Quitting/12step/Rehab

[Stonnewolf]

So how many of you have went a rehab (not methadone/suboxone) and then attended N.A. meetings for support?

Im just curious because ive been in and out of methadone clinics and suboxone docs, then i finally went to a rehab in Salem, VA. back in March (but of course i relapsed). How many of you have done it? How many of you have done it and stayed clean? How many of you stay clean with help of N.A.?

Im just curious about what you all have done to try to kick the devil.

PS: My DOC was oxys, but on occasion i did herion so i posted it here because seems like more posts generate here.

[Duckfeet]

AA worked good for me: I needed to learn how to act, myself...haven't drank in 10 years, and still go daily, and am active, and it makes me reasonably happy, most days...on opiates: well, sometimes it worked for years, and sometimes it didn't...so I don't know...I'm kind of contrary, even in AA: I don't really believe in god, and don't think--like NA does--that it's "all the same thing."

Alcohol I really needed to find a way desperately to quit, and I needed to see my side of things, as I'd done a lot of serious damage to people in my life, and it's also nice to get support and encouragement when I'm hurting...and now my Mom and my Sis and my brother can have me around and love me.

So it was a good thing for me...but heroin/opiate addiction?...sigh...I don't know...I'm not the world's biggest optimist in this area...I just "day at a time it" and do the best I can, and try to have a little compassion for the other backsliders who still keep hope of a better life alive...however they perceive it...

I met the love of my life in a fellow ex-con's house, shooting up dilaudids, and we spent many years hopeless in love and wasted...and sometimes, in the morning I so miss all of it...but it will never be again, not for me...dope might come--probably will--but it will never be dressed up the way it once was--I know too much I wish I didn't know....so yeah AA helps me hang in...on these dark mornings...

[HistoryofMadness]

i for one have not found a good 12 step group that i could really 'hang in there' with... of course i am sort of a wanderer and i've never done too well with getting a sponsor, hanging around the same fuckers drunk or high or sober or whatever.

opening up to all the crazy fucked up shit i've done. blah blah we've all been there same shit different day.

but i will say i've seen it work for a lot of people. i am just not one of them.

BUT - i am NOT shooting dope today, and i've only stuck a rig in my arm maybe three or four times in the past year, maybe 10 times in the past couple of years, i'm guessing...

i'm still crazy as a shit house rat. i still do some crazy shit. and i still wander and wonder aimlessly and all that jazz... but i can't really give any groups the credit. just people. people in my life that are there, that have been there.

who knows. there's more to this thing that we don't know yet. i'm thoroughly convinced of that.

[Poppylvr]

So how many of you have went a rehab (not methadone/suboxone) and then attended N.A. meetings for support?

Im just curious because ive been in and out of methadone clinics and suboxone docs, then i finally went to a rehab in Salem, VA. back in March (but of course i relapsed). How many of you have done it? How many of you have done it and stayed clean? How many of you stay clean with help of N.A.?

Im just curious about what you all have done to try to kick the devil.

PS: My DOC was oxys, but on occasion i did herion so i posted it here because seems like more posts generate here.
10+ years ago I was busted for stealing drugs from work. Detoxed in a hospital and then went to 2 months of residential treatment. I was kicked out of residential treatmernt for taking benedryl. But I stuck around AA (AA works better in my town - NA is a good place to cop). Despite a brief pills relapse 9 years ago I was clean and sober until 18 months ago when I started subs for depression & cravings.
I found AA to work very well. I found a group of friends that I really enjoyed, and we supported each other over the years. I have distanced myself from them lately because of my sub guilt. Need to get back there but have been dealing with other shit.
So my short version is for me detox worked well in getting my head out of my ass and AA worked well to help me grow up & keep my head out of my ass.

[through_hate]

I went to rehad for 6 months for H. I used for 5 years, went and stayed clean on my own free will for 2 years. Then i had a brain annyuerism last july and started using again. I am now in the process of being broke, searching and trying to quit. Like they say, it works if you work it.

[Opiyum]

I'll have to get back to you on this one. Since I've been out of the inpatient environment and in the real world it has worked....granted it's only been three days but it's pretty phenomenal considering I got on the plane in florida on thursday with a strong reservation to buy and boot some coke. Luckily my mother had gotten into my apartment while I was gone and threw out all my needles along with drug testing kits, synthetic urine and 100 mgs of suboxone. She's pretty good for not having ever done drugs herself.
I was pissed off at first but it passed and I didn't get anything for the simple fact that I had no way to do it my way.
I am working the program to a degree...I plan to get a sponsor tonight and I have been doing meetings every day and plan to do 90 in 90 and I start outpatient monday morning but those first three steps are already starting to collect dust.

[Papa Verine]

I went to treatment 4 times in my life. All 4 times it was the same treatment center. I became "that guy" who just can't get off drugs and keeps coming back.

The third time I went to treatment I actually stayed clean and sober for 3-1/2 years. I went from the 21 day program right into a halfway house, stayed there for 8 months and stayed active in AA for 3-1/2 years all together.

I obviously am not still sober. I haven't been sober since 2004. But somehow... I picked up on a few things along the way that I can still use to help me, even though I don't practice 100% abstinance. Going to re-hab and relapsing isn't always the complete disaster they tell you you're going to become if you relapse. After a few times I got to a point where I can control myself a little bit. It's just enough control to function and stay out of trouble. The problem is I never really know if I'm going to end up back in treatment again some day, all beat up... saying "I held in there for a good few years".

[chopstix]

Including detoxes I've been in 8 or 9 programs, too lazy to think hard enough to count, but yeah, in and out of the program since about 19..

I think AA/NA has value, but it's highly dependent on the group. I've been in some groups and programs that were little more than a bunch of convicts on a dry drunk and I found out later that a lot were using. I've seen AA icons literally leading a meeting one night, all up on the podium talking about how great sober life is, and he od'd the next day in a department store bathroom. This was in a program, and they found all kinds of paraphernalia in his shit when they went to pack it up.. He was all popular and always talktalktalking sobriety, while using the whole time..

I'm a very cynical person until I get to know people, and I simply can't just blindly trust someone and spill my guts if I don't know them (4th step) - I do think there is power in being around other addicts, I think support from people who understand is important, especially early on and I think it's important to be able to talk about shit. But two things really bug me about *A - the religious undertones, I don't care what anyone says - it's a christian based group, they just try really hard to mask it, but the more rooms you sit in, the more you'll see it; and ya you can exist in AA an atheist or whatever you are, but to me the undertones just don't sit very well. And also the self defeating prophecies - if a bunch of junkies sit around in the rooms everyday telling each other they're doomed, that shit sinks in and they believe and exist like that. It's brainwashing..

I know two women really well who grew out of AA and into "normies." One was in the program for like 12 years, one for just a few. Both initially for heroin and one also had a really bad drinking problem at the time of her arrest. Both of these people attended AA for years, but just kinda grew out of it. They both now have a very occasional drink, one smokes a little herb here and there, neither is anywhere close to EVER using heroin again, neither ever really gets drunk, just an occasional glass of wine - they're entirely different people now. People CAN change, just because you're a walking pharmacy at 25, doesn't mean you'll be the same person with the same thought patterns at 35. I believe addiction is a disease of thought, and I believe thought patterns can change.

You don't hear a lot about people like the ones I describe in the rooms, because....... They're not in the rooms anymore. They grow up and move on. Again, there can be a lot to gain in the program, but it's really more about the health of the particular group than assessing AA as a whole. I know someone who needed help badly, and was ostracized from a group over relationship betrayal, and that's really common in the rooms. Take a bunch of addicts, put them in a room and take away their drugs and what do you think they start doing? They start fucking each other, and that causes a lot of turmoil in the rooms. That said, I met someone in AA that nearly turned into a marriage, did turn into a 10+ year relationship that has changed my life. So, it just depends..

I may walk back into the rooms someday, I know they're there if I need them, but I generally go to seek out like minded people, as opposed to going and getting all big booked out and spewing a bunch of dumb cliches. The power is in finding like minded people who want to get healthy again, not so much in the principles and steps - in my opinion.

[The_Highwayman]

Not sure if you want my post (as I use subs) p=but for what it's worht, I tried a few NA meetings and i didn't like them or the people, if anything that palce made me want to use, as their stories made the struggle seem futile...however I did get some good words of encouragement, and I did meet a few good people at the timeI really needed to and it helped me, I have a friend who would be perfect for this thread, he was a total junkie/alcoholic, etc went to rehab and does NA and he loves it ,is very active in their community, etc and it works great for him...

[Raisin]

Getting clean is easy when you've done it more times than you can count. Staying that way is the hard part. I believe that if you want to do it bad enough then it's possible. I can tell you that the times that I've wanted bad enough to stay clean for good (once for close to 4 years) 12 step programs helped me.

The rooms of A.A. and N.A. are full of addicts and alcoholics and just like anywhere else in life if you get enough people together you're going to get some wingnuts. I've been to meetings in several different areas of the U.S. and at one point was pretty involved and as others have stated meetings are different wherever you go. They meetings are run by the people you see there and there's a lot of room for some rather interesting interpretations although the message they are sharing is centered around staying clean.

Personally I've found a lot more of people using, both in the meetings and out, in N.A. circles but I believe a lot of that has to do with the nature of some drugs as opposed to alcohol (although anymore it's more common to find people who's story involves drugs as well as drinking than not). I found there to be more long term sobriety in A.A. as opposed to N.A. so that's where I went when I was getting clean (not to mention the whole hugging thing which I found more prevalent in N.A. and I'll sit and listen to you talk but if I don't know you I damn sure don't want to hug you unless I think it might lead to something else I'd like to do with you).

It doesn't work for everyone but if you're desperate enough you'll try anything and I've seen it work for others and it (12 step programs) has worked for me. You have to want it for it to work though. There are some things that you may have a hard time getting past but I found that when I wanted it bad enough I was willing to put that stuff aside because I saw it working. Kind of like the side effects that go with a lot of medicines that help you. I know I've swallowed a lot of nasty tasting shit because I knew, and sometimes only suspected, that it would get me high. If you really want to stay clean and you go a meeting and don't like it then try another before you give up. Think of all the stuff you did and went through in the search for a buzz.

Whatever you decide I hope it works out well for you. Let us know how it goes and don't forget that for those who can handle being here clean this place can be a good resource for finding people of a like mind to talk to.

[ATLtrap]

went to a 2 month treatment followed by a 2 month IOP program (6-8 M,T,Th) and now will do aftercare once a week for as long as i see fit. Treatment is good cause it gets your mind of using. well it gets it off using in the fact that you cant get high. It is basically just a detox for however long you are in there. which is what every opiate dependent person needs at some point in their lives. I stayed clean for 90 days then went back out. I stayed clean for 2 months the next time and went back out. depending on the way you look at this its good and bad. I was so deep in my shit that to only use once every 2 or 3 months is excellent. It is almost not worth doing it if you go that long without it, but yall know how it goes. you do have to be careful though, as to not dive back into full on addiction, because that what all of us hate.

they say give the program a honest six months and the promises will start to come true. my DOC was OC/heroin at the end. I attend AA meetings. I try to make it to 2 meetings a week. AA meetings are good for me. I enjoy them, and it helps keep me sober. I also always hear something good or useful in meetings, so i try to make it to them. I never have made it a full six months clean. HOWEVER, using only two time in half a year, its so obvious the promises that come true. Life really is better without being dependent on opiates. Your happier, more energy, healthier, get a lot more pussy, wake up early, you have feelings/emotions, work hard make more money. It basically life on lifes terms. Point is its not that bad not doing opiates. If i only shoot dope or snort an 80 6 times a year, YOU BET YOUR ASS THATS A FUCKING W FOR THE HOME TEAM.

Treatment is good. it got me clean. meeting are good cause it motivates me to stay clean. any harm in using once every 3 months? i dont think so. all in all, its all part of the win.

[Stonnewolf]

thanks for all the good input.. im about to start attending N.A. meetings again. i like how no one judges you in treatment/meetings.. im not a bad person trying to get good, im a sick person trying to get well. has anyone noticed that treatment/meetings makes doing drugs not as fun as it used to?

[abner]

curing addiction is really a simple thing. you just can't pick up the first one. i've always kinda believed that although, it's actually pretty simple when ya think of it, it's we, as humans, that complicate the hell outta it. i know i do, atleast or i wouldn't be on a rehab tour every summer. fake it 'til ya make it, ya know.

[Opiyum]

thanks for all the good input.. im about to start attending N.A. meetings again. i like how no one judges you in treatment/meetings.. im not a bad person trying to get good, im a sick person trying to get well. has anyone noticed that treatment/meetings makes doing drugs not as fun as it used to?

I'm not sure I know what to think...
This was my first time in treatment and for whatever reason it took me fourteen years to decide it was a good idea. With that one thing I noticed right off the bat (having relapsed once while in treatment) was this new kind of guilt I never had before. Meetings and treatment provide you with a guilt different from the kind I was used to in the sense that I was experiencing it because of something I did to myself as opposed to the people around me. I relapsed once in treatment and it was certainly not worth it. I got 180 mgs of oxy. Had to snort it for lack of needles and access to needles. Felt relief for a few hours and then fell asleep. The next day, since I Wasn't totally out of the physical yet I found my self feeling as I had been a few days prior. Not sick but not anywhere remotely comfortable and I experienced this guilt I was talking about which was coupled by the fact that I felt as if I had betrayed those I was in treatment with who hadn't been using. Coming clean about it to them in group did feel better.
What was fun though was the two days of planning it took to get those oxy's. One day to get my debit card out of the lock box and get to an atm before I had to give it back and another day to actually acquire the drugs.
Come to think of it doing them was fun too...and the relief was nice...So maybe I haven't noticed what your talking about but rather what I have noticed is the increased consequences. Though I now don't know if I can even say that because this is my first time getting clean and thus have nothing to compare it to and other times I always, at the very least, had maintenance meds. I guess I was being conditioned to react that way. To analyze it......
I don't know what to think now.
Look at that...I've come full circle now.
Let's hope I learned something in the process.

[Citrus]

Soo many pussies in this thread! ;)

[Duckfeet]

Boy, you just can't quit, can you?...

Soo many pussies in this thread! ;)

[nick]

Soo many pussies in this thread! ;)

Trust me,if you're lucky to live long enough,you'll be a pussy too.

[lotus]

thanks for all the good input.. im about to start attending N.A. meetings again. i like how no one judges you in treatment/meetings.. im not a bad person trying to get good, im a sick person trying to get well. has anyone noticed that treatment/meetings makes doing drugs not as fun as it used to?


my memories of just how good/bad it really is are all fucked up and slanted now by re-educating myself.

any 12 step treatment, for me, has always been horrible. for years i was told "you just have to buck the system don't you" - i wasn't bucking it, i was questioning it. i am an independent thinker......being the only one in the room not part of the "group" has never bother'd me. i tried making the bedpan my higher power - that doesn't get you very far after the first step.

as for non-judgment......i found it to be a double edged sword.

yes, you can sit there and not be left to feel like a monster for the things you've done........but try getting away with not wanting to wallow in it every nite - 20 years down the line - or asking what the point of never moving forward is, or being *delusional* enough to believe you can do better on your own - that knife flips over faster than you can say i'm outta here.

suddenly you're made to feel bad about thinking well of yourself.

at least, that's the way it was for me.

the only thing that made me notice doing drugs wasn't any fun was the fuckin nightmare my life was........and admitting i was powerless was extremely harmful. once i realized i had the power to make change - everything changed.

[Stonnewolf]

my memories of just how good/bad it really is are all fucked up and slanted now by re-educating myself.

any 12 step treatment, for me, has always been horrible. for years i was told "you just have to buck the system don't you" - i wasn't bucking it, i was questioning it. i am an independent thinker......being the only one in the room not part of the "group" has never bother'd me. i tried making the bedpan my higher power - that doesn't get you very far after the first step.

as for non-judgment......i found it to be a double edged sword.

yes, you can sit there and not be left to feel like a monster for the things you've done........but try getting away with not wanting to wallow in it every nite - 20 years down the line - or asking what the point of never moving forward is, or being *delusional* enough to believe you can do better on your own - that knife flips over faster than you can say i'm outta here.

suddenly you're made to feel bad about thinking well of yourself.

at least, that's the way it was for me.

the only thing that made me notice doing drugs wasn't any fun was the fuckin nightmare my life was........and admitting i was powerless was extremely harmful. once i realized i had the power to make change - everything changed.

are you still clean?

[bronyraur]

Soo many pussies in this thread! ;)

Seems like you're on the road to the little village of OpiNoMo...

[lotus]

are you still clean?

yes. i've been clean.....at least five years.

because of certain "program" things, i make a point of not counting.

i am on methadone, it took a couple months to stabilize. slowly weaning off (by slow i mean i've spent most of my time on methadone weaning....5 mg's at a time), down to 15mg's. i might have the odd beer at christmas with my grandfather....other than that, i don't even smoke weed.

it's not easy, and i've slowly realized it's never going to go away. it's there, all the time, every day...and so i live with that. i've found the longer i live life without it, the easier it gets to get by without.

bottom line - if it works for you, stick to it. regardless of what *road* you take, you still have to use your own two legs to get there.....and if the signs on this one make sense, follow it as far as it'll take you~

[Papa Verine]

Soo many pussies in this thread! ;)

What the fuck are you talking about Citrus?

[chopstix]

What the fuck are you talking about Citrus?

Yeah, I'd really like to know too - what the fuck are you talking about, Citrus??

That comment reeks of someone who really doesn't know shit about the realities behind this game..

[Duckfeet]

One thing I've always liked about this site, is that we can be on either side of the dope game: trying to get it, trying to get away from it...and we all know both those sides...maybe all too well...nobody just "stays a dopefiend" all their lives...they either die, get locked up, or do *something* about it...I came here all strungout--again--and totally lost...again...and at least here, felt that the people understood what I was going thru...when I hear people trash other people who are trying desperately to find a way out of our recurring nightmare/bliss/nightmare, all I hear is lack of experience...or, as the hardcore bikers used to tattoo on their arms: "As you are, I once was...As I am, you will be..."

[Russellmeboy]

ahhh, right up my alley, i was thinking about staying away from opi too.... im IN rehab right now :-D, just got some computer privlages and tv and such, ive been here for about 3 months, and if your willing to do the work and really want sobriety you'll get it. basicly, you need some higher power in your life...read the AA big book, its a great book, message me with ur im or facebook and ill get @ you, i was a pretty desperate case man and im feeling beter then i have since i was a small kid. :) im not going to spit program on opi but its worked for thousands of ppl.

ps:

ive missed you guys dearly. :)