Showing mine, Will you show yours?

[antigonemuse]

I have been on narcotics since my childhood days... always suffered from migraines... They call me an extreme case, or a difficult case... weeks at a time spent in the hosptial with IV pumping ungodly amounts of neurological medication into my veins... No rest from the throbbing in my eyes, head, neck... vomiting on myself in the shower, eyes swelled - black and blue from the constant throb throb throb.... lorcet, barbituates, oxycontin, demerol, compizine, torodol, vicoden, morphine, oxycodone, steroids, DHE, depakon, topamax, migranol, B-2, methadone.... BOOM BOOM BOOM my brain is pounding on the back of my eyes....

I cant endure the smells, the lights, the stress... Does anyone else out there feel life is passing them by...

I can never be off narcotics... or so it seems. SO WHY WONT THEY GIVE ME ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THE MONTH!... HA spoken like a true addict.

The only dealer I have that does not rip me... the one who pushed his wares on me to begin with, is often a greedy bastard. The day he prescribed me the oxycontin, he told me often patients abuse them. They crush and snort it.... hmmmm... well why the hell would they do that?

:cloud9: ahhhhhh

_________________________

anyhow... I am curious what has led us here, to this site... I have enjoyed being a member for a few months now, and the personalties here are great. I thoughT A FORUM to open dialog ABOUT our individual experences to this very interesting place...

[devilsdrug]

well how about this one , i remember throwing a fit at age six or seven when moms wouldnt give me my codiene cough syrup , i think it was still over the counter then, i do believe i was pre disposed then

[katomic]

Have you tryed shrooms or LSA from Rivea corymbosa?

http://www.clusterbusters.com/lsa.htm

hope this helps

[antigonemuse]

HA DD that is funny...

I guess I am curious as to why people came to this site. I was very pleased to find something like this.

[candy]

I too started getting migraines at about age 7. I can relate to the pain. Seems now in my adult years I don't get them as often.

It was my career that led me to heavy narcotic use. I have always been one to experiment and and amphetamines got me through college. Working full time and going to school and getting only a few hours of sleep here and there.

Opiates were always a favorite, but it wasn't until I was working and had access to the narcotics that I started to dive further into heavy use. Once there, it led me to heroin and here I am now on Methadone many years later!

Obviously, I am not the first nurse to have a problem with opiates and I won't be the last. And although the medical community talks of addiction as a disease, when it is one of their peers with the problem, they are less than supportive. You find out real fast who your friends are at that point.

I learned a big lesson and to this day, none of those I work with in a clinical setting know of my addiction to opiates. The only co-workers who know are those that I have worked with in the Harm Reduction setting. Most are or were drug users at one time themselves and there seems to be a sense of unity among one another in that setting.
I can never see myself going back into a hospital setting on a permanent basis. And I know my own experiences have made me a better nurse. I imagine that at times patients have sensed something different about me. Not in the sense of being high, but my reaction towards them and the sense of understanding. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to kick some ass as I watched someone being treated badly because of their addiction. While I never stood by and just watched, I would step in and advocate for the patient without giving myself away. But, I would advocate for any patient who was treated poorly.
And while many docs can be assholes, I will tell ya nurses can be worse and I have worked beside some real cunts.

Sorry to wander there. But it is my own experiences that keep me posting and just a genuine desire to help others.

[antigonemuse]

Hey Kat, there is a drug out there like this for migraines, its called DHE. Is a fungus that grows on wheat. an alkloid ergot. I use it in migranol, and when i go into the hospital for a week for the DHE protocal. It is suppose to break the migraines for up to six months...

thanksfor the link... interesting reading - - wonder how my neurologist would feel about it

[antigonemuse]

i knew you were special candy

[candy]

Thanks. I think there are many special people on this site....I don't take compliments well! But, thank you so much.

Some interesting stuff on LSA. I too have the cluster migraines and I can relate to anyone who has had this. Although they aren't as often now as they were when I was younger, when I do get one, nothing helps and I have tried about everything.

[Kallie]

Candy, you DO come across as someone that has seen the darker side, lived to tell, and now wants to help. Obviously, 'cause you donate your expertise and concern to this site. I think you are a real-life Florence Nightingale... and if I ever had to be in a hospital or had one of my loved ones there, I hope we would have medical staff that have the compassion and sense of "more that just doing one's" duty that you exhibit. I told Bi11i I'm sure this site has prevented some real tragedies with all the warnings and wisdom imparted here. You are a BIG part of that. Thank you... such an inadequate 2 words, but all I can say. Sincerely.

As for me, it was my neck/shoulder pain... and addictive personality that brought me here. I use to order off the 'net, 'til an understanding doc referred me to a pain specialist. Now, it is rx-ed. I had MRIs (that showed spinal stenosis and other disc problems), so I was given muscle relaxers and physical therapy, tried yoga, massages, electrical stimulation, chiropractor, etc., but nothing worked as well as the narcotics. It's been almost 3 years, I think, since I started. I feel I'm a better person and wife/mom 'cause I'm not such a miserable beast. I love my family dearly, and I have seen some really sad things. I know I am lucky... very lucky. And I try to repay the kindness life has shown me by helping others when I can.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. And thanks to Bi11i and Jacky for making this great site possible. (And all the members that post things that are funny, profound, and really hit home and make me know I'm not the only one feeling some of those "weird" thoughts, sometimes. I love it here.)

[antigonemuse]

i would like to second those thankyous!!:D

[PRIZEFIGHTERINFERNO]

Sorry to here about pain that isnt relieved-that really sucks. I wish i had some super experimental opiates or something i could give to help that situation out. Migranes totally suck!

[Cornburglar]

I have been on narcotics since my childhood days... always suffered from migraines... They call me an extreme case, or a difficult case... weeks at a time spent in the hosptial with IV pumping ungodly amounts of neurological medication into my veins... No rest from the throbbing in my eyes, head, neck... vomiting on myself in the shower, eyes swelled - black and blue from the constant throb throb throb.... lorcet, barbituates, oxycontin, demerol, compizine, torodol, vicoden, morphine, oxycodone, steroids, DHE, depakon, topamax, migranol, B-2, methadone.... BOOM BOOM BOOM my brain is pounding on the back of my eyes....

I cant endure the smells, the lights, the stress... Does anyone else out there feel life is passing them by...

I can never be off narcotics... or so it seems. SO WHY WONT THEY GIVE ME ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THE MONTH!... HA spoken like a true addict.

The only dealer I have that does not rip me... the one who pushed his wares on me to begin with, is often a greedy bastard. The day he prescribed me the oxycontin, he told me often patients abuse them. They crush and snort it.... hmmmm... well why the hell would they do that?

:cloud9: ahhhhhh

_________________________

anyhow... I am curious what has led us here, to this site... I have enjoyed being a member for a few months now, and the personalties here are great. I thoughT A FORUM to open dialog ABOUT our individual experences to this very interesting place...

I started my habit by stealing PK meds from my mother who, before she died at 52 last october, suffered from arthritis, diabetes and various other ailments. Before you chastise me, she had a wonderful doc who would RX her whenever she ran out (fuck the insurance co) and eventually, I stopped stealing and just started borrowing with her knowledge. So, handfulls of methadone, MSIR, Avinza and Xanax were mine for the taking whenever I wanted. I have always been a cabinet surfer too... checking medicine cabs at various people's houses... OK so I'm a SCUMBAG... don't act like you've never done it..... :rolleyes:

At any rate, now I'm on the pod, keeping on the DL from my wife and family and I just think all these ideas that if you do drugs you're doomed are complete bullshit. I've been doing drugs consistently since I was 15 years old and I've never been in jail, never been through hell, never been to detox, never lost a job, never been hospitalized... (you get the picture?). Fuck the drug war and fuck all these bullshitter motherfuckers who point their crooked fingers at you while picking vikes out of the Rx bottle with the other hand. Fuck the bastards that think methadone maintenance is a good idea, by substituting one opiate that by some virtue is socially acceptable for another one that through some fucked reasoning is THE DEVIL!!!

This is my body... i'll poison it as I see fit.

Ok.... sorry... I lost my mind there for a second. :p

[Opiyum]

Hey whats up candy. I noticed you lived in Cali. im in the OC just wondeing if your close by, its cool to know Ophiles in the area.

I just crushed up an eighty and you definately were not in it.....wait....oh I get it you are the embodiment of happiness!

[PRIZEFIGHTERINFERNO]

Opiyum-Dude that was funny. Im still laughing. I meant for that to be a PM, but didnt know how to change it right away. But its all good, for you put it best, im the embodiment of happiness. I meant orange county but that was funny. Peace.

[antigonemuse]

whew am glade someone cleared that up. I gotz confuseded

[malefiacrum]

I remember when we were young and would visit my grandpa, it was a small house, had to double up on sleeping arrangements, I was only like 5-6....well, I used to LOVE all my grandpa's pills and medication, and I would get upset that I didn't get any...when my grandpa fell asleep, I snuck out of bed and starting taking as many pills as I could...all kinds...anyways, got SO messed up and sick I had to stay in bed for a week, and the doctors came to the house....hehe, I guess I have always had an affinity for pills....

[antigonemuse]

male, I guess i was not the only one sneeking pills at a young age... hehe... i used to sneek momma valume

my brother however, once built a make shift ladder out of chairs, speakers, ect to get to the flinstone vitamins on a very high shelf.... HAHA... he ate the whole bottle... I remember going to the hospital so he could get his tummy pumped...

[Opiyum]

When I was five or six I think I was probably playing in dirt or water...or both which I've heard refered to as mud.

[malefiacrum]

hahahhahaha, too funny Antigonemuse....I don't think I got anything good in the mixture of pills I took....not like valium...hilarious.....if we only knew then....;)

[caesee]

my sister has really bad migraines for years..she read a study that was being done in uk i believe that lsd and mushrooms were being used for cluster headaches. Now she never had experimented with drugs, not even pot. She decided to try to see if this helped, so I gave her a very low dose of LSD aroud 50ugs, which she did not like. About a year later she wanted to try mushrooms for her headaches as they were getting worse, and she did not like the way opaites made her feel. I gave her about .75 gram of mushrooms grounded, and capped up. After this she did not have any headaches for about 6 months, before they were very other day or pretty close. Now she takes the same does of mussies or less, and it has helped 100%. She read many articles, before she would try this as an alteritive..