some weed. this somehow kickstarted whatever part of my brain is in control of logical thinking and i realized how big of a mistake i was making, and i didnt wanna get high anymore.
its really weird i have never felt like this. i mean even before i ever did drugs i remember wanting to. i wonder if im actually making progress with this, because any other time i would have been nodding out instead of rambling on the internet.
eh, i know as soon as i wake up tomorrow it'll be over and ill go back to wanting to get loaded, but as for right now, im pretty content.

[clinton]

im glad you feel your are making progress....
nice job

[ILLWILLMD]

yea i know what you mean, i havent smoked any trees for the past couple of years, if i did it just made me feel shitty, and i used to smoke every day or else. but i am on methadone now on a bittersweet dose of 180 mg a day and i have found that when i am stoned, which dont take more than a hit now, i dont have the lust for getting fucked up on smack too. i have a feeling of being content. and i wasnt obsessing about it before i started smoking but it would cross my mind alot more often while not stoned. i guess pot is once again filling a bordend-viod once again! weeee

ps. i watched that movie as a kid 1200 times at least, now im working on building a jonny-5.5 to fix my shots for me. with a syringe on that multifaceted, tool thingie he had on him, lol. well i thought it was funny

[jonny-5]

ps. i watched that movie as a kid 1200 times at least, now im working on building a jonny-5.5 to fix my shots for me. with a syringe on that multifaceted, tool thingie he had on him, lol. well i thought it was funny


dude that would be so freakin sweet...haha "mister number jonny-5.5! fix me a shot!"

[motorcitycheeze]

you just met fear and fear won for now.
weed makes you a little paranoid deep down you was just scared

[Skript]

Weed does the same for me.. When im high I dont like trying to score because im seein all this money go before my eyes.
It also works pretty good when your out of dope or tryin to kick.. I calms my mind in a way and makes me forget about things..

[oldschool?]

Glad you made the "right" choice.

I actually experienced somthing similar. After 8 months off marijuana (I've been a pothead for 15 years), and a couple months since a shot I found my self killing time with a old friend waiting for the M (not ganja) dealer to show up... It took a good while (as usual!) and eventually my friend rolled up a joint intending to smoke it outside without me - as I had no desire to smoke it and was quite happy not being a pot head for a change. (which incidently I was again about 2 weeks later...)

Nevertheless once the joint was rolled I thought what the fuck -- I'll be shooting up in an hour anyway and got stoned. Now as you probalbly know Marijuana effects you in a profoundly different way when you use it every day so after 8 months off I was more stoned than I'd been in at least 5 years.

Now the point. Once I was stoned on the weed the thought of putting a needle in my vein repulsed me and I spent the next hour mentally convincing my self to go through with the shot. As NA AA confirms addiction has little to do with will power. I have a strong will and it took every last ounce of it to convince me to take the shot!! of course the fact that there was another person in my house also waiting for a fix made it less likely that I'd say "sorry dude, I changed my mind"... but I'm glad you did!!

[jonny-5]

you just met fear and fear won for now.
weed makes you a little paranoid deep down you was just scared

ya it did stem from fear. the fear of getting back into it and being homeless and all the crap i used to go through...but before i smoked, my brain wasnt thinking that way. i had very few "you shouldnt do this" type thoughts. but yes you are exactly right. if it wasnt for fear, i dont think anyone would stay sober ever.

[soulninja]

Maybe everytime you get the urge to fix you should smoke a fatty, it would be pretty cool if thats all it took to kick the addiction.I hope the best jonny

[Diacetyl]

Weed on its own increases my schizoprenia

Schizoprenia is the reason I use and abuse

Weed would make me want to do dope twice as bad.

[Badly Drawn Girl]

Well done and let's hear it for weed! My sil has convinced me, despite my initial lack of desire, to smoke weed as soon as a start craving coke. I didn't think it would work but it does. Course there's still a part of my brain that will say "Don't smoke the weed... then you won't want to do coke." That's the twisted addict voice though. Keep up the good work!

[tasteuvheaven]

something really weird happened to me for the first time tonite. the only reason im posting it here is because if i tell anyone i know in real life, they will focus on the fact that i wanted to do heroin instead of the fact that i didnt end up doing it. i gotta tell someone tho.
anyways, i moved up here 7 months ago and stopped using heroin. i knew from experience that i wouldnt go downtown and ask people for drugs because, well, im a pussy. so today i guess you could say that i had the possibillity of getting some, and i really wanted to. i kept telling myself that its cool i can do it one time, etc. im sure u know the story. so i was waiting for a call back and i decided to smoke some weed. this somehow kickstarted whatever part of my brain is in control of logical thinking and i realized how big of a mistake i was making, and i didnt wanna get high anymore.
its really weird i have never felt like this. i mean even before i ever did drugs i remember wanting to. i wonder if im actually making progress with this, because any other time i would have been nodding out instead of rambling on the internet.
eh, i know as soon as i wake up tomorrow it'll be over and ill go back to wanting to get loaded, but as for right now, im pretty content.

i would have to say sweetie that you are completely making progress...i give u bunches of hugs and kudos. I have never been thru it on that end, but currently go thru it with hubby every day and every night of my life...might not say it to him, because i cannot possibly bring it up everyday, and say thank you for not running uptown to get high...but i know just from my end how thankful i am every day that i wake up and he has another day month or hopefully coming up on a year that he didnt do it...so congrats and keep trying i know it is hard.:cool:

[tui]

The last time I called my coke dealer, I had butterflies as usual. Sick with excitement. I was waiting on the street corner, jumping from one foot to the other, trying to keep warm, so impatient... And then, the strangest thing happened. He was 3 minutes late, and a taxi was passing, and before I knew what I was doing, I'd hailed it, and jumped in the back seat, and said "go." I just ran away.
Part of me had always wanted to do that. But in the past, as soon as I'd dialed the magic number, it was as if I'd set fate in motion, and nothing could stop me from using.
I knew the dealer would be wild with me, and he'd probably hang up on me if I called him again. But in a way, I was glad. I haven't used coke (or heroin) since....
Progress.
T

[jonny-5]

thanx to all of you! i hate to disappoint you guys, but despite my weed maintenance plan, i am currently on a dope binge. dont rely on weed, although im SURE i dont have to tell anyone that, i mean i knew that would only work so far when i first posted this. for a few days ill enjoy my lovely H and then i will try to get back to the weed thing. PEACE!

[nick]

That's the thing with weed paranoia-it wears off.

Enjoy,but TAKE CARE.

A few days H turns into a serious habit real quick.

[jonny-5]

ya unfortunately ive been around this block enough times to know that. a friend of mine is going to a sub doc and will be helping me out a little next week. i REALLY cant afford to pick my habit back up, so im thankful for the help of my friends.