Opiate Ruminations and Kratom Use

[Nostromos]

Opiates are easy to get out here, I've heard, but they're expensive as hell-- 0.25-0.50 dollars a milligram. Damn. Oxy's, that is, I have a source from whence I can get certain other opiates for free, but on an extremely limited basis. I've never tried Oxy's before; I'm experienced w/Morphine Sulfate, Hydrocodone, "Norcos", Vicodin, Pod Tea, and Kratom. I'm "on" Kratom right now. A duhhh slobber.

This is significant because I gather that $0.50/mg is pretty damn expensive as pills go. I dunno. If that's the going rate, then it's not like I'll die without opiates; I'll just be a lot less happy. I'll learn to live with it, for a while.

Yes, "occasionally opiated", rarely more than twice a week, but that's only because it's so expensive, or that I can't find a cheaper source. That's a good thing, I guess. I have been smoking a lot of pot, though. Do you think that's better for you? I think so, at least medically. Maybe even psychologically, too, for the hell that withdrawal puts at least your mind through. It's not quite as bad as Paxil withdrawal, the mind-part, anyways. the bad physical experience of opiate withdrawal is pretty much unparalelled.

Unfortunately, the ol' Doobie hasn't the place in my heart that "Preparations of the Papaver Somniferum" do.

The current thing I'm blaming my self-hatred on is finally accepting that I'm a little insane, and that I need help in order to live a happier life. I'm picking up my new medication tomorrow, wellbutrin. I had kind of a party I threw for myself, a mild and episodal one, that would end as soon as I received the new RX.

"You've accomplished things that ppl with stronger symptoms of these disorders cannot."

Gotta hold on to that...http://www.geocities.com/directionsindoodling/madwoman.jpg

[kyuss]

.50 for OC
is a good price.

[Nostromos]

that's good to hear. thank you

[Flagg]

.50 for OC
is a good price.

Confirm, but even Norco 10/325's shouldn't be much more than $2-$3 a pill.

[tptptp]

Opiates are easy to get out here, I've heard, but they're expensive as hell-- 0.25-0.50 dollars a milligram. Damn. Oxy's, that is, I have a source from whence I can get certain other opiates for free, but on an extremely limited basis. I've never tried Oxy's before; I'm experienced w/Morphine Sulfate, Hydrocodone, "Norcos", Vicodin, Pod Tea, and Kratom. I'm "on" Kratom right now. A duhhh slobber.

This is significant because I gather that $0.50/mg is pretty damn expensive as pills go. I dunno. If that's the going rate, then it's not like I'll die without opiates; I'll just be a lot less happy. I'll learn to live with it, for a while.

Yes, "occasionally opiated", rarely more than twice a week, but that's only because it's so expensive, or that I can't find a cheaper source. That's a good thing, I guess. I have been smoking a lot of pot, though. Do you think that's better for you? I think so, at least medically. Maybe even psychologically, too, for the hell that withdrawal puts at least your mind through. It's not quite as bad as Paxil withdrawal, the mind-part, anyways. the bad physical experience of opiate withdrawal is pretty much unparalelled.

Unfortunately, the ol' Doobie hasn't the place in my heart that "Preparations of the Papaver Somniferum" do.

The current thing I'm blaming my self-hatred on is finally accepting that I'm a little insane, and that I need help in order to live a happier life. I'm picking up my new medication tomorrow, wellbutrin. I had kind of a party I threw for myself, a mild and episodal one, that would end as soon as I received the new RX.

"You've accomplished things that ppl with stronger symptoms of these disorders cannot."

Gotta hold on to that...

0.5 is good, 0.25 is fucking great if you dont have to buy a ton of them to get the price.

But, as far as bang for the buck, oxys are probably *THEE* most expensive stuff that goes around on a regular basis, but its also probably the best COMMON pharm around.

You can get hydro much much cheaper!
Medically, I dont think smoking pot regularly is healthier, depends what your opiate usage is like though if you're using needles and the such, than long term it probably is healthier to smoke pot...

psychologically pot may be healthier....Thats like comparing apples and oranges though, WD is agonizing hell but good opiates also make you feel great mentally while they last....

I'm sure you know, but oxy is a step up from everything you've listed so if you "cant" use that often I wouldnt get those, they are a SUPER expensive habit compared to everything else you listed and once you get hooked on em the other stuff you listed wont do a whole lot, your other common options then becomes Heroin or WD.

[djnarkotik]

The current thing I'm blaming my self-hatred on is finally accepting that I'm a little insane, and that I need help in order to live a happier life.



man sorry to hear you havin some troubles. Self hatred is all to common man. Let me tell you though that will cause deep problems and pain for you. One of the most important things IS to be happy with yourself, accept yourself and love yourself. IT sounds stupid, so many good things come from it. And if not ma ny bad things come from it. Take it from me my outlook changed as i grew wiser and Ive been very happy ever since.

And your not fucking insane. Dont put yourself down. Insane is a legal term that means ur cant be responsible for your behavior. Can you consciously do things? yes then your not insane. alot of people put themselves down like this. Just remember everyone is different and the defintion of what is crazy is just abnormal behavoir. But everyone displays abnormal behavoir. Learn to accept the person you are and love yourself.

Actually what helped me in this part of my personal development was Ecstasy (mdma). Its better then a real therapist i can attest to that ha ha.

[Seedy]

Hey, Nostromos.

Just a couple of comments about smoking weed. It's not necessarily healthy. Other than the fact that you're inhaling smoke, it can be pretty nasty if you're predisposed to ANY psycholigical problems. It took me years of smoking daily to realise that it was actually making me paranoid and useless. You say you're getting self hatred? I get that sometimes when I'm stoned.

I'm not trying to poop on your pot party, just give you something to think about. And maybe if you're dead set on sticking with opiates (are you sure?) you should give seeds a try. They keep me sane.;)

Edit:^^ yeah, mdma kind of helped me out too. I seemed to become more self confident & less retrospective after some good times on it. Not a drug to do to often though.

[Duckfeet]

<snip>


The current thing I'm blaming my self-hatred on is finally accepting that I'm a little insane, and that I need help in order to live a happier life. I'm picking up my new medication tomorrow, wellbutrin. I had kind of a party I threw for myself, a mild and episodal one, that would end as soon as I received the new RX.


Yeah, might be a minority view, but I think DD said it, that the sooner we accept we is addicts, the happier we'll be. I remember somone telling me something like that a million years ago, to either jump in with both feet, or get out, back when I was always fighting it, chipping, and hating myself, all that. Had to drag some reality into my life, myself.

[djnarkotik]

Ya its true weed isnt the healthiest thing. IT can definately upset the minds balance and cause anxiety and even depression among probably other things.

[pinion]

Yeah, might be a minority view, but I think DD said it, that the sooner we accept we is addicts, the happier we'll be. I remember somone telling me something like that a million years ago, to either jump in with both feet, or get out, back when I was always fighting it, chipping, and hating myself, all that. Had to drag some reality into my life, myself.

I don't think that everyone has to be an addict for life, I know that's not exactly what you said, but it seems to be the implication. I've been in and out for near 20 years through many different states and scenes and variations of opiates, as I'm sure you and a lot of others on this board have; and I know people that have abstained for a long time. I have a close friend who was heavily addicted by 18, clean at 19, who is now 34 and aside from one quick relapse with Oxy (given to her rather blindly by a boyfriend) and a taste for bud, is so far away from the person she was when she was a strung-out, street kid that I don't think she even remembers what a rig looks like or how to spot a junky..

Chipping heroin is hard once you've been proper strung out, if I do a 20 bag after a 6 month break, I feel it for a couple days but that doesn't mean I can't get up and go to work, it just means that I have to pay the price for a couple days and I've done that for years. If I get a bottle of hydro, I make sure to stash 10 or 15 to taper down with at the end of a run and the same goes for pods. Now with Kratom and (I hear) subs around it's even easier to walk away.

I agree that it's awful hard to forget about the stuff, but I do think there are quite a few who do walk away and never come back and that it's important to believe that change is possible if you really want it.. Methadone has a real propensity for turning people into lifers though, it really takes a ridiculous amount of time and discipline to get off that shit, especially with some of the ridiculous doses that I'm hearing they're prescribing people these days..

[Nostromos]

I don't think I could be an addict of the caliber all the real ones seem to be: that is, taking a SHITLOAD of this crap hellof days in a row for a long time. That's because, uh, how the fuck does anyone get ahold of enough opiates to support that kind of habit?

just one night a week, that's all I need, of genuine inner forgiveness and joy. One night so sublime where those intractable, hateful barriers of fear are filled up, numbed, and I act on the things I desire instead of pitying myself for not doing them: working on my demo reel, enjoying other people more, and just plain enjoying myself. the knee-jerk imperatives to feel anxious and afraid of what i may or may not do in the future, or what i have not done in the past, are confronted at the door with a pink-uniformed soldier with a red capital M on his sleeve. He beats the arrogrant fucker like a red-headed stephild and he's sent packing with his jack-off fratboy buddies. Oh precious, precious Opium! Heh no I just kid. Kind of.

[tonyk]

OK, a few perspectives: I've tinkered with opiates for past 30 yrs. The best run when my husband was on 90-20 oxy's a month for 3 yrs. what a great time. But I found that the WD's inbetween were just agonizing & stopped me in my tracks for couple of days. I don't really think it is worth it to me. Question- I used to really enjoy Vics but after the Oxys they seemed like popping aspirins. Will that tolerance ever go away since i've quit the Oxys?? Certainly it will eventually??!! Anyway I'm coming intdo some Vic's 7.5's & hope to enjoy them again... please advise.

[tonyk]

OK, a few perspectives: I've tinkered with opiates for past 30 yrs. The best run when my husband was on 90-20 oxy's a month for 3 yrs. what a great time. But I found that the WD's inbetween were just agonizing & stopped me in my tracks for couple of days. I don't really think it is worth it to me. Question- I used to really enjoy Vics but after the Oxys they seemed like popping aspirins. Will that tolerance ever go away since i've quit the Oxys?? Certainly it will eventually??!! Anyway I'm coming intdo some Vic's 7.5's & hope to enjoy them again... please advise.

[tonyk]

sorry about the duplication, my mistake.

[tonyk]

Nostromos, I see you are the only one still up. Any advise??

[tptptp]

Well, this is way off topic to the thread so to answer your q and get back to it - yeah your tolerance will go back to where hydros are good, but it wont last long, fter a couple days it will skyrocket to where it was before, the only way to avoid this is to use infrequently. Once every week or two should keep your tolerance fairly low.

[Duckfeet]

I don't think that everyone has to be an addict for life, I know that's not exactly what you said, but it seems to be the implication. I've been in and out for near 20 years through many different states and scenes and variations of opiates, as I'm sure you and a lot of others on this board have; and I know people that have abstained for a long time. I have a close friend who was heavily addicted by 18, clean at 19, who is now 34 and aside from one quick relapse with Oxy (given to her rather blindly by a boyfriend) and a taste for bud, is so far away from the person she was when she was a strung-out, street kid that I don't think she even remembers what a rig looks like or how to spot a junky..

Chipping heroin is hard once you've been proper strung out, if I do a 20 bag after a 6 month break, I feel it for a couple days but that doesn't mean I can't get up and go to work, it just means that I have to pay the price for a couple days and I've done that for years. If I get a bottle of hydro, I make sure to stash 10 or 15 to taper down with at the end of a run and the same goes for pods. Now with Kratom and (I hear) subs around it's even easier to walk away.

I agree that it's awful hard to forget about the stuff, but I do think there are quite a few who do walk away and never come back and that it's important to believe that change is possible if you really want it.. Methadone has a real propensity for turning people into lifers though, it really takes a ridiculous amount of time and discipline to get off that shit, especially with some of the ridiculous doses that I'm hearing they're prescribing people these days..

Nah, you're right. There are people who have escaped it all kinds of ways. You don't want to give up hope, and it can be done, different ways. I think in cases like mine, though, once you've crossed a certain line, it's good to face it, rather than always be pretending that you can quit for good, or whatever notions I used to delude myself with. Don't want to fall into despair, either. I've never got it quite right, and obviously am mostly talking about longterm addicts like me. but I don't want young people to think it's hopeless, it's not. Just can take a whole lot of changes to really get out of this life, if such is the desire. Most people aren't willing to do whatever it takes. They just *wish* they wanted to stop that bad. But good point.