What has made me an addict? [Archive]

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Consumed.

12-03-2007, 05:52 PM

xecutrex

12-03-2007, 06:04 PM

My depression mainly. Opiates make me happy is why I take them (not happy but I enjoy them). Without opiates I would have just killed myself. I decided though that id rather just be doped up and enjoy those times instead of ending it.

Chipper

12-03-2007, 06:16 PM

The main thing that got me was plain old curiosity.

Slippin|Fallen

12-04-2007, 12:33 AM

although i have experienced things younger due to various reasons, i dont blame that on my addiction. yes i enjoyed them but wasnt yet addicted. i think they made me not as depressed, made me more uppity (thats actually a word?).

betmylife

12-04-2007, 12:47 AM

the world is a cesspool, and were all just waiting around to die, anything i can do to keep my mind off that, is what makes me a junkie, I prefer being called a junkie....addict makes it sound like a medical condition.

pharmboy

12-04-2007, 12:59 AM

Pain - Releif - Pain - Relief Depression --- Relief - Pain

== WD! - Relief - - Its pretty much like that. .:jumping-s

I-Nod

12-04-2007, 05:14 AM

When ya give an animal (such as myself :D) the ability to trigger that "reward system" in their brain, then they most likely will. Over and over and over...

Nah, it's not that general, but my reason. I don't have and never had depression, but it still feels better all the same.

southernbelle

12-04-2007, 08:29 AM

A few years ago, some friends brought some pills over. They said, take one, it'll make you feel better. What an understatement! I don't have any of the underlying problems some of you have, I just fell in love with the euphoria. And a few years down the road, I found myself addicted.

Duckfeet

12-04-2007, 08:37 AM

I laughed when I read this, and first posted a bunch of pompous shit, then realized I was doing it, and erased it all: I suggest any junky, sober up a few years, go to college, and take lots of Western Philosophy courses, or like me, enough to where any question, u can babble extensively, and say very little...what is an addict anyway? Do I believe in causation? Am I a sick person, or just an existentialist, making constant irritating choices...?

Well, u get my drift. I"m clueless. I used to love reading William Burroughs, particularly non-fiction, in magazines, when he'd babble on about addictive personalities and shit...I read Junky, when the army gave it out as an *anti*drug book, in Vietnam...and went to Tangier, and came back and got seriously strung out...but who knows...

I don't think I ever set out to be what I am...was always reacting to different shit, and I agree that opiates are physically addictive to *anybody*, while alcoholism is more social, and less easy to predict, and has more to do w/upbringing and other things...

Beats me, really...longer I"m at this game, less I understand it...but my dope needs, trump all the others...sadly....and I'll tell you, the longer u can put off finding that out, the happier yer life will be...

HuckinOH

12-04-2007, 09:13 AM

Just curious to see people's thoughts on their underlying reasons as what they feel truly made them an addict. IE, sexual abuse, psychological disorders, just cause you like it! It's so complicated I know for me many factors have played into it but i really cant pinpoint one thing.....
Chronic pain I blew out couple of disc's 15 years ago. A couple of operations that last six months, Pain management. There ya go I'm suppost to take six oxy 80's a day but, you know somehow it's always 8 or 10. so there ya go

Hiram

12-04-2007, 09:45 AM

I still like Nick's response to the proposed law of equilibrium theory on the thread I started that was similar to this. "Maslow's heirarchy of needs for dopers."
http://forum.opiophile.org/showthread.php?t=12129

Consumed.

12-04-2007, 09:48 AM

Society says Im in denial.... I must be then

Lu_cid

12-04-2007, 11:52 AM

Ceriousity got me into it. The relief from all the bullshit, kept me.:rolleyes:

bmoreblaster

12-04-2007, 12:01 PM

love of opiates. like most did it cuz it felt good and before i knew it had that physical addiction. and needed it just to go to work and fall asleep. opiates take over ur life very fast

Suboxstitute

12-04-2007, 12:14 PM

Energy, euphoria.... at first. Then more and more just to feel right.

Those little hydros and oxys helped me get things done, helped me to be more social (important in my business career). Then had a couple of chronic pain issues give me legit access to the meds, and I was off to the races, but what was prescribed was never enough.....

I can't say I had an unhappy childhood or significant life trauma (altho' my first husband did kill himself, I never made a connection between use of opiates and that event). No abuse, trauma, had an intact family upbringing.

Addiction was NEVER going to happen to me! I was special (ha ha). Right. No one knew. Right.

Addiction came in mid- life..... used rather obscene amounts of pills per day for past 3-4 years. Then I was more or less pushed into treatment with bupe by a very worried husband.

So I have concluded that what made me an addict was (A) self medicating for depression and anxiety. And (B) thinking I would never be an addict.

Pissed every day that I'm on bupe. I know it's a bad attitude. I was always in control of things and now I'm not. I always made more money than my husband and now I'm not. I spent pretty much what I wanted (lots of it spent on other people and "good causes".... not just on pills) since I had a good paying job, which I lost. So now I'm not. Not. Not. Not. NOT. (Now "not" doesn't even look like a real word!)

Truth be told I'll go back if I can. But that's not the official party line here at home.

limitless_euphoria

12-04-2007, 12:55 PM

Well, there are several aspects that contributed toward making me the person who I am in terms of “an addict” or “an opiate lover.”

When I was in school, starting from a young age, I always felt like an outsider. I wore really thick glasses (now I have high index) and looked like a dorky little kid. Needless to say I got picked on quite a bit. I lost my Mom, grandparents and other family fairly early on in life. My parents were divorced and my Dad has always been more “my buddy” than an authority figure. He was a Saturday Dad—I'm sure some of you know where I'm coming from on that one. He's since remarried and his wife tries to make sure he has as little to do with me as possible because she's an insecure bitch who's angry at life because she can't have kids. That's a story for another time.

Anyhow, on account of my Mom's untimely death I came into some money. I'd prefer not to get into all the details on that but let's just say it was a pretty decent chunk of change (WAS being the operative).

When I was a kid I was always told how intelligent I was. For that reason, I never felt I had anything to prove to anyone. I did poorly in school despite my latent ability and when I went to college that lasted a semester then I dropped out.

But, while I was at college I got introduced to pot. All of the sudden, I didn't feel like a social misfit. I could hang around with all the potheads and have tons of meaningless conversation and feel accepted for the person I was. It was such a new and strange feeling; I was head over heels. I could be sitting at home, bored out of my mind, and all I had to do was fire some up and I could sit there like a zombie glued to the PC or my TV.

Then curiosity killed the cat. With money in the bank I didn't have to go to work. I could sit at home all day on my ass and be depressed about my life and how I was able to “hook up” with girls but I couldn't seem to find a relationship.

My early twenties were a blur. I tried acid, ecstasy, shrooms, and eventually when I had my wisdom teeth out I was introduced to percocet. At that point, the genie was out of the bottle. Over the next few years I met people and they found out pretty quick that I had money and they wanted it.

I mainly targeted people who liked coke more than they did their pain pills. Every time it was refill day, I'd get a phone call. I know people who had scripts for vicodin, xanax, percocet and various other things.

With opiates I slowly found by chipping on and off (there was no steady stream) that not only were they a great remedy for physical pain, but they also took away the hurt on the inside. Getting really stoked on opiates reminded of me of getting a hug and a kiss from Mom when I was little and got a boo-boo. Or maybe the satisfaction I'd feel after having lots of sex with a real hot girl.

It's been years since the genie left the bottle and here I sit having developed legitimate pain issues. But, unfortunately, because so many people talk and so many people are aware I have a past they automatically assume I'm seeking whenever I say anything hurts. It's kind of like I tattooed myself with a scarlet letter “D” for Druggie.

Now I barely have enough cash to make it month to month and I've got kids to support. I have a hard time getting employment because I have such a shoddy work history from all those years I didn't have to work and I chose not to go to school.

In some ways, I almost wish I hadn't ever seen a dime. Perhaps it would have forced me to be a regular person and pursue a career path and education. Also, I wouldn't have been able to do ANYWHERE near the quantity of drugs that I did.

I don't know what would have been but I do my best to live in the present and deal with life from day to day. I do whatever I have to in order to get by and sometimes I'm not always proud of the choices I make but as long as I'm causing no one other than myself harm I don't give a shit what others think. Anyway, I've prattled on enough.

LorTabitha

12-04-2007, 02:59 PM

I don't think I ever set out to be what I am...was always reacting to different shit, and I agree that opiates are physically addictive to *anybody*, while alcoholism is more social, and less easy to predict, and has more to do w/upbringing and other things...

This struck a chord with me because it reminded me that 20 years ago I used to drink a *lot* of alcohol. I never went anywhere without it. (other than work, usually!) I needed it to be social and fun and all that. Now I rarely drink *anything*. Maybe a sip or two of beer when I'm thirsty. I quit drinking when I was about 24/25 years old and ironically, developed CP issues around the same time. I took my doctors seriously and was very careful about the amount of meds I took and mixing them with various things. Then I started to notice the old euphoria and social aspects that I enjoyed with alcohol and my intake increased dramatically. I never looked back.

How many of you have had similar experiences??

Oxydation

12-04-2007, 03:17 PM

"What has made me an addict?"

I first began, as many of you, because of pain and many surgeries. However, at this point there is but one simple reason and ironically I learned it in Rehab: I'm an addict because the brain simply REMEMBERS the feeling of 'high' and there's nothing else like it.

Myth

12-04-2007, 06:10 PM

My girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me with my best friend (since 5th grade), and ran off together. That is what caused me to start self-medicating hardcore. Then after being depressed for so long, I just started to use more and more.

Consumed.

12-04-2007, 06:48 PM

Awesome post, thanks for sharing your experience LE!

Well, there are several aspects that contributed toward making me the person who I am in terms of “an addict” or “an opiate lover.”

When I was in school, starting from a young age, I always felt like an outsider. I wore really thick glasses (now I have high index) and looked like a dorky little kid. Needless to say I got picked on quite a bit. I lost my Mom, grandparents and other family fairly early on in life. My parents were divorced and my Dad has always been more “my buddy” than an authority figure. He was a Saturday Dad—I'm sure some of you know where I'm coming from on that one. He's since remarried and his wife tries to make sure he has as little to do with me as possible because she's an insecure bitch who's angry at life because she can't have kids. That's a story for another time.

Anyhow, on account of my Mom's untimely death I came into some money. I'd prefer not to get into all the details on that but let's just say it was a pretty decent chunk of change (WAS being the operative).

When I was a kid I was always told how intelligent I was. For that reason, I never felt I had anything to prove to anyone. I did poorly in school despite my latent ability and when I went to college that lasted a semester then I dropped out.

But, while I was at college I got introduced to pot. All of the sudden, I didn't feel like a social misfit. I could hang around with all the potheads and have tons of meaningless conversation and feel accepted for the person I was. It was such a new and strange feeling; I was head over heels. I could be sitting at home, bored out of my mind, and all I had to do was fire some up and I could sit there like a zombie glued to the PC or my TV.

Then curiosity killed the cat. With money in the bank I didn't have to go to work. I could sit at home all day on my ass and be depressed about my life and how I was able to “hook up” with girls but I couldn't seem to find a relationship.

My early twenties were a blur. I tried acid, ecstasy, shrooms, and eventually when I had my wisdom teeth out I was introduced to percocet. At that point, the genie was out of the bottle. Over the next few years I met people and they found out pretty quick that I had money and they wanted it.

I mainly targeted people who liked coke more than they did their pain pills. Every time it was refill day, I'd get a phone call. I know people who had scripts for vicodin, xanax, percocet and various other things.

With opiates I slowly found by chipping on and off (there was no steady stream) that not only were they a great remedy for physical pain, but they also took away the hurt on the inside. Getting really stoked on opiates reminded of me of getting a hug and a kiss from Mom when I was little and got a boo-boo. Or maybe the satisfaction I'd feel after having lots of sex with a real hot girl.

It's been years since the genie left the bottle and here I sit having developed legitimate pain issues. But, unfortunately, because so many people talk and so many people are aware I have a past they automatically assume I'm seeking whenever I say anything hurts. It's kind of like I tattooed myself with a scarlet letter “D” for Druggie.

Now I barely have enough cash to make it month to month and I've got kids to support. I have a hard time getting employment because I have such a shoddy work history from all those years I didn't have to work and I chose not to go to school.

In some ways, I almost wish I hadn't ever seen a dime. Perhaps it would have forced me to be a regular person and pursue a career path and education. Also, I wouldn't have been able to do ANYWHERE near the quantity of drugs that I did.

I don't know what would have been but I do my best to live in the present and deal with life from day to day. I do whatever I have to in order to get by and sometimes I'm not always proud of the choices I make but as long as I'm causing no one other than myself harm I don't give a shit what others think. Anyway, I've prattled on enough.

robotears

12-04-2007, 07:04 PM

SELF ESTEEM! For me at least. I think it all boils down to that.

WarmCyanide

12-04-2007, 07:54 PM

not mentioning the baggage that comes with it: it simply feels good to me

Synack

12-04-2007, 08:22 PM

Pain - Releif - Pain - Relief Depression --- Relief - Pain

== WD! - Relief - - Its pretty much like that. .:jumping-s

^ See above..

junkiegirl2007

12-04-2007, 10:39 PM

I AM junky simply because I like the feeling of being high on opiates. No other real reason. It just feels good.

Seedy

12-05-2007, 02:42 AM

I always have been. Like I've said in other threads it started with sugar, moved on to caffeine, then booze & weed, then psychadelics & mdma, now opiates and downers as well as all of the abobe (well I guess I am over the sugar addiction...). Fuck knows why. Self medication? A crutch? Biochemical imbalances? I had a pretty sweet upbringing, high school was pretty torturous but like I say, I was a complete fiend for candy as a kid, stealing change & shoplifting & shit...

I-Nod

12-05-2007, 10:47 AM

(well I guess I am over the sugar addiction...)

<snip>

... I was a complete fiend for candy as a kid, stealing change & shoplifting & shit...

Shit, wish I was over it... I confess... I robbed my kids trick-or-treat bags while they were sleeping :o:(

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, blah blah blah :D

xecutrex

12-05-2007, 12:16 PM

Shit, wish I was over it... I confess... I robbed my kids trick-or-treat bags while they were sleeping :o:(

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, blah blah blah :D

LMAO ah thats funny shit

(your goin to hell for this one)

upstate_007

12-05-2007, 01:20 PM

I come from a long line of addicts, alcoholics and otherwise neer-do-wells. I really started pounding away at my body right around the time my mom went into rehab for the umpteenth time when I was 15. Quite ironic getting blasted to go visit your parent while they are in rehab.

Nothing unique about my story really....... life sucks, do heroin, quit heroin, find out how bad life really sucks, the pain starts, back on pills, junky in another form again.

Repeat 3 times or as needed till death.

Fuck it.

through_hate

12-05-2007, 01:46 PM

Just curious to see people's thoughts on their underlying reasons as what they feel truly made them an addict. IE, sexual abuse, psychological disorders, just cause you like it! It's so complicated I know for me many factors have played into it but i really cant pinpoint one thing.....
Heroin made me addicted. IVe been addicted since i was 15 to opiates. Im 23 now and have been doing H for 6 years. I havent done it in a while (like 7 months). Hardest thing Ive ever had to go through

zenpunk

12-05-2007, 02:32 PM

Consumed.

12-16-2007, 05:53 AM

irish

12-16-2007, 06:19 AM

Curiosity and more recently pain, but mostly curiosity. I made myself an addict.

mark_renton

12-16-2007, 12:29 PM

Back in 98’ I fell 30 ft onto concrete busted me up really bad, and I now have 16 pins in my wrist, a foot long plate in an elbow, and wire and pins holding one knee cap together. My surgeon said he didn’t think it would do any good to remove the hardware because my bones wood look like swiss cheese. Anyhow they didn’t do a very good job tapering me off the meds ( doctor said I was going to have to take them for the rest of my life anyhow), and the doctors never told me how addictive those nice little blue vicodin would become ( so I proceeded to eat them like candy).

I guess I didn’t get completely hooked through the sac until I broke up with my fiancee several years back because she didn’t want to leave her country, found out later she hid the fact that she was pregnant with my daughter at the time we broke up, so ya that pretty much did it for me. Guess I found the easy way out of dealing with my depression and problems ( if you can call this hell we put ourselves through sometimes an easier way out).

motts

12-16-2007, 12:54 PM

WHAT MADE ME AN ADDICT = MYSELF.

mikells43

12-16-2007, 03:14 PM

wat makes me an addict is simply that i like the effects produced by my doc. an addict has a reaction go down in the brain when their chemcial is introduced. it is said to be an allergic reaction meaning something that is introduced to the body and it causes an effect, thats the simple deff of an allergy. like if i get stung by bees, i swell up. i put opiates in me i get an awsome high and i crave more and usually dont stop using till the walls come crashing down, thats the allergy when i introduce opiates in my body. but very simply an addict is a man or woman who likes the affects produced by drugs. theres no real reason to medicate, some justify it by saying its for my depression or anxiety or even pain, and thats ok if u have those, but if u overmedicate lets say a hurt back with 12mg of hydromorph that justifacation of medicating for pain kinda is blown out of the ballpark and when it comes down to it ur just medicating cause u like to get high, very simple.

Indy

12-23-2007, 06:27 AM

I have. Society helped. A lot. But ultimately what can i say? I didn't truly understand what i was getting into but i knew it was bad. But i wouldn't take it back. I probably would have killed myself without opiates, they got me through high school. They let me talk to people, talk to girls, concentrate, GET UP IN THE MORNING, and not get depressed or manic. I guess that's what really got me addicted, but i daresay it's better than being "free" from addiction.

HistoryofMadness

12-23-2007, 01:55 PM

i am what i am.

roxi*stardust

01-03-2008, 10:09 AM

I came from a childhood of abuse and was raised in a cult religion. When I wasn't being antagonized I was being molested. Then I escaped it all without resolving anything - a crazy messed up chick in a world that loves to take advantage. I was ugly in my teens but started looking better as I got older and managed to screw up every relationship, ever.

Then I would take some H and it would be like it all never happened and I could sit on the couch and watch tv.
Damn zen that does tug on the heartstrings. I experienced nothing close to what you have but it all comes down to the same thing and that is the last statement you made. No matter what it is, how bad it is opiates make it all go away.

My dad had a stroke about 15 years ago and was never the sme after that. He was my life, I loved my dad more than anything in this world. Seeing him like that hurt so bad, knowing that he wasn't happy being like that. Then about 12 months ago he had another devastating stroke and eventually passed about 4 weeks later, since his passing I have used more and more. The night he passed I took about 10 oxy 40's to mask the pain and still to this day I haven't mourned properly becasue I keep taking pills. I shouls also mention that I suffer from chronic pain so that doesn't help matters. Because even when I decided to quit using I had to end up going back because of pain.

Nate

01-03-2008, 10:12 AM

I choose to.

Raz

01-03-2008, 10:53 AM

I was gonna be a wanker (jerk) and say drugs made us addicts. But since this thread is more than sincere; i best say something sincere... I reckon for some of us it was the pain of life, for some more fortunate, it was curiosity. But we all arrive at the same crossroads. We get a habit and have to deal with it. Some of us deal, rob and steal. Some of us work straight 9-5. And some of us trick. But we are all here. Not wanting to be "normal".. I could never be normal, i fuckin hate normal. Humanity dont exist! But i do know; a junky who's kept their principles are worth 10,000 of these so called normal fuckers. I've been on the outside all my life ,never had a normal job but always supported my family proper.And some of these so called normal fuckers cheat on their wives, become grasses ( stool pigeons) and are general scum of the earth.I'll take a junkie with principles anyday.The only sad things re junk are when some of us lose their way and the junk takes over their principles. I'd rather be in jail than lose my principles. Fuck i'm rambling.... My answer is; we are different and lookin for something more rewarding than what normal society has to offer!!!! Be it dealin with our pain , our habit or just life in general. To all those using junk for pain , may you find peace and tranquillity and for those using outta curiosity may you find "large parcels for free!!!
Peace Raz

OverDriven

01-11-2008, 09:22 PM

My first experience with opiates came from kidney stones. I've had them since I was 5. Had my first kidney surgery when I was around 20 or 21 and get percocet. Loved them, but when they ran out I was OK and forgot them for a few years. Then two years ago my 4 year girlfriend betrayed me in a way that I couldn't comprehend or cope with. I instantly wanted to go back to those little pills. I somehow how managed to get my hands on them for 2 years straight one way or another, along with an endless list of other opiates. Long story short, I feel like they've helped me cope with life.

To be honest, it isn't anyone's fault but my own. Those things were just the triggers. Something, some day was bound to set me on my journey. I suppose I was destined for it.

eerased

01-11-2008, 09:49 PM

The only thing I know is if I knew why I have to be high to enjoy any aspect of life I probably wouldnt have to be high to do it.

I have no idea why but I wish I did so I could better understand why I dont even want to wake up on days when I dont have my DOC..

scarlettt

01-20-2008, 02:30 PM

I really wish I knew the answer, and I've been in therapy over the last year to try to figure out the definitive root cause. What I have found in my own experiance is that no matter how deep you dig down... that side of you will always be there, just waiting to come out again, and you may never truly discover what caused you to live a life of drugs... while the person beside you was able to say no. :cool:

Also, I think some people are just genetically predisposed to not follow societal norms... throw in past emotional/psychological factors, heredity of familial addiction... and there you go. JMHO anyways.

tui

01-20-2008, 03:35 PM

I can identify all sorts of reasons, but maybe they're just excuses. Tons of people go through worse shit than me and come out squeaky-clean. Think i'm just too sensitive, need to toughen up.

t

tui

01-20-2008, 03:41 PM

starglazer33

01-20-2008, 04:13 PM

im just an effect tryin to find a cause.
i believe its chemical were all chemically based and the brain is a chemical that processes info which is chemical and on a chemical stratum-matrix whatever. we need information, information is how we grow then the world around us only has so many options to achieve the info, drugs expand those options awwwee fuck it! because i like it, i wanna be and because i'd rather die finding out than live and never know!

plus i really agree with what raz said i've met many junkies i would'nt spit on, then there are those who just plain care more for others than they do themselves. try and find that in a walstreet suit and tie guy. all they want is more money, more, more, more, thats an addict i am a junkie.

plus i hate greed and so scoring junk keeps me poor and humble. sorry just more excuses. what do you want i'm a junkie?

whole lotta luv ................sg33

tui

01-20-2008, 04:19 PM

plus i hate greed and so scoring junk keeps me poor and humble.

he he! love it. yeah that's my reason too... ;)

t

candyshop

01-21-2008, 12:49 AM

i took drugs a whole lot of times in a row--pretty sure that did it for me-

Chicago

01-21-2008, 12:57 AM

1RST TIME AT 15YRS OF AGE, I SNORTED A BAG & 5MIN LATER LAYED BACK IN THE SEAT NODDING & WHEN THE NOD HIT ME THE 1RST WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH NO JOKE WAS "I'M GONNA DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE"
STILL GOING STRONG 15YRS LATER.
SCAREY HUH...

havok

01-21-2008, 06:39 AM

If you inject heroin/dilaudud intravenously into any person every day for several weeks. They will be come addicted. This is also true of CP patients. They feel withdrawals if they stop, and they think that because their drugs come legally that makes a big difference.

However, in my opinion dependence to a drug is the same as addiction.

Addicition means you suffer horrible sickness when you dont have ur drug. I guarentee a CP pain patient talking large does of narcotics would feel just as sick when they run out of their meds, and they will have the same withdrawals as the street junkie. There drug dealer is the doctor/pharmacist. Abusing their painkillers like many do, puts them right in line with the rest of the junkies. I always laugh at the kids who will only snort OC's and hate dilaudid. If only they knew.

reddragon3668

01-21-2008, 03:50 PM

I have always had an addictive personality. Due to allot of family, emotional, and instability as a child, I was always looking for ways to mitigate emotional pain, loneliness, and hurt. As a kid, I hardly had any inhibitions where drugs and alcohol were concerned. It followed me into my adult life and has been something I have always struggled with.

Once I got hurt in 1999 and become a chronic pain patient, my access to opiates for legitimate purposes gave me the ability to stay opiated on a regular basis. The reason for taking them is different now, but I think the underlying addictive personality is present.

If I thought I could manage my pain without them, I really think I would give it a shot. But, unfortunately, anytime I begin to think like that and try and cut back, I will wake up without enough medicine in my system and hurt so bad I can't stand it. So, I think I am in it for the duration.

drkstarcrashes

01-21-2008, 10:26 PM

If it makes me feel good...I've never been able to get enough of it - I've been like this since I can remember. I gave up fighting it years ago...so that's what makes me an addict