how do i make my wife understand?

[vicodinhead]

I am sorry to post such a sad thread, and i am sorry if i am in the wrong place but forgive me i am alittle distraught right now.

here is my problem. i have been on vicodin and oxy for roughly 2 years. started with ligitimate knee surgeries. i became addicted realized told my family and "got off" however all my family including my wife is ignorant to addiction disease. so they thought i would be sick a day or two then that was it we would go on with our lives. i was clean for about a year then boom 2 more operations, and got hooked.
well my wife kinda stuck her head in the sand and it took my parents to confront me. I said that i was fine, did not have a problem and as you all know there were many lies that came. well my wife found a bottle ( oops!!) and she left me. I totally understand that, but at the time we were in podunk missouri and i had a hard time finding help so i moved back to chicago entered into a suboxone program and i feel great (start a new job next week). In the meantime my wife filed for divorce she says because i lied and ruined us financially she can never trust me again. My question is, Is there any class or literature or something that some of you tried so that she can understand that all the lies and stealing money and things were part of my problem and not part of me. that i did not do it to her.

again i apologize if this is not in the right place i just really need some advice and wanted as many of you to see it as possible. (I still love her, dont want to throw away 15 years)

[Matty Fats 420]

I am sorry to post such a sad thread, and i am sorry if i am in the wrong place but forgive me i am alittle distraught right now.

here is my problem. i have been on vicodin and oxy for roughly 2 years. started with ligitimate knee surgeries. i became addicted realized told my family and "got off" however all my family including my wife is ignorant to addiction disease. so they thought i would be sick a day or two then that was it we would go on with our lives. i was clean for about a year then boom 2 more operations, and got hooked.
well my wife kinda stuck her head in the sand and it took my parents to confront me. I said that i was fine, did not have a problem and as you all know there were many lies that came. well my wife found a bottle ( oops!!) and she left me. I totally understand that, but at the time we were in podunk missouri and i had a hard time finding help so i moved back to chicago entered into a suboxone program and i feel great (start a new job next week). In the meantime my wife filed for divorce she says because i lied and ruined us financially she can never trust me again. My question is, Is there any class or literature or something that some of you tried so that she can understand that all the lies and stealing money and things were part of my problem and not part of me. that i did not do it to her.

again i apologize if this is not in the right place i just really need some advice and wanted as many of you to see it as possible. (I still love her, dont want to throw away 15 years)

i had the same problem with my exgirlfriend when i tried to quit the first time after using about 3 years. i got myself into a nice rehab program (which shows that your tryin to do the right thing) and they even had a family and marriage counsler to help with just that problem your going through. it worked for me but eventually we both went out seperate ways but not cuz of drugs. but if you could get into a nice rehab program and want your wife back for real. its worth a shot. sorry i could give your something more cuz i know how bad it hurts to loose a girl, especially a wife. but thats my story about how i went about a similar situation. hope it helps.....

The Fats!

[slugbone]

I am sorry to post such a sad thread, and i am sorry if i am in the wrong place but forgive me i am alittle distraught right now.

here is my problem. i have been on vicodin and oxy for roughly 2 years. started with ligitimate knee surgeries. i became addicted realized told my family and "got off" however all my family including my wife is ignorant to addiction disease. so they thought i would be sick a day or two then that was it we would go on with our lives. i was clean for about a year then boom 2 more operations, and got hooked.
well my wife kinda stuck her head in the sand and it took my parents to confront me. I said that i was fine, did not have a problem and as you all know there were many lies that came. well my wife found a bottle ( oops!!) and she left me. I totally understand that, but at the time we were in podunk missouri and i had a hard time finding help so i moved back to chicago entered into a suboxone program and i feel great (start a new job next week). In the meantime my wife filed for divorce she says because i lied and ruined us financially she can never trust me again. My question is, Is there any class or literature or something that some of you tried so that she can understand that all the lies and stealing money and things were part of my problem and not part of me. that i did not do it to her.

again i apologize if this is not in the right place i just really need some advice and wanted as many of you to see it as possible. (I still love her, dont want to throw away 15 years)

i guess some of the NA narcotics anonymous literature would have some stuff on what an addict does and why he or she does it. If she was to enroll the the equivalent of alanon narc anon i think they would be sure to explain many of the behaviours addicts have in terms of this. ive done some alateen when i was a kid, and AA later on, some of it works, much of it is explaining enabler type habits that others affected by the addiction have and how to cope with someone who isn't ready for help, or on the 12 step path blah blah

sometimes i think spouses, relatives, friends are either enablers who are clueless about the addiction or those that totally don't understand. the ones that want you to find jesus, "just stop doing it" etc.. and there is no middle ground between the two.

good luck dude. i wish you the best.

[Scarlettnight]

Tell her to look up information on the net about addiction. I have been throuhg something similar " Can't ya just quit?" I explain w/d as the worst DEPRESSION you have ever felt on top of the flu. Once those go away the mental stuff really kicks in. For those unopiated ppl out there research is the closest thing they can come to understanding what happens and why. and how hard it really is to kick for good.

[Darthvarga]

My Brother, sometimes when the trust is gone it's over. If you do get back together, she ain't gonna be the same. You will be answering to her and explaining yourself for the rest of your relationship. The real question is do you really want to do that? I have found that no matter what you do to make things better, the girl never gets over it. Was she that perfect? Would everything have been so perfect if you did'nt fuck with the dope? I know that I use a lot more when my relationships are fucked up. Nothing makes me want to use like a bitchy wife. Part of getting out of the cycle is realizing your role in a bad situation, forgiving yourself, and getting over it. Maybe this breakup will be a big part of your recovery. I just wonder if this is'nt a convinient way for her to get rid of you and still look like the good guy. I know how this feels and I hope I am totally wrong.

[shaunclo]

How to make her understand?? I dont think anyone can truly understand how demanding the addiction can become unless you have been there yourself. I mean its just not something that can be explained. I know I have tried to explain how bad w/d's can be and how fuckin strong the desire to use can become, but I really doubt anyone who hasnt been there can have the slightest idea of what its like.

Suboxone works good, but the craving will still be there, are you really serious about never wanting to get fucked up again? If so, only you can know how to get thru to her, you know her the best. I guess I wish I had an answer for you, but I dont. The un-opiated will never even have a fraction of a clue as to what we deal with, and how hard it is......period

[Opiyum]

The un-opiated will never even have a fraction of a clue as to what we deal with, and how hard it is......period

Often times they take the "You must be a weak person to give in to that temptation" stance...I really hate that!
That's a tough question V--head....obviously I am of no help but I do hope you find some.

[devilsdrug]

there is no " makin" her understand , she has to be open to something she is not familar with lots of the time this just takes time, sorry dude , i have been there before

[chemboy7]

How to make her understand?? I dont think anyone can truly understand how demanding the addiction can become unless you have been there yourself. I mean its just not something that can be explained. I know I have tried to explain how bad w/d's can be and how fuckin strong the desire to use can become, but I really doubt anyone who hasnt been there can have the slightest idea of what its like.

Like trying to explain what the color blue looks like to someone who has been blind their whole life.

[slugbone]

Like trying to explain what the color blue looks like to someone who has been blind their whole life.

reminds me of my favorite lyric from Alice In Chains: "Used to be curious, now the shit is sustenance"

staley hit it right on the head.

[absentvirtue]

I've tried to get my girlfriend to understand that a break from reality is needed every now and then, but she just takes it like im saying i dont like her when i do use them. She also completley refuses that drugs have done good things as well as bad. I dont mind if she disagrees with it. I just wish she could understand my point. I always make a point to understand her side even if i disagree with it.

[HistoryofMadness]

Hard to explain something perhaps we don't even understand, no?

[vicodinhead]

thanks everyone for your input. you have me thinkin darth as much as it hurts maybe it would be healthier apart. i also like the analagy of explaining the color bleu also very true.

well nothing has changed as of yet and i should get the papers next week. the biggest thing is i bought a shih tzu dog a year ago and i trained it, feed it, took it out and the dog is attached to me. with all i have been through the last few months the dog has been stable and brought me much happiness, but she says that she is gonna fight me tooth and toe nail for him, she is so vindictive. as stupid as it sounds i need that dog!

Thanks everyone i will keep you posted..

p.s. I feel like one of the family and ididn't expect that for a few months. you people are great.

[HistoryofMadness]

thanks everyone for your input. you have me thinkin darth as much as it hurts maybe it would be healthier apart. i also like the analagy of explaining the color bleu also very true.

well nothing has changed as of yet and i should get the papers next week. the biggest thing is i bought a shih tzu dog a year ago and i trained it, feed it, took it out and the dog is attached to me. with all i have been through the last few months the dog has been stable and brought me much happiness, but she says that she is gonna fight me tooth and toe nail for him, she is so vindictive. as stupid as it sounds i need that dog!

Thanks everyone i will keep you posted..

p.s. I feel like one of the family and ididn't expect that for a few months. you people are great.

Fuck that just hide the dog at some boarding facility for a while. If she's screwing you for a lot (pardon my directness, but I'd never let my dog go, I feel much like you about this), that's your only option. That, or send the dog to live with family for a little while.

[vicodinhead]

yeah, actually i am gonna sell the dog to my parents for 50 bucks " on paper " then tell her i'll give her half of what i made since that is what she is entitled to. after the "D" is final the dog is mine forever

[HistoryofMadness]

yeah, actually i am gonna sell the dog to my parents for 50 bucks " on paper " then tell her i'll give her half of what i made since that is what she is entitled to. after the "D" is final the dog is mine forever

Good, great, that's what I like to hear: a fantastic plan, that will, yes it will work.

[devilsdrug]

hell vh yu are well on your way to recovery if youve already hatched that plan

[slugbone]

thanks everyone for your input. you have me thinkin darth as much as it hurts maybe it would be healthier apart. i also like the analagy of explaining the color bleu also very true.

well nothing has changed as of yet and i should get the papers next week. the biggest thing is i bought a shih tzu dog a year ago and i trained it, feed it, took it out and the dog is attached to me. with all i have been through the last few months the dog has been stable and brought me much happiness, but she says that she is gonna fight me tooth and toe nail for him, she is so vindictive. as stupid as it sounds i need that dog!

Thanks everyone i will keep you posted..

p.s. I feel like one of the family and ididn't expect that for a few months. you people are great.

that's not stupid at all dude. it's cool that your dog helps give you some piece of mind. my dog doesn't care how high i get, he knows when i am podding he can hang out with me on the couch cause i'm not going anywhere for a while hehe. good luck with the dog and take care man.

[Coddfish]

If my bitch were to come after my bitch, my bitch would regret it:violent1: :) .

[poppy]

Hi Vico, I've just read this thread from the top and I started off feeling some sympathy for your wife, after all its not easy living with an addict especially if you're blinkered over understanding the complexities of addiction. Then I got to the part over your dog and changed my mind about her completely!! Your wife sounds like a right vindictive bitch, not content with leaving you heartbroken she wants to twist the knife that little bit more by trying to take your dog.
I know exactly how I'd feel if someone tried to do that to me. Like many of us opiophiles I adore my dogs and in many ways genuinely prefer them to people!! My domestic situation is far from ideal (as many of you know)but bad as my boyfriend is sometimes I do know that if we ever do split that he loves our dogs way too much to use them as pawns in an argument by taking them away from their home and family just to upset me. At the end of the day she just hasn't got the dog's best interests at heart!
Your plan sounds like a good one, I just hope it works out for you and you manage to keep your pet. I assume you've looked into whether its legal etc. Anyway all the best I've got my fingers crossed for you. Don't forget to keep us updated!!

[Rent]

Move on and don't dwell on anyone who could take away something you love!!!! I couldn't even imagine being with someone who didn't use. Me and Mr. Rent have been together a very long time, since we were little kids running the streets of Detroit. We always split 50/50. Except for the hording and hiding of usual dope fiends. Isn't that what attracts people to one another, similar interests??? If you want to quit, go check out the NA seen, not for me personally. If you want to keep using you'll find someone, we kinda gravitate towards each other. Good luck my friend!!!

[MIVgezzer]

thanks everyone for your input. you have me thinkin darth as much as it hurts maybe it would be healthier apart. i also like the analagy of explaining the color bleu also very true.

well nothing has changed as of yet and i should get the papers next week. the biggest thing is i bought a shih tzu dog a year ago and i trained it, feed it, took it out and the dog is attached to me. with all i have been through the last few months the dog has been stable and brought me much happiness, but she says that she is gonna fight me tooth and toe nail for him, she is so vindictive. as stupid as it sounds i need that dog!

Thanks everyone i will keep you posted..

p.s. I feel like one of the family and ididn't expect that for a few months. you people are great.


I read your first post and I got a clue that she has an excuse to quit your realationship but Takin a mans dog is a real nasty thing to do. She want out and the best thing you can do is just let her go. Don't give her too much fuel to burn your head like how she is using your dog.
I was married 25 years, my ex and I are freindly still, I love her also and she knows it... The drug use was a part of her reason for wanting out but I have been addicted to something aslong as I have known her, even addicted to being sober. I never had to do her dirty to get high as I made good money when I was using and still married, but she wanted a change. V-Head try to focus on the now and a realistic future, if you have to get an other dog, maybe a mutt from the pound who needs you as much as you need him. Try to belive every thing will work out the way it should and that you will be alright and you will be.
She doesent want to understand and the only way she can is to be there herself, maybe you dont want her to understand. Try to take the high road( no pun intended) in the divorce proceedings, let her have the dog as she realy want a knock down drag out fight, this will not help you at all. She might let you have him if you don't let it be a point of contention.

I hope thing work out well for you.

MIV gezzer

[nikz]

problem with NA/AA..do you ever get out of the "rooms"
N