Stuck kicked off of methadone at 30mg and with a daily heroin habit.

[asplinteredfawn]

SWIM's got that rich white lady stalking him on the prowl...

SWIM's got a habit of 3 shots containing 1/10th of a gram; per day.
When he wakes up, when he starts to get sick around 5pm or 6pm, and while SWIM's getting ready; maybe an hour or so before, he ends up going to bed.

SWIM buys his 10ths for 20$ each. Sometimes SWIM get deals and sometime he buys wheight. SWIM's on SSi and pays 400$ for rent. It's got to the point that his 3 shot habit, only keeps him straight. he doesn't really get high anymore. SWIM doesn't even know how much it'd take to GET him high as in "nod out, get a gravely voice, and the such". SWIM doesn't have the funds to continue this.

SWIM's been on and off heroin for 8 years. This is a very weak habit for SWIM. Yet a very constant one, not to mention the methadone; SWIM started on 190mg of methadone 2 1/2 years ago. He's tapered down to 30mg then was kicked out a week ago. He was kicked out and went cold turkey, just relying on the heroin habit to keep from the sickness.

He needs to quit, at least for now. Who is he kidding... He'll never quit for good. It's just not in his blood. Junk is part of who SWIM is. He just don't have any support either. No one cares about SWIM, the only thing they care about is that he's not prescribed any addictive substances from doctors and that he's not acquiring them from clandestine sources.

He called his Medicaid office for inpatient rehab or detox. Detoxing, Which is the main problem, he can't quit heroin, because then he'll still be kicking off the methadone for another 3 weeks or so. It's getting to the point he can't pay the rent.

Lately, when SWIM isn't sick he spends his time trying to find local Suboxone doctors who take Medicaid. He's pretty sure getting back on Bupe will fix his problems. A month or two of Bupe is in order to hold him over till the methadone is out of his system. Secondly to switch him from heroin to something more practical for this period of his life. SWIM is not trying to get sober for good, just till he can learn to function sober, in the real world.

SWIM started drugs too young and he doesn't know how to do anything without them. Even process emotions. When he went clean for a year a little while back. Man, he kept boo-hooing out of no where he became so snappy and sarcastic almost like Gregory House. He never even knew that side of his personality.

Now he does, and it's become a part of him. Some sober time is needed to find out who you really are without the drugs. At least Heroin being one of the least personality shifting drugs in SWIMS opinion. It still fucks with your demeanor to a point. At least hes not a pot head... that stuff fucks with your nature and who you are as in your ego.

SWIM's kicked worse heroin habits then this cold turkey... but never methadone. Also, this seems like a step in SWIM's life... not just another time he is trying to kick.

Any advice? He's got 1 days worth of dope left.

[Oakleyskier]

SWIM started drugs too young and he doesn't know how to do anything without them. Even process emotions. When he went clean for a year a little while back. Man, he kept boo-hooing out of no where he became so snappy and sarcastic almost like Gregory House. He never even knew that side of his personality.



thats scary man, thats like exactly where my life has been the past few months, i cant deal with the being a little emo bitch sober.

gettting fucked up at 14, daily opiate habbit (as in sick without) since 15, i absolutely cant see myself with out opiates. i'm such a little bitch when i'm sober.

[asplinteredfawn]

No advice?

[GOLD N DIEMONDS]

well you didn't say if you found a bupe doc that will take you and Mediciad.
THAT would probably be best option.
can you get Suboxone off the streets??
4-8mgs a day is all you will need

otherwise- You will have to cut down to 2 shots / day
first week will be shitty
2nd week body will get stabile on it
and you save $20 X 7 = $140

of course the inner junkie will be screaming at you,
you can not afford to chase the high
but you are buying time and saving money for roof overheard.
Bupe doc sounds like best option-

[Chemical_Boy]

Yeah... if you can find one that takes medicaid go for it. otherwise the bupe is probably more expensive than the dope, even on the street....

[Shadowsblaze]

Nobody pushing the Imodium today.

[Papa Verine]

Hey, at least you're not smoking pot right? That shit fucks with your ego...

I'm sorry, but this doesn't make any sense to me.

Do you really think you'd be worse off if you were just a pot-head?

I've found that smoking weed can be a very effective tool for kicking a more destructive habit. It gives my brain "something" when it wants to get high and gets me through the worst cravings.

I guess marijuana maintenance isn't for everybody...

[OxyQueen]

Hey, at least you're not smoking pot right? That shit fucks with your ego...

I'm sorry, but this doesn't make any sense to me.

Do you really think you'd be worse off if you were just a pot-head?

I've found that smoking weed can be a very effective tool for kicking a more destructive habit. It gives my brain "something" when it wants to get high and gets me through the worst cravings.

I guess marijuana maintenance isn't for everybody...

Marijuana maintenance DEFINITELY WORKS FOR ME :D....along with subs

[Shadowsblaze]

I look to just weed in my future oh and a few beers, feels like 3 roxi's.

[dieselbaby]

At least Heroin being one of the least personality shifting drugs in SWIMS opinion. It still fucks with your demeanor to a point. At least hes not a pot head... that stuff fucks with your nature and who you are as in your ego.

I don't agree with this in the slightest. Heroin shifts personalities...how many times have you (or I, or anyone else here for that matter) done things you swore you would never do, etc. in your quest for dope or in the desperation of your smack addiction? It has an intense grasp on you in a really insidious manner too...you are deluded into thinking that you are functioning normally or that it is not having that much of an impact on your personality/ego/mannerisms. Looking back and taking time to re-visit the ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS shit that I was doing (especially specific incidents that I won't elaborate on here) made me realize that there were tons of things that I was doing without even thinking about them, an almost 'auto-pilot' state of existence. Analyzing these incidents and behaviors, and the realization that my mind tries to suppress these memories is abhorrently disgusting to me now and has helped me to turn a corner on this whole thing. The truth is, that shit has your entire physiological system in a fucking vice grip.

As for some advice, I wish I could offer you some wisdom or a solution. The only thing I know for sure, that is true with anyone with a problem using heroin is that one day you will be sick of the misery. Whether that's catalyzed by a shift in your consciousness towards the matter after changing your perspective/taking some time for deep personal reflection, or 5 years down the road remains to be seen. Fact is, it's really, really, really fucking hard to maintain any kind of REAL existence while shooting heroin and being such a slave. Maybe some people can handle it better than others. I just know my personality and I know that I can't handle it. It could just never be worth it to me ever again, I look back at posts of mine from months ago here now and I feel almost physically ill and repulsed by some of the shit that I was saying and doing...can't believe I let myself fall that far. Just know that there is a "better life" out there. Not to say that any one existence is better than another, and not to say that my life is a 'better life' than anybody else. It's just that from the sound of things, you seem to be pretty unhappy with the way things are going. Why not try shaking it up and changing it around. You always have another chance to change, as long as you are still breathing. You can always go back to doing drugs if you feel like you truly want to/need to.

Good luck man, sending some good vibes your way for an easier time through this ordeal.

Love and strength,
Dieselbaby

EDIT: I meant to add in, that I re-read your post, and noticed this:

"SWIM started drugs too young and he doesn't know how to do anything without them. Even process emotions. When he went clean for a year a little while back."

You don't HAVE to rely on drugs for anything. I really hope I don't come across as some all-knowing, pompous asshole when I post about this kind of shit on here, just trying to help people out...dealing with emotional and psychological issues after stopping the PHYSICAL addiction is of PARAMOUNT importance. It is incredibly difficult and I realize this, but you need to have SOME kind of plan (whatever you think would work for you) to make changes in your life. Even if it's just by changing one small thing each day, eventually you can make great progress. Detoxing off of opiates completely and expecting to remain abstinent for the rest of your life rarely, if ever, works.

[Anthropioid]

If you can find a sub doctor who'll accept medicaid and it's cheaper than your current habit, then I would go that route. It shouldn't be to hard to switch over since you were on a low methadone dose. But remember that bupe is just as hard to kick as methadone (in my opinion), so when that time comes you'll basically be in the same situation, just hopefully with a little more money.

[The_Highwayman]

The only advice I can give you is that you can do whatever it is you want to do, just want it badly enough...if you want to quit..YOU CAN...I didn't have a habit as long as you did but I do remember one time I really didn't know how my story would end and thought I really could never get off, and I did, I just really wanted to...people DO care about you, hell if they don't..I DO I don't know you and you don't know me, but I wouldn't want to see you ruin your life or worse. you deserve all the great things life has to offer, everybody does, you can get there I promise you...

And subs worked great for me I hope you can find a way to get them if that helps

[Papa Verine]

I really hope I don't come across as some all-knowing, pompous asshole when I post about this kind of shit on here, just trying to help people out...dealing with emotional and psychological issues after stopping the PHYSICAL addiction is of PARAMOUNT importance. It is incredibly difficult and I realize this, but you need to have SOME kind of plan (whatever you think would work for you) to make changes in your life. Even if it's just by changing one small thing each day, eventually you can make great progress. Detoxing off of opiates completely and expecting to remain abstinent for the rest of your life rarely, if ever, works.

I don't think you come across like that at all. I love reading about how you kicked your habit now DB. It's real encouraging, and gives me A lot of hope. Keep up the good work.

[duck]

Yeah... if you can find one that takes medicaid go for it. otherwise the bupe is probably more expensive than the dope, even on the street....

that's ridiculous....even at $20 for a bupe 8mg pill that still at the MINIMUM $5 day, at 2mg a day.


I don't think you come across like that at all. I love reading about how you kicked your habit now DB. It's real encouraging, and gives me A lot of hope. Keep up the good work.

I agree completely.

[IceCold]

that's ridiculous....even at $20 for a bupe 8mg pill that still at the MINIMUM $5 day, at 2mg a day.

True but alot of times it is hard for people to get the money together for a months scripts and the DRS visit and all that. The doctor doesn't sell 1 pill.

[SHELLEY]

At least Heroin being one of the least personality shifting drugs in SWIMS opinion. It still fucks with your demeanor to a point. At least hes not a pot head... that stuff fucks with your nature and who you are as in your ego.



heroin makes me a completely different person
heroin makes everyone i know a completely different person
the thing is, you're too fucked up to notice (even when you're just maintaining)
i thought i was myself on dope, it took getting clean to learn that was a bunch of bullshit
heroin changes everything that you are

as for pot, the only difference in my personality when i smoke and when i don't smoke
is that i'm grumpier when i don't smoke

but you know what really helped me, when i was kicking and now that i'm off methadone like 7-8mo now?
i'm gonna get high again
definitely not today, and probably not tommorrow
but maybe for new years eve, or my 25th birthday, maybe my 30th birthday, or baby's first day of kindergarten,
or my 40th birthday, it really doesn't matter the date
but i know i'm gonna get high again
as long as that's in the future, at some indeterminable point, i don't get high
because i know i will, someday

also, once the kick is over, it helps me to know i have access to whateverfuck drugs i want
because then it's a 100% free choice whether you want to stay clean or not
you don't have anything forcing your hand, ya know?
temporary, permanent, whateverthefuck, it's not that difficult if you want it

[Tbird921]

Hey, at least you're not smoking pot right? That shit fucks with your ego...

I'm sorry, but this doesn't make any sense to me.

Do you really think you'd be worse off if you were just a pot-head?

I've found that smoking weed can be a very effective tool for kicking a more destructive habit. It gives my brain "something" when it wants to get high and gets me through the worst cravings.

I guess marijuana maintenance isn't for everybody...

Hell yea, I love some weed and kps on top on my done, it's just enough of a buzz to feel good and get along.