Badly Drawn Girl
05-24-2006, 04:10 AM
Hi all,
I'm new to the site, new to methadone. Been reading through a lot of the posts and have a question. Quick history... I'm a 12 year chronic pain sufferer who spent the majority of that time trying to be strong. I have never liked taking anything for pain. I suffered in relative silence until I realized that my whole quality of life had gone down the toilet. Also received some upsetting news about my future health prospects. Fought like hell to get a doctor to prescribe me something stronger than anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers. 3 years ago, I get put on Ultram, which did nothing, switched over to Vicodin, which I immediately started overtaking, and was finally placed on Percoset. My dose has remained the same for two years, doctor refuses to up it. Unfortunately I had easy access to Oxycodone and Oxycontin which I began occasionally taking. Big mistake. Oxycontin gives me back my life in that I'm able to sail through my day happily on 3 20 mg tablets, instead of popping percs like candy and risking blowing up my insides. Then I lose easy access to extra meds. Shit hits the fan. For the past few months I've been buying pretty much any opiate I can find through connections but it's always little amounts. The stress of constantly having to search and worry about WD's is really getting to me. Did take Methadose (first question... is there a difference between Methadose and Methadone or is it a brand name thing?) for a couple weeks and was extremely happy. Could go all day on 2 5mg pills. After those two weeks, I went back on my percs, no problem. Have never experienced any withdrawals moving from opiate to opiate. Fast forward, today I come across a friend of a friend who has 70 methadone pills and sells them to me at the price he paid through his insurance. After being forced to pay $3-$5 per pill for Vicodins and Percosets that past month, I'm extremely happy. That's a big enough supply to keep me for month.
But after reading the posts, I'm wondering if I'm heading down a path I should get off of. Am I going to have a hard time going off of the meth after a month? Would I be wiser to sell the meth for oxys? I'm so new to this whole thing. I've never abused a substance in my life. I don't ever get a feeling of being high from the pills, just a feeling of normalcy... back when normalcy meant feeling alive. But I don't want to make the jump from dependency to fullblown addiction unneccesarily, if that makes sense. I'm just so goddamn happy to have these pills in my possession, to know that tomorrow when I wake up my first thought won't be "who has pills, where can I get money, how long before I start detoxing." I appreciate anyone's thoughts on anything that I've posted. I'm really here to learn.
I'm new to the site, new to methadone. Been reading through a lot of the posts and have a question. Quick history... I'm a 12 year chronic pain sufferer who spent the majority of that time trying to be strong. I have never liked taking anything for pain. I suffered in relative silence until I realized that my whole quality of life had gone down the toilet. Also received some upsetting news about my future health prospects. Fought like hell to get a doctor to prescribe me something stronger than anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers. 3 years ago, I get put on Ultram, which did nothing, switched over to Vicodin, which I immediately started overtaking, and was finally placed on Percoset. My dose has remained the same for two years, doctor refuses to up it. Unfortunately I had easy access to Oxycodone and Oxycontin which I began occasionally taking. Big mistake. Oxycontin gives me back my life in that I'm able to sail through my day happily on 3 20 mg tablets, instead of popping percs like candy and risking blowing up my insides. Then I lose easy access to extra meds. Shit hits the fan. For the past few months I've been buying pretty much any opiate I can find through connections but it's always little amounts. The stress of constantly having to search and worry about WD's is really getting to me. Did take Methadose (first question... is there a difference between Methadose and Methadone or is it a brand name thing?) for a couple weeks and was extremely happy. Could go all day on 2 5mg pills. After those two weeks, I went back on my percs, no problem. Have never experienced any withdrawals moving from opiate to opiate. Fast forward, today I come across a friend of a friend who has 70 methadone pills and sells them to me at the price he paid through his insurance. After being forced to pay $3-$5 per pill for Vicodins and Percosets that past month, I'm extremely happy. That's a big enough supply to keep me for month.
But after reading the posts, I'm wondering if I'm heading down a path I should get off of. Am I going to have a hard time going off of the meth after a month? Would I be wiser to sell the meth for oxys? I'm so new to this whole thing. I've never abused a substance in my life. I don't ever get a feeling of being high from the pills, just a feeling of normalcy... back when normalcy meant feeling alive. But I don't want to make the jump from dependency to fullblown addiction unneccesarily, if that makes sense. I'm just so goddamn happy to have these pills in my possession, to know that tomorrow when I wake up my first thought won't be "who has pills, where can I get money, how long before I start detoxing." I appreciate anyone's thoughts on anything that I've posted. I'm really here to learn.