Canada Off-Limits To Felonious Duckfeet :-(

[Duckfeet]

I'm still up in Tacoma WA. Just emailed Flipside, but I got on at a Cafe' deal here, they have a fucking *rollerball* on this goddamn machine.

I don't have time to read messages, want to get back to motel to watch game--left cellphone in SD haha--Chargers in AFC playoff, whoop whoop..but actually if I root for anybody, it's the goddamned chokers of the NFL universe, the NO Saints, I saw'em get whooped by the Raiders, back when *Stabler* was king....but anyway...

I left that morning, thursday, w United flite to Vancouver, one stopoff in SF, roundtrip, $650, all excited, figuring one way or the other, I'd have dope by nitefall, and be in friendlier neighborhood for old dopefiends like me.

No fucking way. If there is a God, which I seriously doubt, then he don't like me...In Vancouver airport terminal, I fill out tourist card, Customs ask what I'm doing there, I say tourisim, they shuffle me and all the other white kids into this big area, long line. What is it with all the *orientals* up there, it's like just about everybody was from FarEast, some fucking place, even the goddamn announcements were repeated in "fuck if I know"kung fu sounding shit, sounded like Vietnamese to me.

Anyway, after about an hour wait, I shit u not, I finally get to front of line, they ask me bunch of questions, *one* of which, have I ever been to jail, been arrested? And of course I say: *no*, laugh, like that is a ridiculous question. Hey, I'm in Brooks Brothers tweed sportcoat, blue dressshirt, Khaki pants, slightly skuffed boatshoes, look tanned, *sharp*, successful, handsome: like Sean Connery on a *good* day! This ugly rude old bat says she'll be right back.

Well, about half hour later, she comes back says "why did I *lie*?!" And I knew gig was up. I start doing usual convict dance, because, see, I know she knows *something*, but I don't know *what* it is yet, and don't want to give her any more ammo than she obviously already has. She goes into this bullshit about how it is criminal offense to *lie* to "ministerial* officer or some such shit. But again, I'm back in "convict mode just caught by cop" and I get hard and cautious, and I'm hard to scare, when I'm like that...And all I'm thinking about, really, is that I brought a bunch of *rigs* with me in my bag, and my explanation now seems weak....

But anyway, turns out they have all my shit from *Florida* from the fucking *seventies* where I was arrested for drugstore burglaries, a shooting (aggravated battery), all kinds of shit, I was a hardcore biker then, more than a junky, but she *does* have only *one* conviction that matters, which is burglary in California, and *nothing* from the eighties, from Louisiana, which blew me away, so they're thinking I've been just been really sneaky for almost thirty fucking years, and I, of course, am doing my best "I've been sober 25 years, this is an outrage" imitation of a citizen...but anyway...I'm turned away, big humiliating scene, much to entertainment of all the far-east oriental motherfuckers who were all sliding in with no sweat, ecstatic at the diversion from *their* bullshit. I mean only other person in trouble, was this young guy had a first offender DUI, not even a *felony* in U.S., and he too was turned away, tho they said he could have gotten in *if* he had told the truth, *and* gotten some fucking permission from their goddamn ministry. bitch tells me they "catch" about ten of "us" a day. Ugly old witch, too, tho fairly friendly, to her credit, once she knew I wasn't going to be bringing my sorry ass into her country...they don't mind bussing all their newly arrived muslim terrorist immigrants to *my* country tho...(I'm venting, forgive....I know Islam is a "rellgion of peace" blah blah blah)

Several boring hours later I am put back on flight to U.S. where I opted to go to Seattle--Tacoma, actually--where I used to hang out, and got a motel for a few days, as I didn't want to go straight home, as my family, particularly inlaws, take too much pleasure in this kind of shit.

Oh well, I'm going to hole up a few days here, I had a friend who had moved back up to Vancouver, I knew from San Diego, and she had come to Airport to get me, and she drove down next day here to Tacoma, to hang out with me--Vancouver isn't that long a drive to Seattle, and Tacoma is just south of Seattle....she don't do dope anymore, thinks this whole thing is hilarious...hahahah...bitch....she's looking over my shoulder...really good looking woman, doesn't look a day over sixty hahahah...bitch..... :-) Good thing I brought what's left of my fucking subs, anyway, I'm right off of I5 in Comfort Inn in Tacoma, holed up for a week here, licking my wounds. Hey, I know it's a funny story, that's why I told u all. It'll be funny to me too, if I could cop, but I'm clueless, here...there, San Diego, everywhere....so it'll be a week or two before it's funny to me. What fucking *language* was that in the airport. All these Japanese looking motherfuckers all nodding their heads happily, while my raggedy ass gets turned away....oh well, they were right, I'm no good, just another old junky, looking for a fix...sigh......I'll check back in in a day or two....go Saints!....go Chargers!.... now *that* would be my ideal Superbowl! Sorry, it's a *guy* thing....

byebye....

Duckfeet
*Unwanted*
in Canada

[flipside]

Duck. I wish you would have ccome here now instead of Canada. i just saw this. Will go to my e-mail and get back to you right away. I'm sorry my dear fiend. but you know I want you and you are welcome anytime. If you acn't make it here. I'll be able to come there in a few more weeks as soon as I finish this latest protoclo of chemo , just in time to help take care of you with yours. I love you dear..but you already knew that.

And I always thought Canada was a lovely place. vacationed there every summer as a kid in Novia Scotia..now I say F em if they don;t want you..their loss!

If you can check your e-mail babe. and call collect if you need too.

[slugbone]

Duck. I wish you would have ccome here now instead of Canada. i just saw this. Will go to my e-mail and get back to you right away. I'm sorry my dear fiend. but you know I want you and you are welcome anytime. If you acn't make it here. I'll be able to come there in a few more weeks as soon as I finish this latest protoclo of chemo , just in time to help take care of you with yours. I love you dear..but you already knew that.

And I always thought Canada was a lovely place. vacationed there every summer as a kid in Novia Scotia..now I say F em if they don;t want you..their loss!

yeah that sucks duckfeet, you coulda come by my place we could eat pods then go out to Cannon Beach and smoke cigars and bullshit while we look out at the ocean.

hope you make it back ok, maybe they wouldn't give you a hard time if you drove over the border?

[flipside]

yeah that sucks duckfeet, you coulda come by my place we could eat pods then go out to Cannon Beach and smoke cigars and bullshit while we look out at the ocean.

hope you make it back ok, maybe they wouldn't give you a hard time if you drove over the border?


No Slug I just read his e-mail to me. There is no way he is getting into Cnada with his record, numerous felonies for drug and one for agrevated assult ewhen someone was shot MANY years ago in a fight. he said this was not a secret so ok to post. I'll let you know when I hear back from him. He is planning on holing up there for a week then back to San Diego to the doctor s on the 22nd.

Said he is looking forward to the break from everything and everyone. He was there before and used to have a boat there so he loves the town he's in.

[kyuss]

That sucks Duck.
Sounds like you're
taking it all in stride.
I think Peter Griffin
said it best...
http://yearlongsummer.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/canadasucks.gif

[slugbone]

No Slug I just read his e-mail to me. There is no way he is getting into Cnada with his record, numerous felonies for drug and one for agrevated assult ewhen someone was shot MANY years ago in a fight. he said this was not a secret so ok to post. I'll let you know when I hear back from him. He is planning on holing up there for a week then back to San Diego to the doctor s on the 22nd.

Said he is looking forward to the break from everything and everyone. He was there before and used to have a boat there so he loves the town he's in.


that's too bad. i guess i figured it would be like mexico, where they just waive people thru and only pull cars over under suspicion, too many cars to run a background check on every person that comes across the border in a vehicle.

beyond checking passports, does the canada border run crimnal reports on every car occupant? i've been thinking of going to vancouver myself by car but if they do that...

[RoadHead]

hey df, sorry to hear about the shit you had to go thru. i guess you have to look at the bright side of a shitty situation, you didn't have to spend any more $$ on trying to get a nod. sounds like with your luck that you would have been busted, on top of all the other shit you have going on right now.

i know that isn't much to be thankful for but i don't know what else to tell you to try to cheer you up. just know that us good ole americans want you on our side. hell, you're one of the good guys so don't let the fact that the canucks don't want you, get you down. at least they didn't lock you up.

why not take your "good lickin 60 yr old bitch" friend somewhere that you can get rid of your frustration?? it may not cure ALL of what ails you but it may make things a bit less unpleasant. :D

sorry again bro that things didn't turn out how you hoped but at least now you know that things finally have to look up for you. have a safe trip back.

[Curio]

sounds like my idea to head south is better....I didn't ever think of canada cause it's too freakin cold up there...
sorry things didn't work out for you though...
take care DF

[blackdog]

that is why i don't particularly go for travel. don't get me wrong i dig doin trips ta beantown(boston) and i go into the citythat never sleeps(NYC)only when i hafta, this is why theres no place like home,no place like home. I mean the best westerns and the holiday inn's all look the same from inside. so maybe if ya hit the nearest hiway grab a room and come all stocked up with supplies then ya could probbaly pretend that you is just about anywhere in the great USofA. just an idea nevermind?
dawgg

[Badly Drawn Girl]

Well that just plain sucks Duckfeet. You are only about 20 minutes away from me and you really shouldn't have any trouble finding some good stuff in Tacoma. Hope you enjoy your time in my neck of the woods, and screw Canada. :)

[red26]

Just a suggestion for future referance. Memorize the 12 steps of AA and when they ask you whats the purpose of your visit tell them your going to an AA convention and your a guest speaker.;)

[cracksinthepavement]

yeah that sucks duckfeet, you coulda come by my place we could eat pods then go out to Cannon Beach and smoke cigars and bullshit while we look out at the ocean.

hope you make it back ok, maybe they wouldn't give you a hard time if you drove over the border?

As of January 1st, new laws pertaining to canada entry have been enacted and security has been raised substantially. For example, if you don't have a passport you will not be getting in - no other id will suffice.

With a passport all they need do is scan it and everything you never wanted them to know will be displayed on their screen in seconds. Port of entry, mode of entry, it does not matter. I've had much more difficult times getting in to london and amsterdam(schiphol that is) than I have just trying to drive into canada(of course they _could_ just let you drive right through).

[OxyContinuously]

That sucks Duckfeet. At least you brought your Subs, though. Or it would have sucked in a much worse and different fashion.

later and fuck those fools for denying you.

Oxy

[robojunkie]

Hey DF,

Sorry to hear that bro, never knew Canada was such a bitch to get into, I always thought you could just drive across the border, answer a couple of Q's and go, no pp either, guess times have changed. Bright side though, SD is probably (not probably, is) a hell of a lot nicer this time of year than Vancouver...Sure that woulda been cool though. Wonder if the pp thing applies to the border entry points as well as the airport/customs/etc?

Oh yeah, sorry to hear about your chargers (not! I'm from NE!)

[Duckfeet]

Thanks everybody, for kind replies. I'm fixing to head back south today. I *did* have passport btw, and I couldn't tell if they did it to everybody, or not, tho, like I said, they caught some young guy for some misdemeanor dwi he had gotten here, and he had all his friends at Vancouver airport, was crying, I felt a lot more sorry for him. I really was there just because I thought it would be easier to cop, so they had my number right, to give'em credit. I had heard *before*, when they *did* do that AA world convention there, that felons needed to get permission to enter, but since they hardly ever catch that shit *here* I figured I'd slide up there. And she seemed to also suggest that I *drive* up next time, but now, of course, I feel like I'm *really* on their latest computer database, and don't want to go thru that again. I've got a two page letter explaining why I am leaving "of my own volition" rather than being deported, too, but anyway, I'm all over their computers now, so no way I get in...

And just for the record, I didn't mean for this to be an anti-Canadian rant. It's not. I know that for most practical purposes, narcotics addicts are treated much better in Canada than here...this is just an immigration bitch. Canada can do anything the want w/immigration...wish we'd tighten up some... Last twenty years, computers, online databases, have ended any chance of going anywhere, and "starting over...." Same thing "going to Florida" used to entail in this country. Florida was Mecca for ex-cons, people wanting to get a new shot at life, always headed there. Today, ur past stays with u, it's kind of spooky, in a country like mine, which takes such great pride in being "country of second chance," forbids it's own citizens from really starting over, and Canada and us are too locked together.

Now that Mexico is starting maing it necesary to have passports at airports, and *everywhere* even for gringos by 2008, same thing will happen down there. Fake I.D. is only way to function, now...

Anyway, I'm out of here, headed out of wet cold pacific NW, to cold cold pacific SW, from what I hear...

See y'all...

[repeek]

Duck, you might want to check with your attorney, I don’t know what mine did, but somehow he got a seal put on my records. This seal makes my records invisible unless I am under investigation for a crime (and apparently a crime has to be committed).

I was working with some church reaching out to young gang members and wanted to use my Rap sheet for credibility, when I went to Texas Department of Justice and paid to see my record it came back negative, then I went to a friend who is a detective on the El Paso Police Department and was told my records were sealed and he could not see them. Then I went to my wife’s brother who is a U.S. Marshal and was told they were sealed and he could not see them.

Finally I went to the office of the FBI and explained what I was doing and asked for a copy of my record, he went to his PC and after several tries tells me he can’t gain access to my records because they are sealed. I get a bit irate and tell him I don’t believe the FBI can’t access my records; I have been arrested by the FBI, DEA, BATF, CID, DPS, U.S Customs as well as several local PD’s in Texas and New Mexico. So he goes back and tries again, and then tells me “your records are sealed” and the only way anyone can see them is if you are under investigation as a suspect in an ongoing criminal investigation. He then jokes you will have to commit a crime for anyone to see your records.

The attorney that was defending me has since retired and is now in an assisted living facility and can’t remember jack, but he was a corporate attorney with a lot of clout back in the day…………..What I am saying is this can be done, and if I remember correctly he did this as a favor for straightening out my act and didn’t even charge me (he put his kids through law school defending me and my brother though) and they could not pull my records even post 9/11.

It might be worth looking into.

[flipside]

Tried to call the hotel. Couldn't get you obviously. Call me when you get home. Stay safe. Sending all my love...

[nick]

Sorry bro,this sucks.This happened to some people going to the harm reduction conference in Vancoever.
Look on the bright side,they say Canada's very dull.

[Flagg]

Hey Duckfeet, I realized just now I finally have points to give and I gave you all three of them! Good fuckin story, not the results but the way it was told. You should make some kind of memoir. :)

I think Jamaica doesn't require a passport. This is based on a trip I took there a month before 9/11, so it may not be true now. Jamaica is great - I had hotel room service at the resort offer me smoke and cocana, and even had some guy on a Sea-Doo ride up to me while I was watching the sunset in a canoe one evening and offer me "some smoke to enjoy the beautiful Jamaican sunset :)" Going to a resort is awesome and I highly recommend it if you have the $$$, open bars and all the like, and I'm 100% sure the room servicers have much more than they offered.