That proverbial slide

[Opiyum]

Currently watching a friend begin going down roads I've been and It's increasingly hard talk to him. He's in a real shitty headspace and at this point nothing makes him happy, He's doing very stupid things, lost his car, kicked out of his dad's house, staying with a girl that's been fucking him over for months now, lost his job...
He's at the point were he has absolutely nothing going on in his life right now other than pills and coke that he can't afford.
I cant figure out the right thing to say to him and I'm wondering if anyone has any idea's?
This downslipe has happened over the last two months and every time I think "I know how I can help!" I remember that there was nothing anyone could have said to me three years ago.
There's always the hypocracy thing hanging over head seeing that I still fuck around(I dont think Im any better than him and realize that I could be in the same position in the future).
Part of me doesnt want to pick up the phone anymore. I was planning on starting to take my K-pins and stay in bed for a couple days when he called and laid the whole "lost my car and job, can you take me here I'll buy you this." thing, but I haven't seen him for a while and he obviously needed to talk and I'm not a dick to my friends....at least not to their face.:D

Kay nuff said.

Any suggestions would be great...how should I deal with this?...what can I sayto him?...is there any hope?!...STEEELLLLAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Godnight
"Godnight" was a typo but I'm stickin' with it.

[candy]

Let him know your there for him when he needs to talk. Hard to get anyone to do anything there not ready to do.

Part of the consequences of our drug use is the shitty things that go along with it. It's unfortunate, but true.

My family and friends supported me by being there when I needed to talk or when I was ready to listen.
Depending on what he is using, maybe suggesting some alternatives would help, Methadone, Suboxone, etc. I am not a 12-stepper, so I rarely suggest that route, but some find it comforting. Not for me though and I doubt many here find it useful as well.

As long as he is willing to tolerate the situation he is in, he won't be ready for a change.
Be open to talk or to listen and offer your support in emotinal ways.

[devilsdrug]

there is nothing to say but be there , it always a figure it out for yourself kinda deal

[Opiyum]

Let him know your there for him when he needs to talk. Hard to get anyone to do anything there not ready to do.

Part of the consequences of our drug use is the shitty things that go along with it. It's unfortunate, but true.

My family and friends supported me by being there when I needed to talk or when I was ready to listen.
Depending on what he is using, maybe suggesting some alternatives would help, Methadone, Suboxone, etc. I am not a 12-stepper, so I rarely suggest that route, but some find it comforting. Not for me though and I doubt many here find it useful as well.

As long as he is willing to tolerate the situation he is in, he won't be ready for a change.
Be open to talk or to listen and offer your support in emotinal ways.
Yeah I recommened the subs just for the simple reason that he wont be doing the back and forth, hour to hour, day to day, lifestyle for awhile.He always makes the excuse that it cost 250$ at the clinic(no ins for doc...no primary doc at that) for the first two weeks dose. Then I try and tell him he spending three times that a week.
As far as 12 step It's weird cause I dont support it whatsoever but I wouldnt tell someone not to go because you never know it may work for them(who they become after they find jesus is another question but...) His family is very religious so I think he might end up going that route when intervention time comes hell probably follow the path his family lays out for him. I hope I dont lose another friend to the 12 step but that's extremely selfish of me. Maybe that will be just what he needs... if his family wises up to the extent of his endevours.
It's like you said though you cant make someone listen with their heart and mind.

Thanks both of you.

The emotional thing is uhhhhh......we'll just say I'm a man. I use humor to avoid that stuff...

[soulman]

yeah bro, its always hard to try to help someone from goin thru what you've already gone thru, but its like when mom tells ya the stove is hot, ya never believe her and ya hafta burn the shit out of yourself a coupla times before ya learn!:(
i know what youre sayin too, about you still fukin around, had people throw that shit in my face before too, but its different if you got your shit under cntrol, like bein able to support your habits, not bein sick all the time, can still afford to eat, shit like that!

[antony]

One of my best friends is going straight to shit too. He always liked coke, but then he figured he could sell it, he could get his for free (skimming). I haven't talked to him in like 2 mos, cuz hes either geekin on me, or calling me on a tues. night, asking if i want to hang out. I told him months ago, I know its what you like, everyone's got their poison, and he knows my history, but I said hes gotta calm down.

So eventually I got sick of his shit, him trying to hustle me, push his shit, so I just started ignoring him. And while it sucks to say, I'm just chalking him up to a lost cause now. I know what it's like going crazy, but not sleeping and eating for 4 days at a time, and STILL not learning, fuck him, he doesn't want my help anyhow.

[Kallie]

When your buddy's ready, or should say IF he's ever ready, to switch to something that will give him back some control, that's the only time you can reason with 'em.

It's that invisible line that's the bitch... knowing where it is... so he doesn't take you down, too. When someone's got it bad, they go from your best bud to someone'll suck the marrow out of your bones, then pick their teeth with what's left.... F'king hollow.

Anyway, I always tried to remember the old Red Cross motto (from when I was a lifeguard)... "Better one die, than two." Meaning... don't try and save someone and get drowned, too. Be smart... don't just swim straight into a panicked MF, sometimes you have to wait, let them lose some "fight," then go under and come up behind 'em where you can get the best (and safest) leverage....

Good luck and take care of you, too.

[antony]

sometimes you have to wait

and sometimes, you have to let the prick figure it out for himself. of couse, (like in my experience), he's too cool for you now, and "you're an asshole." so, you tell him to go fuck himself. It sucks loosing a good friend, but he's a grown man, and unless you want to beat the piss outta him, which usually accomplishes NOTHING, you go your seperate ways.

[Kallie]

Everyone eventually has to figure it out, themselves. But the losing some of their "fight," (ie. arrogance, anger, stubborness, denial, whatever...) may take years (while you go your separate ways). Then, one day, they may be more reasonable. Or they may be dead....

[Opiyum]

Thanks guys, some very good words from all...
If anyone else is in or has experience in the same type of situation this would be a good thread to continue this kind of dialogue.

I'll be okay I turned off my phone today, went fishing, and now that I'm back I plan on laying in bed with my K-pins and my freshly downloaded book for the next couple days. Then monday I start a new job as a caterer at a local event center. So ill be busy with that... hopefully busy enough to let these things rest....So good day to all and once this last high im on goes away, Im guessing by ten so 2 and a half hours left, I probably wont be posting much, but I'll be back soon enough with a fresh head. I have yet to be sick in any degree since I've been a member so I dont know how talkative Ill be.

Halleeeeeluuuuuujah it's time for you to bring meeeeee home.

[Zonker]

The same thing happened to my best friend from high school; I knew him since we were kids, had all our gradeschool drug experiences together, etc. But not until he's 22 does he turn into a total head-job over some dumb slut. Ends up doing so much crank that he's a kind of burnt out bulb now. And once he was a bright guy..
Hell, He turned me on to H!

But, in any case, he's the reason I do not answer my phone, ever, much to my wife's chagrin. Having him call me at any time of morning or night with whatever his newest burning dillemma / need for a fix was just too much for me, guess. Eventually, I just quit talking to him because I couldn't take his downward spiral. I haven't heard from him for ?four? years, but my heart rate still goes up whenever the phone rings.
Fucker still owes me $400 in crank.

Last I heard, he was still a mess.:(

[whiskeybaby]

Fucker still owes me $400 in crank.


Ahhh, drug debts. I hate that shit. People owe me thousands, then act like they don't. You know what I do? Exactly what they do. That's the only way you'll get your money back.

[Scarlettnight]

My best freind put me through a similar situation. We have been freinds since we were 8, she was the one who turned me on to opiates. However the manner in which she handled her addiction was very different from mine. She was eating no fewer than 3 Fentanyl patches per day. ( 75 mcg) Plus still taking ANY pill she could get. She began spending so much money that her husband wound up working 3 jobs while she laid on her ass. Poor thing he couldn't figure out where all of their money was going. ( He isn't very smart and didn't pay much attention to her he had 3 jobs.) She paid none of her bills, they lost their house. She has 2 kids and they were just negelected ( wouldn't bathe them, talk to them nothing). Would even spend their grocery money on her fix. So of course she bleeds me dry in money, drugs and time. I for the most part kept her children with me. I was there for her in ANY way I could possibly be watching her slip farther and farther away from being any kind of mother, wife or freind. I listened and talked I kept her secrets until she was ready. That happened when her 8 year old tried to wake her up to take them to school. The little girl comes downstairs and says " Mommy won't wake up, I think she is cold she is blue." I fly upstairs yep she is blue not breathing I frantically start mouth to mouth. Called 911 and they took her to the hospital. I stayed with her kids trying to explain that she was OK. After she finally got out of the hospital she started the Methadone program and is doing very well on it. Back to working and being a good mother and supportive wife and freind again. It took her almost dying with her children present for something to finally click.

[Kallie]

That makes me shiver.... She's lucky she had a friend like you... her children are especially lucky. So sad what can happen.... glad to hear she's better.

[Scarlettnight]

Yes she is very lucky to still be on this Earth. Her children have come through OK as well.

Though I will NEVER forget the looks on their faces.

[exitwound]

Yes she is very lucky to still be on this Earth. Her children have come through OK as well.

Though I will NEVER forget the looks on their faces.

Now that's intense. Yet another reason why I keep my black market contacts strictly in the marijuana arena, and out of anything else. I talk with plenty of people online and even occasionally do trades or favors for them, but I avoid getting too intensely personal or making local connections in this area because I get worried about getting caught up in this kid of thing....

[GMorris]

Man, it's a bitch to watch someone go down that road, especially when you've been there yourself. One of my best friends EVER got on crack really bad and he turned into a different person altogether. I loved him like a brother but couldn't talk a lick of sense into the guy. The last time I saw him was about 4 - 5 years ago, and he drove 200 miles to get some Oxy-IR's that I knew of. It was Fourth of July weekend and he spent the whole time sleeping. We even tried to get him to go watch fireworks with us and he barely knew what I was talking about. After that I just kind of lost contact with him. I'd rather believe that he has finally turned his life around than to think that he might be dead or in jail or worse (if there IS worse!), but to this day I'm still afraid to try and find him because I KNOW him.

This is the type of thing that requires an intervention sometimes, but I could never do something like that to someone I know just because I'VE been there myself and would never forgive somebody who did that to me. Best to just let them learn and hope for the best sometimes, ya know?

[antony]

It fuckin tears you apart, but sometimes, you gotta let em go. thats what i've done with my buddy, was a very close friend, but the coke, really makes him intellegible (like my spelling). it sucks, but save yourself.