Possibly starting bupe treatment

[psychotiKK]

For the past four years, I have enjoyed taking opies recreationally. I never had a steady supply, so I would only use whatever I could get my hands on. Vicodins and Percocet were my tickets to heaven. Of course at the time I was smoking weed, which I loved, but not quite as much as the pharm opioids. For the first couple of years I used rarely. I had to be lucky to score some pills. Things gradually changed and I had access to stronger opiates such as morphine, methadone, and heroin. The sticky black tar which was sold to me by my own sister was heroin, not opium. She supported her own addiction by purchasing H and selling me a skimpy amount for the same price. Myself and a few friends loved the stuff. I used in the span of a month, and went through very mild withdrawals when I quit. Since then, I have not touched the stuff. About a year after the H experience, I built up a habit to methadone. I would even dose it 4-5 days straight. It started to become a problem as my parents found out multiple times. I kept telling them I would never do it again, but the next chance I got I would use. After the whole methadone bindging was over, I still used occasionally but not as frequently. I craved opiates like no other at that point, and had no connection to get anything. While looking around the internet I heard about poppy seed tea. For 3-4 months I was drinking it, and at times using daily for the whole month. When I quit C/T I went through terrible withdrawals that lasted 10 days. The depression and cravings still lingered. I swore myself off opiates after that. Then one day I decided to try poppy pod tea. Two times I went through withdrawals. The methadone/PST/PT use turned me more lazy, irritable, and depressed. This of course was when I was not using.

Anyways, my parents and I agreed it was becoming a problem and needed to stop before it got out of control. I like the feeling opiates give me. They make me feel more normal and happy. First, my parents wanted to send me to inpatient rehab. I argued with them over this saying that it wouldn't fix the problem and only make things worse. The next semester of school starts tomorrow and I have to register. If I were to go to rehab, I would miss ANOTHER semester of college, which would put me way behind. What do I think would be the most beneficial for me? Subutex/Suboxone maintenance, along with cognitive behavioral therapy, and group sessions. My parents were completely against the fact of going on another drug to quit one. I took a long time describing how I need something to ease withdrawals, stop/ease cravings, make me feel better emotionally and physically, and to eventually get me off opiates for good. I made an appointment with a treatment center that uses suboxone in opiate detox. I finally convinced my parents to take me there and possibly be on suboxone maintenance, but there was no guarentee. I absolutely hate the fact I need parental approval, or I will not be able to afford it all. (unless it's really cheap with insurance, but I've heard otherwise)

If my parents disagree with the detox, how could I be placed on suboxone/methadone/LAAM/ect. and be able to afford it? I'm definately old enough to have it all precribed to me myself, but money is an issue at the moment. I pray to God that I get the help I need. Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks.

[skeletontea]

I hope you can get the help you need. Were I a religious man I'd pray for you, but I'm certainly hoping things turn out well for you (I suppose that's the next best thing.) I also hope you do well in school. It would be hard to miss another term, but I suspect that it would be even harder to try to quit opiates while going to school, potentially failing at both tasks. Unless it forfeits your degree, I'd really recommend not going to school next term during which time you can try to quit the recreational usage of opiates through whichever method you feel to be most effective (this isn't a casual sugestion, I really think this is the best way to go about it.)

Your story actually reminds me of my own. Over the past five years I've been using opiates occasionally. I've avoided becoming physically addicted by conciously limitting their availability to me, and through sheer willpower. I've had ups and downs, but overall have managed to stick to my self-set limitations fairly well. I will freqently go a month without using drugs of any sort, yet in the past five years I have not gone five minutes without thinking about opiates (it may actually be a constant thought.)

However I recently ran into a long-lost friend who uses drugs nearly everyday (but he hadn't used opiates in nearly a year). Last week, in a period of 3 days we both ened up snorting cooked tar about 15 times (it was supposed to be O, but the middleman [or maybe the dealer] screwed us.) We were strung out constantly. We also ended up robotripping (which oddly enough didn't get me high this time), smoked some pot, and finished off the last night of the binge with a tea made from datura, brugmansia, and salvia, with some yerba mate to keep me from falling asleep (which it didn't). He invited me over today, but I refused. I had a lot of work to do, but wouldn't have visited him even if I were available, because we've done drugs everytime we've hung out since becomming reaquainted. I fear that he and I are synergistic to each other's destruction.

I wish nothing but the best for both you and myself. I believe that you can be sucsessful at this if you can put forth the energy (which is why I really feel you should take the term off, and concentrate on one thing at a time.) Good luck psychotiKK.

[psychotiKK]

I thank you for speaking the kindest words ever heard by human ear. ( like me ) I am actually alot more like you then originally thought. I, too, had a friend who would almost always do drugs with me. After having him get on my last nerve, I simply just couldn't talk to him anymore. Hes 21 soon and he still lives at home, (not saying that is a horrible thing) only recently got a job, didn't go to school, and somehow ended up rarely getting drugs, but drinking. He is literally psychotic in some sense. I believe he is a sociopath and suffers from Depression, a possible Anxiety Disorder, and an Addictive Personality. When he is flat out drunk, he becomes obsessive, violent, and mentally unstable. He is generally a good guy, but he needs to change. There have been multiple times where he has constantly called me and begged for weed, yet would never take no for an answer.

I understand why it might be the most helpful to not register, but I already had to skip last semester due mainly to the exact same issue. It has been a little over four days now since I consumed PT and Methadone. I simply ran out of pods, had no other source, and was forced to withdrawal... again ... Third time is a charm, I guess? :p

btw potent cannabis, benzodiazepines, and carisoprodol help greatly for withdrawals

I want to attempt the suboxone program to get my life back on track, before I dig myself any deeper.

[Coddfish]

(I am going to write some things here that I wish I could tell myself in 1997, so if it seems preachy, it's not). If your school is like mine was, you have a few weeks to decide what you wanna do. If after that time you have remained clean, great! Throw yourself into school. If you find you cannot do that, and you have been slipping, then by all means take another break. If you do go to school and you end up strung out at the end of the semester, you will be PISSED at yourself. On the other hand, if you have to take a break this semester, big deal, as long as your ready with bells on in the summer or fall. My brother, as someone who has walked around with this monkey on my back for a long time, I say 'don't regret passing up a chance to nip that shit in the bud.' I mean, if you CANNOT go through this semester clean, even though you want to and you believe you should, perk your ears up. Don't put it off any longer. Yes, inpatient sucks, and it is hard to admit you need one, but it can leave you better than it found you. Plus, by going voluntarily, you are admitting you have a serious problem and that can help you get into the right state of mind to clean up. You know where you want to go, right? If in a few weeks you ask yourself "can I get there by not going to rehab and continuing like this? Can I get there by going to rehab?" you'll probably figure out what you should do. UGh!! Giving all this advice is making my skin crawl. Glued Rock, whatever you decide.
Bugshit the clown.

[psychotiKK]

Since most of my use was from pods, seeds, and methadone, should I tell them I used morphine and methadone?

I wonder how many mgs of morphine would be in 8 potent pods? Some were close to tennis ball size, and others were a bit larger then a golf ball. I think it felt equal to 200+ oral morphine. I'm not positive on this, so if anyone wants to guestimate, go right ahead.

My parents are being so horrible about all this now. At first they refused to get me in any kind of suboxone/methadone program. I don't want to go on methadone maintainance anyhow. I had to explain how a suboxone maintainance/detox program would work the absolute best. It would stop me from using, stop my withdrawals, give me back energy, motivation, and happiness. Not only that, but I could live a normal life.

Being forced to go to inpatient rehab would not help me. My parents first stated, "either you go to rehab or we are kicking you out of the house." Well I'd gladly leave if I had anywhere near the cash. Now in rehab, I would not be detoxed, or appropriately detoxed, so I would crave like mad, experience withdrawals, miss out a whole semester of school, and most likely find connections in there and start using more heavily once I get out.

I need help. My suggestion would be most beneficial to me. I guarentee it. Even talking on the phone with three different physicians specialized in addiction and suboxone treatment recommended I get on the program ASAP. It's not like I would only be thrown pills, but I'm given behavioral cognitive therapy there, and would join some opiate/drug group sessions or NA. I would be extremely happy if this happens.

[hovadagod]

have your parents look at the facts with relapse and all. If they do research they will see what is best. If they refuse to do research or believe the experts, make them feel guilty as shit!

PM me if things don't work out and I'll see if I can think of something. I can usually find what I want.

[psychotiKK]

Thanks man. I've tried telling them if I don't seek appropriate treatment, I will suffer, crave, and relapse. I finally got them to agree to talk to a Suboxone approved physician with me. I made the appointment for tomorrow at 9:30 A.M. I'm very excited about this, and hope for the best. Over the phone I was told I might be on a dose anywhere from 5-20mg. Now I'm sure 20mg if way too much, but we'll see what happens.

[psychotiKK]

These sure help through withdrawals


http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/259/dsc003372gm.th.jpg (http://img35.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dsc003372gm.jpg)

[Mokelly]

xanny's gonja and soma oh my!

[exitwound]

These sure help through withdrawals


http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/259/dsc003372gm.th.jpg (http://img35.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dsc003372gm.jpg)

Indeed. I've been stocking up on all kinds of stuff along these lines.

Some of them are also quite nice if I'm trying to magnify a mild buzz from taking no more than my prescribed meds....

[psychotiKK]

Listen ALL! Today, I first started on my Suboxone treatment. After hours of arguing and frustration, I had my parents agree to have it prescribed to me if my psychiatrist agreed to it. The problem was, I never admitted my drug use to my psych, so I was afraid he would disagree, or be a dickhead. I was dead wrong. Not only is he a psychiatrist, but also a neuropsychologist. I switched to this guy by the recommendation of my family doctor, since my old psychiatrist was an anti-psychotic/SSRI pill pushing douchebag that couldn't give two shits about me.

After all the millions of paper work and a $500 consult fee, I talked to the doc and his assisant about my drug use history. I had many questions asked, vitals taken, preached at about NA+AA, watched a video on addiction, then finally receieved my first suboxone. I was given an 8mg pill to break in half and take sublingually. Since I had a complete empty stomach, I started to feel it within 30 minutes. It started off mild, but progressed into euphoric relief. I'm not saying the drug was extremely euphoric, but it was still there. I felt so much better!

Since it has been 6 days since I last used, 4mg was enough to provide a good "high" so to speak. The doc told me to take the other 4mg later on if I still experience cravings, which I am, but I can live through it. I'm almost positive within the next few days I will have to be on 8mg daily. I heard a higher dose doesn't give you any more pleasure then a lower one, but lasts longer. Is this true? I hope it is, because the opiate-like effects didn't last as long as I imagined. I dosed at aproximately 1:00 and most of the happiness and analgetic effects subsided at around 9:00. Please tell me what the fuck is up with that? :( Maybe I will have to dose 2x a day.. or maybe it's just me .. either way, so far this is a miracle drug! I haven't felt that happy in so long. At night I also first went to my first NA meeting. It was better then I thought. Most people there are very friendly and actually care about me. I met a few guys and this one nice, hot chick. Too bad she has a boyfriend and I already have a girlfriend. LOL ;)

[psychotiKK]

xanny's gonja and soma oh my!

close! Klonopin 1mg

60 a month

[shaunclo]

Psycho, Very happy for ya man. I have been on suboxone for over a 1 year and 1/2 now. At first your doses will not last as long as they will in a couple of days. Your body needs to adjust to it first.

As for the less is more with suboxone, ITS TRUE!! I would feel more from 2mg's than 8mg's. Try it for yourself and you will agree. But first things first, let your body adjust to the sub first. Try this after a couple of days. Suboxone is great, unfortunately, I have never felt any sort of euphoria from it. The only thing I get from it is a mild energy boost and mood boost. Other than that I almost forget I am on anything at all most of the time.

[psychotiKK]

For some reason it feels alot like morphine to me, albeit weaker. Suboxone elevates my mood, more so then making me feel euphoric. It still has that "opiate feel" to it that I love. The highest amount I've consumed so far is 4mg. Another 4mg is dissolving under my tongue as I type this. The doc said take another 4mg if needed.. I was semi-nodding while eating breakfast with my mother and that concerned her a bit. I think I was more tired then anything.. The first day the suboxone provided energy, so I hope it always stays like that. It is sure as hell fucking with my vision and concentration though.

[skeletontea]

Thanks for the update, glad to hear you were able to get your parents to agree with the Suboxone.

[exitwound]

For some reason it feels alot like morphine to me, albeit weaker. Suboxone elevates my mood, more so then making me feel euphoric. It still has that "opiate feel" to it that I love. The highest amount I've consumed so far is 4mg. Another 4mg is dissolving under my tongue as I type this. The doc said take another 4mg if needed.. I was semi-nodding while eating breakfast with my mother and that concerned her a bit. I think I was more tired then anything.. The first day the suboxone provided energy, so I hope it always stays like that. It is sure as hell fucking with my vision and concentration though.

Fascinating! Lately the only way I can tell I've taken a normal dose of my morphine (mscontin) and Hydro (lortabs) is that I don't feel depressed and shitty, in agony....I just feel normal. Which is a bit spooky, since increased doses of those two, up to a point, just seem to make me tired and dopey. Not euphoric.

Time to do some experimenting and see what my options are....I'm trying out a new batch of tea from my fresh batch of online-ordered pods, and it's a bit different from the feeling I've become accustomed to while sticking mostly to my meds recently....but no full-on euphoria yet. We'll see.

[psychotiKK]

So far the suboxone has been great to me. With all my problems starting to get better, some things got worse. My girlfriend of 20 months broke up with me the other day. I never got a real reason on why she wanted to end things, except that our relationship wasn't "healthy" and it was for the best. It got worse when she wouldn't answer her phone at all or even text me. Fuck, she even broke up with me on the phone. Tonight she left a note on my car, but wouldn't even stop to let me see her. Let's just say my depression, self-esteem, and motivation have reached a new low. She says she still loves and cares about me, but it's hard to believe after all of this. I never thought she would dump me, but whatever.. life basically sucks at the moment.

[psychotiKK]

So far the suboxone has been great to me. With all my problems starting to get better, some things got worse. My girlfriend of 20 months broke up with me the other day. I never got a real reason on why she wanted to end things, except that our relationship wasn't "healthy" and it was for the best. It got worse when she wouldn't answer her phone at all or even text me. Fuck, she even broke up with me on the phone. Tonight she left a note on my car, but wouldn't even stop to let me see her. Let's just say my depression, self-esteem, and motivation have reached a new low. She says she still loves and cares about me, but it's hard to believe after all of this. I never thought she would dump me, but whatever.. life basically sucks at the moment.

[exitwound]

So far the suboxone has been great to me. With all my problems starting to get better, some things got worse. My girlfriend of 20 months broke up with me the other day. I never got a real reason on why she wanted to end things, except that our relationship wasn't "healthy" and it was for the best. It got worse when she wouldn't answer her phone at all or even text me. Fuck, she even broke up with me on the phone. Tonight she left a note on my car, but wouldn't even stop to let me see her. Let's just say my depression, self-esteem, and motivation have reached a new low. She says she still loves and cares about me, but it's hard to believe after all of this. I never thought she would dump me, but whatever.. life basically sucks at the moment.

Fuck that shit, man! If she's the right one for you, she'll be back.....and by the sound of it, she ain't. What a bitch!

I know there's three sides to every story but treating you like that is just wrong.

If suboxone is the right thing for you, keep on keepin' on. If something else is right, then head that way.....let your gut be your guide, it won't steer you wrong.

We got your six, man.....fly free and let that bitch crash'n'burn! :cool: :p

[psychotiKK]

I figured this girl was gonna be with me a long time, but I guess I was wrong. I've been talking to her a bit lately, but she's acting like this is for the best. She told me she would like us to be friends and see how things go, then possibly go out again but I rather not do that shit.. if she loves me, she should stick with me and help work out our problems together. This is why I hate getting attached and into relationships. I always end up getting hurt and dumped. She was kind of avoiding me for the past couple months before we broke up, and things were getting bad. We argued constantly, she would act different around me, and we would'nt have sex often. For her to break up with me on the phone a couple weeks before my birthday, the day after I get treated for my opiate addiction, and a couple days after starting my next semester of college, is a bitch thing to do. Add on that she wouldn't talk to me for a day or two afterwords because she was "afraid" of me. I'm sorry that I got angry and upset that you dumped me on the phone and wouldn't even do it in person.. I've talked to my psychiatrist, suboxone doc, family, and friends about it and they basically say, "you'll get over it; you'll find someone else; you'll be fine; take it one step at a time" blah, blah, blah! I don't exactly feel fine and I want her right now, not anyone else. I don't feel like it's time to break up, but what the fuck can I do other then try to talk to her and see if this is something she really wants to do (and so far it sure seems like it.) If this doesn't work out, I need to meet some more girls. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, but I need to have the confidence to grab one. I've been going to NA meetings and will go to support groups soon and I could possibly meet some girls there. I wish I didn't have such a hard time meeting girls and liking them. The girl I was with made me extremely happy for awhile and I felt as if she was almost perfect for me. Sort of like I said in my last post, life can really blow hard at times.