swallow pride, suboxone help

[antigonemuse]

I called today to start suboxone treatment.

This was so much harder then I thought it would be. Just saying out loud that I had a heroin, dillie and OC addiction got me choked with a lump in my throat and watering eyes. This is the first time I have sought help.

I have lost my job, and barely function anymore. Like many of us, I live from fix to fix... falling apart everytime my stomach starts to hurt, and body goes sore. I have spent so much money on shit; I have never been so behind on bills. I just want to make it out of bed again.

I do enjoy my junkie lifestyle, but it has crossed every boundry I have set for myself. I know the only way to sort myself out is to swallow my pride, and straighten up for a while. Or at least try to chip.

my question is, what does the screening process consist of? My evaluation is at the end of the month, and I wanted to know what Im stepping into.

I understand the logistics of the medication. But what are they going to want from me in order to receive treatment. Christ, I never thought I would do this. I have always had a live and die by the needle attitude. But I hurtng myself and people around me. I think I am just tired, ya know

Anyhow, i love you guys, and I guess Im looking for support. It is hard for me to ask for such a thing, but this site has become a daily staple. and the folks here care.

Anyhow, thanks for hearing me out. :zhelp:

[nick]

Tired.......I hear that.

Boundaries..........that's the problem with them-you always end up on the wrong side.

I'm in the UK,but my deal was treatment=no crime and no other hard drugs.


I wish I could help more,but I just wanted to say much GOOD LUCK-we all need some time off for good behaviour.

[SuperJunky]

Tough break. It sucks. Hope the sub works for yeah, it doesnt for me but I'm the only person I know of that finds it worthless. I've had to give it up for a while for variouse reasons, you dont realize just how drugged up you are until you dry out for a few days. Good luck. And remember its not for ever, you can use again someday if you want, I always find that to be inspiring when I'm sober, or soberish...

[HistoryofMadness]

all I did for subs was go to the doc, fail a drug test, and get the script. they checked me for vitals, noticed i was in WD, and the doc gave me a dosing schedule.

i had already been through the clinic thing but that was seperate... I honestly don't remember anything else.

[Duckfeet]

I called today to start suboxone treatment.

This was so much harder then I thought it would be. Just saying out loud that I had a heroin, dillie and OC addiction got me choked with a lump in my throat and watering eyes. This is the first time I have sought help.

I have lost my job, and barely function anymore. Like many of us, I live from fix to fix... falling apart everytime my stomach starts to hurt, and body goes sore. I have spent so much money on shit; I have never been so behind on bills. I just want to make it out of bed again.

I do enjoy my junkie lifestyle, but it has crossed every boundry I have set for myself. I know the only way to sort myself out is to swallow my pride, and straighten up for a while. Or at least try to chip.

my question is, what does the screening process consist of? My evaluation is at the end of the month, and I wanted to know what Im stepping into.

I understand the logistics of the medication. But what are they going to want from me in order to receive treatment. Christ, I never thought I would do this. I have always had a live and die by the needle attitude. But I hurtng myself and people around me. I think I am just tired, ya know

Anyhow, i love you guys, and I guess Im looking for support. It is hard for me to ask for such a thing, but this site has become a daily staple. and the folks here care.

Anyhow, thanks for hearing me out. :zhelp:


Hey: most of the time on here I'm trying to be cool, don't want to say anything that will be perceived as weak...but anyway, when someone's hurting I try to muster up the truth:

I'd get really ruthless about staying sober ( I'll just use that term "sober" for now: I could spend paragraphs arguing what sobriety is, and I *hate* the misuse of the word "clean.")

It's a tough, lonely path, to get sober, so u need support. Online, I'd start with NAABT.org. I used their physician/patient hook-up, and it worked great, got me three docs within five miles of my house who prescribed buprenorphine. (I actually got subutex) I know you have already got a doc, but I'm posting anyway, "just in case...". Another friendly website, readybb.com/watchdog oriented towards people on methadone maintenance, (more than buprenorphine) but at least it's supportive and informative about the use of legal opiates in maintenance programs. They do have a buprenorphine forum, but it wasn't that active, when I was there, but I was content--and made to feel welcome over on the methadone (watchdog) area.

If u decide u want off everything altogether--including bup--I'd shoot over to www.heroin-detox.com (http://www.heroin-detox.com). All these sites have passionate informed people who defend their varying positions about opiates well. I know, I've gotten in huge battles on a couple of them...but that's all right.

Then I'd call up AA or NA and trot myself down to some meetings...I'd find any meeting I felt at all comfortable at, and go there at least once a day for a while. Forget for a while all the arguments about why AA and NA don't work and how much bullshit u have to put up with, and all the internet statistics proving 12 step programs don't work. Go there and make your own decisions. It's your life at stake, and if you're like me, you want to make your own decisions. I've gotten years of sobriety, and out of the junky life altogether for many years by going along with AA, not believing much of it, but still, so nice to have understanding sober people around me. If you *do* meet rude people, go to another meeting. Introduce yourself to at least one friendly looking person at every meeting u go to. I'm more comfortable in AA than NA, but you're younger, u might like NA. To me it don't matter. Again, it's my life, and fuck anybody who wants to get in the way of me surviving and being reasonably happy...on here or out there. There is always going to be somebody that just has to bash whatever tools u are using to get better: avoid.

If u need to be cooped up--treatment center, detox--do it, no sweat. One thing I wouldn't do, is just "quit", and then hang around just on opiophile until u "felt better." I don't think that will have a positive outcome.

But no matter what you do, don't be discouraged, it will get better, and grim as it seems, you'll eventually sort things out and find a way to be happy. Feel free to PM or email me if you want. Best wishes...

df

[Curio]

Hey antigone...

I found myself at that same place about a month ago...problem is that I knew I couldn't stay on the subs longer than a few weeks cause I worry about ending up with the suboxone treatment lasting for years....and I'm not ready to STOP everything completely...mainly because I do still have pain issues....

so I took the subs for 2-3 weeks and then refilled two hydro scripts...now I'm back on subs and sorry to say it's been awful....they are really sedating and I find it dysphoric to say the least...I think with subutex I would be better, but my pain levels have been terrible just taking the suboxone...I do know I had aches and headaches so bad for 3 days after starting treatment that I didn't leave my room...don't mean to be negative but just want you to be thinking about how long you want to be in "treatment" with these meds. I know you also have some true pain "issues" that began some of this opiate madness so you and I are both kinda in the same crazy boat, you know?

Best of luck to you...don't hesitate to pm or email me and I'll tell you what I can...do try to ask the doc if they'll do the subutex for you...explain you have allergies or sensitivities to dyes and such perhaps...Oh and I admitted having used IV drugs and I think that may be why they haven't offered the subutex to me...so you may want to consider not giving them your full history if you want to try for subutex...

just a few ideas I hope will help you!

[antigonemuse]

I would perfer the Subtex, Ill see what happens. And though a nice idea, I have obvious tracks. These ones dont fade. I am very worried about my migraines. They have a methadone clinic here too. Im going to be honest about my pain issues. My docs cutting me offa meds was a major trigger to heavier use. Especially IV. i hear the subs may cause migraines too. I have in the past been scribed methadone for pain. Only 30 mg a day.

I will never give up opies, I just need to slow down; get a job; clean my house; be a better friend and a more devoted lover... opies are the only thing that rid my pain. so it wouldnt be realistic of me to swear the shit off completly...

I need to remember how to be a "functioning addict"

thanks everyone

[Chipper]

I called today to start suboxone treatment.


May it go well for you. Never tried the subs but it's worked for a close friend of mine (he stopped all opiates after the subs).

[Curio]

I need to remember how to be a "functioning addict"




if you remember, could you please refresh :D my memory too, heh heh...

:o

[Duckfeet]

I would perfer the Subtex, Ill see what happens. And though a nice idea, I have obvious tracks. These ones dont fade. I am very worried about my migraines. They have a methadone clinic here too. Im going to be honest about my pain issues. My docs cutting me offa meds was a major trigger to heavier use. Especially IV. i hear the subs may cause migraines too. I have in the past been scribed methadone for pain. Only 30 mg a day.

I will never give up opies, I just need to slow down; get a job; clean my house; be a better friend and a more devoted lover... opies are the only thing that rid my pain. so it wouldnt be realistic of me to swear the shit off completly...

I need to remember how to be a "functioning addict"

thanks everyone

I hope it's going o.k., Antigone: are u going thru the methadone clinc for subs, too? If u do, I think they always give out suboxone, not subutex, but I'm not sure. I'm going to go to see my subutex doc tomorrow myself, try to get him to prescribe me some of the 2mg subs this time, rather than the 8's. I've got to get off, or way down, on this dreaded tar :-( Stuff has gotten me too weird at times. I won't remember how I got somewhere, like huge blank spots that powder doesn't do. end up w/lost half hours here and there, bizarre. Maybe it's cuz it's closer to opium, but anyway...best wishes, hope it's going o.k. for u...

[robojunkie]

I can't really say one way or another about the bupe as I've never been on it or even had it at detoxes, but it seems like I've been hearing its pretty hard to come off of. I don't really know what to say as far any of it in a way cause I hear ya with the sick of it all and bein' worn down, and I did the clinic thing. It "worked" in the sense that I was able to get shit together, much less drive/need for H, and I made a lot of "progress" while on it (although I believe this is without question a legal/social/economic effect and little else). But, and this is the big but, and I gotta imagine it would go for bupe too, if maintenance, that once I came off and got through the wds I was totally shredded, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. and not only that right now, maybe a couple of months after no wds I am psychologically as much of a junkie as I was the day a walked into the clinic. More and more its like my mind has been acting like I'm runnin' again and everyday that goes by I wanna fix more and more (may already have a couple times...). I don't know I wish I had a good answer/support/etc (for you and me) but I feel like there aint one.

But if you're at that point where you just can't deal anymore ya gotta do what ya gotta do, then you have time to figure shit out while "stabilized". At least its not like crisis mode every day but I kinda feel like MMT (and maybe bupe, can only go by from what I've heard) is for "life". At least for me. As in when you come off its like your mind is back where it was quick even though you may have come pretty far since. But then again there are definitely people that learn how to deal with this shit way better than me, so...

I hope the bupe works out, whether its a taper or maintenance.

[ZodiacKiller]

Anti--

All I can offer you is my experience with Sub, but it's been mostly positive for me. But the stupid thing for me is that it allows me to continue to use and then it stops the WD. Don't go into it with that mentality if you really wanna quit, because what happens is your tolerance for Sub and your DOC just skyrockets.

Me, I just keep slippin'. I'll go maybe 3 weeks, a month with no heroin, and then something triggers me and it's back on the merry-go-round from hell. I wanna be clean for at least 6 months before trying to chip, but so far have been unable to acheive that...The associated guilt and the monetary expenditure make me feel even worse about the whole mess...

But for your migraines, well, at your induction, they're most likely gonna put you on Suboxone--I don't think there's any way around that, but if you're a good patient, then complain of headaches after a month or so and you'll most likely get switched to Subutex (I did, anyway).

For now, def try the sub route before methadone. You get to take home your botttle of pills and you'll soon learn to manipulate your dosage to suit your needs. Plus I find a short-term detox can work really well. They'll wanna keep you on a high dose for a long time---don't fall for it. Sure, get your scripts that they offer, but just stockpile it. Remember, with Sub: less is more.

Good luck and please PM anytime for my advice---I'm pretty experienced.....:cool:



ZK

[Chemical_Boy]

I would perfer the Subtex, Ill see what happens. And though a nice idea, I have obvious tracks. These ones dont fade. I am very worried about my migraines. They have a methadone clinic here too. Im going to be honest about my pain issues. My docs cutting me offa meds was a major trigger to heavier use. Especially IV. i hear the subs may cause migraines too. I have in the past been scribed methadone for pain. Only 30 mg a day.

I will never give up opies, I just need to slow down; get a job; clean my house; be a better friend and a more devoted lover... opies are the only thing that rid my pain. so it wouldnt be realistic of me to swear the shit off completly...

I need to remember how to be a "functioning addict"

thanks everyone

I also get migraines and use opies for them as well as much needed release. It's a tough balance act. I do find that the medication that I use for the f@#ing headaches keeps the door open, so to speak, for misstepping back into a drug habit, but are also critical for happy survival in life. I would rather be an addicted wretch than a miserable, pained wretch. I have found that the best thing for the headaches is strong, IR type opies (I use Actiq now, but MSIR, Oxyfast, etc would probably be good too) combines with a migraine drug. All of the triptans are bloody expensive, so unless you have good insurance, that can cost as much as a small dope habit on a monthly basis. One thing I have found that is good, at least for me, is injectable DHE45. 2 suckers and a shot of DHE in the thigh is as good as getting a shot of Diluadid in the hospital's ER, since they never give you a substantial amount (as far as us drug users are concerned). The thing with the DHE is that it is generic and inexpensive compared to the triptan type drugs like Relpax, Zomig, Maxalt etc. But it is also an injectible, so it means always having points around and possible stimulation of the old needle fetish. This has gotten me a time or two. I don't know why, points are OTC where I live, but having them in the medicine cabinet seems to make it that much more in-your-face as ffar as making the "urge" hit.
I almost recommend staying away from long acting narcs for the headaches. Don't get me wrong, I have used them before for that purpose and they sometimes work very well, but in ways they can make things worse. First, if you run out, and you have been taking them daily, you will have WDs (assuming that you can put down the dope long enough not to have them anyway. . .) and that makes people like me much more likely to hit the dope again. That aside, they can sometimes make the headaches worse. Not tlaking about rebound headaches here- I get so sick of doctors telling me that is my problem. I would rather have a headache that is caused by rebound, but medicated and under control, every day of the week than have 3 uncontrolled migraines a week. I fucking hate it when they start going off about that shit. It can make them worse in that administration of opioids constantly for headaches will actually reduce the thresh hold of pain level that starts to register with your nervous system as a headache. But if at the same time it is treating that same headache. . .well it cann be tough to find the right balance.
Back to the short acting strong meds, though. I prefer to have a battery of them available for migraines than the long acting ones. I have said this above. But that statement is also assuming that the battery is an adequate supply. Not having enough on hand to knock the headache is worthless. On the other hand though, I find that dumping a load of IR meds into the system gives you a lot more bang to knock that fucker down, than slowly releasing them into the bloodstream in small amounts. If I try to nickel and dime a migraine with little bits of this and little bits of that, I don't get shit for relief. You got got come out with guns blazing you know? Also, I find that DHE or migraine drugs alone do virtually nothing for me. Narcotics alone are only moderately effective. Combining the two at strong doses? That's the money shot. I find that I get a ton more pain relief out of the pain meds when taking a vaso-constrictor with them. Not due to any synergistic effects or potentiation, but I think it just lets the pain meds do what they do better by helping with the underlying cause rather than covering up the effects.
I know that some people get migraines from subs, especially the suboxone vs tex, but the fact is many people find that morphine or done causes headaches too. If you can get the tex especially maybe you will get the benefit of pain control from them. . .I know that this is rare but I have heard I think of people on here saying that their wacky doctor put them on tex for back problems or something. I don't know if this is the case, but until you know for sure, it is something to at least hope for.
The hardest part of the whole mix when dealing with CP is getting your doctors to write for opies with a history of drug use, especially if you are going to be in a treatment program. 90% just tell you to learn to live with it, tough beans, your fucked. But there are those out there that are human in this regard, so I hope that you can find one of those.
Good luck with your treatment!!!!!

[kyuss]

How's it
going AG?
Still on subs?
Give us an update

[Beautifully_Broken]

Amy, im so glad u were able to see this for yourself! somehow it matters so much more when we decide for oursellves than when someone else has to make us realize our situation,. I'm on methadone now and I love it, just outa curiosity have u tried methdone or suboxone before? i know we have somthing similar in our pasts that we became addicts in-eutero or at a very young age. perhaps your brain chemisty has shifted and u might need a mainenence dose for quite a while. but i do wish the very best for you!

[antigonemuse]

How's it
going AG?
Still on subs?
Give us an update

heya hun
I do not have my appointment until the 28th. So have yet to see how it goes.

Ive used both, and know they can keep wd's at bay.

Ill be a junky til the end... no shame in it. I just wanna slow down a bit. Im at the point where I need a fix every few hours to keep the pain at bay.

ill keep ya filled in

[kyuss]

heya hun
I do not have my appointment until the 28th. So have yet to see how it goes.

Ive used both, and know they can keep wd's at bay.

Ill be a junky til the end... no shame in it. I just wanna slow down a bit. Im at the point where I need a fix every few hours to keep the pain at bay.

ill keep ya filled in

Ok
I just saw
you online
and shot you
a pm before I saw
your reply here.
Hope everything works out.

[Curio]

Hey Antigone
wondered how things were going for you?

sorry if I've missed any recent posts or threads already updating the situation...