Your ready when your ready...

[Raz]

For all the guys out there between a rock an a hard place, this is just a little heads up...
I truly gotta be one of the hardcore chasers/smokers out there..I've smoked coke for so long wivout sleeping or eating that i gave myself a corony spasm at 27....I've smoked soo much fuckin smack that i've damaged my lungs.How bad ,i dont know, but i'm still breathing....
But forget about dat shit, coz it would seem those days are now confined to my past..Well we all know never say never.But lately i truly been a good fuckin boy!!
No smack, no crack..Not even no fuckin booze for days tambien...Just hash man,plenty of hash...
The reason i'm putting this out there on the board is ;i know we all are at different stages of "our thing".Some of us clean, some of us in the depths of despair and wondering where the fuck did it all go wrong?And some of us just maintaining......
But know dis, if someone like me can find a way, i know theres a way for you guys tambien...Dats all i gotta say.Dont give up de fight, coz it will come if you persevere enuff,it will surely come..Just keep on keepin on...No fuckin surrender.....
It is wat it is....Peace an one luv....Razzle dazzle......

[jonny-5]

i gotta second this. i also feel that im doing pretty well considering my past. if we can do it i know ANY of you could do it better. you really just gotta want it. i remember a few weeks to a month ago i was trying to quit, but i knew that all i wanted to do was get high. i even made a post on here about knowing that i didnt want to stop. but a few things have gone down in my life that made me change my mind. much love to all of you........

[Saint]

He Raz, still going strong he?! I was wondering how you were doing. That's great. Maybe we oldies ar getting tired of all the shit we've been through.. I know for damn sure I was...
I am doing pretty ok myself. Five months off methadone now and only 2 trammies a day. After 20 years of shooting H and gallons of other drugs.. So I'm sure there is hope.
If you can do this, then anyone fresh on the scene certainly should be able to.. keep it up.

[jonny-5]

He Raz, still going strong he?! I was wondering how you were doing. That's great. Maybe we oldies ar getting tired of all the shit we've been through.. I know for damn sure I was...
I am doing pretty ok myself. Five months off methadone now and only 2 trammies a day. After 20 years of shooting H and gallons of other drugs.. So I'm sure there is hope.
If you can do this, then anyone fresh on the scene certainly should be able to.. keep it up.


wow man, thats awesome...how do you feel?>

[405FREEWAY]

Nice man... Thats good to hear. Stick to your clear methadone and that good hash you probably got over there. I kinda know where you are at ( well not tha massive coke smoke anurisms, or anything like that) but now im just riding the sub program and smoking huge amounts of weed ! and it's working pretty well. Every Road Goes Somewhere.....

[Saint]

wow man, thats awesome...how do you feel?>

I'm ok. Just the odd sore muscles & feeling, tired and nauseous + I can't seem to get excited about anything at all (yet) but that's nothing compared to how I felt a few months ago. Believe me, first months were hell.
And Raz, I know it takes a very strong will to confine yourself to methadone after ages on dope. Some people seem to think it's easy but it's not. It's a day to day fight, especially when you've been using both done and H for a long time. So you have all my respect..

[rockbottom]

Dammit RAZ, i thought u were going out like me---OD-- Anyway i'm glad for u==KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!!! ROCKBOTTOM:)

[Inspektahdek]

For all the guys out there between a rock an a hard place, this is just a little heads up...
I truly gotta be one of the hardcore chasers/smokers out there..I've smoked coke for so long wivout sleeping or eating that i gave myself a corony spasm at 27....I've smoked soo much fuckin smack that i've damaged my lungs.How bad ,i dont know, but i'm still breathing....
But forget about dat shit, coz it would seem those days are now confined to my past..Well we all know never say never.But lately i truly been a good fuckin boy!!
No smack, no crack..Not even no fuckin booze for days tambien...Just hash man,plenty of hash...
The reason i'm putting this out there on the board is ;i know we all are at different stages of "our thing".Some of us clean, some of us in the depths of despair and wondering where the fuck did it all go wrong?And some of us just maintaining......
But know dis, if someone like me can find a way, i know theres a way for you guys tambien...Dats all i gotta say.Dont give up de fight, coz it will come if you persevere enuff,it will surely come..Just keep on keepin on...No fuckin surrender.....
It is wat it is....Peace an one luv....Razzle dazzle......



very nice indeed Razzle OL' Chap! ;) The term I've heard before is "Marijuana Maintenance" that people use or say when using MJ and freeing themselves of everything else such as someone who just goes through an opiate withdrawal pretty harshly and chooses not to come back from fear of that hideous w/d that they went through and we all know the worst w/d's are pure HELL.

You're not doing other harder drugs but you're doing HASH which contains THC just like regular buds of Marijuana which still gives you some relaxation, it's healthier and not as harsh on your lungs, plus you get an appetite when usually when I'm in w/d from other things I have NO APPETITE WHATSOEVER so you stay somewhat healthier on top of that and it also just makes life seem more appealing, creative and entertaining because MJ enhances everything to an extent that it's more fun to do any task and without a problem because with MJ in the past, I've always been able to do everything needed, go to work, go to university, drive (I actually drove better!) and do other tasks without looking, seeming, or being too fucked up.

We're all proud of you RAZ, I hope the MH Maint works for you for a long time if not forever if that's your intention. Seems like alot of us are doing different things and controlling ourselves better with help from fellow opiophiles as sort of a group therapy, haha ;) and venting forum; acting such like an outlet.

I myself have weaned off of oxycodone completely, gone from 100mcg of fent to 50mcg and now to 25mcg and I'm on just Methadone right now and NSAIDS as well as some benzos, I was taking clonazepam but got a doctor to get me back on alprazolam XANAX or TAFIL as we call it the doctor checked my breathing when I chose a small dose of done' in the morming instead of my usual monster dose I take upon waking to get me a fresh boost and start of the day which it always seemds to do.

Upon inspection of my breathing and O2 stats, everything gave a green light for me to get some benzo action again from my favourite, TAFIL or xanax. :D

I used to get it from my doctor with bupe but like us, the doctors are well known about Methadone's repiratory depression. I know sometimes it can make me nod out very easily. An example as such is I was in the bath room earlier this evening and I fell off the toilet passed out and caught myself bracing myself with my arm at the last second and having dropped a magazine I was reading way before that and who knows because I was nodded out cold for a bit, but don't worry it's not OD bad.

Anyways, congrats RAZ! :D:D

[Inspektahdek]

He Raz, still going strong he?! I was wondering how you were doing. That's great. Maybe we oldies ar getting tired of all the shit we've been through.. I know for damn sure I was...
I am doing pretty ok myself. Five months off methadone now and only 2 trammies a day. After 20 years of shooting H and gallons of other drugs.. So I'm sure there is hope.
If you can do this, then anyone fresh on the scene certainly should be able to.. keep it up.


Wow, down to 2 tramadol a day! that's pretty fucking amazing Saint! Do you get those scripted at a Apotheke up there around Rotterdam or Amsterdam, I forgot what city you lived in, those are the 2 I've gone to quite a bit. That's some crazy well performed progress though. And if you were somewhat depressed before or after quitting the harder stuff like H and then done' tramadol is a mild SSRI so after time you have some SSRI action goin on and it might have made you a bit happier. If you come cold turkey off of tramadol you'll start to get brain zaps and the like because of it's activity in the 5-HT seratonin part of your brain doing a mild SSRI thing.

He Raz, still going strong he?! I was wondering how you were doing. That's great. Maybe we oldies ar getting tired of all the shit we've been through.. I know for damn sure I was...
I am doing pretty ok myself. Five months off methadone now and only 2 trammies a day. After 20 years of shooting H and gallons of other drugs.. So I'm sure there is hope.
If you can do this, then anyone fresh on the scene certainly should be able to.. keep it up.

I doubt it has anything to do with age and I think Raz said how old he was before and that's not old, really now, you guys are still young! And atleast young at heart! I'm not old and I got tired of the shit I went through especially with the FENT 3-4 100mcg patches a day was getting to cray and the withdrawals from a couple of weeks of 100mcg patches every day and the withdrawal will leave you with no energy, absolutely no appetite, diarrhea that is dangerous, lol, puking, coldness and sweats that come with shaking, hot and cold flashes, and complete dysphoria! Not to mention the 300+ doses of oxy I was taking at a time just for a small buzz and to feel normal for a few hours, all the same with FENT, fuck all that.


I'm ok. Just the odd sore muscles & feeling, tired and nauseous + I can't seem to get excited about anything at all (yet) but that's nothing compared to how I felt a few months ago. Believe me, first months were hell.
And Raz, I know it takes a very strong will to confine yourself to methadone after ages on dope. Some people seem to think it's easy but it's not. It's a day to day fight, especially when you've been using both done and H for a long time. So you have all my respect..


Do you have any anti-inflammatories to take with your tramadol that would help out alot with the soreness. The tiredness and nausea I can't really explain, well sortof maybe when I've taken tramadol I could feel it working on the seratonin part of my head I don't know how to explain but I could tell it was doing something in that region I could feel it somehow and I was yawning alot, that happen to you. I kept stretching and yawning and that's really all that happened because taking tramadol is like taking acetaminophen to me as far as for pain and for a mental buzz. The nausea? who knows? Have you tried taking your tramadol with food? That might help, also something like a cracker with a little bit of salt on it will help keep some of the stomach acids down, so will alot of meds that are cheap.

I'm going from fent to done and I've already gone from 100 to 25 in just a few weeks and it was pure hellish initially and it tooka little while to start feeling better but now I am. This is the reason for my absense from the board the last few weeks.

Anyways hang in there! :)

[Badly Drawn Girl]

Thank you for sharing your journey, it is truly uplifting. Something must be in the air, because it seems like a lot of us are on this journey towards sobriety. I've been clean off crack for two months, and on methadone for my opiate addiction for almost 2 weeks. I've slipped a couple of times with Oxys but I think my 'done dose is finally at a stable point and those thoughts of using have disappeared.

Wishing you continued success!

[Saint]

Wow, down to 2 tramadol a day! that's pretty fucking amazing Saint! Do you get those scripted at a Apotheke up there around Rotterdam or Amsterdam, I forgot what city you lived in, those are the 2 I've gone to quite a bit. That's some crazy well performed progress though. And if you were somewhat depressed before or after quitting the harder stuff like H and then done' tramadol is a mild SSRI so after time you have some SSRI action goin on and it might have made you a bit happier. If you come cold turkey off of tramadol you'll start to get brain zaps and the like because of it's activity in the 5-HT seratonin part of your brain doing a mild SSRI thing.

I get my tramadol scripted at a painclinic because of my back and stomachissues. And yep, I know you shouldn't come off tramadol too quickly.. I went down from 300 to 75 mgs about a month ago and - initially - I didn't feel too bad for about 36 hours... but that was definitely NOT a good idea! Third day I started to feel like complete shit and anxious as hell.
So I upped my dose to 200 mgs and then tapered slowly from there. I'm gonna take it even slower from now on: maybe cut down as little as 12.5 mgs a week. So that's gonna take a month or two (IF it works out that is) but I can live with that.
Oh, and Dek: I live in Amsterdam, how can you forget THAT! ;)

I doubt it has anything to do with age and I think Raz said how old he was before and that's not old, really now, you guys are still young! And atleast young at heart!

Haha, thanks. I guess I meant 'oldies' in the way of 'having been on the scene for a loooong time..'
(but not getting any younger as well)

Do you have any anti-inflammatories to take with your tramadol that would help out alot with the soreness.
The nausea? who knows?
I'm going from fent to done and I've already gone from 100 to 25 in just a few weeks and it was pure hellish initially and it tooka little while to start feeling better but now I am. This is the reason for my absense from the board the last few weeks.


I tried diclofenac but it messed up my stomach so I quit. The nausea is supposedly a common wd-symptom from tramadol. It started when I began tapering but it usually wears off about 4 days after stabilising on a lower dose so it's no big deal.
Congrats on going to 25! I'm happy you're feeling better. I noticed you weren't around much.. but neither was I (for the exact same reason...).

[Papa Verine]

Good to hear Razzle dazzle! You're kicking this thing's ass...

I haven't done any smack either, about 5 weeks now, just PST. I got some good weed too Raz, so I'm right there with ya'. Enough weed should keep us both out of trouble, right? Peace man...

[Consumed.]

I still need dope. Lots of it.

[Raz]

Good to hear Razzle dazzle! You're kicking this thing's ass...

I haven't done any smack either, about 5 weeks now, just PST. I got some good weed too Raz, so I'm right there with ya'. Enough weed should keep us both out of trouble, right? Peace man...

Yeah bro, i hear ya...The ganja is doin its thing and keepin me outta trouble...I now make sure i have a good smoke before i get out the door....Mellow is the way to go.And lots a music...

[Saint]

Good to hear Razzle dazzle! You're kicking this thing's ass...

I haven't done any smack either, about 5 weeks now, just PST. I got some good weed too Raz, so I'm right there with ya'. Enough weed should keep us both out of trouble, right? Peace man...

Wow PV, 5 weeks! That's a long time, congrats.
I'm amazed at how many people here are trying to get clean. Thank god for Consumed or this would be Nopiophile soon.

[Raz]

Fuck....Wheres all the degenerates gone man?.......

I stopped coz i needed to for my health, but never say never!......Sun is shining weather is sweet yah!:cool:

[Poppylvr]

Wow PV, 5 weeks! That's a long time, congrats.
I'm amazed at how many people here are trying to get clean. Thank god for Consumed or this would be Nopiophile soon.
Thanks for the giggle, Saint:)
I too am on the nopiophile train - Sub city here. Want to gratulate you on getting things under better control.
Papa V & Razzley Dazzley & Badly Drawn Girlie - you GO, brothas & sista! There IS something in the air. It's nice we enjoyed the good times & lived through the bad ones and are finding some kind of serenity.

[Consumed.]

Wow PV, 5 weeks! That's a long time, congrats.
I'm amazed at how many people here are trying to get clean. Thank god for Consumed or this would be Nopiophile soon.

But for real its no joke the damage we hide that this shit does, and for some this board hides that damage even more and makes easier to rationalize. I dunno some people dont give a shit some do, depends on your etiology. You know it's where paradox becomes paradigm.

Ha that made me laugh... maybe that should be a new section, nopiophile. It can make the rest of us feel guilty for not being able to be clean. Im sure itll be a real hit!

[Duckfeet]

I don't think this board has anything to do with it, at least for me...it's like a local bar, in the old neighborhood junky days, where I can go hang out for an hr after dosing, and shoot the shit w/the other lost causes....

Maybe some use it as an excuse, but I don't think it plays any part, really....

And I've been off dope and got my life together several times: became a commercial diver for years, then later went back to school, got a couple degrees, became a librarian too...so I know it can happen...

But I also know not to take it for granted or *ever* presume it's permanent...since I don't find that to be the case...that's why the "day at a time" thing is so useful to me, and I never know what the future holds, and never even really know how I'm doing, until much later, looking backwards, then I'll say, "oh I was happy then" or "whew, that was rough in those days..."

I like giving advice, but never listen to it when others do... ;-)

Getting off dope is nice, and o.k., but there's a reason we do drugs in the first place, and the reason so many of us get tired of that wonderful sobriety and go back to the battered life....just hard to see it when it's happening...

But for real its no joke the damage we hide that this shit does, and for some this board hides that damage even more and makes easier to rationalize. I dunno some people dont give a shit some do, depends on your etiology. You know it's where paradox becomes paradigm.

Ha that made me laugh... maybe that should be a new section, nopiophile. It can make the rest of us feel guilty for not being able to be clean. Im sure itll be a real hit!

[clinton]

so raz and people who have had success stopping...

your mindset had to go from one extreme to the other, what made it change?
what made you want to stop getting high?
what clicked in your head? have you attempted to quit in the past?what made this time different?
can you "feel" the mental difference this time as opposed to the last times when you attempted to stop that lets you know this one might be for the long haul?


btw raz, how is your wife doing regarding the lack of heroin in your lives?
i remember reading in prior posts that she was having difficulty with it on occasion...
has she gotten over the hump?

[RxQueen]

sincere congrats to all of you that are doing so well on quitting/tapering! it helps me to keep some hope and pride in my life, just hearing the living proof that this game doesn't always have to end the way the anti-drug propagandists say. there really isn't any true end to this particular game. but still, it's good to know that we all can have hope that things can change for the better.

and consumed, don't worry... the nopiophiles aren't the majority still. hell, i'm kinda high right now too! no guilt.... like chi and raz say, it is what it is. no more, no less.

so raz, about the hash... god, i wish that stuff was more abundant on this side of the pond. it's really rare for me to see it around anymore. do you ever eat any, or do you stick to just smoking it? i know that i love to smoke some, but if i can get enough to make it worthwhile, there's nothing like eating a good chunk! mmmmm.... it gets me so much higher, it's almost like a mild trip. i'm drooling over here. :)

[underide]

Well, i guess i'll never be ready then...:D

But honestly, i am prepared to do a complete 180 in a few months time.
To do that, i will have to do something very radical, because otherwise, i'm just stuck, like i was for the last 5 years or so. It's getting old, that's why i am finally prepared to make that move.
I know what i have to do, and now it's only a matter of time (and money)
Sometimes you're ready even if you think that you're not ready. At least that's how it is with me.
That's why i said that i would never really be ready, so i guess i just need to get on with it and do it.
So, in my case, i will be ready, when i have enough cash, to do what i'm planning to do. I'll let you know how it went for me too.
Good on ye, razzah.

[Narkotikon]

Don't feel bad. Like you said, you're ready when you're ready. I always tell myself that I don't want to do this anymore after I've been strung out for a few days. I'm very bitchy if I don't get enough sleep, and when I'm using to get high it interferes with my sleep because I find pods very stimulating. Anyway, after about a week of that, I always tell myself that I don't want to do it anymore. Then I get a good night's sleep and I wake up feeling renewed, and it goes away. That feeling I mean. Or, when I'm sick I tell myself never again, and if I manage to make it past the third day, which rarely happens, and make it to the PAWS stage, I break down and use just to feel something, anything, because I can't deal with the boredome and anhedonia. Opiates have by far been the worst drug to try to quit. I've not been able to do it so far. Thank god for MT if you need it. I used to do a lot of coke / crack when I was 20-21, and even that wasn't as bad to get off of. You're fucking depressed for a month or so afterwards, but it gets better, and you don't have to go through the shitty physical part. I can't stand physical w/d. I have a very low tolerance for discomfort. Good luck to anyone who's trying to quit.