came clean to rents, now regretting it

[HMMM...]

ok, so most of you don't know me or the current changes my life has taken so I'll give a breif description.
I've been a recreational oc user for the past year. At one point I had 2 dogs getting brand 40's and rox 30 mg. Well tolerance has greatly grown and I always run out early leaving me to buy off the street. Can't even imagine how much cash has been thrown away.
Also I haven't been employed for the past 2 months. So where do I get the means to satisfy my habit? Before I say I just want to tell everyone how much of a piece of shit this makes me feel when I think about it. I steal from my mom and grandma. I'm worse then scum, huh?

Well the past month has been really bad cuz I've turned to the needle. And the saying is so true. Once you feel that rush you wont go back to any other roa. Well I finally realized I need help.

I contemplated real hard on this but I finally made a decision to tell my parents everything. At first they were very supportive and understanding and told me I made the best descision to tell them. I already have a sub doc so the next day I bring my mom to him. I get all the detox meds.

Well couple days later my parents have pulled a complete 180 on me. We got in an argument and they called ms a worthless drugie. There rules are I have to stay home24/7, no friends, my mom hands out and watches me take my meds. They barge in my room when they want now.

The reason I told them was so I could have some possitive support. When I try to tell them the extensive knowledge I know about opiate addiction they just say" then why did you fame them." ahhhhhh!!!! Damn ignorant asses. Non addicts just done care to listen and try to understand. Sorry for this long whiny post but I needed to vent to someone cuz my rents don't wanna hear it. You guys are really the few I can relate to. No judgement or crticism. Fuck the ignorant close minded public.

P.s. Addict can be brilliant, nice, caring people. Stereotypes and people who believe them can suck a fat one.

[samsong]

Neither you nor your parents will regret you coming clean, eventually. Give them some slack, as hard that may seem right now, becuase, as you admitted, you have been in the wrong. They are going to go through ups and downs of loving you and being mad as hell at you, just like any other person does when confronted with a serious life issue that they were not prepared for. I mean, you really sucker punched them when you came clean, they were not expecting that, so give them the benefit of the doubt that they will come back around and just try to help you in a loving way rather than in authoritative way like they are presently.

You have to earn their respect back, not just from abusing drugs, but because you stolefrom them, and that will take time more than anythng else, so just be patient grasshopper, some day when you have kids, you will understand this type of thing better--you have a lot to be proud of by coming clean to them, very few people can do that, so just let time do its thing and in the meantime, just accept whatever they dish out to you, knowing that you will be fine soon.

Good luck.

[HMMM...]

thank you for your reply. I do understand their reasons for being the way they are but they are recieving information from shady sources. Like my dad talked to this counsler lady and told him when I'm in withdrawls I will stop at nothing to score including robbing a store or pharmacy. So now my dad took away my bb guns and thinks I'm going to end up in jail. I'm 23 and have never even been suspended from school.

I just wish they could support me in a way like telling me you can do it and were behind you all the way. I mean I wouldn't have told them if I wasn't dead serious about quitting. I guess I'll have to deal with the discouragement and them not trusting me. But fuck it. Its for me anyways, not them.

[SpecialGuy69]

well, you can do it and WE are behind you 100%, for what its worth.

Your parents will come around- remember they are hurting as much as you are. Give them time and be extra cool to them. When it comes to relationship w/ your parents, you get back 100x what you put in- and anything cool you can do for them will go a long way towards re-building your relationship with them. its gonna take time.

good luck bro!

[oxycontin]

well, you can do it and WE are behind you 100%, for what its worth.

Your parents will come around- remember they are hurting as much as you are. Give them time and be extra cool to them. When it comes to relationship w/ your parents, you get back 100x what you put in- and anything cool you can do for them will go a long way towards re-building your relationship with them. its gonna take time.

good luck bro!


i cant explain to you how true what agent orange just said to you is. your parents are your best support network, dont let them down. like agent said, be super cool with them, they are going thru alot.

take care, everyone here will help as much as possible

[HandMeSomeOpiates]

But fuck it. Its for me anyways, not them.

Exactly!! Do it for YOU, not anyone else and you will succeed. You can do it man. Good Luck!

[HistoryofMadness]

man you sound like me - "my intentions are good, so you should forget all the stupid crazy dangerous selfish stuff i did and just let me do what i want"

fact is, man, you need them. you are going through a psychological change right now (the switch to bupe is ok physically but its a subtle mind fuck). this means you will have sick mood swings.

plus they are worried because you are not ok in their eyes (or yours or we wouldn't be having this conversation)...

they may do some things that seem irrational to you but trust me for the near future they are going to be much more rational that you are. they will make mistakes. but you did ask for help, and they are doing it. count your blessings.

time takes time brother. and big changes take big changes. good luck, we're here when you need us.

[oxycat]

Hang in there kid! You have gotten some great advice here. AO was right about getting out what you put in. We're all behind you. You can do it.

[limitless_euphoria]

Hey Hmmm... listen, I totally feel where your coming from; instead of fessin' up to the 'rents I had to fess up to my wife with whom I have two small children. What's more, this isn't the first, second or even third time. It's more like the ump-teenth time I've fucked up and I, like you, more recently have turned to the needle. I used to snort and plug (administer rectally with an oral syringe) and then after reading testimonial after testimonial about people saying "Wow, once I started banging I regretted every last fucking fix I snorted."

It's so true. I mean, that sensation of it going into your body—even if you don't get a vein and you do it IM, it's just so overpowering and awe-inspiring. But then, eventually, you have to pay the piper. None of us on o-phile are millionaires to the best of my knowledge, and yes, we've all, at one time or another, done things we're less than proud of. Jesus, the money I've spent feeding the monkey could have gone towards investing for my kids college fund, buying stuff for my home, saving up for a new home, paying down our credit card debt... any-fuckin-thing but drugs, ya know?

I can identify with exactly how humiliating it is to bear your soul, tell all, and at first feel relieved and get a sense that the person(s) whom you told are glad you spoke up versus got caught out right in the act—yet, they need time to process and then they might end up freaking out on you and then making you feel like total fucking garbage—I suppose many might say rightfully so... IDK.

It seems like when my friends and family find out I've been using drugs it's always a contest to line up and verbally bitch-slap me rather than find out what the underlying reasons for my use/abuse are. Doesn't it almost hurt for someone to almost seemingly take pleasure in talking down to you and reminding you "you're so smart why do you have to go and act like a goddamn idiot" when you already know all this and you'd really rather hear, "yes, I'm disappointed in you but I'd really like to know what I could do to give you moral support in getting and staying clean,..."

Doesn't that just seem like a more compassionate way to go—especially from people who supposedly care about and/or love you and want to help???

Listen, I know we don't know one another well but I can relate to what it's like to have the pressure on to "straighten out and fly right" as the older folks would say. If you ever want to chat feel free to hit me up with a PM. I would be more than willing to let you bend my ear (a figure of speech of course). Kicking is a real bitch and it can be a very trying task to undertake. The suboxone should really help you but it's no cure-all. Not to get preachy or start yammering on about 12 steps and shit like that (which goes over like a lead balloon around this site) I like what someone once told me about the three T's in recovering from your addiction.

(1) TOLERATING cravings that will arise and discomfort from w/d as well as PAWS.
(2) TAKING responsability for your actions and not blaming other people, places and things.
(3) TELLING the truth; be honest with yourself and everyone else around you because lying will just get you back to where you started.

If you can master those three—your odds for recovery increase substantially. If you fail at one or more of them the likelihood of relapse and further problems will get greater and greater.

That's the most sound advice I can give to someone who genuinely wants to and needs to stop using. It's NOT going to be easy but IT IS doable. If you want some inspiration you should check out Zenpunk's Bupe Detox thread... her journal entries make for great reading and they are evidence that it can be done.

Best of luck to you and I admire your courage for telling your folks. That takes guts man!!! Hopefully the subs will help out and don't be afraid to use the forum as a resource for if and when you're feeling down and out or if you just need general adivce or to talk. Take care.

[HMMM...]

Thx for kind words and straight up talk. Things are going ok I guess. Dropping from around 300-400 mg of oc, (roa) iv to 8 mg of bupe a day was pretty harsh. Kinda sucks now tho cuz every action I do now is guilty before innocent. But I guess I do got to gain the trust back.

One thing I want to get across is do some of you, like me, feel like you have way more extensive knowledge of opiates in general over, say your detox doc or any other leader figure. I'm saying if it was up to me I'd have myself on a much different detox plan.

Currently I'm recieving 4mg bid subutex, 1 mg bid Xanax, and 1 teaspoon a night of some sleeping aid. Now I'm not saying I know all but what I would have me on is 12 mg sub for a few days then drop to 8 then 4 and taper so on. Would also like clonodine, soma, and maybe some valume. Now maybe that's not what's right for me at all but I don't agree when the doc talks to my parents and they follow his words like its the bible. They keep my meds and dose me according to the docs orders.

It just frustrating trying to give my parents some info and knowledge I know and they just totally blow me off. " if you know so much why are you an addict." this coming from an alcoholic who's had 3 duis and at one point had to do the breathalizer thing before his car would start. I love my parents to death tho. My dad works so hard for are family. He's in his late 50s and is still doing construction(around 30 years) I just wish we didnt have to fight. Were both very manly men =p so we don't really show any emotion towards eachother.

Well this is getting too long and I'm tired. I'll update my progress and let you know how my bupe and family strife come along. :) night all