Cocaine post-traumatic stress?

[Badly Drawn Girl]

I'm actually embarrassed to ask this but it's driving me CRAZY!! I kicked a crack habit about three months ago. I wouldn't say I was addicted in the traditional sense because I could take it or leave it. I went through periods of smoking daily, and then I'd take a few months off. It became my "go to" drug, for wd's from opiates, for depression, for saying "fuck you" to my life... it was very much a rebelling against everything drug.

I made the decision to stop around the time I was trying to kick opiates because one triggered the other for me. Once I got on mmt it was no longer a fall back option, nor do I crave it.

Here's the weird shit... I'm having constant mental flashbacks about all the shit I did while smoking. It's like this movie that I cannot turn off. Two years worth of bad memories, bad situations, fights with my ex, and draining my parents bank account. I get this sick feeling in my stomach, followed by the memories which I cannot seem to shut off. It's like I'm finally dealing with all that I lost from smoking but it makes me feel out of control.

A side effect of this is that I no longer speak to the father of my kids. We've been together off and on for 18 years and despite his crack addiction, we've managed to develop a very honest relationship. But he and I used to smoke together, and my memories are all entangled with memories of him. He's in prison and one day I just couldn't answer the phone. It's like I almost go into a full blown panic attack when I see that DOC is calling. Meanwhile, he must be absolutely freaking out because I was fine a couple of months ago. I cannot get over my fear. I don't know what the fear is. It's not like he's going to trigger me.

All of this started when I went on mmt, and stopped hustling to make money, or buying on the street, or speaking to people who deal. My whole life has changed. I just wish I wasn't going through this shit currently.

Has anyone every dealt with anything like this??

[longduckdong]

I'm not an expert, but I think it's just the nature of the coke.... I have the same thing. I used to bang massive amounts of yay. And nowdays, (Havent done it in 2 years) when I start thinking about it, it will turn my stomach when I think about some of the stupid things I did. If I think about bad times, it hurts my stomach strongly. It's weird, but that sounds a little similar to your case.

[nick]

Yeah,I believe the technical term for this is remorse.

I'm on the road and in a hurry,but I just wanted to say,at least write to the guy in jail and try and explain.Don't leave him worrying in the big house.

[Narkotikon]

I get this too, mainly from coke, but also some from other drugs (H, K, E, pot). But coke / rock is definitely the biggest. I don't think it has anything to do with the drugs per se, I think it's because I don't like what I did to get the drugs. For instance, I would hang around people that I normally wouldn't have hung around to get coke, and I would get the rock and H off the street, and I didn't like that. So, when you're not high, I get that movie in my mind replaying all the bad shit. It happened when I was on MMT, and it's happening now that I"m on Subs. I do find that one of the reasons I like opiates is because it somehow turns that movie off. It either prevents me from thinking about it, or numbs me to the point that I don't care about it. I think it's a little bit of both. But, I think I mainly get that with coke because I did more things that I"m ashamed of to get the drugs. I don't think it's because of the coke itself, I think it's because of me and what I did to get the coke, if that makes any sense.

[Badly Drawn Girl]

I don't think it's because of the coke itself, I think it's because of me and what I did to get the coke, if that makes any sense.

It makes perfect sense and I'm glad I'm not just going crazy. For me, it isn't that I did too much that I'm ashamed of, but like you said I was hanging around people I wouldn't normally hang around, and God knows I was taking a chance with my life that I should have NEVER taken. And of course when I was smoking, I could push all those bad thoughts away but when you are sober, that isn't the case. And I've certainly taken risks to get opiates but it's just a different scene. My crack days are more like horror movie moments!

[SHELLEY]

do enough coke, and thinking about coke makes you sick
if i see something that reminds me of crack, i get goosebumps and my heart goes faster
what that is is either a craving, regret, or a cross between the two

but post traumatic stress syndrome is bullshit bullshit bullshit
i'm sorry but it is
we all did stupid shit or had bad shit happen to us
but instead of harping on the "ptsd" we developed we need to get the fuck over it

as always, feel free to disagree
if everyone here agreed on everything, it would be a very boring place

[Princess]

AGREE. At least write him and let him know what you are thinking/feeling. Not cool to have him worried while he can't do anything to check on your well being.


Yeah,I believe the technical term for this is remorse.

I'm on the road and in a hurry,but I just wanted to say,at least write to the guy in jail and try and explain.Don't leave him worrying in the big house.