worst thing you've missed out on [Archive]

GoddessofRATs

12-04-2007, 07:12 PM

Well overall- being in a relationship and starting a family. those are the two big ones for me. Mainly the family part, having kids. There is no way in hell I'd start a family being addicted, it's not fair to the baby/children. Not that i have a problem with people who do start a family while addicted. In most cases, people already have the family and then get addicted. It's just not the way i would want to go. And that's for the addiction part which includes being dope sick.

I've missed out on more freindships that's for sure, i am a hermit, i don't really like being around people when I'm high but at the same time being high makes me more outgoing, it's kinda strange how that works.

I can't really say career because that has to do with my chronic pain more than my addiction.

I miss out on a lot of things, such as going out and doing things, I'd rather be high at home in my own little world with my internet friends than doing other things lol. I do go out, but not like i should for someone my age.

And because of w/d I've missed out on doing things or was to sick to enjoy them when i was out doing them.

So, yes... I've missed out on a lot of things because of addiction and/or being in w/d. But, i don't plan on quiting anytime soon because opiates keep me from being a lethargic depressed person who doesn't want to do anything but lay in bed watching TV all day. Without opiates, i am the walking dead. But, i lose out on other things.

VERY INTERESTING QUESTION!

GOR

Myth

12-04-2007, 07:13 PM

My good friends funeral, many holidays, my freshman year of college, and senior year of highschool, and relationships...parties...everything. I missed out on a lot when I was only interested in getting my next fix.

JunkYardSaint

12-04-2007, 07:35 PM

Gee... I remember almost missing my wedding trying to score dope so I wouldn't be sick. All dressed up in the bathroom of the Church frantically trying to find a vein while family, friends and relatives that I'd never see again awaited our entrance. Looking back now I wish I would have missed it, it would have saved both my ex-wife and myself the heartache that was destined to follow. It's sad when I think of it; but it's good to be reminded, truth is I would have missed anything and everything if I was sick and needed to get well. Every junky knows that desperation.
I think the most important thing I missed though when I think back was when I missed a huge showcase gig that the band I was in at the time had at a popular nightclub in New York. We were expecting several executives, A&R guys and the like from a major record company (EMI/Capitol I think it was) I had about two hours to go to my hotel, get ready, and meet back at the club for soundcheck. Just enough time, I thought, to grab a couple of bags a dope and "get right" for the gig. Well... I got busted and ended up in the New York City jail for three days. The band wouldn't talk to me for weeks after that, and it had a lot to do with my eventual demise as a professional musician at least. If it wasn't the reason for the band to kick me out, it gave them a damn good excuse. If only dope was a cause or a faith or something to be proud of, hell I'd be a fucking hero - unfortunately it's not. I'm just a junky who would do anything for a fix.

betmylife

12-04-2007, 11:54 PM

I used to miss a lot of work being sick, I have claimed to have to go to funerals, I told em my Dad was sick in the Hospital....lots of fucked up shit, and I always told myself I would use the time to kick....never worked....now I just tough it out, and work sick....if people ask, I have allergies, or a slight flu bug......I try and not let people down with my problems.........I have spent a lot of bill money on junk too.....I have had 2 car repos, and countless late phone/electric/rent bills......oh well Doctor day is Thursday, so everythings right in the world...right??....ha....

BML

Duckfeet

12-05-2007, 12:00 AM

motts

12-05-2007, 12:05 AM

phish 2004 tour

betmylife

12-05-2007, 12:08 AM

I'd weep if I started thinking about it all...it's been a long run, and I'm still alive, but I've left nothing but pain and heartbreak all along the way...It doesn't matter which direction I look in, if I'm honest, it's nothing to be proud of...

I have seen you talk a few people out of doing stupid shit on here, while not a giant life achievement, its something to be a little proud of....making a little difference in our junky lives is something....so don't sell yourself too short....unless your just looking for pity, and in that case fuck off ya bum :)...but really, at least you give good advice, thats more than I can say for some....

Bml

pizzaboy

12-05-2007, 12:09 AM

I'd weep if I started thinking about it all...it's been a long run, and I'm still alive, but I've left nothing but pain and heartbreak all along the way...It doesn't matter which direction I look in, if I'm honest, it's nothing to be proud of...

Here here.

I've lost a lot...practically everything. I'm lucky enough to have an opportunity to start over again though...I just need to avoid fucking it up all again. I don't think ya get a third chance.

betmylife

12-05-2007, 12:09 AM

phish 2004 tour

I wouldn't say thats missing out.....avoiding smelly hippies is always a good thing for me.

Consumed.

12-05-2007, 12:22 AM

how bout the things that didnt affect you personally so much, but obligations that you didnt go through with that made you look like a dipshit to all your friends or family etc... missing your mothers funeral style shit!

Duckfeet

12-05-2007, 12:38 AM

Last time most of my family even saw me, I was out here in prison, and they would visit me, and bring me food and stuff on Thanksgiving...when I got out of prison, I was in dive program, and they paroled me to Louisiana, where I stayed and never bothered coming to all the weddings and births and people in hospitals, shit like that.

Best I'd do, would be call my Mom christmas...collect...if I was loaded, and once called her from Houston, when I was sleeping in front of V.A. methadone clinic, for money for a motel and a bottle of gin...that was as good as it got, from me....

I'm all reformed, rehabilitated and shit, now, tho...I went to AA, did what they said, family all loves me, no sweat, I"m back out here now, just got off the phone w/mom, who's all worried about these *massive* waves coming in haha...

I rode Harleys, and liked pretty girls, and liked dope...everything else was way down on the list: I missed it all...not until middle age, did I even care about doing anything about it...and haven't done all that well, or I wouldn't be doing the methadone shuffle these few months...but oh well, self-pity sucks: I made my choices, I live with them...

Jade Warrior

12-05-2007, 01:32 AM

Last time most of my family even saw me, I was out here in prison, and they would visit me, and bring me food and stuff on Thanksgiving...when I got out of prison, I was in dive program, and they paroled me to Louisiana, where I stayed and never bothered coming to all the weddings and births and people in hospitals, shit like that.
Best I'd do, would be call my Mom christmas...collect...if I was loaded, and once called her from Houston, when I was sleeping in front of V.A. methadone clinic, for money for a motel and a bottle of gin...that was as good as it got, from me....
I'm all reformed, rehabilitated and shit, now, tho...I went to AA, did what they said, family all loves me, no sweat, I"m back out here now, just got off the phone w/mom, who's all worried about these *massive* waves coming in haha...
I rode Harleys, and liked pretty girls, and liked dope...everything else was way down on the list: I missed it all...not until middle age, did I even care about doing anything about it...and haven't done all that well, or I wouldn't be doing the methadone shuffle these few months...but oh well, self-pity sucks: I made my choices, I live with them...
Duck, I gotta tell you that methadone was my salvation for almost 20 years. Unfortunately I lost my black market supply and landed back on junk after being off for many many years. I'm a firm believer in the value of methadone treatment. If only it were available in a less restrictive environment:(

Indy

12-05-2007, 05:28 AM

......Life.

limitless_euphoria

12-05-2007, 05:50 AM

LIVING LIFE AND SPENDING TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

If I were to add up all of the time I spent (A) in W/D and (B) waiting around for my connect who would often times be held up waiting for his guy to deliver... IDK how much, but it would add up to quite a large amount.

There were so many times I thought "Yeah, I'll get high on some opies and then go do this or that" and it never happened. There were other opportunities I could have ceased in terms of going out with friends but I'd either be starting W/Ds or waiting on that magic phone call back that whomever was ready for me. In retrospect, what a waste!

It's a shame how many hours out of one's life dealers end up making a person waste just waiting by the phone or at the meeting place.

kyuss

12-05-2007, 06:00 AM

southernbelle

12-05-2007, 07:11 AM

My illusions.
Being a junky
you realize what life
could be like as a happy person
but for us that happy person
only exists when we're high.
Life is so overwhelming
without the comfort of dope
and once you experience
the peace it can bring
sobriety can never compete
or replace the completeness of it.

I couldn'tve said it better myself. Thanks for saying it for me.

pizzaboy

12-05-2007, 07:56 AM

:sad-smileMy illusions.
Being a junky
you realize what life
could be like as a happy person
but for us that happy person
only exists when we're high.
Life is so overwhelming
without the comfort of dope
and once you experience
the peace it can bring
sobriety can never compete
or replace the completeness of it.

Wow, can I quote you on that? That is some poetic shit! Only people like us would understand

:juggle:

limitless_euphoria

12-05-2007, 08:52 AM

My illusions.
Being a junky
you realize what life
could be like as a happy person
but for us that happy person
only exists when we're high.
Life is so overwhelming
without the comfort of dope
and once you experience
the peace it can bring
sobriety can never compete
or replace the completeness of it.

Kyuss speaks the truth. Once you've been there, done that, the memory will never escape you. Even years later from what I've heard.

upstate_007

12-05-2007, 09:31 AM

I missed out on just about everything but dope.

Weddings, funerals, holidays, graduations. When I was on a real hard run with H, there was literally nothing else that mattered to me.

aj11

12-05-2007, 09:32 AM

being naieve

Consumed.

12-05-2007, 11:44 PM

Duckfeet

12-05-2007, 11:49 PM

Come on now, Indy: yer too young to be that cynical...u get life...u just get a little more aggravation and pain along w/all the other stuff everybody gets...

......Life.

SHELLEY

12-06-2007, 12:00 AM

worst thing i've missed out on
is seen my 3 year old son
grow to be 3 years old
one day he was just HUGE
that kinda sucks...

eerased

12-06-2007, 01:09 AM

The worst thing I missed out on I'm to embarrassed and ashamed to talk about. I will say this it's been eating me alive inside for 18 years on Feb. 5th.. I also think it's one of the main reasons/root that I started to self medicate with opis to numb the pain/emotion of it all!:(

I strongly agree with GoR's comment about family and addict. I couldn't even imagine being a responsible adult while maintaining this addiction. It would be so unfair to any child.

I'm sure I missed out on a bunch of stuff due to my habit. Definitely family, friends.

But most of all I missed out on living a normal life. I often daydream about what it would be like to be pill free and have all that cash that I blow on shite. To live the lifestyle I live. I would be able to see/do so much more. I'm just grateful that I have a husband that understands that I'm probably always going to be a junky and spend a good portion of our cash on it. My addiction and I guess second on my missed list. I am guilty of making my husband miss out on allot as well, that hurts me on a daily basis.

I missed Thanksgiving with my family due to being dopesick. I can think of so many things that I've missed due to being sick. So many obligations that have made me feel really guilty too. I missed an important funeral....
I had to go to a Christening last month and only could make it through an hour. People always wonder why I dont show up to things

tptptp

12-10-2007, 06:17 AM

I agree about the family thing GoR....however in my friends case & I'm sure plenty others it wouldn't be a big deal if it were legal but the illegalities cause the trouble. The price & the possible jail time etc. I think if the highest fix maxed out at about $10 per day(which is the case with high-end heroin addicts on heroin maintenance) it wouldn't be a big deal. Of course this isn't true for all addicts but I'd bet the majority, or close. But with the way things are, starting a family would be selfish, unfortunately.

Kyuss, perfectly put.

Duckfeet

12-10-2007, 06:23 AM

Yes: there's things no online board, no recovery program, nothing, can fix, that we carry with us, and those of us honest enough to admit, as u have, gain in compassion for others, and maybe knowledge of man's fate, but I'm not sure it's worth the price...best wishes, really good post, to me, and I appreciate it, even it caused u pain to post it...

I first learned that I could never be normal, sitting with my beautiful young wife, me young and talented, and looking out over the Pacific Ocean, up at Big Sur, and knowing that I should be really happy, that the world then, was at my feet...but I was sick and unhappy, and all I wanted was to get back down to Orange County to fix, and I had decided I would become a fulltime thief to support my habit...and within a couple of months I was on my way to prison...

I didn't have all the words for it then, back then I still thought I could escape it...and I think it's better to believe that...

The worst thing I missed out on I'm to embarrassed and ashamed to talk about. I will say this it's been eating me alive inside for 18 years on Feb. 5th.. I also think it's one of the main reasons/root that I started to self medicate with opis to numb the pain/emotion of it all!:(

I strongly agree with GoR's comment about family and addict. I couldn't even imagine being a responsible adult while maintaining this addiction. It would be so unfair to any child.

I'm sure I missed out on a bunch of stuff due to my habit. Definitely family, friends.

But most of all I missed out on living a normal life. I often daydream about what it would be like to be pill free and have all that cash that I blow on shite. To live the lifestyle I live. I would be able to see/do so much more. I'm just grateful that I have a husband that understands that I'm probably always going to be a junky and spend a good portion of our cash on it. My addiction and I guess second on my missed list. I am guilty of making my husband miss out on allot as well, that hurts me on a daily basis.

Seedy

12-10-2007, 02:21 PM

Having the money to save & travel, etc. Yeah $$$ isn't so important but it sure makes life easier. So do opiates though.

And sex... missed out on a lot of that. Like just a few days ago I could have shacked up with this fucking beautiful punk chick (not trying to brag but I've seen her around a bit & she always grabbed my attention... got the chance to meet her properly & we got on very wel), basically the WD's were setting in so I ran away like a complete ass. :(

zenpunk

12-10-2007, 02:33 PM

I missed Thanksgiving as well to finally clean up. I will probably miss xmas because I may be inpatient by then. I missed out on not stealing, not cheating, and not being in a fog for 18 years.

eerased

12-10-2007, 11:33 PM

DF, It's strange but in a way posting my post helped me a little. I'm not sure how to say it but I think it made me say out loud to someone that I do feel terrible sometime about what I do to others around me. I know right now I have the whole world right at my finger tips but I just cant grab it. You know this job we have now has put a TON of responsibility on us (the pay makes it worth it) but if I wouldnt have been able to find a "fucking awsome" connect (whole other thread) I would have passed it all on Kev and he would have taken it. That just makes me feel guilty..
Do you think we as addicts spend allot of time feeling guilty. I've been told more than once that all I care about is myself. But on the inside I care deeply about others just not sure how to show it.

Anyways I'm going way off topic here but this OP has really made me think allot lately. Even when I'm offline I've thought on more than one occasion about all I may have missed out on...

Yes: there's things no online board, no recovery program, nothing, can fix, that we carry with us, and those of us honest enough to admit, as u have, gain in compassion for others, and maybe knowledge of man's fate, but I'm not sure it's worth the price...best wishes, really good post, to me, and I appreciate it, even it caused u pain to post it...

I first learned that I could never be normal, sitting with my beautiful young wife, me young and talented, and looking out over the Pacific Ocean, up at Big Sur, and knowing that I should be really happy, that the world then, was at my feet...but I was sick and unhappy, and all I wanted was to get back down to Orange County to fix, and I had decided I would become a fulltime thief to support my habit...and within a couple of months I was on my way to prison...

I didn't have all the words for it then, back then I still thought I could escape it...and I think it's better to believe that...

mikells43

12-10-2007, 11:46 PM

well lets see i blew a scholarship to pitt for emergency medicine, i blew a scholarship to nursing school(all for getting high). i wasted away about 5 years of my life sitting in this spot not doing shit. im going back to finish my education cause im well now. and alot of people work with chronic pain, i kno a lady thats a nurse and has bad back pain, she takes oxycontin(shes not an addict so it does not give her a buzz) it just knocks the pain away. addiction is the main reason i fucked my life but im 26 im gettin it back each day and its GREAAATTT

Papa Verine

12-11-2007, 07:20 AM

I've missed everything. I mean I was smoking crack and snorting H in high school. I couldn't seem to pull off graduation. I managed to land a couple good jobs but lost them both to my heroin use. I lost my driver's license, A lot of money, friends...

When my daughter was born I was completely sober. I raised her practically myself as a baby completely sober. She was about 2-1/2 years old when I stumbled upon a bottle of Percocets and started using opiates again. The thing is... I don't want to rationalize or minimize but I try VERY hard not to let my opiate use interfere with my daughter. I'm afraid, very afraid that I'll get worse and she'll be negatively affected by it. But I think my love for her is stronger then my love for opiates. A lot of people will doubt me on this one... but so far I've been able to consistently live this way.