new and introduction....

[Babydollangel]

hello all, and forgive me if I have posted this in the wrong area !
I have been reading this site for a couple of months now and finally registered a few weeks ago. Havent posted anything yet cuz i have been pretty occupied reading what all is already on here. I find myself looking here several times a day and thoughly enjoy reading everyone elses experiences they have been so helpful and I dont feel so alone.
I thought I would chime in to say that I am 'addicted' to this site and very glad to have come across it.
A little about me if you are so inclined to want to know. I am a stay at home mother and children who are my world. I have a pretty great life in terms of what people would think if they were to run into me out in public or such.
yada yada yada, your typical girl next door type. I am told I am beautiful and so lucky to have such a great life....
well, what brings me here is that I seem to have a love affair with hydrocodone. ANY form ..im not predjudice..haha. I wake up thinking about them and go to sleep taking them..
I have had many surgeries over the past many years and never had a prroblem with them..I have taken then off and on for the past at least 17 years with no problems other than for what they were prescribed....I ALWAYS knew I enjoyed taking it but never had a problem stopping once my pain so to speak was gone. well this past december I had some plastic surgery and oh boy was it a pain ful surgery !! I was given norco to take home with me with 5 refills !! sighhhhh.....well there begins my story of where I am now..its now the end of may and I am still in love with them !!
I know its wrong of me as this money could be better spent on other things BUT I WANT MY MEDS more than other things ! When I take them life is content and I am happy in whatever situation I might be in..everything in my world is great with them.
I know I should want to quit and sometimes I will convince myself that this 'is the last time' but another time always comes around. Right now I am in sorta a w/d cuz I have no more sources to get any until tomorrow and I have been utterly crying my eyes out since last night. I just cannt wait until tomorrow or this evening when IM SUPPOSD to be getting more..this habit is getting so expensive but I feel Im on a merry go round and dont know where to stop and dont even want to stop right now.
Well, I just wanted to make my first post and hope I havent stepped out of line anywhere...I was going to post sooner but saw some people get come down hard on so I wanted to make sure I wasnt over stepping my boundaries somehow.
Hello and thanks for having me here .. BDA:)

[slugbone]

well i know what you mean about the merry go round, but it i gave up feeling bad about it. everybody on this forum knows the drill on what you are feeling.

i'd rather be doing opiates than kiiling my liver with booze or losing my teeth to meth. as long as you are taking care of your kids why beat yourself up or worry if you love oxy? i drink my tea, take trams daily and if i can get oxy or hydro or whatever its an extra bonus for me.

anyway welcome to the forum, hope to hear some experience stories and whatever else is on your mind.

[Babydollangel]

Slugbone,
Thanks for the welcome!
Im not really too hard on myself about my addiction ..I guess I just start thinkin about the $$ part of it...see, I dont have a script anymore..although I have searched and searched about the op thing and tried to find what I can about that.
I suffer with kidney stones on occasion so thought about using that as an excuse. Last time I went in w/ which was a few weeks ago I felt so shitty I went to hosp and convinced them I had a kidney stone moving around and they gave me a demeral shot (which by the way scares me now cuz I DIDNT feel a thing from that shot!) I wonder if my opiate use has made me too tolerant to pain shots? ugh! anyways looking back I think w/d's were just kicking my ass so it seemed everything was bothering me that night and I just couldnt take it anymore..they did give me a script for some dang 5's vics. (YUCK) but at least they helped me get through a couple of days till i could get hooked up with more.
my problem is at times I can aquire a pretty large amount (talk about a happy girl..hehe..)then I think i have so many Ill just take a few more than planned then I run out too soon (yeah Im sure everyone knows that drill !) then like today..NOTIHNG....someone was supposed to have some last night but they diddnt come through and supposedly today but ya know how that goes sometimes..so im pretty devastated right now..NO ONE else could ever possibly understand this cept ya'll on this board. I just love knowing Its not just me !! doesnt help much right now but its a releif to know Ill live when it feels like I might not right now..
just wanted to say thank you for your kind welcome !
BDA :)

[slugbone]

i've spent a night or two with the head creeps like that. i wanted to punch my legs for that weird feeling i get in them. but of course i spend crazy amounts of time making sure i don't run out. i was talking on another thread about when i had a nice regular supply of oxy, i would take the pills out and fondle those lovlies, hehe. full bottle = good feelings.
you should try the pod viewings. works great for me and then, you have backup in case disaster strikes like today. it works good as you have probably read and there are some good vendors i have had personal exp with.

[Babydollangel]

Right now its the damn restless legs feeling I have and a headache that makes me want to go put myself out of my misery ! Hopefully tonight I will be able to have some relief from this misery !

This is the very reason I havent moved on 'to bigger and better' things so to speak..i want to..think about it alot ..esp after reading on here, but just too scared to go down a bigger road right now..or what !!! maybe its just that I dont know where to acquire it..hehe. (at least I can laugh at this moment):rolleyes:

[HistoryofMadness]

i'd rather be doing opiates than kiiling my liver with booze or losing my teeth to meth.
Ha! Are these your only options? I love it when junkies say "at least I'm not xyz" (I'm screwing with you jb, I do agree!)...

Right now its the damn restless legs feeling I have and a headache that makes me want to go put myself out of my misery ! Hopefully tonight I will be able to have some relief from this misery !

This is the very reason I havent moved on 'to bigger and better' things so to speak..i want to..think about it alot ..esp after reading on here, but just too scared to go down a bigger road right now..or what !!! maybe its just that I dont know where to acquire it..hehe. (at least I can laugh at this moment):rolleyes:
First, thanks for the wonderful introduction... Secondly, it is a good policy to be smart about the steps you take up the junky ladder (and junky is a term of endearment around here or at least to me). We all get to know the rollercoaster very well... the WD part especially... opiates are a long-term committment with a very predictable outcome.

Welcome to the forum!

-H

[defenestrate]

i was beating on my legs quite a bit last night and this morning while i desperately tried to maintain enough comfort to rest or do anything other than not digest my food and get hot/cold flashes. oh well, at least i'm through the worst of it.

btw, welcome! this is the only place of its kind that i hang out in because the folks here are good people and the topics really do a pretty good job of fitting what i'm wanting to learn about/discuss.