Shitty

[chemboy7]

Well, I got alittle over 9 months to clean out for a hospital internship that I am required to complete in order for me to receive my bachelor's degree in pharmacy technology. Seems like a long time but due to the fact that I will be facing an extended hair test via GC/MS, if I want to pass it's about time for me to clean out. That tricky bastard, in order for me to be sure that I would pass I would have to test myself as clean of all metabolites with a store bought 5-panel, wait about 20 days for my roots to push up all evidence against me, then shave all hair longer than an eyebrow and regrow it to a length that doesn't look like I tampered with it. It's a bitch, not even counting the WDs and the lengthy sobriety (I really can't remember when I have been completely sober that long, earlier childhood excluded).

I have had that on my mind for some time now; in fact I have already completed the majority of the classes I need to graduate... I have been putting this off for about a year now with careful rotation of my schedual. So driving to school today all I can think about is the Morphine that I took (orally cause I had to drive about an hour to class, and I don't like fixing in bathroom stalls or nodding out mid-lechture) has yet to kick in... how the hell am I going to deal with being around all those people without a good buzz to back me up you know. I am extremely socially anxious. Then I got to thinking about all the other shit that I would be forced to complete without chemical assistence... I just don't think I have it in me. That is not a good epiphinany to have dropped on you.

I could complete the rest of my classes without doing the residency and probably still transfer over for my Pharm. D. but I wouldn't be as good as a candidate that actually had a degree, that I wouldn't have. And shit man, I have busted my ass to get to the top percentile in my class... seems like such a waste to throw that away just so I can keep ingesting you know. And I still didn't get much more than a warm glow from that Morphine, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT, right... I think I deserved it after all that. Anyways, not sure there is a point to all this; it's not obvious to me if there is.

Really I think what I got out of all my introspection is that if something is going to impose on who you are or what your fundamental values are, it's not worth doing... just kind of shitty what I am and what my values are. I didn't see it like that until I was backed into this corner, that I knew all along was inevitable. I mean, the only reason that I got into the pharmacy game is because I love drugs right? That's the same damn reason I get high, they should fucking love my kind. And it pisses me off that they "have" to do preliminary screening in the first place, most pharmacist don't have wizz quizes, it's like they are making the assumption that if you get high your going to steal dope from them. Well, I may be an addict; but I am no theif. I don't know, maybe I will find the balls to go through with it... the shorts are felling alittle empty as of right now though.

I'm going to get so fucking high tonight, that'll fix it I'm sure.

[devilsdrug]

it definitly sucks chem i hav been wondering about all thatsince u havnt said anything lately its just been storin up so u hav to go 9months clean or u hav 9 months to clean up , and there is no way to beat these tests as in bladder bag ect. can u wear a wig for hair test ha i know

[zombiewoof23]

Hey bro,

Picture yourself in a couple of years taking a look back at this choice that is upon you right now. Which scenario do you think you could regret if given the chance to fast forward and look back? Can you see yourself saying "what have I been doing?" I think the overall path, or big picture that you laid out is the correct choice. You are going to naturally fight yourself and want to throw up road blocks that will keep you from achieving your long terms goals. The fix is the short term, your career is the long term.

Now picture yourself 10 years from now in both cases. Are you going to be asking yourself what you did the past 10 years, "Where did those years go?" Or are you going to be making some money in a career you can be proud of and maybe still be able to use at that point. Is this short term 9 months really worth wasting what you have already accomplished? Compare the short 9 months to the 10+ years wasted. You can choose any number there, 20 years, whatever. I suffer from social anxiety as well, so I completely understand that everyday battle. That is not an easy one, and I'm not sure what the answer is for you. I know you have it in you to take a break on the opiates, go out there and kick some ass and make some money. Just think of the short term and the long term and hopefully that will help you, and think of how far you've come already. Which choice would you truly regret? You can't get those years back bro. It won't take you long to make some friends out there. You are about as likeable a guy as I've come across in awhile. You just have to take that first step and you're on your way.

ZW

[zombiewoof23]

Oh yeah, have you found jesus? Me Neither, but I have found Chuck Norris and he kicked jesus's ass.

Seriously though, PM some of the survivors on here, that you respect, that have been in the game for a decade or so and ask them if given the same choice where you are now, what would they do?

[dorje]

I hope you can wrestle that gorilla to the ground cause he will start making your choices for you-go for the pharm tech. Being sober won't kill you but then it almost killed me about 20 times. All that noise...all those lights and the people. What's wrong with them anyway ?? Why do they act so square ??

[devilsdrug]

as for the social thing just exhibit the confidence u do here and it will all fall into place edit u know we all want a pharmaicist for a buddy

[Coddfish]

A chick I talked to last night claimed there is a way to beat the hair test (coincidence, I guess). Something about 'stripping' it twice and then dying. Can't imagine, but I will get more info from her if you want. There's probably something on the web about this technique. Eh, maybe it couldn't hurt to try something.

You'll always be my pharmacist, Chemboy.

[LayinLow]

You'll always be my pharmacist, Chemboy.

What a nice warm fuzzy you gave him Codd. :o Back to the subject, even if they did find opiates in your hair from a few months back, can't you say you were prescribed them for some condition? I dunno, hair tests are a bitch though.

[Curio]

i been wondering about ya too chem...

with this info you've posted I am now wondering if there isn't a different program somewhere cause all the pharms I know never had to do this hair test thing! Is it a state reg or the particular school you're at or what?

I mean the one guy I knew SOLD POT to put himself through Pharmacy school! And pot stays with you for a long time!

COURSE this pharmacist was also the same one who used to say, "You can have ANYthing you want, you just can't have EVERYthing you want." Meaning you have to make hard choices sometimes...

[chemboy7]

Wow, I certainly apprieciate all the replies. Kinda wrote that up there just venting alittle bit you know. I like the idea of transfering to another school before graduation... I don't even care how many classes I would have to pay to retake so long as I wouldn't have to force sobriety on myself. That thought had crossed my mind but I think that the only school with pharm courses within a couple hours is where I am attending right now. Definately something to look into though.

As for the sobriety, I gotta try it... kinda curious if I got it in me. I really don't think that I do, but it would be a nice suprise if I did. Probably going to stop taking anything they can test for after class on Thursday (I've been tapering alittle, not enough really) so the worst will be over by Monday night class. That's gonna be a fun lecture though huh. If I slip up along the way there would be no way for me to have enough time to pass the drug test... but like I said up there that just means that I don't get the bachelor's degree; I'd probably still be able to transfer to another college for the doctorate that I am really looking for... just not going to be as good of a canidate.

[vaxn8]

Chem- tough choice! I really think you could do it (get clean) if you put your mind to it and really tried. I know you said you aren't a thief, but have you thought about what it would be like to be touching the drugs you love, all day, then handing them over to morons who wouldn't even appreciate them as you (or I) would? That's hard, and I'm telling you from experience!

I spent quite a while in a lab that solely reserached opiates. It was very, very, very hard! and that's an understatement! Think about what it's like to be sick and know the solution is in the same room, but you can't have it, again very hard. Well you could have it, but you risk serious jail time and have a very high chance of being caught. I eventually left that lab and changed the whole direction of my research career. I never did have to take anything, but honestly if I would have stayed much longer, I know it would have happened eventually. Part of what was hard was having access to things I hadn't tried, drugs not on the market or impossible to get.

While I was there, they actually had a problem with a drug. They didn't know if it was taken, or the solution was made incorrectly, but it was seriously investigated. All of us were grilled by some pretty scary guys. I looked the worse because up to that point, I had been fairly open about having a problem with alcohol, so obviously I was the only "druggie" they could see. Actually, at the time, I wasn't injecting at all, i was concentrating on school and giving that 110%. I went through hell trying to prove that, and I think there are still people who don't believe I was innocent.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you my experience with a similar situation. Hospital pharmacies could even be harder than the typical commercial pharmacy, they're going to have all the i.v. drugs, lots of them you'll like, some you may have never tried.

I think its good that you are giving this some serious thought beforehand. If you need any other info pm me, i didn't want to get too detailed in some of the stuff i was telling you about. Good luck! I think you'd make a great pharmacist, based on just your understanding of how drugs work and your experiences, but is it the best choice for you? Only you can answer that one!

Oh, one last thing. Currently, I only have to deal with a few vet anesthetics and ketamine, none of which interest me (luckily). I couldn't do the same if I had to waste morphine on a fucking rat! That is hard to do! I have no problem giving the little guys their ketamine shot, I actually feel a little bad and hope they don't hate it as much as I hated ketamine!

[devilsdrug]

heh vax tell this to the goddess newbie

[superman]

chemboy you can do it. i have been able to take breaks from opies for many months at a time. after a month the craving mostly goes away as long as you're working or doing something to keep busy and be tired each night.

but, don't forget there are several opies which do not show on standard drug tests. like fentanyl, and hydromorphone IIRC(i'd check this)

[nick]

Whatever you choose Chemboy good luck.I've always found your posts informative and entertaining,so I hope whatever you decide to do you'll stick around here.

[chemboy7]

Update:

Well, I am not worrying about this drug test anymore... I'm just not taking it. I am transfering out of the college I am currently attended come hell or high water. I am possitive now that they are just drug nazi's and this screening isn't mandatory to do medical internships at other schools. They actually had cops in the parking lot with drug dogs the other day running cars; can you believe that shit? With what I pay per sememster they want to pull that BS. Like I said, I'm outta there right after this sememster... I don't care if I have to drive 2 hours to school everday.

But I have still stayed sober, even though I could get high anytime I want now really, been just over 2 weeks now. Did it cold turkey and haven't got high since. So why am I staying sober for awhile if I don't have to? I know it's crazy right. You know when you got one of those canker sores in your mouth and even though it hurts like a bitch you can't stop playing around with it and biting on it alittle. Hahaha. I don't know really, maybe I just want to see how far I can push it. I'll tell you one thing though, it is a hell of alot easier knowing I could use anytime as opposed to looking at damn close to a year that I would HAVE to stay sober.

[ZodiacKiller]

Update:

But I have still stayed sober, even though I could get high anytime I want now really, been just over 2 weeks now. Did it cold turkey and haven't got high since. So why am I staying sober for awhile if I don't have to? I know it's crazy right. You know when you got one of those canker sores in your mouth and even though it hurts like a bitch you can't stop playing around with it and biting on it alittle. Hahaha. I don't know really, maybe I just want to see how far I can push it. I'll tell you one thing though, it is a hell of alot easier knowing I could use anytime as opposed to looking at damn close to a year that I would HAVE to stay sober.


Heya Chem, I know what you're dealing with friend. I'm clean right now, and that kick-ass dope is still a mere phone call away. I can't tell you how many times I've had the phone in my hand over the last few weeks. Props for going C/T---I know I couldn't do it that way...

I know I'll eventually go back to using (hopefully gonna be a 'chipper'), but sometimes you just know it's time to stop for a bit.

Best of luck completing your schooling---it does sound harsh where you are now, brutal actually....


ZK

[exitwound]

Smart man, chemboy. Don't let those jackasses mess with you like that! You can do better. Keep us posted!

[chemboy7]

Heya Chem, I know what you're dealing with friend. I'm clean right now, and that kick-ass dope is still a mere phone call away. I can't tell you how many times I've had the phone in my hand over the last few weeks. Props for going C/T---I know I couldn't do it that way...

I know I'll eventually go back to using (hopefully gonna be a 'chipper'), but sometimes you just know it's time to stop for a bit.

Best of luck completing your schooling---it does sound harsh where you are now, brutal actually....


ZK

I'm telling you man, sobriety is in the air... so many people are kicking lately. I made the mistake of breaking all my contacts (which is easy enough to do them being more freinds than dealers). They really wanted me to pass that test and I know they would refuse to sell to me. That is going to come back and bite me in the ass when I do decided to start getting high again. You think they are going to believe that I am transferring and dont have to deal with it anymore. HA! Sounds alittle convienient to me, it would to them too. And saying something like that just to get high would be right up my alley, and they know it. Good luck on your sobriety though man, it can get trying... but there is a satisfaction in it too though.

[dorje]

Wear a wig made from the pubic hair of bats...they'll never notice.. just make sure those bats don't come from Harlem because..well.. they may not be sober bats and then you'll be bat fucked. Seriously though the thing to do is that perm deal..the chemicals those women use on their hair would distort any tests (it distorts their hair, Right??) Just don't scream when the shit falls on your pants..Do Not scream just because your dick is burning up because of the goddamn lye in the stupid hair treatment..cowboy up ..remember Pope John Paul he was sober not straight but sober.. those altar boys don't count..well can't count but they know a twenty dollar bill when they see one...there all hungry..that's how John Paul liked them...

[kyuss]

Wear a wig made from the pubic hair of bats...they'll never notice.. just make sure those bats don't come from Harlem because..well.. they may not be sober bats and then you'll be bat fucked. Seriously though the thing to do is that perm deal..the chemicals those women use on their hair would distort any tests (it distorts their hair, Right??) Just don't scream when the shit falls on your pants..Do Not scream just because your dick is burning up because of the goddamn lye in the stupid hair treatment..cowboy up ..remember Pope John Paul he was sober not straight but sober.. those altar boys don't count..well can't count but they know a twenty dollar bill when they see one...there all hungry..that's how John Paul liked them...


Goddammit
I knew this was Bat Country