Stressing when Sober/thinking more

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

I always see things so different when I'm a week or more sober. I'm sure thats why the majority relapse. Coping with life on lifes terms so to speak is hard when you've turned a blind eye all these years. I always think more about the future. Always think to myself "Is this it? Where will I be in 5 years hell even next month. I don't know, guess I'm just stressing. Life is just sooooooooo different without opiates and its hard to except. Thanks for letting me rant.

[PrisonHer]

aww. I know how you feel man. I haven't used in 2 weeks and the other day I was walkin' out of the market and I heard this little 2 yr old boy laughing and running in circles and I realized damn..it's been years since I heard a little kid laugh...it was a good sound..but for some reason it depressed the fuck out of me. It really hadn't been years because most of my friends have little kids..but it had been years since I *really* heard it.

Anyways..I feel for you. I just take it moment by moment otherwise I get overwhelmed trying to figure out where I'm going..or where I been (even worse). Hang in there man...

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

aww. I know how you feel man. I haven't used in 2 weeks and the other day I was walkin' out of the market and I heard this little 2 yr old boy laughing and running in circles and I realized damn..it's been years since I heard a little kid laugh...it was a good sound..but for some reason it depressed the fuck out of me. It really hadn't been years because most of my friends have little kids..but it had been years since I *really* heard it.

Anyways..I feel for you. I just take it moment by moment otherwise I get overwhelmed trying to figure out where I'm going..or where I been (even worse). Hang in there man...

Makes me feel a lot better knowing there's others like you out there that can relate. 2 weeks clean huh, grats on that. This is my 2nd day off Norco's. Went a week then relapsed 2 weeks ago. Got kratom to make it more bearable. I just gotta think about my future man. Time is going by so damn fast, especially when you use. You spend all that time with your mind clouded and when the fog finally lifts you realize you've missed out on a lot.

[Poppylvr]

Makes me feel a lot better knowing there's others like you out there that can relate. 2 weeks clean huh, grats on that. This is my 2nd day off Norco's. Went a week then relapsed 2 weeks ago. Got kratom to make it more bearable. I just gotta think about my future man. Time is going by so damn fast, especially when you use. You spend all that time with your mind clouded and when the fog finally lifts you realize you've missed out on a lot.
Sorry you're in a funky spot right now. The reason the saying"This too shall pass" is a cliche is becuse it is so true. I hope it passes quickly for you.
And a big fat YEE-HAW on your avatar - I love it, makes me laugh.

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

Sorry you're in a funky spot right now. The reason the saying"This too shall pass" is a cliche is becuse it is so true. I hope it passes quickly for you.
And a big fat YEE-HAW on your avatar - I love it, makes me laugh.
I know this is an old post but I just wanted to say thanks for the words of encouragement Poppyluvr. I've always loved that quote, and it's so true. Glad you like my avatar, I love making people laugh. :p

[Euphoricgirl]

How are you doing handme? Did you make it through. ? I've been clean almost 4 weeks now, little kratom here and there..and couldn't agree with your statement more. I notice things in a whole new light sometimes, but most of the time like you said I think to much, drives me batty....4 weeks and still miserable as shit.

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

EG,
I'm doing so so. Used my last Norco's last night so all I have is kratom. Gratz on your clean time! I need to get clean so bad it isn't funny. Kratom is a Godsend for W/D, because of it I haven't really suffered that much, I'm just jonesing like madd. I take Vyvanse for my ADD and it really helps my mood/depression when kicking but I still have those bad days. 4 weeks is something to be proud of, keep it up and before long it will be 4 months and so on. Oh, and I agree with your signature 100%

HMSO

[Duckfeet]

It gets better, it just takes a while. For me, after whatever the immediate hell of detoxing is over, I often feel really good....then slowly slip into a sort of lethargy or solitude, and after a while I kind of forget why I got off dope in the first place, and can't forwards or backwards without getting blue, and at this point, if I know where to cop "just one time," I usually do...and it all starts again...

But a couple of times I stuck it out, u know, went to AA, moved to a new town, got a sailboat, *something*, and what I found was that life *did* get better, and slowly I got kind of happy with life, and could accomplish things I thought were impossible...Once in Louisiana, after I had gotten off dilaudids, and went thru all this kicking and shit, all of a sudden this University wanted to publish some writing I had done, and gave me some money for some stupid poems, and published them, and offered me a full ride if I wanted to go back to school, and I was really happy for a few years, all in all, things kept getting better, got in the whole incestuous University creative writing "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" kind of thing, and I ended up in Austin Texas, felt how lucky I was...and five years went by like that, but, then I would forget, and think, well, a few pain pills would make it even *better*, then some pain pills I could fix, then heroin, the streets and junky life again...

Then again, coming off methadone ten years ago, homeless and adrift out in Florida, sat in a stupid AA meeting drying out forever it seemed like, always wanting to score, putting it off another day, then listless and driving a truck for a living...blah blah blah...but eventually, it did get better, and years of fairly happy life: didn't need to work, got a good pension for army days, all that, got another boat up in Seattle area, sailed her out thru the locks and over to Gig Harbor, and I *remember* that day, thinking how happy I was, in my beautiful teak sloop, sailing in a nice spring breeze, and I'd been sober a few years, and I didn't miss shit...

And I had seven years off this shit, and had been learning to paraglide, and was just flying around one day, over the ocean out here, and next thing I know, I was in the hospital, all strungout on dilaudids, and it was all back...but I stay optimistic about the whole thing, no problem...

So don't ever get discouraged when it's seems hopeless: it just takes a while for life to seem nice again, without drugs, but it happens...everybody *doesn't* keep going back to the crazy life: I have some sort of self-destructive bent--or just plain bad luck--that for whatever reasons, has kicked in at times, but I'm alright with that, and if you really do want off this stuff, you can get off and stay off, everybody doesn't fall back down, like I do: it just seems that way sometimes...


I always see things so different when I'm a week or more sober. I'm sure thats why the majority relapse. Coping with life on lifes terms so to speak is hard when you've turned a blind eye all these years. I always think more about the future. Always think to myself "Is this it? Where will I be in 5 years hell even next month. I don't know, guess I'm just stressing. Life is just sooooooooo different without opiates and its hard to except. Thanks for letting me rant.

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

it just seems that way sometimes...
It sure does........

Thanks for the gr8 reply Duckfeet.

[runormal]

I know the feeling. Last year after I had gone through a kick I remember being in my car on the way home from work and all of a sudden it felt like every thing that I had been putting off while using was all of a sudden due and/or needed to be paid in full at that exact moment. I pulled off the freeway and sat in my car more or less in a state of panic worried that some deadline was upon me. For what of course I couldn't figure out - it was just the same feeling that I remember getting in school when something was due and I'd realize I'd totally forgotten about it. That quick second right there was what this felt like. Anyway I couldn't shake it and went back to using that afternoon. I wonder if I had made it through that time period and not used whether I would have gone back and as a result ended up on bupe and now MMT. I thought my resolve was strong but the feeling of panic and stress about what lay before me quickly showed how thin it was....