I Just " KICKED" For The Umpteenth Time!!

[sidman]

How Many Times Have I "successfully" Kicked? I Don't Know, But Really,i Just Dont Want To Think About It. Kicking Suck's...........( An Understatement You All Know About,i Assume.) Shittin', Shakin',pukin',skin Crawlin',eye's Waterin',yawnin',not Sleepin',more Shittin',aaaaannd....more Pukin',fartin',(real Bad Man!! Real Foul Detox Stench's Which Made Me Hate Myself For The Moment!!) Bein' Up For Day's On End( 7 ) With Absolutely Nooooo Sleep, Convulsin' Leg's Thrashin', Arm's Thrashin', Lyin' In Bed Sweatin' Gallons, Sheet's Soaked In Stinkin' Sweat, Showerin' Just To Sweat And Stink' Again.....jonesin'.....oooohh Mannn..the Jonesin'!!! (" Just One!! I'll Feel Better!! I Can Do Just One....that's All.........n-n-n-nooooooooooo!!!!!!) Closin' The Eye's To See Bag's O' Dope, And Pill's (and What Have You?!!) Dancin' And Dartin' Before You, Doin' A Tease Sayin'," C'mon....you Know You Can't Do This...your A Junky!! Once A Junky, Alway's A Junky!!!so C'mon!! Why Deny Yourself Man?" The Mental Torment,depression, Wanting To Die!, Starvin' But Unable To Eat Anything, Drinkin' Fluid's Just To Piss It Out Your Ass!!!! And On And On And On It Went, Day's Like Week's, Hour's Like Day's, Minute's Like Hour's.... Tick..fuckin'.............. Tock !!
I've Done That Before And Again, And This Time, I Didn't Kick That Way!! No Torture, Very Little,minute Pain (considering) And I'm Clean And Feel Goooodd!!!
You Guy's Want To Know How?
You Guy's Want To Know Why?
Then Let's Get This Thread Started And Let Me Share, My Fellow "opiophile's"!!!

[Mokelly]

damn thats it just..... damn

[paesan]

TELL ME NOW!!!

Sorry...I mean C'mon guy...you can't do this to us Sidman...please tell us...please. I know you can't see me right now but I swear I'm on my frickin knees here buddy...please tell us...we wan't...no...I daresay we need to know...please help your O-Phile brethren out bro...seriously...I'm not kidding.

[SomniGod]

yeah... what kinda shit was that?!?! Well, I guess I can't say too much.... i have been braggin about 'THE BEAST' and have yet to post it....but then again... I didn't have people so interested...so "You started it....please finish it, Sid!!!"


~S~

ssd

[sidman]

Okay, This Is How I Did It.......
It Took Willpower(obvious,right?!!) And I Had To Be Sick Of Being Sick.....which I've Been,many Time's.
I Found Someone Who Doesn't Do "opiate's" And This Person Is My Freind. Now,i'm Pretty Sure Alot Of You Have Someone Who Doesn't/or Who You Think Doesn't,know Your A "junky",right? So,i Went To This Person,broke Down,(very,very,hard To Do....)and Told Them I Was A Dope Addict And I Needed Someone Cool To Help Me Kick It! Now, There Are Many Way's To Do This, So, I Went And Got A Bundle Of Dope And Told This Person," Don't Let Me Have Any (one Bag)until The Morning,no Matter What I Say Or Do(short Of Killin' You...) And If This Person Is Cool,they Will Be Like"okay,you Better Not Ask!!"
That Next Mornin',you Know I Was There Bright And Early For My Bag!! Then I Told Him," Don't Let Me Have Another One Until Tonight!!"(for The Bedtime"sleeper",you Know What I'm Talkin' About!,dont'cha!) And Believe Me,this Dude Wasn't Lettin' Me Have It Until Then. I Was Lucky To Find Someone Like That. When I Went To Get My Night-time Bag,i Broke Down The Schedule Of How To Give Me The Rest Of The Dope. I Had It Go From 2 Bags,1 And 3/4 Bags,1 And 1/2, 1 (1/2 Morning, 1/2 Night) ,1 (same Thing), 1,1,then 3/4 Of 1 Bag A Day (1/2 Of 3/4 For Morning, Other Half At Night),down To 1/2 (1/4 Morning,1/4 Night),then 1/2 A Day Again,and The Next Day 1/8 In Morning,1/8 At Night. The Next Day(the Last Day,or,morning,actually) 1/2 And That Was It........done!
Now,what I Did For The Anxiety I Had Between The Long Hour's Of My Next Dose Was,i Would Take Benedryl(the Cold Medicine,which Is Like The Visceral They Give In Detox's,at Least,they Do That Here....) And,i Made Sure I Ate Breakfast,lunch,dinner And That It Was Good Food. I Also Made Sure I Got Plenty Of Rest(very Important)
I Did Not Get Sick One Bit During The Taper Period(just Anxious,which The Cold Medicine Helped), But I Did Get A Little(and I Mean "little")bit Of Some Chill's,shit's,and Sweaty,after I Was Past My Last Dose(about 12 Hr's)but Nothing Compared To Outright Sickness,and It Only Lasted A Day And A Half.. I Scored Some Seroquil(100's,and Man...they Are Stronggg!!) For The Next Few Night's" Sleep Helper",'cuz I Knew I Would Have Trouble Sleeping,i Did That For The Few Day's After And Now,i'm Sleepin' With No Helper,feelin' No Pain, And Feelin' Good And Happy I Did It!!
I Had To Share With You Guy's,so I Can Keep This(i Hope!!)
I Won't Say I Won't Do Dope Again(i've Said That Before,and Then....bam!!!hooked Again!!),but I Know This....i Try To Remember,i Don't Want To Be Sick Anymore!!
I've Been On Dope(opiate's)for 13 Year's,and You Know What? Just Because I Kicked Don't Mean I Don't Do Drug's... I Smoke Pot,i Drink....shit,i Even Want To Brew Me Up Some Fuckin' Dmt,man!! Cross Over To Another Fuckin' Side ,you Know?!!
I Am No Better Than Nobody...i Am An Addict For Life,period!!
I'm Not Going Anywhere Either,i Like This Site,and I'll Be Checkin' In To Let You Know What's Up(am I Still "dope Free"..did I"relapse"...or What Ever.....(that's For You Paesan,somnigod,especially You....)
So,you Got Question's? I Am Not A Pro....but I'll Try To Help Ya Cuz I've Been There So Many Times......
And Now,for The Reason That I Kicked,well,like I Said,i Got Sick O'bein' Sick!!...damn..... I Wish I Could Get High Without Consequences!!

[devilsdrug]

man i really want to respond to this but i feel like it might take days 7 21 day methadone detoxes 7 21 day pill detoxes 6 voluntary GTI (gate turn in ) and way too many county jail semi cold turkeys and cold turkeys to count, those gti are a court committment ca. state reg. narcotic addict. if you turn your self in to clean up you "could get out soooner" any way to make a long story short for now ive kicked many many times some fairly easy some absolutely horrible i always thought it got easiier but the jail doc always said id die the next time, and i felt like it but for some reason it didnt bother me as much because you always know it will eventually STOP.

[shaunclo]

Sid, you know we are all very happy for you. You are lucky enought o have a friend like that. I dont have that luxury. All the friends I would give it to would probably end up trying it, and when it got there the next norning they would be handing me cash saying, "I did your bag, can you score me another one." You are lucky if you have even one friend like that. It feels really fuckin good to get clean after being wasted for so long. I know how you feel. I am on subutex right now, and I remember the day I started feeling normal again. It was very rewarding. CONGRADULATIONS!! Now its time for the after w/d symptoms. That feeling of, I know I can just do it every other day. Or maybe just one small shot a day. Goddamn, if anyone who is reading this doesnt have an opiate addiction right now, Run while you still can. This shit gets inside of you and stays, FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. There is no divorce from an opaite addiction.

[blackdog]

what's your clean time so far, since you last used sidman????????
peace da/dawgg:cool:

[sidman]

Clean Time---7 Day's....and Shaunclo, Your Right Bro',there Is No Divorce From Dope,only"seperation". Dope Has Been My Girlfreind,my Lover And My Bitch!! I Think It Would Be Safe To Say I Did Almost Every Type Of Opiate Out There, And I Loved Them All(to Various Degree's) And I've Hated Them All!!
Yeah, I'm Haunted By Dope...possessed! I Have The Most Vivid Dope Dream's(every-frickin'-time-i-kick!!!) And They Are Truly Bizzare...the Last One Went Like So....
I'm In A Room,dumping The Dope From Bag To Cooker And I Drop The Dope, Onto And Into A Thick Carpet!! So, I Rip Up The Whole Carpet,soak It(like The World's Biggest Cotton!!) With Ton's O' Water, And Try To Suck It All Up Into The Syringe.....but Now I Cant Fit It All In The Syringe So I Shoot Up What I Have, Then Suck Up More, Shoot It,suck Up More,shoot It,suck Up More,shoot It,all The Time Not Feelin' It ,but Hell No....i'm Not Givin' Up, And I Keep Tryin'...i Try To Squeeze The Carpet By Hugging It,it Get's All Over The Floor,all Over My Clothe's,and I Start To Suck It Up From The Floor!!! Shoot It!!! Wring Out My Shirt....suck Up/shoot That!!! And I'm Feelin' Nothin'!!....and On It Went Til' I Woke Up.
A Fuckin' Nightmare!!!
My Dance With Dope Is Not Over For A Long Time....possibly Life.
Long Term Dope Abuse Changes Brain Chemistry....and It Does It Physically!!! Not Just Chemically!! After Long(and I Mean Long,man) The Brain Learn's To Get Around The Affected(maybe Even Permanently Damaged) Part Of The Brain By Utilizing The "wiring" Around It...then The Brain Learn's,or Revert's Back To, Producing It's Own Endorphin's Again,(because While On Dope,the Brain Get's Lazy And Stop's Releasing Them On It's Own,because The Chemical Is A Key That Does It For The Brain) And It Release's Them In Moment's Of Pain,pleasure.
This All Take's A Long Time!!
This Is A Major Reason Of Relapse!!
This Is Truly A Demon That I Have Invoked,and Now It's Hard To Banish It Back The Pit's Of Hell Where It Came!!
But The Battle Must Rage On,because It Is A Battle Of Life And Death!! Fuckin' Literally!!no Jokin'!!
And It Can Be Downright Discouraging Man!!
So, I Talk About It...here,with You Guy's.
That's How I'm Doin' It....for Now.
Later Fellow Opiophiles!!

[sidman]

Oh Yeah,this One Is For "devilsdrug"....
It Is The Devil's Drug!



Anyway's,a 78 Year Old Cuban Addict I Know Finally Kicked With A Year Long "blind" Taper On Methadone. ""blind" Meaning That They Don't Tell You When Your Last Real Dose Was....when Your Done,they Just Say Your Done....my Old Cuban Buddy Said He Said To Them Somethin Like," Whatchu Mean Done,mang?!! I Gonna Be Fucking Sick Tomorrow Mang!! I Ain't Done!! No Fucking Way Mang!!!,no Fucking Wayyyy!!!" The Doctor Looked At Him And Said ," 'lito, You've Been Done For 8 Day's!! There Wasn't Any Meth In Your Last 8 "kool Aid's"!! And Were You Sick? No!!"
So, That Is Called A "blind" Taper,long Term. For Those On The Shit All Of Their Live's Man!!! He Had To Move Here To Do It,but He's Happy He Did It. For Many Reason's That I Don't Think I Need To Explain To You Guy's 'cuz You Know!!

So,yeah....there Is Hope For You,man.....

[candy]

I am doing the Blind Methadone Detox and I have not had any W/D at all so far. I did the same blind detox my first time on Methadone and unfortunately went back to using a few years after I detoxed off. But, it was great and on my last day I went in to get dosed and that was it. Never felt it at all. For anyone getting off of Methadone or wanting to start a detox, I suggest a blind detox.

[shaunclo]

Wow, I didnt know they did that. That it such a great idea, a blind detox. As long as you think your getting your shit, your tricking your mind into thinking your getting your dose. I cant believe I havnt heard of this before.

[poppy]

I'm fascinated about this whole blind detox concept I've never heard of it. Has anyone else done it? I assume you gradually reduce without knowing it until one day you're taking a placebo but by then you have so much faith in your script that your mind has the strength to stop u being ill. INCREDIBLE!!!!!!the power of the mind. Laters Poppyxx
PS. Well done Sidman!!!

[devilsdrug]

maybe i could get the ol lady to blind detox me

[sidman]

Yeah, Give It A Shot Bro!! I Know You Can Do It. I Am A Big Junky Too And If I Could Do It You Could Too!! Hell, If My Old Cuban Buddy Could Do It After All Those Years Using,you Could Do It. I Guess That My Question For You Would Be ," Does Your Ol' Lady Even knowyour On The Junk?", And If She Does," Is She Also On The Junk?", Because The Important Thing Is That You Have Someone Who Is Not Using It Too,because Then It Would Almost Be Impossible For The Two Of You To Maintain The Control Needed To Abstain From Using Between Scheduled Doses.as The Saying Goes,"two Dead Batteries Don't Make A Spark!" If She Has Never Used It, And She Know's You Are,then There Is A Good Chance That She Know's How Sick You Get When You Don't Have It,and If That She Truly Love's You, Maybe She Could Be Strong Enough To Help You And Not Give In When You Ask Her To Give It You( Before Your Supposed To Have It,which There Is A Good Chance Of Happening) Or, If You Get Uncomfortable Between Doses, Will She Say,"honey,i Can't Bear To Watch You Be Like This!" And Then Give Some To You?
Taking Doses That Get You High Is Not The Goal Unless You Want To Start Off High And Gradually Get Low.it Is Important Though That You Schedule Your Doses So That You Don't Experience Any Discomfort At All While You Slowly Decrease Your Doses. You And Your Ol' Lady Could Sit Down Together And Find A Way To Do This. Also, It May Take You A While To Figure Out How To Do It So That You Don't Get Sick At All,(everyone Is Different,my Way May Not Be Your Way Or Good For Your Body,you Might Need A Different Dosing Schedule.)but Another Important Thing Would Be For You To Have Patience. If You Really Want To Do It You'll Figure It Out. Look At All The Time Wasted On Getting High And Then Put As Much Effort Into Getting Clean And That Is A Recipe For Success My Freind!!
I Wish You The Best And I'll Give You Supportive Feedback Whenever You Want Bro'!
I'll Never Tell You,"you Can't Do It!" Either!! Because You Can!!
You Guy's Might Think I Was Lucky To Have A Freind To Help Me Detox,but Let Me Tell You This.......that Person Did'nt Know I Used Dope And It Was Extremely Hard To Ask A Clean(for The Most Part) Person Help Me To Come Off Of Dope! He Did'nt Want To Have Anything To Do With It At First And I Had To Beg (almost To The Point Of Shedding The Tear's Of Feeling Hopeless!! And Helplessness!! Which Is Such A Terrible,degrading Feeling,man!!) The Dude To Help. I Had To Convince Him That He Would'nt Get In Trouble For Having Dope In His House And That I Would Not Tell Anyone A Thing About It!! Another Thing Is That I Grew Up In A Totally Unsupportive Environment For Damn Near All My Life And I Experienced The Nightmare Of The " Four Abuses "in Foster Homes,for Many Year's As A Child,so It Took Alot Of Struggling Within Myself To Find The Strength To Believe In Myself And To Actually Do It And Not Just Dream,or Think About It!! "devilsdrug", You Can Do It And You Can Find A Way!!
I Believe In Ya Buddy!

[exitwound]

maybe i could get the ol lady to blind detox me

My woman is a rock and if I needed a blind detox (presumably because my chronic pain is "cured" or in remission at that point and I actually want off the opiates) I'm sure she'd be great for it. Just make sure that they stick to the agreed-upon plan, not passing judgement and trying to mess with the plan because of some idea they had on their own!