Qwertymkonji
06-06-2006, 08:39 PM
First of all, I consider DXM a very powerful, a very special drug. One that has the power to change a person's will without them completely knowing, leaving them devastated yet exhilerated all at the same time. I do believe it can bring about unknown emotion or thoughts you did not think you were capable of having. Which is what I'm getting it. Or trying to, anyways. I'll try my best to explain my recent experience without sounding too extreme or crazy.
Well I know many of you cant sense the time barrier I've just crossed and the one I'm about to have again (lol), but I'm going to continue to finish eating in the mean time. Hold on a sec, k?
Ok, I think that was important to point out, but not really. All I can say is, I'm going to have horrible heartburn and shits later. Sorry. lol.
Anyways.
The baby. That's it. I wanted a baby! That's the "TL : DR" Stop here if you're bored.
I do not consider myself a selfish person nor a person without needs like others, I just don't consider myself one who would want to take care of another such being or bring another being into this life. Yet, on this previous DXM trip, after all the hallucinations and zany stuff subsided (I would like to note, on this particular occasion, I was viewing natural born killers. If any of you have ever tried this, kudos to you, if you haven't, TRY IT. But don't go kill someone. I know I didn't feel like I needed to, but someone may. Maybe.). Anyway, afterr the zany stuff subsided and being wrapped in this world of Mickey & Malorie and being part of them and the experience of being their every emotion and anything else that occurred, I was, in short: Devastated. It was an exhilerating experience. Much like many others. Then came the time after the movie. I was in this land (my living room) of fun and happiness. I was playing with my cat, throwing his mouse every which way. I was thinking 9million miles an hour. Then I remembered part of my experience: The Children. I remembered these beings as my children in this life, or another? I can't be sure. But I felt the need to bring a child in this world. They were so happy and SO beautiful to me. I can't convey in these simple worlds, as eager as I am right now to convey this to you, and how intelligent I may seem, the true beauty of these children. I wanted nothing else and would stop at nothing to have my child. Just one beautiful child.
My wife. I spoke to my wife, in a seemingly uninterested tone, as to grab her attention. I was talking about things like "isnt it weird how children are created, i put my penis in your vagina, and out pops a baby?" I conveyed to her over and over how weird it was. Then came the question I had been longing her to say for the longest while. She asked me if I wanted a baby. I was hesitant at first, like the thought had never occured to me, or something. This went on for a little while, I was outwardly questioning myself if I wanted a baby, all that stuff. I was convincing her that I was changing my mind or going towards that direction. It's all sort of fuzzy at the moment, but I'm trying my hardest to tell you people what actually was happening in the outside world and in my head. Anyway. I started asking her if she wanted a baby or had ever thought about it. I told her I was considering this notion. She looked at me all wide eyed and scared. I started to say over and over "the baby" in a childlike yet sweet voice. I told her all sorts of things and tried to make her experience what I was experiencing. I told her it wouldn't hurt. She would get medication. We would get benefits in the form of food stamps and such. I told her I was not tryin to persuade her by using these additional things that would come from having a baby, just saying it was just that: Extra. At this point in time though, I did, I believe, have two seperate personalities. One tiny one that knew what I was doing, and another that was experiencing this and believed it to be true. I cared not about benefits. All I cared about was the baby. That fucking baby. I told her how beautiful and perfect and be, and I told her to wonder what it would look like. It would have her pretty nose, and my eyes, or her eyes, or one of each.
Guys, I was getting her convinced to have a baby. She is just like me. She does NOT want children. Yet I was convincing her. Almost.
Then came the subject of risks and we assessed what could happen. Mental retardation, all that stuff. I told her it's a risk everybody takes and who were we to decide that we could love it any less no matter how it came to be in this world. Eventually she agreed with me, or felt inside that she shouldnt think those thoughts.
I reminded her how beautiful it would be, I Would take care of her, let her stay home and do all that stuff. She seemed to be liking it, yet holding back, in a way. She just wanted to talk about in the morning. She asked me if it was because of earlier with my grandpa asking me when we were going to make him a grandfather. I did not even think of this. It made me reply like I had no idea the thought even occured, because it truly didn't, yet I think she thought she tapped into the root of the reason why I Was thinking this in the first place. Suddenly I burst into tears, somewhat hoping to distract her from these heinous thoughts , yet also because I was thinking of my grandpa and how much I loved him as well. She cradled me and told me she was sorry over and over. I dont remember much of the crying. I was actually crying so hard like a little baby I don't even know what was going on. She reminded me she wanted to talk about it in the morning after I was done tripping.
That's it. I was tripping? Or was I? I remember sitting in my chair BEFORE and thinking I had gone to bed, and thinking it was the next day. I wondered why I was still tripping. I knew I was still tripping. Yet during this baby stuff, these emotions felt so real. All I could think of was lying on the floor where I was playing with the cat, and playing with this baby in much the same way. She told me the cat would attack the baby. I said no. The cat would never attack anything so precious and beautiful, as the cat would know it was one of us. The skin of the baby would be a dead give away. The cat would know it was one of us. He had to. It would act nothing like the kitten we tried to introduce it to previously, which it attacked. Kittens act much differently. The beautiful skin of the baby, how it glows, is all I could think of. Like a shield to detract the cat from such things as "attacking". Yeah fucking right. Screw that cat, right?
It was so real. We layed down and I was convincing my wife more and more. This was another life, I knew, and how different this life would be from my former life of selfishness (even though I dont consider myself a selfish person, maybe I am?) and laziness of not wanting to take care of a baby. Money problems would be a thing of the past. New job coming up, better benefits with the city. I conveyed everything to her to get her to see my side of things. Not so much to convince her anymore, as that seemed wrong. And I did. I pretty much got her to see my side of things. I cried once more in her arms, talked about "the baby" "the baby" some more, and finally went to sleep. I reminded her now and again every time I drifted off before I finally just shut down and blacked out.
I'm telling you, if I were still like that today when we woke up to dicuss this, then she wouldve given in so quick. I would have my baby. I know it.
I quickly jumped out of bed, knowing all well what went on the previous night, but thinking to myself "WHAT the FUCK?!". I ran to the toilet to let out the dxm that so eagerly wanted to leave me. I heard her walking toward the bathroom and reading myself and my expression to that of one of pure fucking HORROR. She knew what was up. I said "I DO NOT WANT A BABY! HOW could you EVER listen to me?!" She said I told her I wasn't tripping. I said again "HOW?! I Dont wan't a baby!" She said "thank god, I was so afraid" I put my head in my arms and finished my toilet duties. I knew I had almost convinced her and she even kindof hinted that she probably would, but that she was very afraid and just wanted to go to sleep. I could see it in her eyes.
I could see it in her eyes.
Horrible. No babies for me, man.
You?
Well I know many of you cant sense the time barrier I've just crossed and the one I'm about to have again (lol), but I'm going to continue to finish eating in the mean time. Hold on a sec, k?
Ok, I think that was important to point out, but not really. All I can say is, I'm going to have horrible heartburn and shits later. Sorry. lol.
Anyways.
The baby. That's it. I wanted a baby! That's the "TL : DR" Stop here if you're bored.
I do not consider myself a selfish person nor a person without needs like others, I just don't consider myself one who would want to take care of another such being or bring another being into this life. Yet, on this previous DXM trip, after all the hallucinations and zany stuff subsided (I would like to note, on this particular occasion, I was viewing natural born killers. If any of you have ever tried this, kudos to you, if you haven't, TRY IT. But don't go kill someone. I know I didn't feel like I needed to, but someone may. Maybe.). Anyway, afterr the zany stuff subsided and being wrapped in this world of Mickey & Malorie and being part of them and the experience of being their every emotion and anything else that occurred, I was, in short: Devastated. It was an exhilerating experience. Much like many others. Then came the time after the movie. I was in this land (my living room) of fun and happiness. I was playing with my cat, throwing his mouse every which way. I was thinking 9million miles an hour. Then I remembered part of my experience: The Children. I remembered these beings as my children in this life, or another? I can't be sure. But I felt the need to bring a child in this world. They were so happy and SO beautiful to me. I can't convey in these simple worlds, as eager as I am right now to convey this to you, and how intelligent I may seem, the true beauty of these children. I wanted nothing else and would stop at nothing to have my child. Just one beautiful child.
My wife. I spoke to my wife, in a seemingly uninterested tone, as to grab her attention. I was talking about things like "isnt it weird how children are created, i put my penis in your vagina, and out pops a baby?" I conveyed to her over and over how weird it was. Then came the question I had been longing her to say for the longest while. She asked me if I wanted a baby. I was hesitant at first, like the thought had never occured to me, or something. This went on for a little while, I was outwardly questioning myself if I wanted a baby, all that stuff. I was convincing her that I was changing my mind or going towards that direction. It's all sort of fuzzy at the moment, but I'm trying my hardest to tell you people what actually was happening in the outside world and in my head. Anyway. I started asking her if she wanted a baby or had ever thought about it. I told her I was considering this notion. She looked at me all wide eyed and scared. I started to say over and over "the baby" in a childlike yet sweet voice. I told her all sorts of things and tried to make her experience what I was experiencing. I told her it wouldn't hurt. She would get medication. We would get benefits in the form of food stamps and such. I told her I was not tryin to persuade her by using these additional things that would come from having a baby, just saying it was just that: Extra. At this point in time though, I did, I believe, have two seperate personalities. One tiny one that knew what I was doing, and another that was experiencing this and believed it to be true. I cared not about benefits. All I cared about was the baby. That fucking baby. I told her how beautiful and perfect and be, and I told her to wonder what it would look like. It would have her pretty nose, and my eyes, or her eyes, or one of each.
Guys, I was getting her convinced to have a baby. She is just like me. She does NOT want children. Yet I was convincing her. Almost.
Then came the subject of risks and we assessed what could happen. Mental retardation, all that stuff. I told her it's a risk everybody takes and who were we to decide that we could love it any less no matter how it came to be in this world. Eventually she agreed with me, or felt inside that she shouldnt think those thoughts.
I reminded her how beautiful it would be, I Would take care of her, let her stay home and do all that stuff. She seemed to be liking it, yet holding back, in a way. She just wanted to talk about in the morning. She asked me if it was because of earlier with my grandpa asking me when we were going to make him a grandfather. I did not even think of this. It made me reply like I had no idea the thought even occured, because it truly didn't, yet I think she thought she tapped into the root of the reason why I Was thinking this in the first place. Suddenly I burst into tears, somewhat hoping to distract her from these heinous thoughts , yet also because I was thinking of my grandpa and how much I loved him as well. She cradled me and told me she was sorry over and over. I dont remember much of the crying. I was actually crying so hard like a little baby I don't even know what was going on. She reminded me she wanted to talk about it in the morning after I was done tripping.
That's it. I was tripping? Or was I? I remember sitting in my chair BEFORE and thinking I had gone to bed, and thinking it was the next day. I wondered why I was still tripping. I knew I was still tripping. Yet during this baby stuff, these emotions felt so real. All I could think of was lying on the floor where I was playing with the cat, and playing with this baby in much the same way. She told me the cat would attack the baby. I said no. The cat would never attack anything so precious and beautiful, as the cat would know it was one of us. The skin of the baby would be a dead give away. The cat would know it was one of us. He had to. It would act nothing like the kitten we tried to introduce it to previously, which it attacked. Kittens act much differently. The beautiful skin of the baby, how it glows, is all I could think of. Like a shield to detract the cat from such things as "attacking". Yeah fucking right. Screw that cat, right?
It was so real. We layed down and I was convincing my wife more and more. This was another life, I knew, and how different this life would be from my former life of selfishness (even though I dont consider myself a selfish person, maybe I am?) and laziness of not wanting to take care of a baby. Money problems would be a thing of the past. New job coming up, better benefits with the city. I conveyed everything to her to get her to see my side of things. Not so much to convince her anymore, as that seemed wrong. And I did. I pretty much got her to see my side of things. I cried once more in her arms, talked about "the baby" "the baby" some more, and finally went to sleep. I reminded her now and again every time I drifted off before I finally just shut down and blacked out.
I'm telling you, if I were still like that today when we woke up to dicuss this, then she wouldve given in so quick. I would have my baby. I know it.
I quickly jumped out of bed, knowing all well what went on the previous night, but thinking to myself "WHAT the FUCK?!". I ran to the toilet to let out the dxm that so eagerly wanted to leave me. I heard her walking toward the bathroom and reading myself and my expression to that of one of pure fucking HORROR. She knew what was up. I said "I DO NOT WANT A BABY! HOW could you EVER listen to me?!" She said I told her I wasn't tripping. I said again "HOW?! I Dont wan't a baby!" She said "thank god, I was so afraid" I put my head in my arms and finished my toilet duties. I knew I had almost convinced her and she even kindof hinted that she probably would, but that she was very afraid and just wanted to go to sleep. I could see it in her eyes.
I could see it in her eyes.
Horrible. No babies for me, man.
You?