Methadone to Methedrine/benzos

[robojunkie]

Hey everyone,

I know I don't post a lot but I have been around this site for a few months and I read a lot. Just about everyone here seems really cool and know their shit. I am currently a 2nd year PhD student at a "prestigious" university (not trying to be snooty, just emphazing stakes) and have been kicking done since mid July. Originally I had been at 110 mgs but slowly tapered to 45 in july. From here is where I begin to hit the wall so I went on clonidine and pushed thruogh down to 0 (with a few bumps up for a couple days when I couldn't deal with it). I finally got to 0 and left the clinic a month ago and although I had the mental drive to endure the misery at my school/job (lots of standing up, presentations, teaching, etc.) with little sleep I have pretty much crashed as of the last couple of weeks. When I was really sick I only missed two days but I can barely get out of bed now. So failing everything else I started taking low dose oral meth (amphetamine not done) with benzos so I can sleep. It really felt like there were no other options but this or go back on the done which would precipitate an epic depressiona and disappointment. I am not trying to get straight for some high-falutin' spiritual reason: I LOVE opiates, especially heroin and opium, but I gotta at least attempt to get straight (from ops) for a while. I don't know...sorry for the rambling but I feel like I'm grasping at straws and I know I can't use methedrine indefinitely but if feels like the done kick just never fucking ends and I have to go be all professional and smart and shit which I have no experience at as I was I junkie by 18 (almost 34 now, with 8 years on the clinic). All I can look forward to is that beautiful time when I can tea up/bang with out waking up sick, I know chipping bullshit denial. Vax, how did you get through PhD with a habit? The work is pretty easy for me but the rest of it wears me the fuck down, trying to act healthy and normal while feeling like a black hole with now energy. Sorry for the rant (maybe I'm in the wrong forum?) Anyhow...

Robojunkie

[Beautifully_Broken]

Vax, how did you get through PhD with a habit?


i've wanted to ask the same question. Like ive said before, I want to go into pharmacology/toxicology, but i cant seem to make it more than 2 semesters in school w/o fucking up, have to stay out a semester, then i get to go back and do it again....its taking forever! i started college when i was 16 and i dont even have my 2 yr degree yet:mad:

[robojunkie]

BB,

You could go on the clinic (if you're not now). I am coming off by choice for a plethora of reasons: been there over 8 years, no libido, no interests other than my academic study but the withdrawal is just so fucking miseralbe. Even one the 24 half life has managed to clear the done (morphine is something like 4, I thing) There is some difference between the way the mu receptors are down/up regualted by the constant prescence/lack there of opiates. I guess the morphing type additin involves something like the withdrawing of mOR's whereas methadone develops tolerance by some other mechanism of which I am not aware.

I'm just most concerned about not becoming a tweaker. I only do small amounts orally but I can still feel the compulsion (no where even near coke and I did shoot methedrine many years ago) to take another 5 mgs. at like 4 o'clockk even though I'm usually done work/school by 6:30 pm, thought there are late sessions of lab. How do you manage college with a habit? Can't be easy. Is it H, pharms, tea, etc?

[freedomclub]

It's in no way my business and I may feel entirely different in 7 years but I think you're coming off for the wrong reasons. You should come off when your brain is repaired and able to produce it's own endorphins. Surely it's not as bad as what you're putting yourself through?

[robojunkie]

I hear ya FC it's just that I've been on there so long and essentially if you include all the dope before I've been physically addicted to strong opiods for something like 15 years. While on the done I just don't see how may opiate receptor system can repair itself. It can stablilize on a constant dose (is that what you were refering to?) but I have never felt euphoric on done (not that you're really supposed to anyway) but I had no like "emotional" motivation to do anyting enjoyable (non-drug). I mean I am a realist and I know the odds but I am actually almost (I friggin' hope) through the minor level WDs. I had wanted to be able to get through with nothing but clonidine but it's like I am so fucking tired the "tina" seems like the only thing to get me through the next couple of weeks/months. It's ironic that you posted being from NO as I was going to do this "Common Cause" volunteer thing (rebuilding, cleaning up, etc,) this December but I had to back out cause I'm so damn beat. I live down there for a while when I was around 18-19 (between Magazine and Camp, you probably know it) but maybe I'll be down there when they do it again in March, I believe. You plan on goin' back to nawlins?

[freedomclub]

I hear ya FC it's just that I've been on there so long and essentially if you include all the dope before I've been physically addicted to strong opiods for something like 15 years. While on the done I just don't see how may opiate receptor system can repair itself. It can stablilize on a constant dose (is that what you were refering to?) but I have never felt euphoric on done (not that you're really supposed to anyway) but I had no like "emotional" motivation to do anyting enjoyable (non-drug). I mean I am a realist and I know the odds but I am actually almost (I friggin' hope) through the minor level WDs. I had wanted to be able to get through with nothing but clonidine but it's like I am so fucking tired the "tina" seems like the only thing to get me through the next couple of weeks/months. It's ironic that you posted being from NO as I was going to do this "Common Cause" volunteer thing (rebuilding, cleaning up, etc,) this December but I had to back out cause I'm so damn beat. I live down there for a while when I was around 18-19 (between Magazine and Camp, you probably know it) but maybe I'll be down there when they do it again in March, I believe. You plan on goin' back to nawlins?

New research suggests methadone does allow the reconstruction of an opiate abuser's natural endorphin production. For these patients they slowly need less until they are able to switch to bupe or abstain from methadone totally. There are a couple of posters at N.A.M.A.'s (Nat't Assoc Methadone Advocates) We Speak Methadone forum ( http://www.readybb.com/nama_wespeakmethadone/viewforum.php?f=2&sid=A7595486E231D87AFF1CEB8B7232AF72 ). One girl's name is Kerri and goes by mac she also comments/helps people on the Addiction Therapy Watchdog's site @
http://www.readybb.com/watchdog/viewforum.php?f=2 )

Whatever you do I have found these two sites to be HUGELY beneficial for all areas concerning methadone! I promise you will find support and answers to most of your questions regarding tapering and afterwards.

I was born in New Orleans, during Hurricane Camille ironically and went back not too long ago. The city did not have anything to tell me as far as an It's Time to Come Home sensation. I like where I'm at right now.

[SpecialGuy69]

robo- just a thought, but when I took clonidine, it took all the energy right out of me- falling asleep at work, couldn't excercise, nothing. Try reducing your clonidine dosage and see if that helps.

[freedomclub]

robo- just a thought, but when I took clonidine, it took all the energy right out of me- falling asleep at work, couldn't excercise, nothing. Try reducing your clonidine dosage and see if that helps.

Yeah, me too. I switched to Benicar.