Close Family Member Has Cancer ....

[PiLL CLiNToN]

I'm in shock I grew up with this Man he's been my grandfather(best friend) all my life when my rents were to strung out to care when I was to young to care for myself and all that hes done soooo much for me when there was no one there now hes diagnosed with Panceratic Cancer yesterday when I heard the news my jaw dropped and was in shock depression hit big time and all that comes with...I'm not familar with cancer I dont know what to say what to do etc. but Cancer in general its taken a whole lot of my family from me but its never hit this hard....Could someone please 'share their expericenes or any information they have regaurding Cancer esp Paneratic....Hope this is the right place to post this Any advice anything would be appricated....Thanks in advance for any help....

[nick]

My father had surgery for Duke's cancer a few months ago and he's alive,well and probably healthier than I am now.

Cancer is not always a death sentence now days,especially if caught early.After saying that I know the fear that cancer engenders all to well.So,I hope it works out for you both.

[edhorfin]

THat sucks. Wikipedia pancreatic cancer and you won't find much good news. It just isn't diagnosed early enough to treat well....the most common form, which accounts for 95% of the cases, has a 5 year survival rate of 5%. Really shitty...I'm sorry man.

[WhyCatsPaint]

The best you can do is be there to support them and thankfully we have come a long way with cancer treatment. My Aunt passed away 13 years ago from cancer, it started with breast cancer then it spread and went into the bones. I have another Aunt she is a breast cancer survivor and so far it has stayed in remission my mother is the only one out of the three sisters that has not had cancer.

My husbands Aunt had lung cancer and it was horrible to see what she went through the cancer spread really fast and toward the end she was pushing ensure through a feeding tube. The thing is I think if she would have caught it earlier she may have had a chance but she had so many mental problems it made it nearly impossible to treat her. She thought the doctors were poisoning her and refused to go to chemo therapy.

[southernbelle]

I'm sorry to hear this, Pill. My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic ca in October of 2003. She only made it 4 months before she succombed to this. But I think if she'd been properly diagnosed earlier, she would've had a much better chance. She began losing weight in the spring of '03, along with nausea/vomiting and all her dumbass doctor would tell her was "Well, you're nauseated, I can't do anything about that".

She always came to eat lunch with me on Thursdays and the last time we had lunch together, she was so jaundiced I called my doctor, and he made her go to the ER. That was in October, and THAT'S when she was diagnosed. I got her a proper Oncologist and he made the last few months of her life bearable with as many pain meds as she wanted. I love this guy, and I'll be forever in his debt. She was given patches and as much dilaudid as she wanted for b/t pain.

I hope I haven't discouraged you with this long-ass story, but I hope your grandfather was diagnosed in time to maybe do some good. The West Clinic has a phenomenal website with lots of good info. I pray your grandfather has a compassionate doctor who will treat his pain accordingly. My prayers are with you and your family.

[PiLL CLiNToN]

Yeah, I've been pretty much doing alot of research and just trying to stay in a positive state of mind and all that stuff just trying not to think of whats to come because theres no doubt here this is going to be one helluva situation for me and my whole family but everyone like me is staying strong and also thank god for the technology they have in cancer treatment these days I hear like every single day they find one thing or another out about cancer,treatments and so on......thank you all for the help! and keep um coming you guys are the best! thanks

[PiLL CLiNToN]

Thanks Belle its just the reality of the situation and im going to have to face it at one point or another thank you and god bless Your Mother......Cancer is SUCH a CHEAT...and that website looks very good and helpfull! i cant say thanks enuff!

[Restharrow]

I lost my father to lung cancer 6 years ago -- he lasted 13 months. A couple of big points stand out to me:

1. Ask his doctor if he is a "Hospice" candidate. If so get the doctor to refer him to a local "Hospice" team. And here's the catch. When "Hospice" started out, it was a volunteer, non-profit organization. They did not or could not get a legal lock on the name "Hospice". Today there are 13 for profit "Hospice" businesses in my area - and the 1 non-profit org. Make sure u and the dr. understand "which Hospice" the dr. is sending him to.

2. My Dad's personality changed drasticly during his illness. You may be dealing with a "differnt person" than u have known for your life. Don't let if freak u out -- its a natural reaction most of us have to our own death.

3. Spend as much time with your grandfather as you can -- do as many things to help him as you can. Its hard now, you will appreciate it later.

4. It may be hard for your family to stick together - I assumed that my family would all "stick together" and NOT do anything to cause more problems -- WRONG. All behavioral problems in the family got worse. My sister got arrested, pregnant (no husband, no job, etc.). My wife and I argued. My wife's mother and sister both had cancer during this 13 month period -- both survived and are well today (her mothre is 95 still lives alone). So everything that could go wrong did go wrong. you just have to set aside all problems u can deal with later and be prepared for any existing "family problems, tensions" to get worse.

Good luck and I am hoping for the best for your family.

Will

[ohamber]

I took care of my aunt while she was dying from Lung Cancer that had spread to her brain, and deftly into her lymph nodes. Luckily, friends of the family were able to pull a few strings and get my aunt on a few trials at The James Cancer Center (?), here in Columbus, which greatly prolonged her life/increased the quality of her life.

I'm sorry to hear this news, Cancer is tough, but it's definitely beatable, with the right meds, and early detection. I wish you the best!

[buc]

My dad passed in 97' from esophageal cancer. He was 67. The news came out of the blue. And although the statistics were not good he kept a great positive attitude. After a three month struggle he left this world. I learned a lot during those three months. In many ways I was his little boy again. He taught me how to die during that time.........he was truley a teacher from the begining of my life until the end of his. Good luck to you ...........I'll be thinking of you and yours.

[Poppylvr]

I'm in shock I grew up with this Man he's been my grandfather(best friend) all my life when my rents were to strung out to care when I was to young to care for myself and all that hes done soooo much for me when there was no one there now hes diagnosed with Panceratic Cancer yesterday when I heard the news my jaw dropped and was in shock depression hit big time and all that comes with...I'm not familar with cancer I dont know what to say what to do etc. but Cancer in general its taken a whole lot of my family from me but its never hit this hard....Could someone please 'share their expericenes or any information they have regaurding Cancer esp Paneratic....Hope this is the right place to post this Any advice anything would be appricated....Thanks in advance for any help....
I'm so sorry about your Grandpa.
Couple of excellent educational sites: www.cancer.org (http://www.cancer.org) - the American Cancer Society's page and
www.huntsmancancer.org (http://www.huntsmancancer.org) - the learning center on this site is fabulous.
As one of the OP's said, talk with your Grandpa's doc EARLY about hospice. Hospice is an organization that helps peaople in the end of their struggles with cancer, and they are experts at serious pain control so that if God Forbid your Grandpa has to fight pain they will be warriors for him.
Big cyber hugs and good wishes for you & Grandpa are on the way:).

[shotty]

Say everything you need to say to your grandfather as soon as you can. My dad died from brain cancer and the chances of survival were 2% with the certain protein he had in his tumor. He was strong and healthy too, and that chance of survival is not any better than a pancreatic cancer patient. Prepare yourself man, I know it's good to be optimistic, but it was the hardest thing I could of imagined. Spend time with him, I think it'll be better for you because your grandfather will still be all together and able to talk, so don't let me get you down. But you have to know the enemy, and it's terrible. If you ever need to talk about it or anything, I'm here and I'm sorry man. I know what that feeling you have is like.

[PiLL CLiNToN]

Thank you all so much for the replies theyve helped tremdolsly forreal THANK YOU ALL! but oddly enough today the makes of cape cod patao chips (dunno if theyre out of the NE Area Or what) but the guy died today of pan. ca so yea everyday i make sure we speak and he knows i love him whatever we do play clue or talk or watch a movie its time well spent and i wouldnt trade the times for anything in the world. once again thanks everyone :)

[shotty]

Good attitude man, keep it up you're doing really well.

[taj]

You and your grandfather will be in my thoughts. Enjoy the time you have together and you will always have the memories you share with him no matter what.... stay strong

[tch2296]

My dad passed in 97' from esophageal cancer. He was 67. The news came out of the blue. And although the statistics were not good he kept a great positive attitude. After a three month struggle he left this world. I learned a lot during those three months. In many ways I was his little boy again. He taught me how to die during that time.........he was truley a teacher from the begining of my life until the end of his. Good luck to you ...........I'll be thinking of you and yours.

Wow, that brought a tear to my eye.

My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer something about 10 years ago, after about 2 years of intense chemo/raditation she was much better, she was lucky in a way, but still suffers from neuropathic pain.

A lot of great posts in this thread, I feel like I learned a lot just from reading all of them. Lots of good advice.

[Suboxstitute]

OK sorry for length but I learned a lot during my moms's death 2 years an I want to share in case it helps you or someone else.

I am so very sorry; I cared for my mom as she was dying from cancer (best thing I ever did, although I probably lost my job over it eventually), and when the time was right she went on "home hospice". When the time come where there is no treatment that is left to try (and keep your chin up now, I am not trying to say there is no hope........look at that actor - Patrick Swayzee I think - he has already lived a lot longer with pancreatic cancer than they've expected him to live.

The two best things we EVER did for my mom was this: (a) Assign ONE family member to act as his advocate and liaison to the medical staff.....(that was me, and I was a PIT BULL about it)......esp. for pain management. Also, then the doctor does not have to repeat things to seventeen people.

Part of #2....Be as nice as you can to the nurses and aides and chemo people if he has chemo, I sent all AT LEAST little Easter baskets, gift cards to fast food places around the hospital. This unfortunately is when I had a high paying job. No more I am BROKE. But also acknowlege how busy they area. Niceness will get him BETTER CARE ----- that is your bottom line. Even when you ready to KILL a nurse, aide, pr doctor.

If he does get hooked up with hospice at some time, look for a non-profit time that is covered by MEDICARE not MEDICAID. It is a special separate benefit of MEDICARE and it covered EVERYTHING INCLUDING THE SHEETS FOR HER HOSPITAL BED AT HOME (and she did die at home, an it was as beautiful as it possibly could be, given the sadness......she died where she wanted to, with hospice personnel coming over every day to check on her, and the family and some paid help doing the rest of the work. They can't be there 24/7 but they are AVAILABLE 24.7 and many's the night I woke up the nurse on call!

(b) TALK TO HIM about his life, his thoughts, his fears, etc. He may have a lot to say and you'll treasurer every work * exceot when the meds make crabby etc, He cant help it and mat remember saying the things,


My mom, believe it or not, wrote her own obit (so there wouldn't be any typos or grammatical errors, those drive her crazy). Not all people can do that but she was reallt into it. Even picked out the funeral songs....not everyone in the family could deal with all that stuff. So I did. My brother is a physician ---- HE COULD NOT deal with any of it.

Researcher have found that more people are afraid of being in PAIN than they are of dying. It's those left behind that fear losing the loved one, in other words, that are afraid of dying.

my heart goes out to you. How old is your grandfather if I can ask?

All my best and prayers and good thoughts your way

Sue

[ouaisOut]

I'm not at my most articulate right now, hope this makes sense.

I just wanted to add a positive story about my mom's battle with cancer. I almost hate to talk about it for fear that I'll curse the situation and make her sick. I know that's neurotic, but my mom and I have been living blood-test to blood-test for more than ten years now, and it's very hard not to constantly worry. Or to avoid getting supertitious.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1998. Within a few days of her diganosis, she had a single mastectomy. My mom fought a huge battle with polio when she was young (ages 8-13) and spent 4 years in body casts and lived in a hospital just for juvenile polio patients. This was around WWII or so. Anyway, it left her with a very matter-of-fact approach to health. She doesn't overthink stuff. her attitude was just, "Get it out of me. Now"

She went through chemo and was put on Tamoxifen, and her cancer was pronounced in remission around 2001. Every three months, he would go back for blood tests to monitor her cancer markers. Around 2003, her markers were very high and they couldn't locate the source of the cancer. After 9 grueling months, her oncologist said determined that her breast cancer had metastasized into bone cancer. Bone cancer does NOT have good rates of survival. Very low indeed.

There are few options for treating bone cancer. One of the most promising treatments is still experminetal and relies on stem-cells. She was diagnosed at the time that Bush institututed a drastic ban on stem-cell research. This is one of the personal reasons I have for loathing Fundamentalist Christians. As I saw it, they were putting the "lives" of some cells over the lives of many sick people who were trying to live and love and stay alive for their families and friends.

Nevertheless, big pharm had released a couple of new drugs that have kept her healthy until now. (Knock on wood.) She goes in for regular infusions of these drugs and she's perfectly healthy. We still live from blood-test to blood-test, every three months and she's in for treatment every month. She also drinks like a small fish (and has done so for years. She enjoys it, so why not? Who am I to judge?) and is in her mid-70s. Otherwise, she lives a pretty healthy. My mother has an extraordinarily strong will and I believe that that's what is primarily responsible for her success.

So it's not at all hopeless. Early diagnosis and good care are essential and I underscore the advice about becoming an advocate for your grandfather whatever the circumstances of his illness are. You have to stay on those medical people like a hawk and even though it sounds like he's able to take care of himself with his doctors, two heads and two voices are much better than one. And it's best if you become familiar with his doctors so that you can be involved in every stage of his illness.

I just want to wish you the best. That was a lot of backstory. Stay strong. I know it's utterly emotionally grueling, but you can do it. Spend as much time with him as you can and work with him so that he receives the best treatment and the best guidance from his doctors.

Much love and sympathy. I hope your grandfather's around for a long time!!