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View Full Version : Fuck it...

The_Highwayman
09-22-2009, 01:13 PM
Without going into great detail, I have been on subs for over 18 months, in that time I have had 5 planned relapses, my last one being almost 1 year ago...over the last 6 months I have had to endure a lot of shit (as I know most people do) and during that time even though the thoughts and cravings have entered my mind, I maintained my sobriety, through whatever means necessary..however over the last couple weeks events that have conspired against me and led me to conclude that I will have a planned replase coming soon, I don't feel entitled ot justified in what I am about to do, as I will need to lie to people I trust and who trust me, to accomlish this. I have access to gear, rigs, and everything else I will need is a foot away. After my one day vacation I will get back on my subs and the usual torment my life has briefly become, I am not saying I have it hard or a bad life, as I do, deep down, know how lucky I truly am, but some things have happened that I just feel ANGRY and want vengence and my usualy route is self-destruction...so wish me luck I will post on the East Coast thread of the stamp I get and how it is....
bodytec
09-22-2009, 01:16 PM
go for it dude!
upstate_007
09-22-2009, 01:26 PM
I know you don't need the advice............but, be careful. And have fun.
30_Units
09-22-2009, 01:40 PM
I recently had one of these and it was really satisfying. Good luck on not getting caught.
jo-jo
09-22-2009, 02:06 PM
I know you don't need the advice............but, be careful. And have fun.

Exactly what he said. If this is REALLY what you want then go for it...notice the emphasis on really. :)
dieselbaby
09-22-2009, 02:33 PM
I know you don't need the advice............but, be careful. And have fun.

Exactly what he said. If this is REALLY what you want then go for it...notice the emphasis on really. :)

Just be careful, please. Too many friends have met their demise due to reduced tolerance/blocking effects from maintenance therapy.
Nonphixion
09-22-2009, 07:54 PM
Yea take it easy man. Swim will do this every once in a while, always planed like you. I've puked before off a little & i'm on subs like you so just take it easy, ur a smart guy. & I def. know what you mean about entitled to do it or anything, But I mean, Hey were junkies but I think it's ok every once in a blue moon if ur trying to maintain on subs.
duck
09-22-2009, 09:04 PM
A lot of the time I will blow through a shit ton of drugs trying to get a rush because I've been on subs and I can't feel the opiates hardly at all. Then about 45 minutes later I get hit HARD with slowwwed b r e a t h i n g, drOwSin Ess, and inability to stay awake.

I'm sure you know this -- I know it too but I often forget.
InfectedMushroom
09-24-2009, 02:49 AM
Do what you gotta do bro, just be careful with what you're doing.
OpiateQueen
09-24-2009, 04:59 AM
lucky bastard... i really really really wish i could have one of these....and have been wanting one more and more lately - esp since my methadone is just not holding me at all anymore and i can't sleep due to sweating and freezing alternately and general insomnia and then just mega withdrawls all morning... BUT im on 280mg of mdone and it just does absolutely nothing if i use - even if i'm in mad withdrawls... even using 2gms...
i really dont know what to do.. it has got so bad in the last 2 weeks...
Ickyuck
09-24-2009, 05:07 AM
How did it go, HM?
The_Highwayman
09-26-2009, 04:33 PM
lucky bastard... i really really really wish i could have one of these....and have been wanting one more and more lately - esp since my methadone is just not holding me at all anymore and i can't sleep due to sweating and freezing alternately and general insomnia and then just mega withdrawls all morning... BUT im on 280mg of mdone and it just does absolutely nothing if i use - even if i'm in mad withdrawls... even using 2gms...
i really dont know what to do.. it has got so bad in the last 2 weeks...

Thanks for the input, and I am sorry for your troubles but please don't hijack my thread....


Anyways, when I wrote that post I was having a really bad day, and even in my most angry cycinal mind I still know the diffrence betwen what I should and shouldn't do..thankfully my cooler head prevailed and I took the higher road (well actually it's wasn't high) so I didn't og through with my plan, as of yet, and I hope if I do decide to use, I will not be in my "I'll sjoe them" mentality as that would likely result in more self-destruction than I anticipate...