...ninja

[SHELLEY]

well, i finally bit the bullet and got meself tested
for everything
my std screen came back clean
i already knew about the hepC
then they told me my hiv was positive

...glorious

i guess i knew that was coming
i used to share rigs with anyone who could spare one
(not anymore)
but that bites the big one
now i'm just another ninja ho

[cronosaegis]

This isn't the end of the world, and I think you know that.

I hope that you see this as a wakeup call, and use this as motivation to get yourself straight and healthy. Once you're straight and you've got your health up, there's no limit to what you can do. I and everyone else on here can see that you're a very bright young lady with a tremendous gift for writing.

While it's certainly your choice, I hope you choose to do something with that gift, and lift yourself above the place where you're at now.

You have a wonderful gift with words, you seem to be a very bright young lady, and you have a lot to live for, and a lot left to do.

You know, and I know that you can make the choices which are neccessary for you to succeed. Please make those choices- not for any of us, not for your friends or family, and not for some God or anything else, make the right choices for you. I know you can.

I know the last thing you need is a sermon, prayer meeting jive, and I'm not trying to do that.

[nick]

I'm sorry Shelley.

Your life is up to you now.

[AZJunkie]

I dont agree with the last two posters at all. My opinion differs and I am entitled to it.

If I caught the ninja card, I personally would wile the fuck out. Every thing I was always scared to do contingent upon the consequences......I'm doin it. I'd be cautious as hell as to not pass the lil critter along to anyone else, but I'd go buy a ski mask and a pistol and there would be a rash of bank holdups. More money more dope.

Plus if you get bagged for the bank jobs, it's fed time...what easier way to ride this bitch out??

I know at 34 years old this is a very juvenile way of going about things.......but why should I give a fuck?? I dont.
I was one of those Columbine kids when I was younger...fantasized about chopping up bullies and teachers. The only thought that kept my school from getting on the news was "I'm too young for a life sentence" But now at 34, with a death sentence already passed onto me.......all bets are off.

Sorry if this viewpoint isnt the same one you have...

Shelley, do whats best for you,momma. Sounds like thats what you been doin since day one anyway. I'm truly and sincerely sorry that you drew the HIV card....that sucks, Whatever choices you make concerning your future, I'm sure it will benefit the most important person in your life.....YOU.

Take care and oneLove...

[Duckfeet]

It's a different world than it used to be: HIV pos, is now treatable, and I"ve got friends, if they didn't tell me, I'da never guessed they had it...like someone else said, use it as a wake-up call...I did that w/HepC, took the treatment, second time was gone...HIV, to me, is a little more like diabetes, which I have, and to avoid insulin as long as possible, I had to learn diet and nutrition, same as people w/HIV do...and now I'm a healthy handsome, strong motherfucker...well, for an old fart that is, what the hell...but last year I was seriously into paragliding and I"m a big wave bodysufer...but I know other people who are diabetics who just lay around and eat too much, get on insulin, and die young...same as HIV...

I hate to bust any optimistic types' bubble...but we're *all* under a goddamnned guaranteed death sentence, and the fuckers won't even give us a *date* like they do on death row.... So what? Well, you know you're going to die, so live good, take care of yourself, and be happy as u can be...HIV, like anything else, can be a wake-up call or another miserable burden...my attitude would be to take nutrition class, and find a way to be reasonably happy on this strange planet...

Best wishes Shelley....

[zenpunk]

SWIMs supplier has been HIV pos for many years. Key he says is to take care of yourself best you can and keep an eye on things. He obviously doesn't have health insurance but takes advantage of any opportunity to check on his health and try to improve it.

[SurfRat]

Definately keep the truck.

[AZJunkie]

Definately keep the truck.

true story.

[OxyContinuously]

Oh no, SHELLEY!!!


like others have said tho, it's not the end of the world...shit, HIV these days is treatable, even more so than it was ten years ago, u know what i mean???

best of luck to you (at least u know now so you can take measures to be treated and what not...in other words, it didnt just "sneak" up on you...you have advanced notice...if they got them, go to a clinic and tell them ur diagnosis, and they should be able to get u started on some anti-virals (or whatever they use these days)

take it easy
later


Oxy

[nick]

I doubt it will make you feel better Shelley,but I've got a friend(with a young family)in Nepal who aslo tested pos recently and there are NO ARV's,combination therapy or even tylenol for him.

Oh and AZ junky,you're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to tell you that you're being a jerk and that's me being polite.

[matt4]

I am so sorry to hear that. YOu said you always had the thought in the back of your head but I am sure actually finding out must be mindblowing. Will you still work the Dixie?

[limitless_euphoria]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. There's nothing any more profound or intelligent I can add that has not already been mentioned in this thread... so I'll just wish you good luck and try to take care of yourself as best you can. Don't throw in the towel and say "fuck it" cause that will get you nowhere. Take care, Shelly.

[OxyContinuously]

I dont agree with the last two posters at all. My opinion differs and I am entitled to it.

If I caught the ninja card, I personally would wile the fuck out. Every thing I was always scared to do contingent upon the consequences......I'm doin it. I'd be cautious as hell as to not pass the lil critter along to anyone else, but I'd go buy a ski mask and a pistol and there would be a rash of bank holdups. More money more dope.

Plus if you get bagged for the bank jobs, it's fed time...what easier way to ride this bitch out??

I know at 34 years old this is a very juvenile way of going about things.......but why should I give a fuck?? I dont.
I was one of those Columbine kids when I was younger...fantasized about chopping up bullies and teachers. The only thought that kept my school from getting on the news was "I'm too young for a life sentence" But now at 34, with a death sentence already passed onto me.......all bets are off.

Sorry if this viewpoint isnt the same one you have...

Shelley, do whats best for you,momma. Sounds like thats what you been doin since day one anyway. I'm truly and sincerely sorry that you drew the HIV card....that sucks, Whatever choices you make concerning your future, I'm sure it will benefit the most important person in your life.....YOU.

Take care and oneLove...

everyone's entitled to their own views and opinions. Sure, that is completely true....but with that attitude, i wonder how far in life one can go?? Hypothetically, of course; I would wager a bit that "someone" who really behaves like that in real life, is most likely a nothing...jobwise, healthwise, you name it...

what a thought

[reddragon3668]

Wow... as others have said, and I can only echo, you can live a long time these days with proper treatment and being health conscious. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you stay well!

[Black_Pony]

I'm sorry to hear that, Shelley. That definitely makes life more complicated (and its way too complicated as it is). Take good care of yourself, please.

[I-Nod]

You are a strong girl, Shelley... in mind and will. I wish you all the best, hun, and these guys are right on when they say treatment has improved leaps and bounds in the last 10yrs.

I find you to be one of the most interesting, intriguing and intelligent people here... and have always secretly rooted for you (like w/ the truck :D) and still am. You're one strong lil lady, please take care and update us if you wouldn't mind. My heart goes out to you, Michelle. (Still rootin' for ya!!)





PS: Ninja? Never heard that one... man, the older I get - the more out of touch I am w/ the youngin's new slang. And I'm only 31! God I feel old now... I think that calls for a line or two! Plus I stubbed my toe. :D

[aj11]

On the bright side you will be able to get some killer scripts now!!!!!
I know I'm an asshole

[nick]

On the bright side you will be able to get some killer scripts now!!!!!
I know I'm an asshole

Killer script is a really unfortunate choice of words.I guess I'm an ass too.

[Frank Zito]

I dont agree with the last two posters at all. My opinion differs and I am entitled to it.

If I caught the ninja card, I personally would wile the fuck out. Every thing I was always scared to do contingent upon the consequences......I'm doin it. I'd be cautious as hell as to not pass the lil critter along to anyone else, but I'd go buy a ski mask and a pistol and there would be a rash of bank holdups. More money more dope.

Plus if you get bagged for the bank jobs, it's fed time...what easier way to ride this bitch out??

I know at 34 years old this is a very juvenile way of going about things.......but why should I give a fuck?? I dont.
I was one of those Columbine kids when I was younger...fantasized about chopping up bullies and teachers. The only thought that kept my school from getting on the news was "I'm too young for a life sentence" But now at 34, with a death sentence already passed onto me.......all bets are off.

Sorry if this viewpoint isnt the same one you have...

Shelley, do whats best for you,momma. Sounds like thats what you been doin since day one anyway. I'm truly and sincerely sorry that you drew the HIV card....that sucks, Whatever choices you make concerning your future, I'm sure it will benefit the most important person in your life.....YOU.

Take care and oneLove...

AZJ...Some people have to deal with their conscience. I would LOVE to get savage and wild out and generally be a self serving sociopath if I was in that predicament too *I HAVE been all that and more in the past* but, I don't know if I could live with myself wreaking havoc on innocent peoples lives. I've been in the general area of your headspace most of my life and I realized it was time to change before I couldn't stand myself anymore. I didn't change in the face of some emminent catalyst. I changed in front of the mirror. I'm NOT ragging on you bro 'cause I admire the fact that you say what you feel and I've been there many times.

I would just hope that some one who is in that spot would turn their life around or make some positive changes so one could learn to love themselves and treat themselves better. I am sick of letting outside forces dictate my actions and feelings.

Just a couple of thoughts...

SHELLEY...Sorry to hear that girl. I don't know you at all but I have followed some of your posts and I FEEL for you. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS.

[Boudica]

If I caught the ninja card, I personally would wile the fuck out. Every thing I was always scared to do I'd go buy a ski mask and a pistol and there would be a rash of bank holdups. More money more dope.


But, it's ok cuz it doesn't hurt anyone else, right? Gee, I wonder how it must feel if you work at a bank and some crazy mutherfucker wearin' a ski mask comes in one mornin', points a gun in your face, and tells you to hand over the cash or you're gonna get your brains blown out?



Plus if you get bagged for the bank jobs, it's fed time...what easier way to ride this bitch out??
why should I give a fuck?? I dont.

It's people that "don't give a fuck" that makes me want to isolate myself from the world because it's become so fuckin' scarey out there, I'd rather just stay in me house every fucking day and not have to deal with it. But, I don't have a choice anymore because I too, got hit with a pretty viscious, potentially fatal illness, so I can't leave my house anymore unless I have someone to help me and push me around in my fuckin' wheelchair cuz I can only walk a few feet before my legs spasm out and I hit the pavement. So , gee, I guess that my life situation gives me the right to go on a rampage and take out multiple innocent people who've never done a fucking thing to me, right?

I was one of those Columbine kids when I was younger...fantasized about chopping up bullies and teachers. The only thought that kept my school from getting on the news was "I'm too young for a life sentence" But now at 34, with a death sentence already passed onto me.......all bets are off.

The havoc you wreak inside of your head tells me that you must be one twisted, angry, dangerous individual, who has no regard for human life or for the hurt you inflict on others because of your "situation". Let me see....who the fuck can I blame for MY illness and in just how many ways could I fuck with people and lay my anger on them cuz it's highly probable that havin' this fucking demon of a disease is gonna kill me anyway. Yeah, because I am suffering, everybody else and their family too should suffer right along with me, since "all bets are off".

I have a right to my opinion too, and here it is: I do not want you, nor anyone even remotely like you in attitude and with visions of taking out hundreds of innocent people because you're so pissed off, anywhere near me. We ALL have one thing in common: WE ARE GOING TO DIE, FOR SURE. What takes us out is anybody's guess, no matter how sick some of us may be. I could get hit by a lightening bolt tonite and say-la-vee. Bein' sick could have NOTHING to do with what ends my days here, and bein' sick has NOTHING to do with anybody else but me. The only thing I DO know for sure, is that when I go out, it will be with a clear conscience and my soul intact, and I will leave no one holding the bag for MY failures in life.

[Boudica]

Shelley, from one Irishwoman to another, and from one woman w/a devastating illness to another, life is far, far from "easy" for us. But never forget, what I have had to always remember: we have "the blood o' the clan" runnin' thru our veins and it is a force to be reckoned with. Look at all we have survived, and have still gone on. And not just "gone on", but with great achievments and pride in who and what we are.

We were once great warriors. I believe we still are. Never forget, the warrior who lives in you, no matter what.

Me spirit will rise to the occaision, and so will yours, if you so choose. I am here, with care and understandin' as my offers to you. Take them, if you want or need. Please.




well, i finally bit the bullet and got meself tested
for everything
my std screen came back clean
i already knew about the hepC
then they told me my hiv was positive

...glorious

i guess i knew that was coming
i used to share rigs with anyone who could spare one
(not anymore)
but that bites the big one
now i'm just another ninja ho

[AZJunkie]

But, it's ok cuz it doesn't hurt anyone else, right? Gee, I wonder how it must feel if you work at a bank and some crazy mutherfucker wearin' a ski mask comes in one mornin', points a gun in your face, and tells you to hand over the cash or you're gonna get your brains blown out?





It's people that "don't give a fuck" that makes me want to isolate myself from the world because it's become so fuckin' scarey out there, I'd rather just stay in me house every fucking day and not have to deal with it. But, I don't have a choice anymore because I too, got hit with a pretty viscious, potentially fatal illness, so I can't leave my house anymore unless I have someone to help me and push me around in my fuckin' wheelchair cuz I can only walk a few feet before my legs spasm out and I hit the pavement. So , gee, I guess that my life situation gives me the right to go on a rampage and take out multiple innocent people who've never done a fucking thing to me, right?



The havoc you wreak inside of your head tells me that you must be one twisted, angry, dangerous individual, who has no regard for human life or for the hurt you inflict on others because of your "situation". Let me see....who the fuck can I blame for MY illness and in just how many ways could I fuck with people and lay my anger on them cuz it's highly probable that havin' this fucking demon of a disease is gonna kill me anyway. Yeah, because I am suffering, everybody else and their family too should suffer right along with me, since "all bets are off".

I have a right to my opinion too, and here it is: I do not want you, nor anyone even remotely like you in attitude and with visions of taking out hundreds of innocent people because you're so pissed off, anywhere near me. We ALL have one thing in common: WE ARE GOING TO DIE, FOR SURE. What takes us out is anybody's guess, no matter how sick some of us may be. I could get hit by a lightening bolt tonite and say-la-vee. Bein' sick could have NOTHING to do with what ends my days here, and bein' sick has NOTHING to do with anybody else but me. The only thing I DO know for sure, is that when I go out, it will be with a clear conscience and my soul intact, and I will leave no one holding the bag for MY failures in life.



And I sincerely respect the choice you'll have made. For me, once they tell me its over, I stop caring.....period. Thanks for being an adult and having a counterpoint without making it a personal attack, and that goes for the poster above you who shared their disagreement without trying to assassinate my character.......the rest of these shitbirds can piss off.

I care less than a little of how they think or what their opinion is...and I'm sure the sentiment is mutual.
Awesome thread....and I'm still pulling for my ninja ho, Shelley. Good luck momma. Nothing but love for you, lady.

[nick]

AZ junky,this isn't about you,this is about Shelley and the advice you gave to someone who'd just been diagnosed was poor advice.

[Duckfeet]

I made a similar error, a long time ago: I had a HepC board that got big, and we were like here, a bunch of people, all pals, and I made some comment, u know, at least I don't got AIDs: I'd say fuck it, and go hole up with a shotgun in a hospital pharmacy until I checked out, or got checked out by the cops...fuck it all...my cousin had just died of AIDs too....

But then one of my best friends popped up, and he was hemophiliac, and he not only had HepC, like the rest of us, but also HIV, and this was before there was any treatment, and most hemophiliacs had picked up both HepC *and* HIV from the tainted blood supply... and honestly, I had really hurt him with these comments...I mean, he was sailing around the Keys, and scuba diving, and trying to make the best of his life, and I had made it clear that I thought his life with AIDs wasn't worth living. Imagine how I made him feel...And worse, at the time, I couldn't even admit that I'd made a chickenshit comment, and just say simply I"m sorry, because, see, to him, his life was very much worth living, and here I'm supposed to be his pal, and really, I was just spouting off, trying to sound tough...

It's easy to sound tough on the Internet, and I'm good at defending myself when I fuck up...but kindness goes a long way too, and it's way to easy to take an outlaw stance on here, and say I'd do things, when I haven't got a clue what I'd really do...

So remember, if we haven't walked in another person's shoes, we needn't discount their life, or say it's not worth carrying on...hell, all the crap I've been thru: prison, lifetime heroin addiction, there are plenty that think my life isn't worth spit either....

So it's cool: AZ was just saying what he'd do, no harm done...just good to think about the other guy, once in a while on here, too...

[RxQueen]

But, it's ok cuz it doesn't hurt anyone else, right? Gee, I wonder how it must feel if you work at a bank and some crazy mutherfucker wearin' a ski mask comes in one mornin', points a gun in your face, and tells you to hand over the cash or you're gonna get your brains blown out?


actually, i could answer that one, cuz once upon a time (a coupla decades ago) i WAS a bank teller who got robbed at gunpoint. it absolutely was not a good experience. for a loooong time. the giant rush of shit directly to your heart that you feel when a cop pulls up behind you? not even in the same ballpark, or the same town, state, country, planet, etc (continue ad nauseum)....


shelley... keep your chin up, girl. i can't say it better than most everyone here already did. let us know how you're doin' when ya can.

[AZJunkie]

AZ junky,this isn't about you,this is about Shelley and the advice you gave to someone who'd just been diagnosed was poor advice.

Nobody asked you.........

[nick]

Nobody asked you.........

Or you either.

[kyuss]

Nobody asked you.........


You're a prick.
So what if Duckfeet likes you.
He likes everyone.
I don't.

[zenpunk]

Shelley, from one Irishwoman to another, and from one woman w/a devastating illness to another, life is far, far from "easy" for us. But never forget, what I have had to always remember: we have "the blood o' the clan" runnin' thru our veins and it is a force to be reckoned with. Look at all we have survived, and have still gone on. And not just "gone on", but with great achievments and pride in who and what we are.

We were once great warriors. I believe we still are. Never forget, the warrior who lives in you, no matter what.

Me spirit will rise to the occaision, and so will yours, if you so choose. I am here, with care and understandin' as my offers to you. Take them, if you want or need. Please.

Boudica - you are a modern day warrior, you and Shelley both! I can feel the strength in your words.

[bronyraur]

well, i finally bit the bullet and got meself tested
for everything
my std screen came back clean
i already knew about the hepC
then they told me my hiv was positive

...glorious

i guess i knew that was coming
i used to share rigs with anyone who could spare one
(not anymore)
but that bites the big one
now i'm just another ninja ho

Wow Shelley, that's heavy news. I'm sorry someone as nice as you has to deal with it. Fortunately, as others have said, it's not a death sentence, but it definitely changes your outlook on life.

We're here for you.

[AZJunkie]

You're a prick.
So what if Duckfeet likes you.
He likes everyone.
I don't.

No??

Oh man...somebody bring me a razorblade so I can check out on account of birdboy doesn't like me.

Now does that go...up the street or across the street?? I can never remember.

Go find somebody your own size to pick on.......Im outta your league.

[nick]

No??

Oh man...somebody bring me a razorblade so I can check out on account of birdboy doesn't like me.

Now does that go...up the street or across the street?? I can never remember.

Go find somebody your own size to pick on.......Im outta your league.

Grow up tough guy .

[nick]

Shelley,I was just lurking over on Tp's site and folks there who read opio,but can't join yet,wanted you to know that they're thinking of you.The exact phrase was that you should keep on keeping on.

[AZJunkie]

Grow up tough guy .

it's the internet homeboy...youre only as tough as your mouse.

Any reason you keep quoting my posts, or does it make you feel important to chime in with 2 cents to someone who dosn't give a shit what you think??

Must be lonely in "perdition's flame"

[nick]

it's the internet homeboy...youre only as tough as your mouse.

Any reason you keep quoting my posts, or does it make you feel important to chime in with 2 cents to someone who dosn't give a shit what you think??

Must be lonely in "perdition's flame"

If you don't care what I think....why do you keep responding?

Guess you're lonely too.

[AZJunkie]

Touche'....

[nick]

Touche'....

I guess a lot of us are lonely.........that's why we come here-community.

I'm genuinely sorry if I've been hard on you.I have a lot of experience with HIV-you could say it's a touche suject with me.

[AZJunkie]

It's all in the good. I too have experiences in the HIV dept, but there weren't the meds/therapies back then and those friends arent around anymore.

Watched them deteriorate.........true sadness. I'd never allow myself to waste away and hurt like that....hence the "blaze of glory" attitude toward terminal illness.

I thought you were looking to goad me into a flaming....thats why I wouldnt give you enough to dig your claws into. No harm no foul.

[nick]

No problems man.For the future the only thing I liked flamed are burgers.

[GoddessofRATs]

Shelly, i am so sorry replying so late to this. I only saw it now for some reason.

I'm so sorry to hear of this news. But, there is good news. People with HIV are living perfectly normal and healthy lives these days thanks to medical advances. You just gotta keep yourself healthy, keep the white cells at the right count and such, get tested and monitored every few months. And most importantly get on those HIV cocktails, i hear they are expensive but i know there are government aids to help.

You haven't posted since you posted this and a few of us are worried about you. I know you only can access the internet at a cafe or library but i sure hope you touch base with us soon my friend.

Please take care of yourself and most of us are here if you need us. I'm just a PM away if you ever need to talk.

GOR

[poonwhalla]

good health wishes to you shelly. Do what you need to stay healthy and take care. My bro has been living with HIV for 7 years now and with good diet and exercise his T cells are so high that the HIV is undetectable right now so it can be done.

[Bishop]

I made a similar error, a long time ago: I had a HepC board that got big, and we were like here, a bunch of people, all pals, and I made some comment, u know, at least I don't got AIDs: I'd say fuck it, and go hole up with a shotgun in a hospital pharmacy until I checked out, or got checked out by the cops...fuck it all...my cousin had just died of AIDs too....
But then one of my best friends popped up, and he was hemophiliac, and he not only had HepC, like the rest of us, but also HIV, and this was before there was any treatment, and most hemophiliacs had picked up both HepC *and* HIV from the tainted blood supply... and honestly, I had really hurt him with these comments...I mean, he was sailing around the Keys, and scuba diving, and trying to make the best of his life, and I had made it clear that I thought his life with AIDs wasn't worth living. Imagine how I made him feel...And worse, at the time, I couldn't even admit that I'd made a chickenshit comment, and just say simply I"m sorry, because, see, to him, his life was very much worth living, and here I'm supposed to be his pal, and really, I was just spouting off, trying to sound tough...
It's easy to sound tough on the Internet, and I'm good at defending myself when I fuck up...but kindness goes a long way too, and it's way to easy to take an outlaw stance on here, and say I'd do things, when I haven't got a clue what I'd really do...
So remember, if we haven't walked in another person's shoes, we needn't discount their life, or say it's not worth carrying on...hell, all the crap I've been thru: prison, lifetime heroin addiction, there are plenty that think my life isn't worth spit either....
So it's cool: AZ was just saying what he'd do, no harm done...just good to think about the other guy, once in a while on here, too...

This kind of honesty is impressive and admirable. By far the best post I have read anywhere. Much respect Duck.

Life is always worth living IMHO.

[Duckfeet]

Thanks Bishop, for the kind words, and *welcome* to u, also, as I see u haven't posted much...but the only reason I said anything is because I know I often forget how my words sound, and this was just an example of how easy it is to say something, without realizing my words can harm...I"m not usually trying to make somebody feel bad...just trying to be funny or sound tough, and I'll forget that someone else is actually having to live this...but anyway, appreciate what u wrote, and hope u enjoy Opiophile....

df


This kind of honesty is impressive and admirable. By far the best post I have read anywhere. Much respect Duck.
Life is always worth living IMHO.

[Bishop]

No problem, it really did move me reading your post. That was some true honesty. Thanks for the warm welcome.

[noahzark]

Keep the faith baby, it aint the end of the world. I know a few HIV positive people that really live the same life as HCV people and for that matter even clean people who have never lived our crazy life. What I am saying is this, HIV is not the end of the world any more, I said that above and I say it again. I am told that if you take the meds you get and then you eat right and get as much rest as you need then you should be ok. Remember this, Joe healthy man can get hit by a car tomorrow so live for today.

DONT GIVE UP!

Peace

Noahzark

[kyuss]

No??

Oh man...somebody bring me a razorblade so I can check out on account of birdboy doesn't like me.

Now does that go...up the street or across the street?? I can never remember.

Go find somebody your own size to pick on.......Im outta your league.


http://www.catchgamer.no/images/gallery/usergallery/2493/wrist.jpg

[SHELLEY]

Shelley, from one Irishwoman to another, and from one woman w/a devastating illness to another, life is far, far from "easy" for us
.

irish?
not me...
german

[Somanax]

http://www.catchgamer.no/images/gallery/usergallery/2493/wrist.jpg

Classic Kyuss:D


Sorry Not a derailment

AZjunkie was/is a prick

Shelley take care,

and as aforementioned.

It' s not the death sentence

it once was.I'm sure you know

you alway's have "us"

Be good or be good at it, ya know.

[Duckfeet]

I"m wannabe Irish: my gramdmother--a Hallisey--came over on some goddamn boat from Ireland early last century, and was such a beauty, and some old prostestant prick, last name of Burnham married her just for her looks, and they they all said she was huge embarassment because she liked to drink and run off with young men, leaving the old bastard and all his money to pine away after her....

My grandmother, Alice, went back to Ireland in the fifties, and looked up all the other Halliseys and got this big long black and white picture of her in all her glory over there...

When I came back from leave from Vietnam, my own family was all drunk and fighting and miserable out in Virginia and I actually said I preferred Vietnam to these unhappy assholes...and I went to stay with Alice out here in San Clemente, and she drove me down to Ensenada and we both got drunk, and went in a Cantina where they allowed women, and all the Mexicans were falling all over Alice, and it was the best memory I've got of all those years, and I miss her so, and hope just a little bit of her love of life and adventure is in my blood...along with a willingness to leave town when the meanspirited lowdown death-loving protestant side of my family gets to squashing joy, which seems their main intent...

Alice liked to dance and sing and leave sorrow behind, and that's the best legacy Ireland could leave to a troubled young man like me...

Of course, we're way too sentimental and romantic about Ireland...but damn, without that bit of romance in our lives we be nothing but hard-hearted descendents of farmers and bankers...like the other side of my family....Alice taught me without words that you could find laughter and hope...and believe me, I was just beginning my long junky adulthood, and I needed to know that joy was still possible...


irish?
not me...
german

[Boudica]

irish?
not me...
german


My most humble apology for me "Foe-Paw". I had you confused with someone else. Me brain is operatin' on "low battery" lately, and 'bout the best I can pull out of it is "UHHHHHHH".

Don't quite understand why, but I get the feelin' from your comment, that you find it some sort of insult to be mistaken for bein' "Irish". Maybe I am just weird, but I thought that the heart of my post to you, was that I stated we are both women, with serious illnesses, and I offered to you my hand, my understanding, and support.

I shall not make the mistake of thinkin' you to be Irish again, especially now knowing that it is important to you. I can respect that. Whatever.

I wish you well, Shelly, and hope you can find some peace within the chaos. It is "do-able", if you so choose. It's obvious, that there are many here who care about you. And that is a fortunate thing to have on your side. The support I've been given here, has been a huge blessing and source of strength. Take all you need, for it will pull you thru some pretty difficult stuff, I assure you.

[Boudica]

I"m wannabe Irish: my gramdmother--a Hallisey--came over on some goddamn boat from Ireland early last century, and was such a beauty, and some old prostestant prick, last name of Burnham married her just for her looks, and they they all said she was huge embarassment because she liked to drink and run off with young men, leaving the old bastard and all his money to pine away after her....

My grandmother, Alice, went back to Ireland in the fifties, and looked up all the other Halliseys and got this big long black and white picture of her in all her glory over there...

When I came back from leave from Vietnam, my own family was all drunk and fighting and miserable out in Virginia and I actually said I preferred Vietnam to these unhappy assholes...and I went to stay with Alice out here in San Clemente, and she drove me down to Ensenada and we both got drunk, and went in a Cantina where they allowed women, and all the Mexicans were falling all over Alice, and it was the best memory I've got of all those years, and I miss her so, and hope just a little bit of her love of life and adventure is in my blood...along with a willingness to leave town when the meanspirited lowdown death-loving protestant side of my family gets to squashing joy, which seems their main intent...

Alice liked to dance and sing and leave sorrow behind, and that's the best legacy Ireland could leave to a troubled young man like me...

Of course, we're way too sentimental and romantic about Ireland...but damn, without that bit of romance in our lives we be nothing but hard-hearted descendents of farmers and bankers...like the other side of my family....Alice taught me without words that you could find laughter and hope...and believe me, I was just beginning my long junky adulthood, and I needed to know that joy was still possible...


Duck, I wanna thank you from the deepest place in me Big IRISH Heart, for your post. Your granny and mine, could be twins. And in a few more years, I'll be her twin, too. And I am definately goin' home, before I die, to make goddamn sure me ashes get poured on Eire' soil.
Every word you speak here, is so full of Truth it amazes me. And I could tell by your beautiful, fightin', never-say-never soul, that you've got "the blood o' the clan" runnin' thru your veins, for sure. Take pride in that. I sure as hell do.

And you just pointed out somethin' everyone should be aware of: Never, ever, piss off an Irishwoman.:D

[Boudica]

http://www.catchgamer.no/images/gallery/usergallery/2493/wrist.jpg


I shall kiss your feathered arse for that one, Kyuss, and love it while I'm doin' it! ;-)

[limitless_euphoria]

Now I feel compelled to speak up. I think the whole flaming thing has gotten out of control and focus has been taken away from the topic at hand. SHE HAS HIV. I know I'm not a mod/admin but seriously, some people here don't like other people here and that's between you folks... my humble suggestion is either take it up in a different thread or in PM. Shelley is who she is but good golly this thread has digressed into something else entirely. I'm going to be Jesus-esque here for a minute and say "let the one who has NOT made ANY poor decisions in their own life be the one to cast the first stone!"

Imagine if you started a thread and shared something so personal and others hijacked it into some flame-fest. We're all human and peoples' dislike for one another needs to be channeled elsewhere. Shelley does NOT deserve this.

And Shelley, if you see this message, as I said before, I really wish you the best of luck. Your life is definitely in your hands girl! Take care of yourself, get your health monitored as often as possible and like someone else said "keep on keepin' on!"

[Boudica]

My most humble apology for me "Foe-Paw". I had you confused with someone else. Me brain is operatin' on "low battery" lately, and 'bout the best I can pull out of it is "UHHHHHHH".

Maybe I am just weird, but I thought that the heart of my post to you, was that I stated we are both women, with serious illnesses, and I offered to you my hand, my understanding, and support.

I shall not make the mistake of thinkin' you to be Irish again, especially now knowing that it is important to you. I can respect that.

I wish you well, Shelly, and hope you can find some peace within the chaos. It is "do-able", if you so choose. It's obvious, that there are many here who care about you. And that is a fortunate thing to have on your side. The support I've been given here, has been a huge blessing and source of strength. Take all you need, for it will pull you thru some pretty difficult stuff, I assure you.


I thought that my words^^^were words of understanding and support. I have a life-threatening illness, as well, and have gotten the best advice, support and understanding from other women who have been/are where I'm at. When you are able to talk with someone, who has/is literally standin' in your shoes, it is a huge help, and they have much to offer, in sharing their experiences of how they've learned to live their lives with this hanging over their heads every day of their lives.

And that is exactly what I offered to Shelly. All I know is that when the same has been offered to me, I truely appreciated it, and took a moment to say "Thank You", instead of pointing out some minor mistake they might have made, that just wasn't important enough to point out. Maybe my culture is strange in their ways, as we are taught to respond with kindness, not irritation, to someone who has offered us something as valuable as a part of themselves.

As for my response to Kyuss post, it was in agreement to his way of answering someone who WAS being a total ASS. He was defending Shelly, in his own unique way of saying things, and I simply applauded him for it, as the guy was being completely atrocious in his behavior, in a thread regarding a woman just diagnosed with something very scarey.

I am just getting more and more confused here, and don't need the stress either, so I am leaving this thread and will not return to it. Take a lesson from this, too Shelly, in that you have to really watch your stress meter when you are dealing with disorders of the immune system. Seriously. If something starts getting you bent, remove yourself from the situation/person, whatever. Just get the hell out, before it does you damage. Learned that one the hard way. Want you to NOT have to learn the hard way. These kinds of adjustments are very important, and I will be more than glad to share anything I've got that is of help to you. All you have to do is ask.

Later, all.

[nick]

Boudica luv,you offered support........you can do no more.

[eerased]

Shelley,
I posted you well wishes on the STD board the other day when you posted as I wasnt able to register yet to post here. Nick passed along the msg and "nick thank you for that"

I've been following your posts for a couple of months now. You seem so smart (i enjoy your threads) and I hope all the best for ya.. Stay well for yourself. You never know what you may want to do when you grow up..

[Frank Zito]

Now I feel compelled to speak up. I think the whole flaming thing has gotten out of control and focus has been taken away from the topic at hand. SHE HAS HIV. I know I'm not a mod/admin but seriously, some people here don't like other people here and that's between you folks... my humble suggestion is either take it up in a different thread or in PM. Shelley is who she is but good golly this thread has digressed into something else entirely. I'm going to be Jesus-esque here for a minute and say "let the one who has NOT made ANY poor decisions in their own life be the one to cast the first stone!"

Imagine if you started a thread and shared something so personal and others hijacked it into some flame-fest. We're all human and peoples' dislike for one another needs to be channeled elsewhere. Shelley does NOT deserve this.

And Shelley, if you see this message, as I said before, I really wish you the best of luck. Your life is definitely in your hands girl! Take care of yourself, get your health monitored as often as possible and like someone else said "keep on keepin' on!"

I second that...

[Duckfeet]

Ummm, I kind of disagree with the idea that if somebody shares their pain, we have to act any way at all: I like the way Opy goes off in all kinds of directions, and that we all have different ways of empathizing with someone who is hurting: the simple fact is, that we all felt Shelley's fear and pain, and posted stuff in different ways that was important to us...she knows this is Opiophile, and we are what we are...

If I posted that I was dying in a week, some would was say they love me, some would start talking about their latest dope score, a few would start bitching about the posters that went off topic, some nutcase would ask how to plug vicodin, and a few would want to join me as I left this planet LOL: there is no *right* way to post...and I find if somebody comes off as harsh, someone else counterbalances it...it's no big deal, Shelley's cool, she knows what we're like, that we love her, and I thought this whole thread was great... I even called my Mom, to get her to call her sister, to send me some other pictures my Grandmother took when she visited Ireland....great thread, and typical of the better Opy threads, where we get scattered all over the place...

[Duckfeet]

Ah, now, you have put a smile on my face, girl...and I'm sure Alice is laughing wherever she is... :-)


Duck, I wanna thank you from the deepest place in me Big IRISH Heart, for your post. Your granny and mine, could be twins. And in a few more years, I'll be her twin, too. And I am definately goin' home, before I die, to make goddamn sure me ashes get poured on Eire' soil.
Every word you speak here, is so full of Truth it amazes me. And I could tell by your beautiful, fightin', never-say-never soul, that you've got "the blood o' the clan" runnin' thru your veins, for sure. Take pride in that. I sure as hell do.

And you just pointed out somethin' everyone should be aware of: Never, ever, piss off an Irishwoman.:D

[Bishop]

Ummm, I kind of disagree with the idea that if somebody shares their pain, we have to act any way at all: I like the way Opy goes off in all kinds of directions, and that we all have different ways of empathizing with someone who is hurting: the simple fact is, that we all felt Shelley's fear and pain, and posted stuff in different ways that was important to us...she knows this is Opiophile, and we are what we are...
If I posted that I was dying in a week, some would was say they love me, some would start talking about their latest dope score, a few would start bitching about the posters that went off topic, some nutcase would ask how to plug vicodin, and a few would want to join me as I left this planet LOL: there is no *right* way to post...and I find if somebody comes off as harsh, someone else counterbalances it...it's no big deal, Shelley's cool, she knows what we're like, that we love her, and I thought this whole thread was great... I even called my Mom, to get her to call her sister, to send me some other pictures my Grandmother took when she visited Ireland....great thread, and typical of the better Opy threads, where we get scattered all over the place...

Again this guy Duck just knows what he's talking about.

[Boudica]

Boudica luv,you offered support........you can do no more.

Tank ya for tat, Nicky. Your wise words, as is your way, have indeed helped much in gettin' me head back in a better space.

I like the way Opy goes off in all kinds of directions,, and we are what we are...
....great thread, and typical of the better Opy threads, where we get scattered all over the place...

Yeah, I know I said I was gonna leave this thread alone, but I was compelled to lighten thingys up a bit, by stoppin' in to tell you guys that I just ripped a fart so hard it kinda hurt me arse, and me room now smells like Taco Bell that you've had in the fridge for a week or more, then after you zap it in the micro, when you open the door and that SMELL comes out, yeah, that's how it smells. And man, that sucker was LOUD, too, I mean my cat, who was in a deep sleep on my bed lliterally boinged off the bed like she was on springs, flew through the air and RAN outta me room so fast her fur was flyin' and oh, shite, here comes another one, wait I gotta get me can of Ozium, oh god, where the fuck did I put it, I just saw it here a minute ago, no wait, I'll just lite some Nag Champa....WHOA! Tat one was even louder....ouch....I better wait, befor I light that Nag cuz o' the gas factor ya know.....brb........Whew!.......pphhhhhhttt.....om g.........puffftttt.....ewweww...........

Again this guy Duck just knows what he's talking about.


Yes, the Duckster is the embodiment of Confuscious, Buddha, Mohhammud, Jesus H. Christ, Nostrodamos, Edgar Cayce, John Lennon, and Oprah all rolled into one a-fucking-mazing human being and I, for one, feel downright Blessed that he has allowed me access to him. And I honestly think he is some sort of super-human species, probably the offspring of a human/alian life-form who produced this amazing man that has pulled me (and my offspring) thru some of the most difficult times of our lives, and I am eternally grateful to the Universe for seeing to it that our paths crossed when they did.

I am not joking and every fucking word I just said is the absolute truth that lives in my heart about My Friend, who is priceless in value to me, and who I would do just about anything within my power for, should he ask.

And he has the most amazing way, of appearing with exactly the right words that I need to hear, at precisely the right moment in time that I need him.

Love ya ta pieces, Ducky, always have...always will.

Ok. Now I really am goin' ta leave this one alone, and Shelly, with that, I hope I made ya giggle, even a little. That's good medicine, for us all, and if we lose our humour, that's when we can get into serious trouble. Let's release some o' them "laffin' endorphins", shall we? They be truely good for us, always.

[bronyraur]

...I was compelled to lighten thingys up a bit, by stoppin' in to tell you guys that I just ripped a fart so hard it kinda hurt me arse, and me room now smells like Taco Bell that you've had in the fridge for a week or more, then after you zap it in the micro, when you open the door and that SMELL comes out, yeah, that's how it smells.

I can smell that clear across the country.

Phew.

[Boudica]

I can smell that clear across the country.

Phew.


I WARNED you, Great Brony One!:D

In reality tho, my farts don't smell, they are lil girly farts, just lil puffs that don't affect anyone near me, thank god. (Yeah, right Boudica)

Btw, I am more madly in luv with you than ever right now. Thanks alot;-)

[SHELLEY]

My most humble apology for me "Foe-Paw". I had you confused with someone else. Me brain is operatin' on "low battery" lately, and 'bout the best I can pull out of it is "UHHHHHHH".

Don't quite understand why, but I get the feelin' from your comment, that you find it some sort of insult to be mistaken for bein' "Irish". Maybe I am just weird, but I thought that the heart of my post to you, was that I stated we are both women, with serious illnesses, and I offered to you my hand, my understanding, and support.

wasn't saying it was an insult
and i understood what you were saying
and severely appreciate it
i was just sayin that im german
nothing wrong with bein' irish
be proud of bein' irish!
i'm proud of bein' german!
cuz theres nothing wrong with that either

[Boudica]

wasn't saying it was an insult
and i understood what you were saying
and severely appreciate it
i was just sayin that im german
nothing wrong with bein' irish
be proud of bein' irish!
i'm proud of bein' german!
cuz theres nothing wrong with that either


Damn straight! You GO GIRL!!!

Btw, I could eat saurbraten and spatzle (spell?) till I explode. Yum!

Hope you are feelin' somewhat better, dear. It ain' easy bein' "us". Me offer still stands. Give me a shout, should ya ever want to talk about stuff.

[squareone]

Damn straight! You GO GIRL!!!

Btw, I could eat saurbraten and spatzle (spell?) till I explode. Yum!

Hope you are feelin' somewhat better, dear. It ain' easy bein' "us". Me offer still stands. Give me a shout, should ya ever want to talk about stuff.

Its spaetzle...my Slavic grandma makes it, also you should know very few people in north America continue there traditions and heritage, even though she's German I would put ten bucks on it she hasn't even heard of such a thing.

[Suboxstitute]

I think this is a really old thread - Shelley, didn't you later find out that you were NOT positive> you had a false positive? Set the newer people straight or they'll worry about you.

The original post was from 2007. ......If my eyes are seeing right. If not, then whatever everyone else said.

Sue

[SHELLEY]

yeah false positive... scary shit though

[underide]

geez, YOU are one LUCKY lady, Shelley

If i'm not mistaken those tests have 99% accuracy and in some labs it's even something like 99.8% accuracy

that's just what the doc taking my blood, doc was taking my bloods - since my veins were and still are in an awful state and not one nurse at the clinic could get any bloods of me, due to my collapsed/nonexistent veins, where just 5 years ago there were still some there (and a few quite nice one too)

Anyway - i was quite worried one time since i was really desperate to get well about 50hrs without my methadone due to the holidays (clinic closed for 3 days) and i completely forgot that on the day before the holidays started, they have actuallly changed their opening/closing hours....usually clinic open 7 days a week, and it opens at 9am, closes at 12.30pm, then starts again at 2pm and closes at 5 pm

that day's closing hours was completely changed though, they only had the 9-12.30pm shift, and when i came in at about 3pm - the doors were shut...was looking for anyone selling 'done, feverishly at least until 6pm, wityh no luck (i had gear though)

so i went home to try and hold out for a few days with some alcohol and maybe some codeine from a local pharmacy

LONG srory short - by the end of day 2, couldn't take it anymore - i had spikes, but needed a barrel (needle exchanges were also closed - it was "bank holiday moday", and i'm sure most Brits/Irish know what that means)

Anyway i found a few barrels (around the needle exchange) -all out of their sealed casings, picked the cleanest one without visible blood residue in it (could only see some residual water/solution at the rubber end of the plunger and in the 'neck'...i was desparate so i bleached it and hoped for the best.....got well


aftert that I asked for a blood test - they told me i needed to wait 3 weeks for the virus - HIV (if there was any to become apparent, so made an appointment for the end of the month (4 weeks waiting basically)

when the appointment day came, 2 days in a row the nurses tried various spots on my arms, hands and even ankles - to no avail - my veins were THAT bad already
The next day i was sent upstairs to see "the Vampire"....he got my bloods from me in less than 5 minutes...he just said -"put your finger here, while pushing his own finger around where mine was, and then said "stop - keep your finger right there" so i did - it was just around the radial vein just more to the side or the inside (i forget)

Anyway he stuck that needle along where my finger was pretty fast and quite deep (almost like you would if/when going for a femoral shot)
As soon as the needle was in - the blood got sucked into a tube with such damn speed, he just kept changing tubes (3 or 4 in total, i think) at quite the speed
I'm guessing he tapped my radial artery for blod due to the state my veions are in

anyway - VERY SORRY for getting off
BUT - back to my original point

If memory serves me right, i asked him how long it would take and how accurate the tests are - he said something like "Verry Accurate these days - up to 99% accuracy on the first test and up to 99.8-100% the second test

lesson learned - never use anyonelses needles, ESECIALLY if you don't know who's they were..
Stay safe everyone!


anyway - a week or two waiting and i find out that i'm clean!

[Raz]

yeah fanks for da speedy update, thats on epic piece a not givin a shit re peeps who may be concerned for your well being.....

Fuck listenin to you, your schizo fuckin nut is on a different planet......

[frankie]

Shelley, i am super glad to hear that you had a false positive epecially now that you have jazmine to think about... good luck and be safe:)

[nick]

yeah fanks for da speedy update, thats on epic piece a not givin a shit re peeps who may be concerned for your well being.....

Fuck listenin to you, your schizo fuckin nut is on a different planet......


Schizo,fuckin' nut...........can't argue with that bro,but to give Shelley her due,I believe she told us it was a false positive some time ago.

Shelley,if you'd paid more attention to harm reduction.........maybe you could have avoided this kinda stress.

[Narkotikon]

This has probably been answered at some point, but I've not read / seen / heard about it:

WHY do they call HIV "the ninja?" It makes it sound like something that sneaks up on you and does you in with a sword.

Unless you're just completely careless, my understanding is that HIV isn't that easy to get. Use safe sex practices and clean needles and you're about 99% taken care of / assured that you won't get it, minus a very small chance from something odd like a bad transfusion or something like that, which I think is pretty rare now.

So, why "ninja?" I want to make some kind of anime cartoon character to anthropomorphise it.

[underide]

So, why "ninja?" I want to make some kind of anime cartoon character to anthropomorphise it.

Ninja's are outlaws, man. That already has to imply something, i guess...They have to work mostly at night, quitely, and in complete secrecy (especially of their invisible deadly weapon they carry :D .
Oh and on top of that they are also are faced with "fucked if they do, fucked if they don't"
Always faced with danger of being found out, caught and sent away for a long time...Or just plain killed if some bewildered 'client' ever finds out and goes apeshit on da Ninja who he banged just "the other night"

Well ^^^ That's just my personal way of trying to interpret that analogy, i guess

Maybe some ACTUAL "Ninja ho's", or just plain Ninjas :D, might wanna step in here and make it clearer for us??

Edit: excuse the laughing 'emoticons' - probably slightly unappropriate and tactless concerning the topic at hand

[StackBundles]

The Ninja = Silent, deadly, killer. Nothing more, nothing less.

[poonwhalla]

The Ninja = Silent, deadly, killer. Nothing more, nothing less.


Old thread + nothing new or important to say really = leave the thread alone and let it die!

[bodytec]

wow,SHELLY. i didn't realize this until now. i was always scared to get tested myself till recently because of shear fear of this for me. you will be in my thoughts forever,and i would dfinitely like to get to know you esp. since you live 5 min away from me.

[wisegal]

wow,SHELLY. i didn't realize this until now. i was always scared to get tested myself till recently because of shear fear of this for me. you will be in my thoughts forever,and i would dfinitely like to get to know you esp. since you live 5 min away from me.

SHE DOESNT HAVE HIV, MAN.