View Full Version : A day in the life of...Ivan denosavitch.
Naw this is not me, but might as well be me in a fuckin gulag...
Man i just wanna post a typical Raz day in ol sunny spain...And maybe you guys can either tell me to jump off a bridge,coz i'm doomed,or tell me to fuckin man up an do"whatever"....An maybe some of ya are even in the same boat,passing under the bridge that i' been told to jump off...Look out below ya fuckers...Raz is a cominnnnnn....
Fuck it, dont normally do this kinda thing,but tell me what ya think..Give it to me straight.A day in the life of razzle dazzle...
Wake up,6.30am.Have a piss,go in ze kitchen,straight to the fridge..Pick out a bottle of methadone,and depending on my thoughts at that time,depends on how much methadone i drink...
If i been on a H binge,chasing for a few days,i then say fuck it ,take enuff today to keep the cravings at bay...So i have a good ol gulp,fuck knows how much.Coz its all fuckin blind, but on my reckoning,maybe 70/80ml...This is to counteract any cravings,ill feelings etc etc..So i take my juice an put the kettle on.Cuppa tea and check in to opi,see whats goin down...6.45am wake my kid up for school and make her breakfast etc etc..Out ze door at 7.30am an drive her to school...
Now here comes the fuckin start of shit..If it comes in my mind to score early,b4 i leave home,then i dont drink no meth.I drop my kid off at school an then just keep goin on my journey and score...Get back home and wake the missus up with a nice little chase...Ok ,thats cool....
But what happens more often than not is this;on goin to bed the night b4,the wife an i say;"ok manana we is gonna be good ,get back on track an stuff.So as soon as ya wake up ,take ya juice and bring me mine in the bedroom"....Which is what i do.."here ya go love get this down ya an i'll wake ya up with a cuppa"...This is at 6.30am....
But then i is left to me own devices...Sittin in the living room, on the net etc..But then the ol worm comes into the brain about 11am...The missus gets up,first words outta my mouth is this;"how do ya feel?,you alright?, do ya fancy a boot?"(chase of smack)....She looks at me,i look at her,"whats the weather like"? She askes,"well its abit cloudy,could be rain"....She goes "oh fuck it,well have a cozy day ay,indoors while rosie is at school"...."Not fuckin many" says i....And i am outta the door like fuckin jesse owen...
And this is how it can go on for how long....Untill i say "no! No gear today we is getting back on track"..And i do my best to occupy myself and stop myself from scorin....But then this ol chestnut eventually rears its fucking ugly head> I have to go and score my juice on every monday right in the gypsy hood...And the guys who i buy my meth off ,use my money to all score H...When i pulled up on monday, i fuckin heard them cheer..."Yey,Raz is here,lets get some fuckin gear"....!!!
How the fuck can ya stop yaself from havin a chase with these fuckers?...They are all so much a better laugh than all these fuckers who i live amongst in this fuckin middle class paradise....English wankers wouldnt know a bit of gear if it hit them on the fuckin head!!
And its so fuckin borin in "straightsville" here...How the fuck can i stop myself havin this bitta chemical fun?...Especially since i know for my health i have to put on some weight etc...
Its just so fuckin boring with havin a laugh with these fuckers every monday....Father Ted my opi brother can tell ya i shit ya not on all this...As he was in the same area with me a few days ago...
But of course we only went for a drink together....I in no way showed him the real spain..:rolleyes:
Well tell me what ya think guys...Am i fuckin doomed or what?...I've never shared this with anyone b4, but this is /can be, a typical day for ol Razzle dazzle.....I bvetter hit send b4 i change my mind...
So forgive spellin ,punctuation etc....Shit who am i kiddin , i cxant fuckin spell , so fuck it...
You're not doomed bro.You've made it this far and I suspect you'll make it a lot further.
P.S. Don't jump off any bridges.
Thanks bro...Give ya a call maybe over weekend^^^^
Thanks bro...Give ya a call maybe over weekend^^^^
Sure bro,I'm home all weekend-goddam bank holidays.
Alwight mate...Need a sensible head to give me some sense...I'm lackin in dat dept...
Pantopon Pete
05-21-2008, 10:21 AM
This may not be the response you're looking for, Raz, but that sounds like a pretty good day to me. I'm impressed: you are a responsible parent, getting your daughter up and off every am, and a caring husband, bringing your bird her tea and/or meth in bed every am.... Sounds to me like you've got your shit together pretty damn good.
But I know what you're saying, trying to get on the straight and narrow. If it helps, I had no self control until I started back up on a meth program in the states. I've gotten to the point where I'm able to tell myself not to bother shooting a bag of dope, as the dose I'm on makes it completely pointless. So if you can slowly get yourself into that frame of mind, maybe you'll slow down.
But IMO, if you're taking care of responsibilities, paying bills, keeping a roof over your family's heads, you're doing ok in my book.
Thanks bro...Yeah on the appearance front i got it goin on ok...But "I" know things aint right, as i'm way under weight and i get these fuckin weird dodgy fuckin turns!...(Shit bro, if any of my homeboys heard that i'm talkin "weird turns".They would all go" WTF, get yourself together you fuckin idiot, this aint you, fuckin sort it out, or we is gonna kidnap your skinny fuckin arse".....
So this behaviour is affecting my health, so i need to find a solution, if i wanna keep on keep in on...At the mo, i'm pushing it too bad ,too far...My body is telling me i'm not behaving right...
southernbelle
05-21-2008, 10:45 AM
Raz, if your health is beginning to suffer, then I guess you should cut back. You're not any skinnier now than you were in that picture are you? :( Don't make me come over there and force-feed you some cornbread.
Nick always has good advice.
Pantopon Pete
05-21-2008, 10:55 AM
Yeah, I got real skinny with a big d habit, more from the days of being sick than being well, but since I've been on this dethadone, I've turned into a big fatass.
Thanks me chica...I sure do need feeding up...Maybe i need a lesson in hard knocks re food..Theres loads a peeps in the world who cant afford to feed themselves, and me,i'm just stoopid,takin drugs when i should be eating....
Hopefully i'll get some divine inspiration an like father Ted(opi brother ) said somethings gotta change...I cant go on like this, unless i wanna wind up on a drip feed.(and it wont be drip fed opiates, more like corn bread!!)....
We gotta try this new system, my missus has agreed to there always being something in the pot...So that i can just eat up a meal in the microwave....
Seriously, this is the first fuckin problem re health that i've shared with anyone....Guess you guys are trusted!!...And maybe just a little bit cool..:p:cool:
OxyQueen
05-21-2008, 11:16 AM
That is a good idea, to always have food on hand...if there are leftovers at dinner, i make home-made tv dinners, and freeze in one of those tupperware divided dishes.
The kids and I LOVE them, that way, even if i don't feel like cooking...there is always a home cooked meal in the fridge....tacos, spaghetti and meatballs, salisbury steak w/mashed potatoes
The ENSURE i told u about is a good idea too...drink like 3 a day...they don't taste too good, but we've ingested a hell of alot nastier shit than that...just make sure they are ice cold...or serve over ice.
sooooo ur wife uses meth too? i am just trying to get a feel of what the situation is.
Does she chase w/ya or is that something you just do with the boys
Sorry if its too many questions-----
I really think you get bored, just like i do, sitting home all day. And if i get in the truck to go for a ride, well the dam thing has "auto-pilot" and drives right to my cop spot LOL
Music helps, going for walks, any kind of physical activity---no matter how TIRED or achey you are feeling WILL help.
Boredom....that'll get ya every time. I am almost the same, as i will do good all morning on the bare minimum and then say FUCK IT at about 1 p.m. cuz i am sick of sitting and dwelling and surfin the net....pop like 4 or 5 and THEN the day begins and i start moving around and doing shit around the house.
I've been trying to only dose at certain times thru out the day.
I used to take 3 then 2 hours later take another then an hour later take 2 blah blah blah...
so really all i was doing was raising my tolerance w/out ever really catching a decent buzz
So i am dosing, then waiting the full 4 hours then dose again....
I've also added k-pins to the mix, recently. Xanax at night for sleep which i been on for YEARS.
But the k-pins somehow have an adverse effect on me and they add a little energy for some reason.
They keep having it all over the tv today about a BAD batch of heroin going around the city. Makes me want to go out and find some....sounds like a good buzz LOL
Probably cut with fent, but i guess they're dropping like flies and the ER is FULL of peeps od-ing on the shit. You know when it hits the news...IT BIG TIME!
I've contacted a few of my friends that i KNOW cop down there, and left them a message, but they won't give a fuck, i know they won't, it'll be business as usual lol
Well much luck to you....you know i am routing for ya!
Work on ONE problem at a time...weight first maybe, to get ya healthy for the detox?!?!?!
So the goal is no chasin' for 3 weeks and after that start a slow taper on the methadone???
What is the highest dose one can take with meth... is there a ceiling dose???
I still think methadone will be the answer down the road for me...cuz the subs don't provide ANY pain relief from what i hear. I've had 2 of 'em sitting in my nightstand for months they don't appeal to me. I know as soon as i take the dam things, i'll find oxy and then won't be able to get high....PLUS i am scared of that precipitated w/d crap i keep hearing about. I don't know...maybe someday i'll use em, but probably won't be sublinguilly, will be snorted to satisfy my fetish...LOL
Well all and all it sounds like you are a GREAT parent AND husband..and you got it going on from the outside anyways....
Just don't be too hard on yourself right now...one thing at a time...work on your weight first and try to stay away from chasin' for x amount of time and i think you'll be just fine! Work thru the cravings and boredom instead of cavin' and see at the end of this little experiement just how much better you feel.
I;ll bet you will LOOK and FEEL alot better! Use the methadone for its purpose...to curb H usage.
Using BOTH isn't gonna get you anywhere but in a BAD space
Well have a good day...try to keep busy and EAT SOMETHING LOL
I'm trying....I think i got some super fuckin fast metabolism....I look at calories an they just fuckin fry into dust before they even get in my system....
I cooked some madass chicken an pasta just now...I gotta sort this shit out or i'm gonna waste away..Shit i should be at the age where i got a middle age spread, an i got some fuckin six pack goin on..
The old adage "appearances aint everything has never rung more true"....
Why don't you take a vacation somewhere with your done and try to get those 3 wks of the gear like you want?
Somewhere where the gear isn't a car-ride away. The AA nazis tell you that it is a geographic solution to a blah blah blah but it DOES work in the short-term.
Why don't you take a vacation somewhere with your done and try to get those 3 wks of the gear like you want?
Somewhere where the gear isn't a car-ride away. The AA nazis tell you that it is a geographic solution to a blah blah blah but it DOES work in the short-term.
Your right..If i fucked off where there werent any gear i would sort this thing out...But the family,wifes,own a few propertys out here..So theres always family commitments...My wifes family is out on the 30th, my kid is in school...So thats why i cant just fuck off....And trust me,i'm one of them fuckers who has just gotta accept that there is gear everywhere...Coz I WILL FIND IT>>>>ya dig..
I've been working with gear before an not smoked..This is just something that i have to tune into once more...Find my groove so to speak...Continuity is the key...Boredom is the enemy!!
^^ Yeah but if you go someplace where its not EVERYWHERE and go with your "vacation" in mind, you probably won't find it in 3 weeks.
I bet if you went on a 3 wk backpacking trip to fuckin Kilimanjaro or something, you would not find H for 3 wks.
^^ Yeah but if you go someplace where its not EVERYWHERE and go with your "vacation" in mind, you probably won't find it in 3 weeks.
I bet if you went on a 3 wk backpacking trip to fuckin Kilimanjaro or something, you would not find H for 3 wks.
Hey bro, when you fuckin go up kilimangiro detoxin from fuckin methadone,let me know ya fucker...I'll be right behind ya, the geezer in the fuckin golf buggy!:cool:
Hey bro, when you fuckin go up kilimangiro detoxin from fuckin methadone,let me know ya fucker...I'll be right behind ya, the geezer in the fuckin golf buggy!:cool:
Bring the done! And I thought the natives were there to carry the white folks up!
J dub , they can carry my large gallon tub of methadone up that fuckin mountain for sure..Coz theres no way i'm goin up that mountain without it....
Chicago
05-21-2008, 12:07 PM
bro ur life sounds like a dream no joke.....
Let me go shoot up my last raw half & tell u the day of chi then u can see how good razzle has it,
so keep the chin up;)
will be back in about 20 or so min:cool:
Naw this is not me, but might as well be me in a fuckin gulag...
Man i just wanna post a typical Raz day in ol sunny spain...And maybe you guys can either tell me to jump off a bridge,coz i'm doomed,or tell me to fuckin man up an do"whatever"....An maybe some of ya are even in the same boat,passing under the bridge that i' been told to jump off...Look out below ya fuckers...Raz is a cominnnnnn....
Fuck it, dont normally do this kinda thing,but tell me what ya think..Give it to me straight.A day in the life of razzle dazzle...
Wake up,6.30am.Have a piss,go in ze kitchen,straight to the fridge..Pick out a bottle of methadone,and depending on my thoughts at that time,depends on how much methadone i drink...
If i been on a H binge,chasing for a few days,i then say fuck it ,take enuff today to keep the cravings at bay...So i have a good ol gulp,fuck knows how much.Coz its all fuckin blind, but on my reckoning,maybe 70/80ml...This is to counteract any cravings,ill feelings etc etc..So i take my juice an put the kettle on.Cuppa tea and check in to opi,see whats goin down...6.45am wake my kid up for school and make her breakfast etc etc..Out ze door at 7.30am an drive her to school...
Now here comes the fuckin start of shit..If it comes in my mind to score early,b4 i leave home,then i dont drink no meth.I drop my kid off at school an then just keep goin on my journey and score...Get back home and wake the missus up with a nice little chase...Ok ,thats cool....
But what happens more often than not is this;on goin to bed the night b4,the wife an i say;"ok manana we is gonna be good ,get back on track an stuff.So as soon as ya wake up ,take ya juice and bring me mine in the bedroom"....Which is what i do.."here ya go love get this down ya an i'll wake ya up with a cuppa"...This is at 6.30am....
But then i is left to me own devices...Sittin in the living room, on the net etc..But then the ol worm comes into the brain about 11am...The missus gets up,first words outta my mouth is this;"how do ya feel?,you alright?, do ya fancy a boot?"(chase of smack)....She looks at me,i look at her,"whats the weather like"? She askes,"well its abit cloudy,could be rain"....She goes "oh fuck it,well have a cozy day ay,indoors while rosie is at school"...."Not fuckin many" says i....And i am outta the door like fuckin jesse owen...
And this is how it can go on for how long....Untill i say "no! No gear today we is getting back on track"..And i do my best to occupy myself and stop myself from scorin....But then this ol chestnut eventually rears its fucking ugly head> I have to go and score my juice on every monday right in the gypsy hood...And the guys who i buy my meth off ,use my money to all score H...When i pulled up on monday, i fuckin heard them cheer..."Yey,Raz is here,lets get some fuckin gear"....!!!
How the fuck can ya stop yaself from havin a chase with these fuckers?...They are all so much a better laugh than all these fuckers who i live amongst in this fuckin middle class paradise....English wankers wouldnt know a bit of gear if it hit them on the fuckin head!!
And its so fuckin borin in "straightsville" here...How the fuck can i stop myself havin this bitta chemical fun?...Especially since i know for my health i have to put on some weight etc...
Its just so fuckin boring with havin a laugh with these fuckers every monday....Father Ted my opi brother can tell ya i shit ya not on all this...As he was in the same area with me a few days ago...
But of course we only went for a drink together....I in no way showed him the real spain..:rolleyes:
Well tell me what ya think guys...Am i fuckin doomed or what?...I've never shared this with anyone b4, but this is /can be, a typical day for ol Razzle dazzle.....I bvetter hit send b4 i change my mind...
So forgive spellin ,punctuation etc....Shit who am i kiddin , i cxant fuckin spell , so fuck it...
You know Raz, there are alot of ppl who would kill to have your problems. I don't say that to trivialize them, but is a matter of perspective. And you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Quit and possibly be miserable (I am talking once you are past the w/d's- those will suck too) or keep Razzin and worry bout your health?
I think you are currently doing a good job as a human and husband/ father. But I live on the other side of the world and only get the Opi report.
Is your weight loss rapid? Or has it been gradual? Do you feel ok otherwise (I know a load of done and H will mask most bad feelings)?
Man i know where your comin from, like WTF, this cunt has a fuckin litre of meth in the fridge, money to buy gear etc etc...
I know i must seem like some whinny ask punk...But to get here at this point in my life,i did a long time in jail...never ratted no one out an stood my corner through an through....
I guess i do have it fuckin easy compared to some folks, an bro's if any of you genuine peeps were here an needed a hand i would be there..I wouldnt turn no one away...Give everyone a shot....
I cant take back how i've lived my life, i can only say what has happened up untill this point...And you fuckers are right ,i do have it to easy!!...But thats been the plan all along, to get somewhere in life so i do have it fuckin easy, or what the fuck did i do all that time for???
It is what it is folks...
I don't think anyone that knows you can call you a whiny-ass punk. And your problems are real and obviously important to you.
I don't wanna do the time you did, but I do hope when I am your age I have similar problems!
What does the doc say?
Eat more and smoke less drugs:rolleyes:....They kinda dont take me seriously coz they know i have the answer within myself
Yeah, I am with you. I lost 20 lbs in the last year. Granted I gained that 20 lbs during my clean stint. I'm planning on hitting the gym soon. The suboxone just kills my motivation to do anything except smoke herb. :rolleyes:
Fuckin carousel.
Word on that, its a fuckin merrygoround!!
Yeah, Raz, upon further consideration. Part of your problem is you have it so good.
Not having to bust your ass all day at work = good, but boredom. Maybe try and pickup a hobby to fill the using time. Drive outside the city and go on nature hikes or something. Swim in the ocean.
Just sitting around your house is really hard to quit IMO because you are in the same routine, without one key ingredient (give you a hint- starts with H).
Also, because your life is in pretty decent shape there is not the same motivation to quit. "I will worry about it tomorrow" works for you. It wouldn't work for a homeless run-away who is debating tricking for their next fix cuz they are out of $$ (using extreme examples here), but you can manage it.
I don't know. The docs are right. The answer is within you!
No surrender. Death before dishonor and see my sig for additional inspiration if necessary...
Saint
05-21-2008, 12:45 PM
Shit Raz, like others have mentioned, you've got your act together.. you're doing a pretty good job at bringing up your kid, taking care of your wife, living in a nice sunny country.. You've got a house, a car (no horrible moneyproblems? just guessing here). So, you are doing pretty fucking well to the rest of the world.
And maybe that's the problem: as long as you handle things as good as you seem to be doing AND use dope at the same time there doesn't really seem to be any reason to quit..
I lived the 'doing fine for the outside world - having a BF, a job, house - while at the same time fixing dope so much I might as well be a sprinkler now'. Did it almost 20 years.
But somehow it never got THAT bad, know what I mean?
I watched how all my dopebuddies ended up on the streets, how most of them even died eventually, they were going from bad to worse and they weren't even shooting damn it.
So I just kept on going because, hell, I wasn't doing so bad, was I.. I forced myself to work, I looked o.k., I seemingly functioned pretty good so nobody suspected that anything was wrong with me..
Sometimes you have to be in the gutter or at the end of your ropes to make the decision to change things. But you're not - as far as I can tell.
I told myself I was gonna quit a thousand times... taking my methadone before work and swearing to myself I wasn't gonna score that day. But I always ended up going straight to my dealer after work.
Also, if you're using with your girl.. that makes it hard too (if I understood this correcty, maybe she's not using that much if at all). If one of you is having a 'strong-willed day' the other one is probably not.. that's how things went for me anyway. We would solemnly promise each other to quit right there and then but the next day I would make up some excuse to go score... and my BF at the time didn't really mind ofcourse ;-).
Shit man, I wish I could give you some decent advice.. I think you should cut it down if you're feeling it's messing with your health though.. question is: how to go about it?
Getting active is easier said than done and even on methadone your mind will wander of to that gypsy neighbourhood.. Hell, I haven't used in years and I still think about dope every day.
Maybe you should try to cut it down a little to begin with.. you know best if you're able to quit altogether or not.. maybe you don't need to quit, just slow down..
Also, it sucks that you don't exactly know how mucg done you're taking (with the blind dosing thing) because this way you don't know how 'hooked' you really are on the stuff.
Did you have your liver checked? I know you were worried about that. Methadone doesn't damage your liver, nor do opiates in general (except when they're cut with some deep shit..).
Could be you are worrying too much.
Talk it over with the missus.. personally I don't find being sober much fun.. but we'd like to keep you here so having your health checked might be a good idea anyway. I know that sounds like the last thing you wanna do..
And eat those doner-kebabs and hamburgers for fucks sake!
Saint
05-21-2008, 12:56 PM
Fuck Jdub and I were typing more or less same advice at same time. Only Jdub isn't as longwinded as I am :-)
^^ If I was typing in Dutch it would take ALOT longer.
Pantopon Pete
05-21-2008, 01:20 PM
This is kinda late, but I have 2 really good dope connects on the peak of Kilamanjaro. Email me if anyone needs their numbers.
Kidding.
starglazer33
05-21-2008, 01:55 PM
I tried not to but i have to say the same thing Chi said cuz it is exactly the same words man your life sounds like a dream to me.
That doesn't mean you don't have your own problems though,I really hope your health improves other than that i say fuckin roll with it so long as everything is in order with the family.
One thing i think must be said dough. Health issues always come up and we being dope-phiends tend to blame everything on our habit.This may not always be the case, where sometimes it is i am sure there are many other times that it may not have anything to do with our dope use. Just something to consider.
Man I really hope your okay as i am sure you are.Just get yourself checked out cuz in the end it could be something real simple and easily repaired.However, if you never find out it'll getchya!(probably my luck).:rolleyes:
as always
"Whole lotta luv"......Sg33
Saint
05-21-2008, 02:54 PM
^^ If I was typing in Dutch it would take ALOT longer.
;-)
Chicago
05-21-2008, 04:24 PM
Razzle Dazzle, I did some thinking on this one & instead of telling you how good you have it compared to the day of chi in da chi, I'm gonna give & tell you what I think.
So what I thinks is you are just maybe & maybe just think you might be going threw a lil "MID LIFE CRISIS", now this does not mean you or any part of you has any thing wrong at all. TRUST ME....
I HAVE HAD THESE A FEW TIMES, some may say how you in ur 30's, but it is in ur head & that is mid life, correct!
1rst me then I go into you.
I was about a yr ago in the same position, I lost a lot of weight, stop taking ALL my supplements vitamans,fish oil, protein & creatine, thats all I ever take.
From going to the gym 5 days a week was lucky if I went 5 times in 1 month. My brain was playing CRAZY games on me, as looking in the mirror each day & say hey chi what have you done to ur self, my own mother would say you getting to skinny, ur face needs to put on weight, as she use to say "chi, your to big, girls don't like men w/such big muscles, I'm not trying to sound cool or big but what I went threw & that is why I say my mind played crazy games on me.
I look at pictures of this time, maybe a 6month peroid, I see that this cuban is pale skinned w/dark circles under my eyes, purple shade of lips, just real unhealthy looking at this time.
What I was doing at this time was smoking alot of coke(rock) & shooting about $100 of south sides chi's finest a day, now this is when all the fent was going around, so that is why I was doing so much b/c it was that good.
What I did!!! Is got my self a multi vitaman, Stop smoking crack, but still shot dope. W/just a good multi-vitaman, in about a weeks time I noticed I started to be in a better mood, by sleeping more, having more energy to go do something, like slowly get back to working out again, now I have been working out for 17yrs & doing dope for 15yrs. I just wanted to be the old chi again but knew that I could not just jump back to where I was & had to work my self up.
I stole a 'ol skool work out thing, it had 2 handles & four thick rubber bands in the middle, the bands are about 12-16inches long, so if u can pic this, I would streatch w/this thing, shoulders, arms, & start by doing lil bit of push ups & crunches(sit ups). I was not getting any results b/c I see myself in the mirror each day, but after a month which felt like a entire year, took off my shirt & my family & freinds say wow you looking like you in some good shape, I'm thinking they just telling me this b/c they no that chi is going threw some mid life shit, but no they were 4real.
Now it's 2 months & I am like hey I do see I'm getting somewhere, I got a lil sun, my face got a lil fuller, my weight went up, this all boost my self esteem, so I went & got a pass to the gym again, went to the health store, got a multi V, protein & fish oil & thats all the body needs to get GREAT results trust me.
@Razzle, what I suggest is do not look at what you use to do, but what you gonna do & remember it will take a month min just to get the hang of things again, like getting in the routine of eating 3 soilid meals a day, walk each day for awhile, then jump or take it up a notch to get a pass to the gym or go swimming & do some laps 3days a week, w/taking a simple vitamin, you will see how ur mood will change for the better & lil by lil you will be back where you wanna be.
I was just like this, where nothing would sound good or appleaing to me, I even stop going out, locked my self in the house & only left to cop my dope.
So take ur juice enuff to where u feel comfortable enuff where ur not thinking about making that left turn after dropping 'ol girl at school but going right back home, & if you wanna cop you gonna have to jog all the way there & back:D
So right now, ur un happy b/c you think ur 2 thin, but ur really not, invest in that vitamin, take enuff juice to make u feel good & you will see, that ur chasing will slow down alot, & just like someone mentioned is there are these drinks called ensure, there great, it's like a whole meal in it self & taste great, 340 calories, all da vitamins & minerals, like eating a great steak dinner w/all ur veggies, I bought these actually my mother brought them to me & said since you only eating once a day drink these & I did, 5lbs in 2weeks.Taste great too.
Once you get past this little hump in the road you will be the same 'ol Razzle you wanna be, but you not a magician & do this over night, just b/c you can do "Razzle Dazzle" does not mean it will be quick by the 4th of july if you just try what I said you will feel better then ya ever did, if ya don't I'm gonna pay for you to come stay w/me for a month in Chicago:)"BET"
1rst. bump that dose of meth higher & you will crave less & feel better, plus you have a goal now.
2nd. GO TONIGT TO BUY A MULTI VITAMIN, & SOME PRE MADE DRINKS LIKE ENSURE, MEAL REPLACEMENT, ADD THIS TO THE MIX & RAZZLE DAZZLE THE WEIGHT WILL BE BACK.
3RD.START buy walking & sit ups & push ups, do 10 push ups 10x a day =100 push ups in 1 day, some might ay well I can do 100 or 50 at 1 time, well great, %1000 better results by just doing 10 of them at a time 10x. This is the way I stated back in my slump, & got back to the big 'ol chi in no time, You seen my pics I sent ya razzle so please trust me on this. 1month you will see great shit if follow step 1& 2.
Sorry so long but when a buddy of mine needs help he gets a %110 of chi:cool:.
So this little mid life thang will soon be over just don't think about to many things b/c it just stresses you out & this is what happens.
Your Man
Chicago
SurfRat
05-21-2008, 04:52 PM
^^Indeed.
I noticed Chicago mentioned walking. It doesn't seem like much but I think that can be a real positive thing that is not stressful or nothing.
You got the spirit and fight in you.
And for your daughter who no doubt thinks you are the total coolest ever.
Hey Amigo's, many thanks for the advice(nice one chi,get back to ya in e mail).....My main problem is being this skinny fucker whose not eating enuff,coz the drugs take away any appetite i might have..And then if i go on a booze binge,the next morning man do i suffer...Not no hangover shit, but some real weird shit,that can only be caused by some vitamin deficeancy.....
My missus reckons i got Berri Berri which is some vitamin problem asscoiatted with your body not getting enuff vitamins absprbed..
Under this drug cloud i dont appreciatte what i got....Whenever i'm clean,i do give thanks for small mercies even....
I guess i gotta man up and make some serious decisions....Carry on like this,riskin my health.Or get this monkey off my back and get healthy...And just be a chipper....
Fuck i always been someone who is all shit or all honey...Ya know,i'm the guy who dives in at the deep end,never swims up from the shallow....
I'm gonna find some of them drinks and give it a go..get some exercise equipment up on my roof.And maybe just get heathy!!
Who knows,i may even become one of them role model guys!! Ha ha..
Seedy
05-22-2008, 04:13 AM
^^ good fuckin luck man. I gotsta do the same myself. Sure sucks when it gets to the point where u can't be arsed doing anything but getting high -- like can't even think of anything to do but get high. Sounds like thats where u at. Like Chi said: Healthy eating & exercise
will get u out of your rut. Easier said than done of course. U into any sport? Like back in the day even? Get in a social team or something, maybe incorperate a bit of boozing into some solid exercise. & maybe smoke more hash, munchies! ;)
SurfRat
05-22-2008, 04:27 AM
^^For sure then get a good B Complex vitamin. It can't hurt, being water soluble and may help a lot.
^^^ Yeah bro...I got some B vitamins complex and i'm gonna start drinkin some milk.Plus i'm gonna get some mega calorie drinks from the health shop today...And i'm gonna buy this weight set to put up on my roof and start working out...
Shit back in the day,in jail, i was one serious fit mutherfucker!...I could run 13 miles in a hour and chuck the weights about...Like 60 reps with 60 kilos without stopping.And all other kinds of fitness training.
Theres fuck all else to do in jail, cept take drugs; but even those were done in moderation.As you shared and got rid of coz ya didnt want a habit....This was b4 class A drugs became rife in uk jails..
My fighting weight is 72kg, now i'm about 65kg whick sucks...I gotta back back to 70 at least...
I used to be a good soccer player, but after getting shot and all the shit i went through with my leg.I would be crazy to risk it playing soccer again.As like i said,i'm all or nothing....I'm gonna make some changes....Wish me luck...
southernbelle
05-22-2008, 06:51 AM
Wishing you all the luck in the world, sweetpea!
^^^ Thank you guapa...Definately gonna make an effort this time,fingers crossed an all that..
OxyQueen
05-22-2008, 08:09 AM
Hey RAZ...hows your day going??? Its like 3 there right now ...right??? Its 9 in the morning here on the east coast of usa
Soooooooooooo did you EAT today? You should've eaten at least twice by now. I hope you are keeping busy.
Keeping busy AND eating right are gonna help fight off them cravings....here is a faggot sayin' that for some reason stuck in my head when i went to rehab for coke and booze a century ago...
H.A.L.T....if you are H-ungry A-ngry L-onely T-ired...then you are at risk for cravings.
Weird but it is the ONE thing that stuck in my sick lil brain lol
Alright just seeing how you are doing today --- my day is just beginning.
Dan Steely
05-22-2008, 08:13 AM
Hey Raz,
If you're gonna hit the weights ya might as well get the most return for your effort. I highly recommend "Bodybuilding.com". I put on 20 lbs. in 4 months using the info there and I've always had a tough time gaining weight.
Best wishes
^^^Thanks for your thoughts....Today i made sure i took more methadone, to combat any cravings.And i had porridge for breakfast with a banana, lunch has been a ham salad sandwich.And i got some chicken pasta for dinner....
So i think if i stick to some kinda regimen like this,i should put on weight....And yay, i havent had any beer,nor have i bought any for later on!!
Time is 3.17pm here, have a nice day..:).....I'll check out that site BB.com thanks bro...Need all the weight i can get!....And this time i'm not talkin dope! Ha ha
OxyQueen
05-22-2008, 09:18 AM
Sounds like you are doing good today. C...the problem i have is i can't drink milk, so milk shakes, whipped cream, cereal...all are a NO GO for me. It SUCKS! That is why i drink the ENSURE, it isn't milk-based and doesn't taste too bad, lots of different flavors.
When i was working out the Dr. told me NOT to sweat, as sweating is what burns fat/calories. So minimal cardio, just to warm the body up and then weight training. I want to go back to the gym, but hubby hasn't paid it yet...ugghhhh, releases endorphins too, so it helps out those receptors we've managed to burn out.
Sounds like you are doing well today...chicken and pasta sounds GOOD!
learnt to cook in jail...Just gotta keep the appetite goin...Thanks for your thoughts...
Russellmeboy
05-22-2008, 09:54 AM
The "Enough" are cut with enough tranq to kill, its the "bad" heroin thats going around hartford ct, one of my friends od and is in the hospital in a comma so be carefull out there, its not a "damn good high" overdose batch its a "immmm sooo tired ima go to sleeeep, o s hit im in a comma "kinda overdose batch. i dotn want to see anymore dead dopers !!! much love, get high, be safe <3 Russell
Chicago
05-22-2008, 11:21 AM
^^^^^WTF, is what I'm talking about:speechles
^^^^wtf.....
Russellmeboy
05-22-2008, 11:25 AM
LOL sorry i had 2 threads open, cause i like to multi tastk that one was for the scean board.....my bad.. i know im retarded, its the benzos/desil mix with no sleep...
Russellmeboy
05-22-2008, 11:30 AM
Ohh and what i MENT to write here i almsot posted in the fucking scean board, jesus what is wrong with me....you see raz ur life isnt that bad, at least your not as stupid as i am....well anyway.. it sounds like what you need to do is put down the spoon and pick up the fork :D, a hard thing to do with a true habbit, sometimes if i use enough i acctually feel compelled to eat sompthing but other then that my stomache dosent want much food either, any sugestions on sompthing good to cook (no pun) thats easy to make yet gourmet.
Chicago
05-22-2008, 12:01 PM
^^^^
I guess Razzle gonna give you a pass, lol;)
Yea when it came for me even if i had food thrown at me i wouldn't eat, & top it off I never & I hate to make food so I would just sit hungry all day, sometimes my mom would snap at me "it's 9p.m. & you didn't even eat breakfest or anything in ur stomach.
So she would make me a big plate of whatever, & bring it to me, sometimes the smell would get to me where I would get sick, but then if I shot a few bags of dope, I use to eat n/j to entire sara lee cheese cakes, 1 new york style & the other cherry, yum eatem up, but no dope 4get about it.
@raz promise you just do what I said & you will see.
also I told levity the same about a few weeks ago about multi vitamin, he bough the same I got, & he says he feels great, & if he feels he wants to discuss why he needed to do something he can. But to show how much that will help ya razzle,
MOST IMPORTANT ON THIS, WHEN BUYING A VITAMIN(multi) DO NOT BUY THE CHEAP CENTRUM OR CRAP, B/C THOSE ARE MADE FOR THE COUCH POTATO'S & ARE GARBAGE & THE RDA (regular daily allowence) is %0. buy investing in like a multi just for men, YOUR SET MY MAN!!!
YOU DON'T WANT SOME CUBAN KNOCKING AT UR DOOR PUTTING YOU IN A HEADLOCK & TRAINING YOU & TURNING YOU INTO THE NEXT "ROCKY":p:cool:
Ohh and what i MENT to write here i almsot posted in the fucking scean board, jesus what is wrong with me....you see raz ur life isnt that bad, at least your not as stupid as i am....well anyway.. it sounds like what you need to do is put down the spoon and pick up the fork :D, a hard thing to do with a true habbit, sometimes if i use enough i acctually feel compelled to eat sompthing but other then that my stomache dosent want much food either, any sugestions on sompthing good to cook (no pun) thats easy to make yet gourmet.
Thanks for the good advice ....This time i'm gonna try and give it some consistency in my plan...I normally last 1week being good,no chasing....But after 16yrs of continuely abusing myself,with only a few weeks off on clean up holidays,i guess its finally catching up with me....
I'm not gonna wave goodbye to the ill effects of all that time in a couple of weeks...I think i probably need some major clean time....
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