CP patient mom vs. recreational addict son [Archive]

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Spell Relief

08-16-2006, 12:38 PM

:(I have a problem,thats getting worse and I need some of your(the forum)
feedback/opinions. I am a CP single mom,using opiates for neuropathy for
last 6 yrs. Im in the process of tapering down methadone, to get on a differant
pain med. This in itself is a painful experience...going from110 mg to 10 in a mo.
My problem is my son who I shall call Lou, 21 who keeps stealing my
meds. This has been going on for yrs. I had locks put on my bedrm door and
put drugs in a lock box. I had locks put on my closet door and got a new
toolbox after he broke in the other. Now I have my 2nd safe, a Sentry electronic
keypad. I feel good about that..Somehow he got the combination for the
first Safe & messed it up. That was just a few months ago, when he took a
large amount of cash out of my closet as well.
I should have kicked him out, but like most of the other times I forgave him
with a warning. I even called the police and its my word vs. his and he
knows I dont want to press charges and jail him, because he is out on a bond now for a charge he & his friend got for conspircy to buy/sell.
And the other thing is I do need him around here because of my
being disabled and cant drive etc..... because of my spinal cord injury.
I really dont have any family or others to depend on. Lou knows this and
take advantage. Hes been in treatment 2-3 times but doesnt stay with the recoivery thing. I am so angry and hurt that he keeps doing this knowing how
terrible my pain is and stealing my meds. causes me pain nd suffering because
I run out of drugs because he stole.
Oh,lately when he got a hold of it is because I left a few pills out of
my safe, so I didnt have to open it for every dose. I would just take out what
I needed for the day, and try to keep it close...but DAMM if I turn my
back for a minuite, or leave it in the house while I left for a hour to my AA
meetings...thats the time he would come to check my room out, breaking
in windows & doors.
And when I would realize my pills short, i have to hear I DIDNT DO IT! Lies
Whats a Mother to do? anyone else have a problem like this?

Curio

08-16-2006, 01:01 PM

well, I guess I kinda know who you are since I just helped your son with info about a methadone taper for you a few days ago...sorry to hear that it is the way you describe at the house....sounds like a stressful home environment for sure and you being disabled and needing the medication makes it even more disheartening to me. And being told that the other person didn't take it when you know they very well did makes it frustrating too because you almost feel like you want to question yourself and that ends up dealing with your very sanity...

you know what you have to do to survive and if you can live with it then I guess installing all this security for keeping just ONE PERSON out of your med stash is worth it to you. I can't imagine what I would do in your situation and I certainly will not judge.

Pm me if you just want to vent...sorry I can't be much of a help.

jacky

08-16-2006, 01:32 PM

oooooooooh man, this is a sad post.

I dont know what to suggest as you have already tried the police avenue, and dont seem committed, or able to go through with pressing charges....the fact that you need this person to help you out is problematic.

I had to report a buddy of mine who was working and living at a 24 houre care home for invalids and older people with medical problems to a freind of mine who was his superior. He was stealing pain meds, and dealing heroin out of the place at the same time...he didnt even really NEED the pain medication. well he offered me some sort of liquid morphine, and I told him know, and pressed him for more info on where he was getting it. that night I weighed my options, let a young punk ass kid steal medicine from a person who most likely doesnt even have the ability to put up a fight, and who may be in the last stages of their painful life....or turn his ass in to his superiors.
it sucked becuase this buddy of mine had set me up with gear that night for free, and had taken care of me plenty of times...but I just couldnt let his rich spoiled ass take meds from people who were otherwise helpless to the situation. He got fired the next day, and was put out on his ass.

I suggest that your son contact me and talk about this, I am 36 years old, and I cant ignore this post. what he is doing is wrong, I did some shitty things too when I was using heroin and not able to make ends meet.

unless he is totally beyond reproach, I have a feeling that he too is being hurt by this in the end, I mean, what son WANTS to take meds from his mom and throw her into even more pain?

in the end if he cant be dealt with, then I think your going to have to kick him out, or if he doesnt live with you, then try and distance him from you. perhaps there is some agency or church or other that might have some sort of ride program for the disabled?

there are ways to use opiates without ripping people off, but it takes having a job, using the internet, and learning and researching alternatives. in the past I ripped some people off, I know what it is like, if my parents had pain meds at their house, I probably would have snaked some.

researching and creating a new path,that is what this website is about for me, but i cant decide that for other people.
have him contact me, one of the founders of the website, maybe we can talk, maybe we cant, but whatever the case MOM, I want you to stay in touch with me and others here and let us know what is happening on your end.

I have a feeling that if he is a member of this website, and if he has been here before searching for information to help you out, that he can be reasoned with, and perhaps intorduced to a different way of " getting by".

Opiyum

08-16-2006, 01:43 PM

Your son was very recently talking about how much he was worried about you and your taper off methaone. Now it seems, if this person im talking about is your son which im sure he is, that he is more worried about having less meds to steal.
This is very upsetting.
Im very sorry for your situation.

halfalien_s4

08-16-2006, 02:48 PM

tell him to talk to me my old bf use to steal my pills...oh i will straiten hiss ass out...i hate people that do this to others, i just hate em'

Spell Relief

08-16-2006, 03:50 PM

Hey Jacky,

I tryed to PM you but they say I dont have permission. ...So I guess you could PM
me your e-mail. I would like you to ellaberate on something.
Oringinally BTW I found this site on the internet while doing a search to find some info
for someone 'bout W/Ds or something a couple months back.

scarlett44

08-16-2006, 04:01 PM

Am i missing something here? Didn't he just talk about this ? and didn't he say he told his mom about this site for her to talk to or something?( i may be wrong i have bee reading a lot of old posts, i'm searching for something) Why would he write such a long sad sob story about his mom if she were going to be telling us what is actually going on? Do you not have any friends that know about your sons situation and you could keep your meds there at their house? I don't know how many pills a day you are taking, but you can either put them in your bra, or there is a little wallet like thing that velcros to the inside of your leg to carry money and stuff. I used one when i was in NYC so I didn't have to carry a purse. If you could keep your pills on you, and don't even tell him that. I know that sounds pretty extreme, but maybe it woukd work. By the way, Jacky can you PM me? It won't let me and I need some advice. You have helped me several times in the past but it quit letting me PM.thanks

Spell Relief

08-16-2006, 06:56 PM

[quote=scarlett44;37225]Am i missing something here? Didn't he just talk about this ? and didn't he say he told his mom about this site for her to talk to or something?( i may be wrong i have bee reading a lot of old posts, i'm searching for something) Why would he write such a long sad sob story about his mom if she were going to be telling us what is actually going on? Do you not have any friends that know about your sons situation and you could keep your meds there at their house? I don't know how many pills a day you are taking, but you can either put them in your bra, or there is a little wallet like thing that velcros to the inside of your leg to carry money and stuff. I used one when i was in NYC so I didn't have to carry a purse. If you could keep your pills on you, and don't even tell him that.
NO, I wouldnt think keeping my medicine at someones house would be a good Idea. thanks & I let him know about this site.AND since I barely have any feeling from the neck down, I would lose a strap on bag for Gods sake, before I knew it fell off. And I kept him anoyonmous up till

orangejuice

08-16-2006, 07:03 PM

.....busted.... i guess... somehow i knew it was coming to this...Why doesnt this all seem appropriate talking about?? is it just me? Im searching for words here...makes me look bad.. like a junky. Well thats what i am. Im not going to try to justify what i did, and have done times before, because there is no good excuse. Not going to say why i did it or anything like that cuz honestly IMO this isnt the place. Call it fucked up, call me wrong, w/e. I wont argue. But if anyone EVER thought that bein an addict and not having these mischievous thoughts or actions and such, wouldnt or have never come to pass, then i dont think one has hit bottom. No hitting bottom isnt nessicarry, but i been there, (not bragging) and you see things different "down there". Not justifying, im just saying. I dont know what im sayin really. This is really weird, but im somehow not surprised that there has been a thread pertaining to me about this. BTW, I wasnt posting the "methadone taper" thread, and saying that i was worried, or that i was trying to help, because i was worried about her running outta meds because i wouldnt be able to get any. ITs not like that. Although i have stolen, and done sum bad shit in the past. We are still family, and if i didnt care i wouldnt be here. I WOULDNT. So call it what you will. And yeah i have habit, some may call it bad, some, good. But i DO have a job, and i DO have a life, if anyone needs to know more, thats what the profile is for, right. Not tryin to be pissy, or act like I should be angry, but lets face it... this is HUMILIATING...

BTW: for what its worth, IM SORRY

CUBErt

08-16-2006, 07:11 PM

I wondered when he was gonna find this thread...
*looks around* yep, this is awkward.

Yes, thoughts like this have crossed my mind. I know where my mom keeps a large amount of cash and it has crossed my mind when I needed some more dope...but I never acted on it. But I admit I have never hit rock bottom either. I don't know if it would help, but just think of everything your mother has done for you in the past, all the love etc. Perhaps someday when you are about to grab some more meds from her and you think of this, maybe you will be able to change your mind. That would be a great first step towards getting a handle on your addiction.

I hope things get better between the two of you.

LayinLow

08-16-2006, 07:46 PM

ZodiacKiller

08-16-2006, 08:01 PM

Jesus christ, this makes me fuckin' sick...and sad.

Y'know, OJ, you came blazing on here only a month ago or so, you got 162 posts, jumping on every thread, and all along you're stealing your own mother's meds, which she obviously needs. How the fuck do you look yourself in the mirror, man? I think you should be ashamed of yourself, and I hope you are. If there was a way to suspend you temporarily or put a big red label across your profile, I would do it----unfortunately you've done nothing here that would allow me to take such action.

But here's an idea for ya---get a fucking job and support your own fucking habit! Hey, pal, I'm a junky too, I fucking love getting thrown on heroin, and I have my wife's habit to support, too. How do I do it? I work my ass off, and so does she. And you know what? When we don't have extra money---we don't get high, plain and simple. It sucks, but that's life. You need to be responsible for your own habit, and do it now. Get your ass to the methadone clinic, pay the money and get your own meds. We all know how much you love the 'done'---you've gone on and on about it ad nauseum. Get it together and stop stealing from your own mother---it is so fucking pathetic.

I imagine you've probably lost all respect from 99% of this board--you've certainly lost mine. Shame on you.

ZK

orangejuice

08-16-2006, 08:03 PM

ima stay outta this

ZodiacKiller

08-16-2006, 08:14 PM

OJ, I've read all I need to buddy: your mom needs her meds and you're stealing it. Got more to say about that?

So maybe you got a job, how the fuck do I know? Much as I try I can't keep up on your twenty or so posts a day. Fact is, something ain't working if you need to sink so low as to do what you've done. I would never, ever, ever, do something like that to my mom, I can guarantee you that.

Oh, and I would think before you post, and think hard. Tread lightly friend, 'cause you don't wanna take me on, not if you value your presence here...

ZK

antigonemuse

08-16-2006, 08:55 PM

of all the fucked up things I have done for a fix... stealing has never been one of them. It's just bad ethic and karma... OJ, you are young, and learning... You need to have more love for you momma. cause home health aids are not impossable to get... How can you be high, and know its at the cost of her being in pain. I hope her cry out on this board is enough for you to rethink all the drastic actions she has to take to keep you from her meds

Everyone here finds their own shit somehow... time to cut the cord, and seek some connections that dont directly harm those who give you life, security, and love.

I wish you and your momma the best. and hope that this gets resolved, something in you knows somethings gotta give.

jacky

08-17-2006, 01:25 AM

hey OJ, I sent you a private message, hopefully you get it cause the private messages are purged quickly here now...

Ill only say that I will keep this conversation private between "us" for the time being...I am not out to point fingers, I did some shitty stuff back in the day, and took relish in doing things to people that didnt do them any good in the long run.

I am just hoping that things can work out, and that OJ and his MOMS can stay on as opiophile members, that would be cool, OPIOPHILE family members.

take care.

CUBErt

08-17-2006, 02:52 AM

I guess not knowing this mother and son in real life it may not be my place to judge, but I can only go off of what I have read. Days ago I read OJ's post in the methadone forums about tapering his mother off methadone and onto something else. It was a very long post and he sounded genuinely concerned about her well-being. I think its a bit too soon to just assume that he was only concerned because he wouldn't have the meds to steal anymore. Its obvious he gets most of his 'dones through other means and its not like he has no cares for his mother. Its clear now that he is not a complete angel, but I think lashing out at him like he's the anti-christ will only make him angry. And we don't know what kind of real life drama could be spawned between these 2 because of what is said on the forums.

OJ, I think you know you've done some rotten things and really owe your mother an apology (or 5). If you run out of your own methadone supply, then take it like a man and go through the withdrawals. Unless you're adopted, your mother must have gone through some pain when giving birth to you, so you can go through some withdrawal pain and spare her. Besides, she is in pain with a spinal chord injury, meaning when she runs out of meds its not only withdrawals, but also her pain returning. You are a physically fit young man, a victim only of yourself, who is much more physically capable of handling methadone withdrawals.

Anyways, I am sure you have thought of alot of this already and I hope you understand I am not lashing out at you. You should feel bad, and very guilty. But you can still redeem yourself and get your act together. Ripping off the punk kid down the street so you can get more drugs is one thing, but your own mother... that's a different story.

I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. I hope things go well.

jab

08-17-2006, 12:02 PM

OJ, you preach about not knowing what it's like to hit bottom, and that you have some divine insight that we don't because you have. Well, I have been there, and I know what it's like to be homeless, penniless, and kicking your ass off. I know what it's like to have to beg, borrow, and steal every cent; not only for drugs, but for food as well. For some reason, with a mother like yours, I don't really think you have hit the bottom.. ever. I don't even think you know what "the bottom" is. When was the last time you had to go hungry for days? When was the last time you had to live on the streets, sleep on the street, eat/shit/beg on the street?

Well pal, I have been there, and I do know what it's like. And I'll tell you this.. I STILL HAVEN'T AND WOULDN'T STEAL FROM MY FAMILLY!! EVER!!

The first time I kicked a bad junk run was because I had borrowed, not stole, borrowed money from my familly one too many times, and I decided it was getting close to too much.. So I made the decision to sit in my own shit and vomit for days on end (knowing I could probably "borrow" money for another hit). But I didn't borrow, or steal, becaues I have RESPECT and LOVE for my familly.

Spell Relief, if I can ever be of any help (even just someone to talk/write to) please don't hesitate. I like to think of this forum as sort of an extended familly, and I hope you can also. There are A LOT of very nice and genuine people here, and I hope you'll stay for a while. I'll keep you in my prayers and I hope things get better for you. Please be strong, be safe, and know that even though you may not know us, we are here for you.

HistoryofMadness

08-17-2006, 12:23 PM

The solution to the problem (the original problem is what to do with the meds) is not to bash OJ. We all know (including him) that it was a real shitty thing to do. We all also know that everybody else's problems are easier to solve than our own. Maybe you didn't do something as shitty as stealing from your mom, but everyone has skeletons.

Aren't we all glad that our moms aren't on here airing our dirty laundry? I'd like to see anyone that claims they've never broken their mom's heart to ask her to come to the board and chat. I'm sure stories would start changing then.

But to me, the only solution is to cut the strings. He is going to have to get to the worst place in his life before he wants to stop using. To do that, you have to let go, regardless of any justifications for holding on.

He may have been to treatment, but as long as he's being enabled, the desire to really make it happen won't work. Trust me, I've been there, so I know this first-hand. Its about alternatives, and he has more than one. Sending him out on his on would narrow those options to nothing.

I think if OJ was being honest he'd agree. But ultimately this is a family discussion, and since both of you guys are members, I feel like its none of my business.

orangejuice

08-18-2006, 11:21 PM

As much as i would like to post further on this post, im not supposed to, nor do i think I should say anymore on this thread. So i will read, but i have to stop posting. Anything else i say bout this subject will have to be in PM.

blueflutterfly

08-19-2006, 01:01 AM

[quote=HistoryofMadness;37353] Maybe you didn't do something as shitty as stealing from your mom, but everyone has skeletons.

Aren't we all glad that our moms aren't on here airing our dirty laundry? I'd like to see anyone that claims they've never broken their mom's heart to ask her to come to the board and chat. I'm sure stories would start changing then.

./quote]

you found the words i could not.

if no one else wants to, i'll admit it. when i was using i did many shitty things including stealing various pills from numerous cabinets...call me the scum of the fukin earth but i was a junky. no i do not use it to justify what i've done but at certain moments "fuck it" was all i could think and do to make it by. i knew it was wrong, humiliating, degrading and just fukin awful but i did it anyways. for a long time i made it by as a "functioning" addict wondering how "junkies" were so fricken lazy and could do the things they'd do...and then the day came where i could no longer "function"...

for anyone judging, the pills you've used over the years, where do you think half of them came from? yeah some people sell their sripts but there is a shit load of meds out there that have been stolen and rob'd from the most vulnerable of people all for your using pleasure...just because you didn't break into the house or steal the bottle from some dying uncle does that make it all right?

sorry, i know this isn't exactly on topic but - i dunno. if me and o.j are the only ones who've ever stolen pills on this site...man oh man this is the elite of the elite in junkyville.

Spell Relief

08-19-2006, 01:13 AM

OJ Could U please stop carring this on.

Spell Relief

08-19-2006, 01:16 AM

think I should say anymore on this thread. So i will read, but i have to stop posting. Anything else i say bout this subject will have to be in PM.
Thank you. Okay & please stop playing games. I nicely asked you. At least you can
do... You remember saying " I have a life" go live love & let go. If I can say that you
surely could;stop dragging this out. I am not making you stop.anything.be sweet Peace!
you said you would. Theres plenty room here, dont make this your pity party. PM me
OR face 2 face any more of this shit about supposed to, bhah blah blah.[/quote]

chemboy7

08-19-2006, 01:23 AM

Maybe you didn't do something as shitty as stealing from your mom, but everyone has skeletons.

Aren't we all glad that our moms aren't on here airing our dirty laundry? I'd like to see anyone that claims they've never broken their mom's heart to ask her to come to the board and chat. I'm sure stories would start changing then.

./quote]

you found the words i could not.

if no one else wants to, i'll admit it. when i was using i did many shitty things including stealing various pills from numerous cabinets...call me the scum of the fukin earth but i was a junky. no i do not use it to justify what i've done but at certain moments "fuck it" was all i could think and do to make it by. i knew it was wrong, humiliating, degrading and just fukin awful but i did it anyways. for a long time i made it by as a "functioning" addict wondering how "junkies" were so fricken lazy and could do the things they'd do...and then the day came where i could no longer "function"...

for anyone judging, the pills you've used over the years, where do you think half of them came from? yeah some people sell their sripts but there is a shit load of meds out there that have been stolen and rob'd from the most vulnerable of people all for your using pleasure...just because you didn't break into the house or steal the bottle from some dying uncle does that make it all right?

sorry, i know this isn't exactly on topic but - i dunno. if me and o.j are the only ones who've ever stolen pills on this site...man oh man this is the elite of the elite in junkyville.

I would really love to see this (and the other) thread die out, but I gotta chime in on this one. Yeah, I have also played the role of the medicine cabnet bandit when I was younger... in fact for awhile there I "had to go to the bathroom" everywhere I went just so I could check out the booty; but I followed alittle ettiquite. First and foremost was checking the dates, because I didn't want anyone to suffer just so I could get a buzz. I realize that people still have uses for them after they are prescibed something (I by no means am trying to justify what I did) but if your going to do it I consider that to be common courtesy. Next, I know that stealing from anyone is wrong(and I don't do it at all anymore), but when I did, I would never rip my own mother off.

I checked through SpellRelief's profile and found out that the injury that she needs the Methadone for is a neck injury she sustained in an accident while driving to see OJ in the hospital. It also says in there that her primary reason for joining this site was because she was worried about his use. I can't believe that people are so shocked that others are lashing out at this guy. Granted I am of the persausion that this is the type of thing that should have stayed in the family and not make it's way onto the board, but once it's here it's every member's business and you got to expect that that is going to rub alot of people the wrong way.

shaunclo

08-19-2006, 03:32 AM

Thank you. Okay & please stop playing games. I nicely asked you. At least you can
do... You remember saying " I have a life" go live love & let go. If I can say that you
surely could;stop dragging this out. I am not making you stop.anything.be sweet Peace!
you said you would. Theres plenty room here, dont make this your pity party. PM me
OR face 2 face any more of this shit about supposed to, bhah blah blah.[/quote]

Dear Spell relief, I believe he said he wouldnt post on here about this anymore, but keep it to PM's or a face-to-face, maybe you should do the same. Im pretty sure you have gotten your point across, but maybe its time you 2 get together and take care of this problem between eachother.

You are bumping the thread more, not OJ. You both should drop it and let this thread stay here for future reference, but stop posting or numping the thread. Just my opnion

bi11i

08-19-2006, 11:44 AM

I'm going to close the thread, unless another moderator or admin has an objection.

candy

08-21-2006, 03:14 PM

First off, I am reopening this thread and I hope that both Mom and her son read this!

LayinLow

08-21-2006, 03:33 PM

First off, I am reopening this thread and I hope that both Mom and her son read this!

I wonder if since starting this thread that anything has changed in their house. I still see OJ posting on here and it doesn't seem like he is going through any sort of WD's. Quite the predicament they are in. :cool:
</IMG>

devilsdrug

08-21-2006, 03:43 PM

heh now soaps with dope i tell ya cmon jerry jerry springer that is this is perfect now the boss of bosses is goin back and forth i know shut up

candy

08-21-2006, 04:20 PM

Mom(Spell Relief), you stated that at the end of your post that you attend AA meetings, which would tell me you know something about addiction and the actions of those addicted. Regardless which it is, alcohol or drugs, the behavior is about the same.
My first suggestion to you is to open this up to your knowledge of addiction and take a look at your behavior and that of your son. You have stated yourself that you have no one to depend on but your son and I would imagine that because of this, you have let some of his behaviors go without consequences due to your dependence on him. It really is manipulative behavior of both of you. You both have needs, whether they are positive or negative, you have them and therefor both of you are willing to give in to one another to achieve those needs.
Please understand I am not ganging up on you or taking sides, I am just pointing out what I see and trying to put some of this into perspective, so that maybe you can see it from a different point of view. Whenever we are close to the problem, we often don't see what others do.
Co-dependent behavior is not uncommon even in those who have the problem of addiction themselves, especially when more than one person in the family has a problem with addiction/alcoholism.
I realize it is difficult for you to follow through with some of the threats you have made,ie: calling the police, throwing him out of the house. You stated he helps you because of your physical problems and because of this, throwing him out/sending him to jail would leave you without help. But, each time he steals from you, you make those threats, scream and yell, but you don't follow through, out of your own fears of being left alone or maybe ruining his life with jail and a record.
It's obvious you both have learned how to use one another and know how to push the other's buttons. But, this behavior is not uncommon when you have two addicts living together. Regardless if one is using and one isn't, the behavior is the same. He is using and you have become co-dependent on him.

I will say that this forum might not have been the best way to sort out your problems. I am not sure if this was the first time you used opiophile.org to post, but if it was, it might not have been the best place to air out the problems at home. While this forum is open to anyone and open to all topics, trying to sort out family difficulties might only lead to more problems. My first thought when I heard of all this was, as Orange Juice, I might have felt invaded on and in some way, betrayed. We come hear to post our thoughts, problems, etc. and although you stated he was stealing your drugs, his posts were his own and I would of felt a betrayal if it were my Mom.
I am not placing blame, merely pointing out that there are better forums, more appropriate forums to work out your problems. While you needed to unload some feelings, maybe it would of been best not to share who you were or more so whose mother you were.

It is obvious you two need some sort of intervention of sorts and maybe a professional or those closer to you would be a better place to start.

A suggestion may be to start with finding some alternative ways for you to get to the places you need to go. If your pain/disability causes you to rely on transportation to and from the doctor or to the store, etc, look into what the city has to offer in the form of transportation for those with disabilities. Many areas offer a van that wheelchair access/access for those with less mobility, etc. at very little cost that takes you to doctors appt./and to run errands. I realize it is obviously easier to just get in the car and have someone take you, but I think that unless you start to change the relationship with your son, the problems will continue.

It takes great effort to change and most of us don't want to change or don't want to put forth that effort because it seems to hard. But, unless you are willing to make some changes, these problems will continue and get worse.

I know it can be difficult to ask others for help, but maybe you could talk to some of those you know from AA or some friends you have for help. Too often, we are afraid to ask others for help, but from what I have found that most of the time, they are willing to help and you could work something out with a few people when you have to be somewhere or need help. You certainly won't know until you ask and generally those in AA are willing to lend a hand. And you start to become less dependent on your son and you will start to feel a change within yourself as well.

I would also recommend help outside of AA in terms of professional psychological help. If you have the insurance or can afford to see a counselor of psychologist for yourself, it may help you gain the strength you need to be less dependent on your son. It will certainly help you to gain some tools in becoming stronger and less co-dependent.

I realize you both have some problems you are dealing with, both physical and emotional, but I think the first person you need to help is yourself. As much as we want to help our children, we often put our own needs aside to try and help them. While this is mostly instinctual and part of being a mother, the best way we can help our children is to help ourselves.

Try looking into different resources you can take advantage of to help yourself physically. If your pain causes obstacles, find what you can do to remove those obstacles. The more independent you can become, the less co-dependent you become. And I believe it is this co-dependence that causes a great deal of what is going on.

Set some goals for yourself to gain the independence to live alone. Once you start this, set a time-limit for your son and tell him he has(X-months) to leave and find a place to live. Give him a time limit that is reasonable and don't change it.

I realize you both will read this and as an someone who has had problems with addiction and being a Mom myself, I can see both sides.

O.J. I know it can be difficult to be addicted to opiates, but I also know that from your Mom's perspective, she relies on her medication to be there and I imagine if she is getting them from her doctor, she cannot just get refills any time she needs them. I do know it can be difficult to get the drugs when we need them or feel sick from w/d, but it is just not right stealing them from your Mom and leaving her with either none or running out before she can refill. If Methadone is your drug of choice and you want to start on a detox or Maintenance, look into Methadone Maintenance at a clinic.
You push someone long enough, this person being your Mom, but when you push them long enough, they are bound to break. I would hate to see you going off to jail or something worse happening.

Maybe it is time to move out. Just as I told your Mom, start looking into alternatives of living at home. Roommates, a friend possibly, or somewhere you can afford. I am not sure how old you are or if you work now, but something needs to change and that change needs to come from both of you. As I said in the beginning of the post, I didn't think this was the place to bring out the issues that exist between you and your Mom. I realize she was looking for help and maybe suggestions, but professional help is what you and your Mom need.

Sure, we have heard from you both and there are always two sides to a story, but no one can really post on the internet what truly is going on and I would imagine that there is more than what we have heard going on between you two. There is most likely a great deal of history we don't know and as I said, you cannot really put into words all the feelings and emotions that you both are experiencing.

We don't know all the problems and no one, especially those of us on this site should be finger pointing. I could say whatever I wanted in my post and no one would know any different. My point is that this is not the place to work through the problems. I do agree that taking your Mom's meds is wrong, but I can certainly understand the need. I have been there myself and we often do things we know are wrong, but in this instance, because your Mom relies on her meds, you need to leave them alone!
And maybe it is time to start looking into some alternatives.

I don't know what else to say on this. I hope that you can feel safe enough to continue to post here. Maybe changing your profile and screenname is an option so that you continue to have privacy. The internet is public, so banning your Mom may not be an option, but getting a new profile might give you some sense of privacy back.

I am going to leave this forum open for today and if you or your Mom wants to respond, needs some help, has a question, it's open for that. If you want to send me a PM, feel free to do so also.

This is a problem between you and your Mom and none of us really know the whole story, so for us to be judgmental and take sides is really not fair to either of you. This is my opinion only and if others don't agree, so be it. As I have said before, we can be anyone we want to be on the internet.

We can however offer you both suggestions, personal experience, and maybe refer you to help, but we shouldn't pass judgment.

I do hope for the best for the both of you....

nick

08-21-2006, 04:50 PM

Jesus H Christ.you guys sure are puritanical.Sure sitting here right now loaded it is very easy to moralize.Broke and sick is another gig.Sure this is morally repellant behavior,but we have all done some heinous shit or most of us.The best thing is to try and sought junior's situation out.
I'd bet junior probably feels pretty crappy about what he's doing and this semi public humiliation wont help any.If junior screws up after having his meds soughted that's a different.

Curio

08-21-2006, 05:02 PM

JesusH.Christ.....
If junior screws up after having his meds soughted that's a different.
what's 'soughted?'
and who's this J>H>C you speak of? :o I don't see anyone with that SN here
:cool:

devilsdrug

08-21-2006, 06:37 PM

sorry nobody asked but i think jr is a non caring person who is lost in own quest for non sobreity, and moms like all moms want their son to stand up and do the right thing . now u ask what is the right thing

orangejuice

08-21-2006, 06:42 PM

youd be surprised on who cares and who doesnt..

devilsdrug

08-21-2006, 06:55 PM

candy

08-21-2006, 07:19 PM

To be fair to all. O.J.'s Mom posted on this site and gave us her side of the story. And everyone has attacked O.J. due to what his Mom said. I think you guys need to go back and read the first original post by his Mom. She herself states she goes to AA. Whose to say that she herself is all that emotionally well and none of us know their past, what has happened between them. All we have to go on is what they post, so instead of attacking O.J., why not post some suggestions for the both of them.

Yeah, sounds like a Jerry Springer show to me as well and I said in my last post when I re-opened the forum that I felt she shouldn't have posted her problems on this site. None of us know the well-being of this Mom or her intentions and before you judge, try and take a moment to think about that.

How many of you who use opiates here have taken a few or many from a loved one or friend. This is a situation between O.J. and his Mom and should be left there. Ever heard that saying" What goes on behind closed doors.

Lay off the guy and drop it. We all go through our own shit and who of us who has done opiates and had a habit, hasn't stolen or taken opiates in anyway we can. Hell, I took them from my patients and gave them saline and I would be more than certain that many of us have done the same or worse and stole from family as well. Fuck, we all turn into fiends when we are dope sick or getting there.

And his Mother claims to go to AA meetings....Why does this behavior come as such a surprise to her? Hell, the answers are right in front of her or in that Big Book they make you buy when you come to meetings.

I don't want to close the forum, but instead of pointing fingers at O.J. as the problem, maybe look at the dynamics of his family life instead. His Mom doesn't go to AA meetings out of boredom or for the coffee. And none of us know what has happened to lead them both to this point!

There is always two sides to the story and we all get defensive at times and say things we don't always mean when were mad....C'mon you guys know all this!

Opiyum

08-21-2006, 08:45 PM

His mom is a certified opiophile afterall. Cant say the same for my mum.

Someone mentioned Jerry Springer...fits the bill in my opinion. How's that saying go about airing your dirty undies out in public.

mkchll

08-21-2006, 08:49 PM

u young man cannot be counted on to describe urself as a caring person that would hav to come from moms or someone else it doesnt work that way , for instance my daughter says shes a good mom , oh yea then why in the fuk am i raisin her 3 kids while she drugs boozes fuks around understand my pt of view . i would hav to hear something to change my view of things and yes she has stolen from me , money , booze , drugs, when the dumb bitch gets more shit than any body from liquid morh to fent

Who are you to judge weather he's a caring person or not? Certainly not you! After referring to your Daughter as a "DUMB BITCH" to a bunch of strangers and even worse saying she "FUKS AROUND". Real stand up guy!!

Spell Relief

08-21-2006, 10:14 PM

[quote=candy;37999]

Yeah, sounds like a Jerry Springer show to me as well and I said in my last post when I re-opened the forum that I felt she shouldn't have posted her problems on this site. None of us know the well-being of this Mom or her intentions and before you judge, try and take a moment to think about that.

And his Mother claims to go to AA meetings....Why does this behavior come as such a surprise to her? Hell, the answers are right in front of her or in that Big Book they make you buy when you come to meetings.

I don't want to close the forum, but instead of pointing fingers at O.J. as the problem, maybe look at the dynamics of his family life instead. His Mom doesn't go to AA meetings out of boredom or for the coffee. And none of us know what has happened to lead them both to this point!

Dear Candy, AA does not make anyone buy any thing ever!
My emotional well being isnt a topic here and I did not say who my son
was, I gave a little bit of my problem; sorry.
IMHO in think you could have said a lot of this in a priviate Message
to me. This is not the place for you to Counsel me openly. I dont
think you should assume our relationship. Thanks for your
concern . I wont go into AA's principles but problems such as mine
really has no place there, unless alcohol related. And my son atends
some meetings at times and well small town and we both go same
place. I have asked for help; no one wants to get involved thats true
I understand the co-dependant thing And Counseling only works.
when both or all want to work together.
I am worn out , please dont hesitate to pm or e-mail me..
i cant change the fact of starting that thread and I feel bad now because
youre saying I dont belong here and better sites for me to speak.
all 4 now.

Opiyum

08-21-2006, 11:30 PM

Who are you to judge weather he's a caring person or not? Certainly not you! After referring to your Daughter as a "DUMB BITCH" to a bunch of strangers and even worse saying she "FUKS AROUND". Real stand up guy!!

Hey DD maybe you just need to write a book about your life. It seems some people actually think that your feelings about your daughter can be summed up in one sentence. So... if you write a book then people will understand that things aren't so Black and White. People wont take the time to think a little deeper on their own. So you should go out of your way to spell it all out for them.

Holy shit! A parent who is disappointed in what their kids are doing. Un-fucking heard of.
My god! You are scum.

HistoryofMadness

08-22-2006, 02:58 AM

Dear Candy, AA does not make anyone buy any thing ever!
My emotional well being isnt a topic here and I did not say who my son
was, I gave a little bit of my problem; sorry.
IMHO in think you could have said a lot of this in a priviate Message
to me. This is not the place for you to Counsel me openly. I dont
think you should assume our relationship. Thanks for your
concern . I wont go into AA's principles but problems such as mine
really has no place there, unless alcohol related. And my son atends
some meetings at times and well small town and we both go same
place. I have asked for help; no one wants to get involved thats true
I understand the co-dependant thing And Counseling only works.
when both or all want to work together.
I am worn out , please dont hesitate to pm or e-mail me..
i cant change the fact of starting that thread and I feel bad now because
youre saying I dont belong here and better sites for me to speak.
all 4 now.

No one suggested you didn't belong here. And only maybe one or two people suggested your question didn't belong here. In fact, I think the real issue is HOW the discussion is being carried out (by everyone, not just you) not even really the content. And the unique circumstances of the situation; specifically that you and OJ both hang out here.

We've definitely discussed thing of this general nature here, but never watched (at least I've never seen it) a family argument / problem put into the hands of the 'public' here. It just seems so personal that I don't see how anyone can offer advice without some sort of predetermined bias based on that individual's past.

that's all.

dorje

08-22-2006, 05:08 AM

Try NA for problems related to yours. And how long can we all debate this ?

Babydollangel

08-22-2006, 06:13 AM

No one suggested you didn't belong here. And only maybe one or two people suggested your question didn't belong here. In fact, I think the real issue is HOW the discussion is being carried out (by everyone, not just you) not even really the content. And the unique circumstances of the situation; specifically that you and OJ both hang out here.

We've definitely discussed thing of this general nature here, but never watched (at least I've never seen it) a family argument / problem put into the hands of the 'public' here. It just seems so personal that I don't see how anyone can offer advice without some sort of predetermined bias based on that individual's past.

that's all.

actually this is getting to be better than watching tv...the kids are all gone to school, the house is quiet and empty and i keep refreshing this damn thread over and over to see what who will say next. LOL

I am NOT laughing at anyone rather the fact that it is 'truely now a horse that cant be beat to death any longer, he died along time ago'. this is a family problem...period..although its getting to be interesting reading. lol...or else i wouldnt keep coming back to read it every so often....its like a car wreck...you dont wanna look but just havta....ya know...

devilsdrug

08-22-2006, 07:28 AM

as everyone know i try damn hard to tell it like it is baby , in real life i have to pull the punches some time , here i dont because it would be a meaningless waste of time drivel

Babydollangel

08-22-2006, 07:32 AM

as everyone know i try damn hard to tell it like it is baby , in real life i have to pull the punches some time , here i dont because it would be a meaningless waste of time drivel

DD... you just have such a way with words; kind sir.... :) couldnt have said it better myself :D

blueflutterfly

08-22-2006, 08:15 AM

:(I have a problem,thats getting worse and I need some of your(the forum)
feedback/opinions.
My problem is my son who I shall call Lou, 21 who keeps ...
I should have kicked him out...
I am so angry and hurt that he keeps...
Whats a Mother to do? anyone else have a problem like this?

you post something like this you cannot tell people to step off when they respond...to tell candy she could of said all she said via email when you've gone and posted all kinds of stuff to jr. that could have/ should have been said at home isn't cool...candys' questions are legit, she's assumed nothing - only gone on what YOU have written and she's not the only one wondering...playing the sypathy card around here prolly won't be as effective as you think...this is the land o' nod.

can i throw a chair now?

Spell Relief

08-22-2006, 11:05 AM

zombiewoof23

08-22-2006, 11:17 AM

Babydollangel

08-22-2006, 11:18 AM

Dear whom it may concern; I definitely am not trying to get sympathy.
I had tryed working this out at home base and was so upset at the time I
simplly needed to vent and now I just am trying to live this down.
Seems like people are pissed off at me. Im SORRY sorry.:confused:

I dont think anyone is pissed at you...i can see how you want/need opinions and understanding (im here for that purpose at times as well) i think all this is heated cuz of both yall being here and reading responses etc. Venting is a good thing :) I will continue to keep you and OJ in my thoughts and prayers and i hope by now yall have alot of the issues worked out !
Of course these are just my thoughts on this..i just think it added a different kind of twist to things when you know whatever you say is gonna be read by both parties therefore making it more of a heated debate and kinda like choosing sides..I can relate to both of you actually. but its hard to say something about one and not offend the other.
Its very unusual for 2 people living in the same house to be posting family matters on the same website...ive never seen it before. That is what makes all this different..IMO.
but Im still wishing you both the best of luck in all of this.
chin up :)

candy

08-22-2006, 11:38 AM

Spell Relief,
As butterfly stated in regards to my post, I did not intend to you or post any blame towards you, if I did I apologize.
I think the point is that in posting your anonymity as well as your son's should of been important. To post regarding a problem you have is fine and that is what the site is for, as well as many other reasons, but when the anonymity of someone who is a member is broken, it takes away the ability for that member to post fairly and without judgment.

We can all make assumptions and give our opinions and how you respond or is up to you, but I was concerned for the fact that O.J. could no longer post without having other members judging him and I believe that was a huge concern for him. You as well as your son have every right to be a member and I can only speak for myself when I say I would never ask you to be removed or banned. But, I do think that privacy should be everyone's concern. We are talking about some touching issues and many of us do not want to be known by anyone or possibly because of our jobs or legal issues, must remain anonymous.

I may have been out of line with my comments regarding AA and for that I do apologize. The issues you and your son have are directly related to addiction and regardless of whether it is the abuse of alcohol or drugs, the behavior and issues related as they cause problems are the same. I do honestly feel that as a member of AA, you should look to those you are close to in meetings or a sponsor for some direction, as well as getting some professional help. I feel that some of the suggestions I made could be directed towards anyone with family issues and the help you need should come from people close to you that can be physically present to help and to rely on. Obviously, these are only suggestions and I don't have any expectations of whether you take the suggestions or not. I certainly don't hold anyone to any suggestion I make. It comes from personal and professional experience and I wouldn't tell anyone in my family/friends/professional job, any different than I posted here.

I feel this issue should be dropped from our forums here and allow you and your son to have some privacy in your family matters. I want you to have the opportunity to respond and if you wish to do so through PM, I am fine with that and want you to feel comfortable.

I may have crossed the line in my posts yesterday in some of the things I said and I am sorry if I did. It is never my intention to hurt anyone, but to state the facts and give suggestions. I extend my apology to you and encourage you to send me PM if you would like.

I think it is time to let this issue drop!

candy

08-22-2006, 11:40 AM

Spell Relief, I will leave the forum opened for a while if you wish to respond and then I will close the forum and we can move on. If you would like to send me a PM instead, then I will close it once I hear from you.

No one meant to hurt anyone!

Opiyum

08-22-2006, 11:56 AM

It just seems so personal that I don't see how anyone can offer advice without some sort of predetermined bias based on that individual's past.

I was trying to put this very sentence into words for over half an hour. Predetermined Bias.....Damn! Why couldn't I think of that.