when hydro comes to the end of its usefullness

[opiobsessed]

It was a black, sad, very sick afternoon and horrible night last night. I learned in the most horrid way possible, that hydro has come to the end of any usefullness to me. I've been binging off and on with hydro the past year, to offset the strung out feeling on suboxone and the constipation I get from it, that no laxatives relieve.

Well this last binge proved sickly to me, yesterday I took the last 5 hydro I was going to take at around 3:30 afternoon. Nobody was home, I had the place to myself and all of a sudden I felt just sickly again.
I quickly took the last pepto's I had and chewed em up and what do you know. Suddenly before I even swallow em I have to puke just like that, horrible.
My family came home to me laying in bed, sick as heck, me afraid to tell I binged again, it was almost suppertime.

My Mom made me a bowl of soup, I barely could hold it down, even water for that matter. I started puking worse and worse in the night, scared to death I would have to go to the er. Started puking stomach acid, green bile horrible. Then the mental wd's set in from the hydro, then finally some physical symptoms. Suddenly I got relieved of constipation, then I was so weak all I could do was go back to bed. I broke down and told my Mom what I did, she was kind of upset but didn't take me to the er luckily. I finally couldn't take it anymore and took my first 8mg sub at 11pm. I finally felt the stomach ache go away, no more horrible nausea, I slept like a rock.

I didn't get up today until 1:20 pm, I'm still weak, but feel okay with no wd's, just thought I'd share this experience with others. I've come to realize that hydro is beyond any usefullness to me, its sad but gotta move on. Here I have another refill left of 120 hydro's online and 30 valium, I think I"ll just get the valium cuz it keep me calm I'm so nervous all the time lately. I get sick just looking at a hydro pill now, so sad to have to say goodbye to you mister watson.

[exitwound]

Sometimes your body just makes a decision and sticks to it.....it's good that you've decided to try and listen. You can figure out, in time, how to cope with this and still be able to use some opiates, some of the time....obviously just not the way you have been recently. Best of luck, my friend! Let me know if there's any way in which I can be of help.....

[opiobsessed]

What have most of you on here, who have "grown" out of hydrocodone and its cousins gone to in the opiate family after like me? realizing its usefullness has reached the end of the road.

I imagine being on suboxone for a year and a half has also hurried up my tolerance and body rejecting hydro of any use, however back when I went into rehab, hydro was quickly reaching the end of its usefullness back then even.

I remember stocking up two 120 count bottles of 10/500, after the wd hell I went through for a week, I saved them up, had a big feeling rehab was just around the corner and went wild with all 240 pills in only a week. I went through em so fast back then, because I had to take 7 or 8 at a time, just to get the same effect as one used to give me when I started on em.

I crashed so hard from that many pills in a week, I felt I was dying the morning I first walked into outpatient rehab, could barely handle being up at the death hour of that morning, sitting in this boring group. I started feeling faint, just suddenly couldn't stand the suffering anymore, the group staff member suddenly realized me in such bad shape and took me to the nurses station, took my blood pressure and I felt a sigh of relief when they said "admit him".

I was sent to a bed, given some valium and something for nausea, couldn't wait to sleep it off boy was I relieved to sleep a whole day, just getting up when told to for valium and nausea pill and to drink lots of water when possible. Sad thing is, now suboxone is reaching the end of its usefullness to me, I can feel it in my body with bad constipation, ambitionless depression feeling and back to square one feeling.

After what I put myself through the past few days, how weak and lousy I feel today, I hope to God something comes up soon, something has gotta come along to break this monotony, especially at the worst time when as you all have been there, my bills are fucking pileing up and I barely can get what's needed done around the house, let alone try to sell some stuff at auction and deal with the hassle of packing, shipping etc of that crap.

I'm about broke, in as bad a boat as some are here I'm sure, I know one thing money changes everything, if I could just by luck win the lotto I would buy my happiness, instantly switch to a better medication and get on with my life. Thank God for disability at least, otherwise I would be out on the street or dead long ago guys.

[surfer]

best of luck to you. if your body is talking to you and you are able to 'listen' to it I think you are on the right track.

take good care

[shaunclo]

I'm about broke, in as bad a boat as some are here I'm sure, I know one thing money changes everything, if I could just by luck win the lotto I would buy my happiness, instantly switch to a better medication and get on with my life. Thank God for disability at least, otherwise I would be out on the street or dead long ago guys.

Opio, your not as bad off as you think, you have a roof over your head, you have food to eat, you have suboxone to keep the w/d's away, I mean, c'mon, we all want an endless supply of our d.o.c., but even an endless amount of H would not bring me happiness. I would like to think so, but I think after a couple of years of being able to shoot as much dope as I wanted, I would get tired of it and just give myself a fatal dose.

Maybe its time for you to move onto something else in life, maybe drugs arent for you, you sound like you cant handle them. You wanna go on methadone, but after a couple of months the glow from that is gonna fade and youll be worse off, because you wont be getting high from it anymore AND you will be stuck having to go to the clinic EVERY FUCKIN DAY!!!! Could you imagine having to go to the docs office every day to get your suboxone after the suboxone has stoppped working for you? Just some food for thought brutha

[Hammilton]

You know, I've been on methadone for 8 months now and I can gladly say that I get the same glow every time I take it. Its what makes my life worth living. I have nerve damage in my elbow though, so theres no travel involved- a week or so worth of pills and I refill when needed. I don't have to worry about binging with these, it just isn't fun.

If you can kick bupe, and maintain some sobriety for a few months, you could always go back on. For a while methadone had felt like it was losing its touch so I kicked (in may, 2 weeks and no wds at all). I stayed clean for two weeks and then chipped for another two and then went back to methadone.

Kicking done isn't that hard if you do it the right way. I should post my method since everyone makes it sound like hell.

Anyway, I wouldn't say that your body doesn't like hydrocodone anymore. We're all aware of the need not to mix normal opioids with antagonist/agonists like buprenorphine within a certain period of time. If you had taken the hydrocodone within the time that your last dose of buprenorphine was still workin in your body, odds are you went through whats known as precipitated withdrawal. I'd bet that if you waited another day before dosing the hydro you would have been fine.

[soulman]

damn, shaunclo could've taken the words right out of my mouth(which is incredible, because my tongue did not feel a thing,but that could be because i just railed a fat pile of tan powder and put three k-pins under my tongue:D ) yeah, opi maybe this is just a sign that its time to move on with your life, i wish i would have listened myself before i had to start shootin dope every 2-3 hours, and losing my job, car, fiancee', ALMOST my love and support from friends and family, but i finally heard the wake-up call, it sounded like this ," yeah they just announced your bail 50,000=5000 to walk!"
now i get to call ma n pa who told me from the beginning you're either gonna die(which technically i did once for like 2-3 minutes before the paramedics got me back, or end up in jail, and now you want your mother and i to put up 5000 cash so you can go do some more dope!?!?!?!'
NICE TRY, you got yourself in there, get yourself out!"so we all get wake up calls at different points along the downward spiral of addiction, its all in how well you listen.
take care my friend-
p.m. if you need to talk in private-
_soul_

[devilsdrug]

opio have been still eatin em straight or cwe em come on now tell granpa drug

[opiobsessed]

Well to be honest, this time I didn't do a cwe, thinking I have only 60 pills and take only 5 at a time, I didn't bother. Before that I would cwe the 120 watsons, but just didn't do it with this last 60 I had. Things are starting to look ugly in nod land.

I hope my psych doc is right, he said I need to be honest with my sub doctor because I may have some beginning of liver damage because I threw up so bad a few nights ago, heard a slight buzzing sound in my head that night. He did have a point, I'm really screwing myself up bad by switching between opies and sub. I told him, the only reason I do it is because the sub doesn't make me feel good anymore and when I switch it reverses my constipation problem for a few days. He said I'm gonna send myself to the grave if I keep up like this, that I have to be honest and tell my sub doc about what's going on, that I may need to do something or go an a different medication.

I'm hopeing things will work out and I can feel great again soon, get stuff done and enjoy things again.

[devilsdrug]

i dont ur situation opio totally but not doin cwe probably started bad incident, and as far as tellin docs everything i think the general consensus around here would be NO

[ZodiacKiller]

Hey, Opiob, what these guys have said is the truth, and it might not be a bad idea to do what Shaunclo said and use your Sub to taper yourself clean for a bit. I did it back in December and am gonna do it again real soon myself. But I doubt hydros will ever really work for you again, they haven't for me at least.

I know you have medical issues and its accompanying pain to deal with, and if you need opiates for that, oxycodone should still work for you. OC would probably be best, since you wouldn't have to CWE. But Percocet should work ok for you, both recreationally and hopefully for your pain. Just be aware that you've just taken that first slippery step on the road to junky-dom. I was where you are about two-three years ago, and now I have a monstrous heroin habit. In fact, I just made an appointment for the Suboxone clinic for next Friday; so far I've been sharing my wife's script, but now it's gone beyond that for me.

If you have entertained thoughts of getting clean for a while, now would be the time, brother. We're here to help if you do. Or don't, we'll still be here...:)


ZK

[karmacoma]

wow, good advice from everyone. i think that, at times, this website can be more helpful than a therapist. this may be a stupid question, opi (it seems to me that my habit isn't as developed as many others here), but have you tried using l-tyrosine? this helps to boost some of those good brain chemicals that long and extensive opiate use can deplete. it really works for me, and is also part of the best do-it-yourself cold turkey methods, IMO.

it sounds like you need something else to keep you going. i don't mean drugwise, but like work. do you do anything? i know that the best feeling for me is when i've created something. i mean drugs are a close second, but i don't think they could ever really replace it. think about it, is the brightest point in your life taken up by drugs? if it is, i think even the most pro-drug person would tell you that you have to put something more meaningful there. maybe a girl (or boy, who knows?), some kind of (i don't want to say hobby, because that sounds so... i don't know... petty), but some activity. you can always use drugs to enhanse your life. but if you had something that was really important, that meant more than anything else, you wouldn't let drugs harm or diminish it. just naturally. i think that's the only way to control addiction. but what do i know?

[ZodiacKiller]

wow, good advice from everyone. i think that, at times, this website can be more helpful than a therapist. this may be a stupid question, opi (it seems to me that my habit isn't as developed as many others here), but have you tried using l-tyrosine? this helps to boost some of those good brain chemicals that long and extensive opiate use can deplete. it really works for me, and is also part of the best do-it-yourself cold turkey methods, IMO.

it sounds like you need something else to keep you going. i don't mean drugwise, but like work. do you do anything? i know that the best feeling for me is when i've created something. i mean drugs are a close second, but i don't think they could ever really replace it. think about it, is the brightest point in your life taken up by drugs? if it is, i think even the most pro-drug person would tell you that you have to put something more meaningful there. maybe a girl (or boy, who knows?), some kind of (i don't want to say hobby, because that sounds so... i don't know... petty), but some activity. you can always use drugs to enhanse your life. but if you had something that was really important, that meant more than anything else, you wouldn't let drugs harm or diminish it. just naturally. i think that's the only way to control addiction. but what do i know?

Good post, Karma. Just curious about this l-tyrosine that you mentioned, what is it, a vitamin supplement? Is it something that can be obtained at a health food store? And lastly, does it help in tolerance-reduction?

Opiob, I also agree with Karma on the fact that you have to have something in your life to enhance with drugs, and not allow the drugs to become the be-all/end-all of your existence. I enjoy drugs to enhance the aspects and passions of my life, such as my guitar playing, or going on bike-rides with my wife (mountain-biking while opiated is fun, lemme tell ya..). I mean, yeah, I like to sit around high playing Xbox, too, but you get the idea...


ZK

[paperrabbit]

hope you're feeling at least slightly better today, Opi. I can definitely say that you're last PM scared the shit out of me. It seems like you are trying what you can, but it just isn't working - so you may have to tell the sub doc what's going on. If you decide not to tell him about the replapsing tell him how the sub isn't working. Though I do think getting your liver checked would be a good thing..
<3

[karmacoma]

hope you're feeling at least slightly you're last PM scared the shit out of me. It seems like you are trying what you can, but it just isn't working - so you may have to tell the sub doc what's going on.


opi. i know i barely know you, and my first post ever in this chat room was critical of something you said. but i was amazed at the level of support your online friends have shown. and even those who barely know you (like me) are pulling for you.

i really don't know what to say. paper's post scared the shit out of me. the last thing i want to happen is to sign on to the website one fine, clear day and read some really bad news. maybe i'm completely out of line, and assuming things that aren't true, but...

i also agree with paper about your sub doctor. but the bottom line is that you need to have someone in your life who knows exactly what's going on with you. maybe that person isn't your doctor. i just think the worst-case scenario would be for you to shoulder all of this pain, and for nobody around you to know its full extent. maybe each person knows a little piece of the story, but nobody knows the whole score... except you. you should pick someone - someone you can trust - and lay the whole fucking story on them; everything. and when you do that, at least you won't be alone. obviously (IMO) you're dealing with some shit that goes way deeper than drugs, and i think you probably need some help in sorting it out.

really sorry if this is completely out of line, or if i'm over reacting. it's just that i've had my own experience that showed me how deep certain emotional/psychological territory can be. i had to admit defeat and call for a lifeguard.

maybe it's not hydro that's come to the end of its utility. maybe you're seeing the limits of the utility of drugs in general.

good luck.

[karmacoma]

oh, by the way, ZK, L-Tyrosine is an amino acid, and a precursor to dopamine (an maybe serotonin, although i'm not sure on that one). it is availabel at health food stores as an over the counter dietary supplement. if taken on an empty stomache it gives you a caffine-like buzz, but with an added something... like optimism, or ambition. the effect goes away as soon as you stop taking them. but i don't know why this is never prescribed to depression patients. maybe to simple. to cheap?

search in this forum for the word (sometimes it's just called tyrosine), and it will most likely turn up better information than what i'm giving you.

opi, maybe you should try this. i was skeptical at first, but i was amazed by the effects.

[freedomclub]

I truly believe I have an endorphin deficiency and use methadone for pain, cravings and depression.

[opiobsessed]

Freedom, I'm amazed, we are both in the same boat, I and even my psych doctor believes I have a natural endorphin deficiency as well. Looking back to even when I was little, to this day I still remember way back like when I was 6 or 8 years old, sometimes I would get the exact same emotional sadness that comes along with wd'ing from a huge opiate binge and going cold turkey. I remember just crying for no reason and just feeling the same sad, horrible empty emotions as one does when coming off an opiate.

When I was little I had no idea what it was, I thought it was because I was left alone so much in my life, never had close friends or someone to love me. Everyone is right, I know I definately need a big change in life, someone to love me that I love being with, would help bigtime I'm sure. I never heard of the supplement you mentioned Karma, but its worth a try. I think one thing that has really made me go totally downhill the past few months was.

On my birthday, I wound up in the er because of chronic intestinal pain, flu like symptoms and couldn't even hold my sub under my tongue. I ended up having scar tissue removed from my intestines from past surgery etc. I was down and out since then. My only two main hobbies I think I have burnt them into the ground from doing them for years and years.

Suddenly recently, the day came that the last straw broke, I had finally just got fed up with the hassle of ebay, someone gave me a big hassle over a piddly $5 shipping difference and I just got sick of it and after that. I one day just fixated on drugs to get through the day, got ahold of 120 more 10/500, and 30 valiums. I was on cloud 9 for 4 days. It took two weeks to recover back on subs after that.

Now its the beginning of the month and the darn bills are pileing up and now I have that to worry about, because I had no extra income coming in the past couple of weeks because I got burnt out on ebay and now I have no money to pay even the min payment on my bills so I can scrape by till next month.

On a good note however, I saw my psych a few days ago, luckily he is compassionate and understanding of me, like everyone here is, he gave me some valium for my post traumatic stress syndrome and some antidepressant called mirtazapine 30mg. I am now finally feeling alot better now, am getting stuff back up to sell and pay off some bills. However the antidepressant is making me tired as a zombie.

I woke up the past two days since I started taking it and I was a half zombie most of the day, today when I got up, I was alot better but my stomach was hurting again when I woke up today. I just finished my sub, then going to wait a bit and take my valium. Then feel better each day hopefully. One of the main reasons I started using the opiates in the first place is because it helped me cope alot better, from all the trauma I've been through in life. I keep hopeing one day I will meet someone special I love being with, and or get things going good financially. I think if all that falls into place I wont have much trouble at all tapering off the subs and using as little drugs as needed.

[bodangly]

I keep hopeing one day I will meet someone special I love being with, and or get things going good financially. I think if all that falls into place I wont have much trouble at all tapering off the subs and using as little drugs as needed.

I feel the same way, this is all im really holding out for anymore, Opiates get me through the day, when I dont have them my depression gets severe, I just cant even bother with my old friends anymore because they just make me feel more alone somehow. Its a rough ride, and I don't even have a big monkey on my back right now. But fuck chipping, I really just want a huge box of pods (or OCs, but I can't afford em) to sit down with for awhile and just live, because thats all we can do. And for me living only seems normal when I have an opi in my system.

[skeletontea]

Sorry you had that experience Opio. As for your question about what we use after hydro, I'd say I drink tea more than anything else, and sometimes use other stuff (though I try not to use anything too often.) I really hope you don't have liver damage (that's a scary thought).

Since your thread mentions wd's and hydro not working anymore, perhaps this is a good place to explain where I've been (I don't mean to detract from your thread, and I am very sorry if this does):

Aside from visiting relatives I'd just binged on tea a bit longer than I would have normally, and when I ran out, took 90 mg butorphanol with 30 mg hydro. The next day I took whatever I got out of 60mg hydro (CWE) in the morning and 50mg hydro without an extraction that night, neither of which seemed to have any effect whatsoever, which shouldn't be surprising considering the previous day's regimine. "Uh oh, time for a break." I said (a bit of an understatement.)

After 3 days of perhaps 30 minutes of sleep a night, constantly feeling like I'd been hit by a train, and as if my legs were being crushed (and according to others, sniffling non-stop, and kicking the wall, but I didn't notice that,) I broke down and took 30 mg butorphanol. After half an hour I felt ok, but nauseous. I took a bit today as well. Who Knows what will happen now, I know it's time for another break.

It was really tempting to get into my grandmother's oxy (which always expires and gets tossed before she finishes a refill), but that would permanantly ruin my relationship with my family. My mother wants me to go to my doctor and tell him the symptoms I was feeling, in hopes of getting a diagnosis (she doesn't know).

[oc80tn]

I think it's a crying shame that the medical profession hides the fact or refuses to admit that a lot of people who abuse drugs like narcotic pain killers, cocaine or marijuana do so just to feel normal because their brain chemistry is screwed up. Even though the prevailing thought on drug abuse isn't that it is caused by moral weakness anymore, they still want to say that people are just predisposed to it. Maybe true, but why are they predisposed to it? I honestly think it's because our brain chemistry makes us seek out anything to make us able to cope with the inward depression.

I look back on my life and from about the time I was 12, I have lived with anxiety and depression. I felt like I was worthless and that nobody would ever love me. When I take my meds, I don't feel this way. I am happy, content and more socially outgoing. I have taken the SSRI's and MAOI's and all they did was make me a zombie. They scare me a whole lot more than opioids do. But for some reason, doctors will give that stuff out like candy (trust me, I know!). They do it because they say it's not addictive. Maybe not in the traditional sense of the word, but try stopping them cold turkey and see what happens. It's a whole hell of a lot more dangerous than stopping pain killers cold turkey. Opioid withdrawal is bad, but it probably won't kill you. You can die or experience side effects like seizures from SSRI's or MAOI's.

Maybe I am way off base here, but I sincerely believe that the medical community needs to reexamine the use of opioids for the treatment of chronic depression and anxiety.

[red26]

Opio, your not as bad off as you think, you have a roof over your head, you have food to eat, you have suboxone to keep the w/d's away, I mean, c'mon, we all want an endless supply of our d.o.c., but even an endless amount of H would not bring me happiness. I would like to think so, but I think after a couple of years of being able to shoot as much dope as I wanted, I would get tired of it and just give myself a fatal dose.

Maybe its time for you to move onto something else in life, maybe drugs arent for you, you sound like you cant handle them. You wanna go on methadone, but after a couple of months the glow from that is gonna fade and youll be worse off, because you wont be getting high from it anymore AND you will be stuck having to go to the clinic EVERY FUCKIN DAY!!!! Could you imagine having to go to the docs office every day to get your suboxone after the suboxone has stoppped working for you? Just some food for thought brutha

Holy crap man. I know exactly what yer sayin here, entirly. I had pretty much an endless supply of H and it got so fukin boring, shootin up a dozen and a half or so times a day. It sucked the biggest ass imagimable. After the first six months or less even sometimes, your just doin it to feel normal and that my friends is a really frightening concept to me and I'm sure others here as well.
I went through the same damn thing with methadone too!!! Fuck that stuff. Three and some odd years on that and I hated myself for what I had gotten myself into with it.
I'd hate to tell ya bro but, sometimes if you want your life back from yourself inside your gunna have to fight for it. White knuckles, grit teeth, and beat you personal demon down. I dont know about you but I use when my emotions are getting the better of me. By no means am I lookin fer pitty or comfort but I've led a really fucked up life, seen alot of people die, get killed, ect. ect... blah blah blah. Alot of memories knock me down to nuthin sometimes and using is a crutch for me to get back on my feet.
As I'm sure you want it too, I want to be able to stand on my own two feet without the six shooter loaded with dillies to plug myself with. In a way, the shit eventually morphs into kryptonite to us over time. Keepin that from happenin is the challenge inside ourselves as addicts. I'm goin off here, later peeps.

[opiobsessed]

Hi everyone,

I just got back from our family vacation for a week last night(Sat), I had a ball binging again, bad boy I know. I stashed along my 120 hydro and 30 valium, plus my closest family member hands out my daily subs and valium 10mg 3 times a day.

Day one I quit the sub and started stashing it away, sometimes taking 5 valium at a time to feel real great. That was just a few times though, but after 2 days of getting the sub outta my system. The fun began.

My tolerance was down a little bit, I was taking 5 hydro's at once every 3-4 hours, we all had alot of fun and I felt great until wed, when I ran out of my hydro's.

I resumed back on the usual sub and valium for anxiety the next day and everything went fine. I felt good the rest of the time.

However on another note, I'm kind of worried about this strange pain I get everyday. Mainly when I wake up to go to the bathroom, or wake up for the day. My neck hurts bad and my body just aches until I get moving a bit. I get cramping in my hands at times through the day sometimes and I just wonder if anyone else has ever had this stuff happen to them while on opiates?


I'm lucky to be on the drug combo I"m on now, but I have to hurry along pretty fast here and get my shit together before I run out of money or get myself in a worse mess.

Everyone here has a great point as far as, me having something or someone special in my life to keep my mind off drugs. My hobbies have lost their zest, I just got permanently banned from ebay and I am so pissed because it was my main supplementary income for bills etc. Now I have to go throught the huge hassle of getting aroung things and getting back on there. I had to sell my digital cam to pay for my last binge when I went on vacation.

Right now I'm just really bummed about how things are going right now, I feel one big thing that would help me alot, is meeting someone in my area who I love being with, someone to hug me and give me love that I never received much in my life anyway. Trouble is I dont know the best place to look for someone, plus I've been burnt by so many people in my life because of my mental disability issue that I dont know where to go.

I've been to meetings, of course they are just like cults, however I wish I wasn't so darn shy, because one time I got chatting with someone I was really attracted to. They gave me their number but I got cold feet and never called them. I then saw them again after I got out of rehab last year and I think I should pursue it more. Heck I suppose talking on the phone first about anything personal won't cause a problem, because I can always just not go to that meeting again if me and this person turn out not compatible.

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

Does Promethazine potenate hydro??? My Dads got a big bottle of the liquid stuff in the bathroom. I've heard it does and then other people say its a waste because it just knocks you out. Anyone know?

[opiobsessed]

OC80,
you and me feel exactly the same and have the same things in common. I am lucky to have a compassionate psych doctor, who actually understands just what you and I believe. That opiates are the only "antidepressent" that some people's body chem reacts to best. Sad to say, I think we must be a minority, because so far my psych doctor told me there is no current trials on opiates for depression.

I get the same results as you from those lousy ssri's or however they are spellled. My psych doc gave me some valium and an antidepressant called remeron, I can see why he told me take it at bedtime.
I'm a zombie when I wake up and am a zombie halfway through the day when I took that crap. I just quit taking it, I have to see him in a few days so hopefully I'll get more valium.

[shaunclo]

Holy crap man. I know exactly what yer sayin here, entirly. I had pretty much an endless supply of H and it got so fukin boring, shootin up a dozen and a half or so times a day. It sucked the biggest ass imagimable. After the first six months or less even sometimes, your just doin it to feel normal and that my friends is a really frightening concept to me and I'm sure others here as well.
I went through the same damn thing with methadone too!!! Fuck that stuff. Three and some odd years on that and I hated myself for what I had gotten myself into with it.
I'd hate to tell ya bro but, sometimes if you want your life back from yourself inside your gunna have to fight for it. White knuckles, grit teeth, and beat you personal demon down. I dont know about you but I use when my emotions are getting the better of me. By no means am I lookin fer pitty or comfort but I've led a really fucked up life, seen alot of people die, get killed, ect. ect... blah blah blah. Alot of memories knock me down to nuthin sometimes and using is a crutch for me to get back on my feet.
As I'm sure you want it too, I want to be able to stand on my own two feet without the six shooter loaded with dillies to plug myself with. In a way, the shit eventually morphs into kryptonite to us over time. Keepin that from happenin is the challenge inside ourselves as addicts. I'm goin off here, later peeps.

Red26, Im glad someone else knows what I mean....I also had an endless supply for quite a while and as much as poeple cant believe it, IT DOES GET BORING BEING HIGH ALL THE TIME!! I had to stop taking such big shots before I would go to sleep so I could wake up a little in w/d so I could go from low-to-high again. When your loaded 24/7, its not as fun as it sounds. I like being able to feel the rush, and when your constantly high, your not getting that rush, your only STAYING high.

[HeidiW]

What a very honest point, it does suck to just maintain.

[clinton]

in regards to the liver damage......have you tried cold water extraction to save your liver some work?
in regards to enhancement of pills, what do you all use for that little extra kick?

[WarmCyanide]

Red26, Im glad someone else knows what I mean....IT DOES GET BORING BEING HIGH ALL THE TIME!! I had to stop taking such big shots before I would go to sleep so I could wake up a little in w/d so I could go from low-to-high again.

Cheer up, man! I'm sure there's some other tradesmen among us. Let's construct a theme park we can all go to like nodland or something. I'll ride the shooter. putrid joking aside, i know what ya mean.
alot of times i think to myself "what the fuck am I doing??? "nice fuckin life, ya idiot." then moments later, i cure my self with the disease. it's my fault though. no one elses. Fuk now im depressed. hehe