Does your partner know?

[EleusisII]

One thing that always bothered me with my girlfriend, was the dishonesty of being dependant on opies and not telling her: Going to doctors when I was supposed to do other things, getting "the flu", late night ER visits, mysterious packages arriving from Argentina, and so on.

I finally came clean.

And much to my surprise she was really fucking good about it! I even told her one day, that I was pretty dopesick and needed to go...She jumped in the car and gave me a ride, which was pretty fucking priceless in my book. I mean, damn, that little gesture was worth like a year of blowjobs to me.

A good woman having your back is, well, priceless.

So what about you? Does your partner know? Why/why not?

[monkeyphunk]

mine knows though shes completely against it ..she figured it out when i came to spend a couple of weeks w her in sf she found rigs in my bag n mustve seen i was lookin for n/e n she gave me five rigs from her mother whos spouse is a diabetic ... she doesnt let me keep anything in our house as we have a baby but its cool i have a spot outside the house to safly keep things .. its weiird but great at the same time weird as we grow up learning to keep it hush then all of a sudden its ok... not that its ok i think she rather see n know how much im doin so she can tell when im gettin out of hand she also knows where the narcan shot is

[Madam Oxy]

My husband knows, he has chronic pain also. Makes it nice.
BUT
My first marriage I was a coke-fiend. I'd buy an 8-ball (at the time it was $300) and do it in a weekend by myself and he suspected a thing. I did this for about 6-8 months, almost every weekend. When I finally told him, he was so wonderful about it....just said, "Well hon, what are we gonna do about this?" And we dealt with it. He liked seeing more $$$ in the checking account. :D:D

[nick]

Milly's mum is an ex addict.So,of course she knows.


I don't envy anyone trying to hide their addiction from their partner.

[lotus]

my s.o had his suspicions. when they got too intense he'd search the house.....everytime he'd find a handful of syringes, every time i'd play all "'i'm sorry, i didn't mean it", everytime he'd scream i don't EVER want to see this shit again......

when it really grab'd hold i got more paranoid then i'd ever been before and did my best to keep that shit in places it wouldn't be found. work'd for a while, till he came across this big huge bag with a couple hundred used syringes......

there was always some stupid thing going on. in bed one night he felt a track on my left arm, a really long, but really skinny one. i said i scratched it on a metal screen at work.....

he walk'd in once, i was trying to do one last shot before bed.......had tied off with the belt from my robe - suddenly he was right outside the door, i chuck'd the loaded syringe in the direction furthest from his side of the bed as he walk'd in.........and he stares at me, just sitting on the floor, tied up with a robe towel - what is that? you into s&m now?? i don't wanna play.....

i left the cottons from my morning shot (of ms contins) on the living room table once. he call'd me at work, "buddy" (a room mate we had) found these things on the table......they're hard little waxy things......what is this??? only god knows what i claim'd.

where the fuck are all the tea spoons?

nodding out while having sex.

went camping with friends one weekend. for the life of me, how i grab'd the bag of "emergency" cottons (i know a lot of you aren't/weren't into that - everybody around here is) instead of dope i've still not figured out. except for the drugs i had in my pocket - which were gone by the following morning - i was fucked. i spent the whole weekend locked in some shitty bedroom desperately trying to stay well off those.......then, on the way into town, said some retard thing about why we had to swing by a certain house..........after our friends drop'd us off and left the shit hit the fan...he went thru the house, found the said syringes....

i was so friggen relieved once me being a junky was out in the air - terrified we were done, but absolute relief. spent the first year trying all the quitting methods he could come up with till it became apparent to him nothing was going to work. then, we just sat, quietly, and waited for me to get into methadone treatment. in that time he realized if methadone didn't help, he was outta there.......2.5 years we waited, we're still together.

[OrangeLude]

she knows everything. almost.

as nick said the cost (in terms of anxiety anyway) of having to hide an addiction from significant other is nothing I envy...I have tried hiding my addiction - no fun, no joy.

Being 100% open about it - you risk losing the one you love or bringing them closer?

for us both abandonment & intimacy are often issues....

[OxiContinKing]

i'm very thankful that i've never had to hide my habits from my girlfriend...

we've been together for 8 years now (actually, last tuesday was our eight year anniversary)...

for the most part, we've gone through the drug/alcohol addictions together...

and it hasn't been easy...

i did try and hide shit at the very beginning of the relationship, but one of the first times busted being high, i realized that she was cool, the only reason she was pissed was because i didn't share...

with that being said, i did try like hell to hide when i first started shooting, not because i knew she would get pissed (i knew she would get over it) but i was worried that she would get hooked on the needle as well...

we've battled through good times and bad, and then over again, to be on the good side again, her 6 months clean in the methadone clinic, me with 9 months under my belt...



Being 100% open about it - you risk losing the one you love or bringing them closer?


i guess it depends on the person, some might not be able to handle the drug use, especially if you lie about it, while others may overlook it and empathize since you were open and honest about it...

thats a tough one...

[trainwrecker]

We are both in the same boat which is good in a way. I have had many partners where I had to hide it, and that was the worst.

But the bad thing with us now is it makes it twice as hard to quit.

[30_Units]

Before I went to jail in january I was on methadone for 3 years-she HATED it, talked shit to me everyday about having to get up and got to the clinic, and then when I started tapering and wasn't interested in sex, she talked more shit. I had to drop from 3yr@90mg in a month, so of course I was supplementing with heroin.

I'd saved a few rigs and spoons with a few washes left in them (dirty dirty tar-yuck) before going to jail, in my lockbox. Stupid me didn't give it to coolfriends, left it at my parent's house. I told them to give it to my gf, THEY OPENED IT, and asked her "why don't you just grab what's yours out of here?"

Needless to say she was pissed, and ended up cheating on me within days. That's an awful thing to deal with being stuck in jail. Awful.

Fuck that bitch.

[Flowergirl]

He knows I might scarf a couple pills here and there, but he doesn't know exactly when those times are. If I started doing it more than a few times a month or felt like I was getting in too deep, I'd definitely tell him. I'd need his help and support. My husband is my best friend and I'd feel like an asshole withholding something important from him. The guilt wouldn't be worth it.

[through_hate]

I just got caught....and lost her. Still really bummed, so i in turn use more. funny how that works.

[Deadfiend]

If you have to hide your " being dependent on junk" then I don't see how you could have a real relationship, hiding your addiction/habits from your partner, no matter if you are a cp/or just a user and hideing it, well that will that just end bad, a relationship built on lies might work for awhile but not not forever thats for sure. If you really love the person your with you would tell them some time at the start of the relationship. Now I'm not talking about you telling her/him every move you make , like going out with the guys/gals for beer and doing a little blow, or hitting and a bong here and there, but that shit is far away from a day in day out addiction to junk.
A relationship built on lies is not a relationship at all.

Put your self in there shoes, and think what it would feel like to find out that your boyfriend of 2 years has been shoting dope every day and never told you about. All the times he has been sick, and had the flu, running though money like water, leaveing in the middle of the night after a phone call. I would think this would put a very quick end to the relationship, no less think about how that person would feel now, talk about haveing trust issues for the rest of there life.

ok i'm done.

[through_hate]

If you have to hide your " being dependent on junk" then I don't see how you could have a real relationship, hiding your addiction/habits from your partner, no matter if you are a cp/or just a user and hideing it, well that will that just end bad, a relationship built on lies might work for awhile but not not forever thats for sure. If you really love the person your with you would tell them some time at the start of the relationship. Now I'm not talking about you telling her/him every move you make , like going out with the guys/gals for beer and doing a little blow, or hitting and a bong here and there, but that shit is far away from a day in day out addiction to junk.
A relationship built on lies is not a relationship at all.

Put your self in there shoes, and think what it would feel like to find out that your boyfriend of 2 years has been shoting dope every day and never told you about. All the times he has been sick, and had the flu, running though money like water, leaveing in the middle of the night after a phone call. I would think this would put a very quick end to the relationship, no less think about how that person would feel now, talk about haveing trust issues for the rest of there life.

ok i'm done.
She knew i used to use and i had been clean almost 2 years. Only when I started again is when I was being shady and the relationship wasnt working. I agree that a relationship built on lies isnt a relationship at all.

[taj]

The last really serious boyfriend I had, like 4 or 5 years ago knew but hated it, and I felt like I constantly had to lie and hide shit from him. When we first met I was using opiates occasionally for fun. My big thing at the time was coke and alcohol, and he hated that too. The stupid part is that sometimes we would buy some coke, and then he'd basically hoard it for himself.


He was a couple of years younger than me, and I was going through a pretty rough time in my life. I was a really heavy drinker and was doing a lot of coke. I had just lost my job and had gotten an OUI. I had been living on my own for almost 10 years at that time, and he had never moved out of his parents house. We ended up moving in with his parents pretty early on in our relationship, which was a bad move on my part. but I was sort of out of options at that point, at least that's how I felt.


Shortly after moving in with his parents, my chronic pain started. He hated the fact that I was on opiates, and of course not taking them as prescribed. I kept my straw and shit in a tampon box in the bathroom under the sink. If I locked the door while taking a shower he would pound on the door and make me open it. If I was sniffling he would yell at me to blow my nose, and then inspect the tissue for pill residue(sick, huh) He would call me a drug addict and all sorts of crappy names. I remember we were on the lake at his families camp(cabin) in the wintertime snowmobiling. He drove to the very middle of the lake so he could yell and flip out on me about my opiate use and I couldn't escape. He used to do shit like that all the time. Drive to an isolated place and lose it on me.


I finally broke up with him. I guess not long after we broke up, he got big into pills and coke and H. He was actually way cooler when he was on drugs. We would see each other at the bar and stuff, and have fun, and it was cool being able to be friends(and only friends, I don't do the after break-up sex thing). He had also finally moved out of his parents house, but only for a couple of years, if that.


I guess he decided to quit everything and he went on suboxone about a year or so ago. He moved back into his parents, and hasn't left (he's 28 years old) Since he's been on the subs, he's turned back into a judgmental prick. Oh well I guess.


Sorry for the book, but this is kind of an ongoing fear and issue of mine. Basically, since that experience, I don't think I could deal with hiding shit from a serious bf. I haven't really had a serious bf since then, so I don't quite know how it would really work out, so... idk. And of course, the casual guys I see don;t really know much about me, or what my life is about. That's why I like it here, cause I don't have to hide who I am. I have legitimate chronic pain, and to be treated like I was some lying piece of shit was too much for me. I mean, ya, I don't exactly take my meds the way I;m supposed to all the time, but I do legitimately need them to function. I guess that's one of the reasons I've been afraid to be in a relationship. What if that person doesn't understand.. It kinda scares me...

[Cherry's Jubilee]

100% honest...in it together every step of the way, every up, every down...ahh, you know my story eleusis...;)

we have a friend who hides his dope use from his girl and it's the most excruciating thing to see. he comes over to our place because i think we're the only ones who really know about his habit and we're totally non-judgmental--but it's so sad to see him on the phone lying to his girl and being so stressed and upset. and they get in these huge, awful fights when she suspects something...i can't imagine having to live like that. i feel very lucky. this time next year we hope to be clean but we know what we're up against. at least we support each other completely. i know i could never do it without him...

[Nonphixion]

I didnt hide my Oxy use, but said & told her I quit and was on methadone, never was tho. I was really on doing H and not OC's any more, Oxy was to expensive. I hide it till my friends crazy ass dumb bitch girlfriend and my ex-friend made me sound like I was the worst of the worst junky pice of shit in the world. Stuff was never the same after she found out I was using a needle. I fucked up tho she was great, the best thing to ever happen to me. I wish I was honest with her form the start. I 'thought' she would understand about addiction(her dad was an major alcoholic), since I didnt start using Oxy to after dating her, She knew everything about my OC use, she just didnt like they way it made her feel, she only did it a few times, but she had a script for 7.5 tylox(4 her knee) and loved xanax and bud. She just left one day never to hear from her again, It was way harsh since we together for 3yrs. Im still not really over her. But it was prob. for the best in the long run... Now that i'm clean it seems way harder to friend a new girlfriend that I would like to be with...

[Ickyuck]

Yes. Yes. and Yes.

[StackBundles]

IMNSHO... What I do is nobody else's business, as long as my actions do not affect them in any way.

I am clean as far as disease goes and plan on staying that way by not sharing needles. I work fucking hard, damn hard, to have money and nice shit. I pay my bills and am mindful of my everyday responsabilities. My relationship is monogomous(sp), so no worries there.

I have been through the whole drama that surrounds that shit and it gets old, which is why I choose to keep certain aspects of my life to myself. It may not be entirely right, but I know that my SO is enjoying our relationship as is, so I see no need to rock the boat. She knows that I have had "issues" before and during our relationship and right now that shit isn't even mentioned. I keep my game tight and my circle impenetrable... It's really the only thing I know.

I dunno'. This is a hard question with many sides to the debate. I just keep on my path and things seem to be going well, so why change shit now. I handle my business and it's all good.

[30_Units]

And I guess I'll defend my actions as well-there was no deception-we'd used dope hundreds of times together, but she got sent to a re(ligioun)-hab and came back completely fucked in the head.

:shrugs:

[lotus]

If you have to hide your " being dependent on junk" then I don't see how you could have a real relationship, hiding your addiction/habits from your partner, no matter if you are a cp/or just a user and hideing it, well that will that just end bad, a relationship built on lies might work for awhile but not not forever thats for sure. If you really love the person your with you would tell them some time at the start of the relationship. Now I'm not talking about you telling her/him every move you make , like going out with the guys/gals for beer and doing a little blow, or hitting and a bong here and there, but that shit is far away from a day in day out addiction to junk.
A relationship built on lies is not a relationship at all.

Put your self in there shoes, and think what it would feel like to find out that your boyfriend of 2 years has been shoting dope every day and never told you about. All the times he has been sick, and had the flu, running though money like water, leaveing in the middle of the night after a phone call. I would think this would put a very quick end to the relationship, no less think about how that person would feel now, talk about haveing trust issues for the rest of there life.

ok i'm done.

*if you really love the person* has nothing to do with it - hence ADDICTION.

the reasons for not "telling" are as different as the persons using....even tho they usually start out something like this is the last one - i used to wish i could find myself a replacement for him. it fukin kill'd me to be like that with him, to do that to him, to drag him into that life without him even knowing it.

if you really love a person you never start a conversation with "if you really loved me...".

tho - i do agree that a relationship built on lies is no relationship at all~

[30_Units]

good post. points.

[hydro chris]

yes and no..
YES -she knows i use "abuse" opiates and take them for pain.
but..she doest NO- i take steroids which "IMO" is much safer, if you know what cha doin.
not that im really hiding it.. i think shes, just in denial.
she doesn't even smoke weed, only drugs shell do is X and drink- go figure. which is just fine wit me. especially when im off cycle.. more for me.

[EleusisII]

If you really love the person your with you would tell them some time at the start of the relationship.

Sounds like a very naive attitude towards relationships, and addiction too for that matter.

How can you "really love" a person at the start of the relationship?!? Unless of course there's a timemachine involved in this perfect relationship.

I give you this much... Dishonesty, in general, CAN poison a relationship. But in love, like in life, there are no one and only patented way of handling things.

Any time a person starts a sentence with "If you really love a person..." it's a good indication that too many Hollywood romances are at fault for skewing their perception. Any relationship is unique and not something to throw absolutist statements like that at.

[EleusisII]

if you really love a person you never start a conversation with "if you really loved me...".

Might be true, but it's a hell of a shortcut to a blowjob :p

[mikey5string]

she knows. she aint down. ive told her i quit a few times but always end up getting caught by an errant pill/text/plate. ive tried to quit. she even wrote me a script for 30 vicoden ES's to help me taper. loaned me money...etc. i just feel like a scumbag lying. i hate seeing her cry too, it really tears me up.

now im extra careful. im trying to slow down. i went on a week vaca with her and managed to score 5 2mg subs and they really worked wonders. but i got home a few days before her and i caved and binged out a little bit...its a lot of ups and downs. im really considering getting on suboxone. i dont want that following me around the rest of my life. guess its better than the alternative though.

[The_Highwayman]

Well, I have two different stories and two different women to expand on the topic with...

When I started with opiates, I was using buprenex and I told my girlfriend about it when I was scoring it on the street and went to the doctor for it, and she was fine with it becasue it made me able to function in the face of crippling depression, and that went on for almost tow years and during that time we played with coke, mostly to party..then we broke up and it didn;t matter, but eventually I moved on to smack....one day I told her everything and she didn;t care, part of me wanted her to shout "NO don't that, I don;t want to see you die" but she didn't in fact she thought it was "cool" or being badass or something so we would hang out, me on heroin, her on coke and just fuck or chill whatever...anyways when I decided I had to get rid of heroin I had to get rid of her, it was very hard as we were together for four years and after we broke up we were still constantly with each other for another year..anyways I got on suboxone and cut her out of my life, and I haven't spoken to her since and I am glad for that because I met my new girlfriend and she has made me happier than I ever thought possible, on our second date I told her my past and that I take suboxone and what it does, etc..she had the right to know from where she was coming from (see my post in the father's day thread) anyway I thought it was only right to tell her up front before emotions could cloud her judgement, and she decided to stay with me and has helped me through some rough patches I have had, and she told me that she knows relapse is a reality and to everything I can to prevent one, but if it does happen to tell ehr and she will help me get through it, which I think is amazing..that she was not judgmental, but also didn't give me any ultimatums, etc and will help me, as I think we all know who have battled with sobriety/opies/etc that it's alifelong fight...but if I know me I'm one tough son-of-a-bitch and with her help, I can win....and I know me

[EleusisII]

it was very hard as we were together for four years and after we broke up we were still constantly with each other for another year

That's gotta be rough... Why were you still with each other, if I may ask? Just couldn't resist, or was there a sense of responsibility?

I guess I can emphatize because I've sorta been there myself... Tried to cut out an ex or former lover out of my life for a long time, and never was quite able to. Partly because I still had strong feelings for her and wasn't sure of if it was really what I wanted, if I really was better off without her or not, and partly because I thought she needed me and wanted to be there for her.
Never thought I'd be able to make a clean break, you always want to think the best about a person, until I realized how dishonest she was, and how much she'd used me.


she told me that she knows relapse is a reality and to everything I can to prevent one, but if it does happen to tell ehr and she will help me get through it

Damn... Yup, that's a good woman!

[mikey5string]

^^ thats really cool man, sounds like you got yourself a good girl.

[lotus]

Might be true, but it's a hell of a shortcut to a blowjob :p

HEY.....that's the secret to how i get MINE.....:p :p

[cactus31]

My ex knew everything. But that was when all I did was hydro, oxy, morphine, 'done - all just pills. The shitty part was that she'd be right along with me, eating pills...at first, a couple here and there, other times, she'd hammer down 15 in a day....anyway, every time we'd get into a fight or something, it was "Oh, you're a piece of shit fucking JUNKIE!", "You're a fucking pill fucking JUNKIE, you fucking low-life!!".

Get this, though: The fucking dude she got with after me is a gear junkie - which I find hilarious. In fact, he's got the same connect as me...

...I still can't believe she had the nerve to call me a junkie while she gave plenty of help to empty my fucking script bottle. Bitchface.

BUT [and more importantly]:

The new girl....oh yes,....the new girl. Well, truth be told; at the beginning when we first started hanging out, I wasn't looking for a BF/GF thing. So I pretty much was honest and upfront about every 'secret' and 'flaw' I had/have...

...Including the 'Junkie-ism' :p.

But much to my surprise, she took it fucking really, really well. She knows I take pills for my chronic pain, and the gear for the in-between times. I'm still amazed that the honest and 'up-front' position I took with my narcotic use went over so well.

She's got an open-minded attitude towards drugs in general...has 'experimented' with meth and coke a couple times [literally], and only drinks and smokes her weed now. Haha, we'll go downstairs to 'smoke', and she'll load herself a bowl of green, while I smoke a couple dots of tar - just as fucking natural as can be, too. Kinda funny, two peeps sitting next each other getting their fixes on.

I cannot express in words how much of a great thing it is to be able to do that without having to lock myself in the fucking bathroom, or go to the garage, or otherwise hide my 'tools' and habit. It's incredible to me to sit in the same room with another person, do my thing, and NOT be judged. Pure and unadulterated Awesomeness.

I went on a self-imposed week long kick last week, and it hit me full force early, early, early last friday morning. [I force myself to full on kick every other month or so, just to show myself who's boss :D]. So, it's like fucking 4:00AM, and I'm sitting straight up in bed, pouring sweat [but freezing cold!], sneezing, nose/eyes running, skin crawling, and restless leg BS to top it off. Thank GOD no shits or dry heaving at that point. Thank God, seriously. She knew what it was because I told her days before.

Well, she took really great care of me. She rubbed my back and stayed in bed with me almost all day to watch movies and talk [among other things:p]...she went out of her way just to help take my mind off the horrors of W/D. At one point, I happened to mention that I wish I had some K-pins. She asked me what they were, and I told her they were kinda like Valium, but stronger...well, she went to Carl's Jr. to get us lunch and came back with 6 Valium she got from her friend down the street.

You know, I DO understand that it's not always practical or even wise to have the other person know, but damn...it really makes things much easier if they do know and are understanding at the same time.

I may even have a keeper in hand.

[30_Units]

Yeah, sure is funny how judgmental some people can be when by all outside appearances their behavior is a mirror of your own. Glad things are looking up for you-sounds like a good arrangement.

[Sinderella]

my husband now thinks he knows most of my dirty little secrets...I have been on MMT for 5.5yrs now..Though back when I was using I was able to keep the majority of my use/abuse from him..He claimed he could tell when I was taking the "pain pills" when in reality he didnt..As long as I was ONLY using the pain pills that is... The only time he "knew" I was on pain pills was when I had taken a soma or some xanax.. On those I couldnt hide the nodding out,burn the chair,slur my words,fall and get bruises bullshit that came along with taking them.. My main thing was opiates but I was a very unhappy person so I would often take the soma or xanax in order to go to "la la land" to that place where I didnt care if i could walk talk or whatever as long as I didnt know i was in the world I was in..
Whats funny I would go weeks sometimes without taking any soma or benzo's and he would be all happy telling me that he was proud that I had been able to stay off the pain pills for so long.. The entire time he would be thinking that I was clean when in actuality I was snorting,chewing more pills than ever,lol...

I will never open up to him and tell him the extremes I went to while using..As a straightlaced no smoking,non drinker he just wouldnt understand...Its been 5.5yrs of me on methadone without so much as one dirty drop and he still throws up my using days to me.. I am to the point I tolerate the man..I mean damn enough is enough..How long do I have to keep proving myself to someone who may not have done drugs but has done PLENTY of other things to me in our marriage that I have mostly forgiven him for..

[Duckfeet]

I've got plants...that's good news since they don't say much and seem to agree with whatever I say...bad news? They won't get a job...they're like fucking cats except they don't shit everywhere...

[lib.sOCialist]

Sadly, no, she doesnt know, but she has been getting curious as to where the extra currency i have acquired is coming from...

[losangeleslifer]

She know's I indulge on some sort of opie.

Last time I was puking and sweating for some reason, bad timing for sure.

I said it was percs and they don't agree with me.

But, she ain't stupid. She knows it was H.

Only thing that saves me is that she knows its a sporadic timely thing. Still don't make it rite in her book.

Plus the willy don't come out to play and she don't much like that.

[DreamSellerInc]

Oh man nows its a sadness party. Yeah, i lost a girl because i was a piece of shit drug user. (Still a drug user, much much less of a shithead) True Story. Regret. but. BlahBlahBlah.

Honesty is the best policy. The girl i've been with for about a month knew my past. I made it very clear that i'm gonna do what the fuck i wanna do but that i don't want to stick a needle in my arm anymore. She said she didnt care what i did as long as i didnt hurt her with my bullshit. And when we were first getting together, I was clean(and am), but all her friends would tell her "you're stupid if you dont believe he's shooting up dope". It hurt, but she loves me to death, and goddamn she is absolutely fucking beautiful. :jumping-s

That shit pissed me off. Have you ever felt like your chances with someone were ruined because of your past or current drug use?

[Lu_cid]

I wish she didnt.... but what can you do? I guess im the asshole that got her started, so i cant bitch to much.

[NV12]

A good woman having your back is, well, priceless.

I'm not so convinced.

And honesty is only good when there's complete honesty. Otherwise, why bother?

[gameface]

Does it count if you dont tell them you are on methadone maintenence?