Reaching out...

[MrCharlesIV]

...to the only people who I feel would understand my situation. I need advice/help, badly! I'm twenty years old, been on opies since, at least, fifteen. So close to five years. I'm on Subs now for the second time now[last time was just over a year ago] and they work great... but, I've figured out that I only become that junkie heroin addict you see in movies when my anxiety goes crazy; once I get pushed over a certain limit by[what therapists have called] my "stressors" I become a different person entirely and gain this sixth sense of where the closest goodies are. The part I hate about it is that I don't care who I hurt when I become this person.
I'm going somewhere today for help. I want to be just ME. However, I don't know if I should go to a psych place then a drug rehab, vice versa, or just the first thing that becomes available. Yesterday this guy gave my a family member of whom I am staying with 3 Opana and I was cool with it being in the house at first then my "stressors" came along and I knew right where they were without even thinking about it - of course they didn't do a thing because of the Subs but I didn't care. Once I calmed down, my mind got back in place and noticed what I did and how that family member actually needed those from being low on their other pain meds I called the guy that gave them to my family member and BEGGED him for another 3 to replace what I had done.. Thankfully he obliged after I told him the entire truth of the matter but I still got caught.
Guys & gals, I respect this forum and the people in it so much that I'm turning to you for any thoughts and good vibes and/or prayer.
I'm going to die if I don't fix this. This board has saved my life before from the awesome harm reduction info but now shit has gotten serious.
---Just got a call saying I should go to this place Bradford[sorry if that broke a rule] and I don't know what will happen after that.

[nick]

Well,to be honest it doesn't sound like you want to get clean,but you do want to alter your behaviour,so you can live with your habit without hurting yourself and others.It's what Dorje used to call being a righteous junky and it's not easy,but it's not impossible.
Maybe learn to recognise your "stressors",maybe take practical steps so you rarely find yourself in a "tempting" situation.Maybe even think about methadone.

It's possible you are not able to stabilise your drug use and behaviour in which case you have a choice of quitting or trying to live with it.


Much luck,you're not the first junky to be in this situation and you won't be the last.

[MrCharlesIV]

Actually I can really see how you came to that conclusion. I know that I'm going to die if I don't stop opiates - I've already died twice and been brought back. So I really want to quit but I feel like I need to get my head on straight first. Idk. This whole thing is so confusing.

[Shadowsblaze]

If you don't need the opi's for pain your thoughts indicate your heading in the right direction. Therapy could be in your future. It has helped me in a number of area's of my life, the important aspect of therapy is being truthful with your therapist, but I see you are honest so it should'nt be a problem for you. Good luck bro, take care of yourself, for you and your family, later.

[evilfix]

do some searching for Kratom. That really helps out with both the physical and mental parts of WDs. From your post it sounds like opiates are the only way you know how to cope with stress and feel lost when you become stressed when sober.

I am in the same boat. Still trying to figure the answer out myself

[Poppylvr]

MrCharlesIV - if it's any help, in the psychiatric field we believe someone has to get completely clean off their drugs before they can work in therapy on their underlying issues.
HTH.

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

MrCharlesIV - if it's any help, in the psychiatric field we believe someone has to get completely clean off their drugs before they can work in therapy on their underlying issues.
HTH.
Yes, GrammaPoppy is right.

I'm sending all good things your way Charles. You are a fellow Nashvillian and to have a fellow addict not 15 miles from me, really makes me realize that I sure am not the only one struggling with my addiction. God Bless you man, You'll be in my prayers.

[nick]

MrCharlesIV - if it's any help, in the psychiatric field we believe someone has to get completely clean off their drugs before they can work in therapy on their underlying issues.
HTH.

Umm yeah.In an ideal world maybe,but in the here and now,treatment is FULL of folks who are also being treated for psychiatric "issues."
Hell,the percentage of folks in treatment that are fully fledged dual diagnosis is going up as the availability of treatment through the mental health services goes down.
Care in the community,huh.

That's academic and nothing to do you MrCharlesIV.If you want to quit,much luck.

[at&t]

Again, in this thread as well, Nick has said what I was going to...

anyway.. The op doesn't seem to be "on drugs" at the moment-- According to his description in the post, he's a compliant suboxone patient, who is just...... dunno... sort of struggling with it....

Good post though, Mr.Charles... I don't know.. Seemed significantly more pained/honest/etc than-- and, moreover-- of an entirely different cloth than most posts here about people 'snatching meds from their folks....'

This guy is driving himself crazy about what he was 'compelled' to do... He immediately replaced the pills and still feels guilty... THAT sounds pretty close to being a 'righteous junky' in and of itself.... (And thats a pretty high compliment around here...) :)

I've never stolen meds from MY relatives! But only because I never found where they put them! ;) ok... Not funny here on this particular thread... (not funny-- but true..)

To the op-- Best of luck man..... I have NO IDEA what you might want/need to do... but, wish you the best of luck whatever you end up with.... :\ take care, at&t

[at&t]

Sorry for the double post folks--

I just wanted to briefly say: Sorry to Poppylvr-- I see that you were responding not to the original post, but to the op's SECOND post.

(the one where he says "I #1. want to get my head on straight FIRST, and then #2. quit junk/subs/cravings/etc,") and that you were just simply mentioning that-- "well... In theory, we usually ideally try to do it the other way around..." You didn't mention anything about the *practicality* of it, or how it applied to what he said, or anything like that-- you just mentioned that "well.. In the Psychological field, this is what our accepted way/order of trying to do it presently happens to be."

I see now... So.. Sorry for sort of... trying to contradict what you were saying-- :( without even understanding what you WERE saying-- or even which post you were replying to...

anyway... best of luck to the op,
my apologies to poppylvr,
and hope y'all have a good one (day/week/etc) to everyone else....

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

How are you Mr. Charles??????

[Duckfeet]

He'd mentioned in OP that maybe he had beentold he should go to some treatment center, or "place" anyway...hopefully he's doing o.k...dealing with this shit can be a real burden at times, however we sort it out...

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

He'd mentioned in OP that maybe he had beentold he should go to some treatment center, or "place" anyway...hopefully he's doing o.k...dealing with this shit can be a real burden at times, however we sort it out...
Yeah I hear that Duck. Thanks for the update man, I appreciate ya.

[chemiKalz]

Hey man hit me up in pm if you need to talk, I just quit a 2.5 year opium tea/oc/heroin habit, detoxed in 7 days....been self medicating with everything but opiates, still having PAWS. It does get better everyday though, I think.