im back, and a mentalcase

[ILLWILLMD]

WELL,
hey everyone. im back online. i have been clean for at least 99.5% of a year and a half. was on done for 8 months and i am now on subutex. i am a mental case since the change: guilt, anxiety, still crying over a girl (whom was my first love) and i dream about her and wake up crying for hrs because i was such an asshole to her. and this was like 12 years and 50 girls later. i have to have klonapin with me 24/7, on top of the other anti anxiety agents they have me on. like 4 others. WTF. im a bitch. i never had these problems. if anything i was cocky and errogant, even before drugs. i dont know what to think. they want me to go into an intensive outpatiant thing for crist sakes. what happend to me. i try to sleep all day so that i dont have to deal with being awake, and that backfires on me with horrible nightmares most of the time. thats about all i can muster now. getting tooo upset thinking about it. sorry for leaving ya hanging,

and hello to everyone i know here!

[Duckfeet]

Welcome back: subs take a while to get used to .... sounds like maybe this combo isn't working all that well, misery's misery...eventuallly, I have to find a way to get out of it, even if it means a whole different set of drugs than the one the doc recommends....

Best wishes...


WELL,
hey everyone. im back online. i have been clean for at least 99.5% of a year and a half. was on done for 8 months and i am now on subutex. i am a mental case since the change: guilt, anxiety, still crying over a girl (whom was my first love) and i dream about her and wake up crying for hrs because i was such an asshole to her. and this was like 12 years and 50 girls later. i have to have klonapin with me 24/7, on top of the other anti anxiety agents they have me on. like 4 others. WTF. im a bitch. i never had these problems. if anything i was cocky and errogant, even before drugs. i dont know what to think. they want me to go into an intensive outpatiant thing for crist sakes. what happend to me. i try to sleep all day so that i dont have to deal with being awake, and that backfires on me with horrible nightmares most of the time. thats about all i can muster now. getting tooo upset thinking about it. sorry for leaving ya hanging,

and hello to everyone i know here!

[robotears]

Whats up dude. I'm Tobias. Welcome back. Congrats on clean time! Thats big. PS:)... Chicks are for fags! No offense gay guys! Just jokin:D

[reddragon3668]

Welcome back! Life without opiates tend to do the same thing to me, emotionally. Opiates just level out my emotions so much. Then, when I'm clean, I get all emotional...either crying over stupid shit, or mad as hell at the world. Its not fun, at all.

I applaud you, however, for you sobriety. I know its hard, and hopefully things will get better for you soon. I would not count out the outpatient treatment thing... it may be really good for you.

I wish you the best of luck! Do try and keep in touch and let us know how things go. Take care of yourself.

[nick]

welcome back man

[ILLWILLMD]

i think the fact that my pre and during drug use years, i had the fuck you, fuck this, fuck that, attitude and i did allot of fucked up shit, but i just went on. i didnt get upset about shit, i saw things in a differant light. and i just cant belive that the subutex could in 1 to 2 days make such a profound change, some for the better, some for the worse, more for the worse as far as my mental health. I have NO more friends. anyone i have contact with is scorn family, i dont even approach the door to the outside unless i have a DR apointment. i used to eat humungus portions of food, and drink weight gainer shake just to keep myself from loosing weight, im 6' and 148, pounds. i have always been thin but i am concerned about the fact that i dont want to eat when i am depressed.

i just wish i had a hot girl who cincerly cared about me to give me a reason to take care of myself a little better, or just to lay in bed and just lay there, not even having to say anything, just deeply enjoying eachothers company. i only had a girl like that once, the rest, whatever, it was either sex or convienance or whatever. well thats a pipe dream. i am in no position. no car, money, friends, selfrespect, i havent been keeping my looks up, i have no one to impress. and i dont want pitty pussy. i just think that said would do me better than anything else. a push in the right direction, a kick in the ass when needed, and someone who just gave a fuck, cuz i dont!