Your worst withdrawal experience

[GoddessofRATs]

What is your worst w/d experience?

Just thought this might be interesting. Hope i put it in the right place.

GOR

[zenpunk]

You can read a few of mine in various threads and posts...they usually involve me violently sick and undoubtedly on an airplane flight from hell (I never go through WDs in the comfort of my own home it seems).

[Duckfeet]

they're all pretty bad. I guess worst was when I left L.A. and headed up north. Me and my girlfriend were going to get away from heroin, head up to San Francisco, start over, all that good shit. So I copped a few balloons, and made it up to Monterrey, then got that *heavy* sleep that to me, means it's starting, and took that 2-3 hr nap, and woke up sick sick...headed south, and I remember stopping in Big Sur, and looking out over the fucking ocean and being so cold and miserable...

We made it down to Kayucas--just outside of Morro Bay--and it hit me hard. We were living in my van, and I had the shits terrible, and couldn't stand touching anything, and my girlfriend was crying, since she wasn't a junky and didn't understand it too well. Got sicker and sicker, up all night with diarreah, and days up there, staring at the ocean, broke...and finally, naturally, packed it in and head back down south as fast as I could to the dope house. It was when I was still young, and thought if I could just get away from it, I could beat it... :-(

[GoddessofRATs]

K I'll go take a look.

Oh and i did search for W/d stories prior to starting this thread but some of them are kinda old. Just so ya know, i did search he he.

GOR

[GoddessofRATs]

Yea if ya don't quit properly it will fallow ya.

Thanks for the story.

GOR


they're all pretty bad. I guess worst was when I left L.A. and headed up north. Me and my girlfriend were going to get away from heroin, head up to San Francisco, start over, all that good shit. So I copped a few balloons, and made it up to Monterrey, then got that *heavy* sleep that to me, means it's starting, and took that 2-3 hr nap, and woke up sick sick...headed south, and I remember stopping in Big Sur, and looking out over the fucking ocean and being so cold and miserable...

We made it down to Kayucas--just outside of Morro Bay--and it hit me hard. We were living in my van, and I had the shits terrible, and couldn't stand touching anything, and my girlfriend was crying, since she wasn't a junky and didn't understand it too well. Got sicker and sicker, up all night with diarreah, and days up there, staring at the ocean, broke...and finally, naturally, packed it in and head back down south as fast as I could to the dope house. It was when I was still young, and thought if I could just get away from it, I could beat it... :-(

[zenpunk]

they're all pretty bad. I guess worst was when I left L.A. and headed up north. Me and my girlfriend were going to get away from heroin, head up to San Francisco, start over, all that good shit. So I copped a few balloons, and made it up to Monterrey, then got that *heavy* sleep that to me, means it's starting, and took that 2-3 hr nap, and woke up sick sick...headed south, and I remember stopping in Big Sur, and looking out over the fucking ocean and being so cold and miserable...

We made it down to Kayucas--just outside of Morro Bay--and it hit me hard. We were living in my van, and I had the shits terrible, and couldn't stand touching anything, and my girlfriend was crying, since she wasn't a junky and didn't understand it too well. Got sicker and sicker, up all night with diarreah, and days up there, staring at the ocean, broke...and finally, naturally, packed it in and head back down south as fast as I could to the dope house. It was when I was still young, and thought if I could just get away from it, I could beat it... :-(

Oh the shits are the worst with that feeling that your intestines are turning inside out. I've spent that time on the can drenched in sweat with tears involuntarily rolling down my cheeks.

[Duckfeet]

Yeah, probably it was bad, also, because it was this trip when I started realizing, maybe for the first time, that I couldn't get away from this thing...and when I headed back, I knew I was going to hook up with a friend, and start pulling burglaries. Before I left, a friend name of Bear, had told me something I never forgot, because up til then I had kind of fought it, been a chipper, or a "weekender" as we called'em... Bear said to me that sooner or later I would either have to get out, or jump in with both feet. And to me, heading back to L.A., actually to Orange County, meant I was jumping in with both feet.

I found my crime partner, and told him that I was ready to go, and within a couple of months I had been busted twice, and was in Orange County Jail, on my way to prison. I kind of knew on my way back down south, that something had changed, and that what I had lost, I could never get back... and I never have.

I guess that's why I always think of that one, when I think of the worst, because it was the beginnning of me realizing I was in this for the duration...



Oh the shits are the worst with that feeling that your intestines are turning inside out. I've spent that time on the can drenched in sweat with tears involuntarily rolling down my cheeks.

[jonny-5]

the worst i have ever had em was about 3 years ago. my younger brother was and still is living in harlem, and we went to long island for his wedding. before we left i spent all the money i had on two grams of tar, which was to last me from friday through wednesday. i ran out monday morning. so that night it started, luckily i had a hotel room to myself, but i had never had withdrawls that bad. wednesday we flew home, that was the longest plane ride of my life. then it took like 2 hours for the shuttle to come to take us to the lot we were parked in, we got back and i bolted to the dealer. ive been sick many times since, ive even fully kicked cold turkey prolly 5 times since, but none of them seemed as bad as those 3 days.

[Inspektahdek]

me right now actually someone pray for me, I haven't eaten in 2 days

[pharmboy]

The part I hate the most is how it feels like the devil or evil

spirits move into your brain and you get this overwhelming

feeling of doom. And all the memories that you remember

are bad memories or memories from a past shitty time WDing.

And all you want to do is sleep so time will pass while your

out and no matter how hard you try you can't sleep AHHHH

I hate to even think about it. Over and out.:jumping-s

[GoddessofRATs]

Yea it's nearly impossible to sleep those first few days of w/d, it's miserable. And if you do fall asleep you have funky dreams and you wake up in a puddle of sweat. And after sleeping maybe 10 minutes all i can do is rock back and forth and shake my legs to ease the RLS and the minute i stop it feels like bugs are crawling on my muscles and of course that prevents me from falling back to sleep. Though sometimes i do fall asleep while rocking and shaking my legs, how i don't know.

It's funny how we easily talk about something that is so horrible. I guess talking about it is just venting and getting it all of you.

Oh the other part of w/d i hate is peeing ever 10 minutes during the day while I'm awake. I'll go pee, lay back down in bed and in 10 minutes I'll have to pee again and during the night while i sleep I'll wake up with such a full bladder that i have to run to the bathroom, omg how does a bladder get so full like that. Than I'll go back to sleep and an hour later wake up with a full bladder again and than i have to run like the wind to the bathroom. Than fall asleep and an hour later wake up AGAIN with a full bladder and so on and so on.

I wonder why one makes so much urine while in w/d, at least i sure do and i hate it. I did some research on that vary thing a few months back and the explanations i found were interesting. One person said that the reason this happens because while you are opiated your bladder nerves are numb or number than they would be while sober. So when you're opiated you don't feel the need to go to the bathroom as much. And when you're in w/d these nerves become the opposite of when you are opiated, your nerves are over stimulated and just having a few drops of urine in your bladder and you have to go to the bathroom but what causes us to make more urine while in w/d i haven't found the to many good answers. Another person said that when you are opiated you don't go to the bathroom as much (urinate) so when you are in w/d your bladder needs to be exercised. I don't know about that answer though.

It's just fascinates me so much that one night while in w/d i measured how much urine i made. I know this sounds crazy but i was making so much urine i just had to know how much was coming out of me. So when I'd go to the bathroom I'd pea in a plastic cup and than measure it with a measuring cup (one i use for art projects, not for food LOL) and i woke up 5 times during the night and each time i made a little over a cup of urine so that whole night i made about 5 cups of urine. Gosh, how is that possible? During a normal night while sober (not in w/d) or opiated i make probably not even 2 cups. That is just amazing.

Anyone have any thoughts on why we make so much urine while in w/d?

GOR

[robotears]

Everytime I withdraw is pretty horrible. I remember trying to drive far enough away so that I'd be somewhere dope isn't. I drove about 5 hrs and as soon as it started gettin bad I turned right back around and came home. Coming off methadone sucks. When I went to detox at the hospital, they wouldn't give me anything except a multi vitamin for 2 days. Finally they gave me a miniscule dose of suboxone which did nothing. The plastic like sheets and pillowcases are pretty shitty to deal with while sweating. The food sucks and everything has a weird smell to it. Yup I'd have to say the hospital was pretty bad. At least at home you have the comfort of "being at home".

[nick]

I've seen a clip of a couple of guys in Burma going through serious wd.They're in handcuffs and in legirons and they're chained together.

It's horrific.

[AZJunkie]

I remember puking out the window of my car just as I pulled up to the corner to cop.......they made me get out because there was no way to access the drivers window without stepping in a pool of bile.

[GoddessofRATs]

God that must be pure 100% hell. I can't even begin to imagine what those guys are going through!

Where is this clip, on line?

GOR


I've seen a clip of a couple of guys in Burma going through serious wd.They're in handcuffs and in legirons and they're chained together.

It's horrific.

[nick]

God that must be pure 100% hell. I can't even begin to imagine what those guys are going through!

Where is this clip, on line?

GOR

naw,a doc who works in harm reduction sent it to my partner and I on a mobile phone.I always complain about the way addicts are treated in the U.K. and this was his way of saying..."stop bitching."

They used to chain addicts to their beds for enforced wd in parts of Scandenavia early last century,but to see it happening now was painful.

[limitless_euphoria]

I'd say SWIM told me back a few years ago he went from 10g every 3-4 days to ZIP. TWO PURE WEEKS OF TORTURE. The first week was mental and physical and the second was more mental wth a few phantom pains.

TAPER, TAPER, TAPER. I know it's FUCKING DISCIPLINE that's a BITCH and 1/2 but you'll *SO* thank yourself later, you know?

I've even heard of cutting your amount in half for three or four days, then switching to the heaviest pills you can find for a day or two, then say backing it down to vics or trams, then after a few days if you wanted to you could just use less pills each day and ease off. It's WORED before. I know for a fact. :)

P.S. Have things to do around, maybe a couple of your other favorite recreational intoxicants (e.g. bud, benzos), and don't be a pussy and give in and you'll be successful. Perhaps it doesn't work for every single person but I've seen it work.

[mikells43]

i never really puked that much in w/d, one time i was copping outside of an old dudes house, someone else went in who knew the dude, i was in my car, sick as fuck stomach churning. i shit myself in my own car, i couldnt hold it back anymore. took off my boxers, stashed them under the old dudes car. guy came out with pills, did one righ away , got unsick drove home happy.

one time i did a whole bunch of perc 10s in a 3 week continous span, i had a big script 90 or so, i finished the script xmas eve at 4am, went to bed, woke up christmas sick as a fucking dog. spent xmas sick , didn't eat or anything. that was baddd.

[pharmboy]

Yup I had a couple of those Christmases.

I always make shur I am well stocked around

Christmas these days. Don't want any more of

that shit.:jumping-s

[GoddessofRATs]

This is what w/d can feel like!!!
ROTFL

http://www.wowt.nl/images/jaws_jackson.gif

GOR

[LorTabitha]

Oh the other part of w/d i hate is peeing ever 10 minutes during the day while I'm awake.

I have this happen, too! I even had to be hospitalized for it recently, because I couldn't urinate. The fluid just built up in my legs and and feet and my skin stretched and stretched. It was VERY painful and my legs were bright red for days! They gave me IV diuretics for 4 days and it finally worked. GOR, it's funny that you measured your output, because that's exactly what they do in the hospital. You have a little pan you put in the toilet every time you go and the nurses empty it and measure everything a couple of times during the day. It's humiliating when you have guests and they use the bathroom!!

The increased fluids/urination happens to me every time I wd to a small extent, but it usually either makes me pee every 5-10 minutes or my regular diuretic pills do the trick.

Anyone know why this happens???

LorTabitha

[Narkotikon]

Without a doubt from MMT. Whoever said methadone w/ds are more gentle should be shot. Not only were they just as bad as from shorter-acting opies, they lasted oh so much longer. I wanted to shoot myself. Thank god for Pay Pal credit and pods.

[SHELLEY]

my face started having weird seizures
my tongue went into the back of my throat
and i had to pull it with my fingers cause it was choking me
then my face and neck started to yank to the right
so i was all sideways holding my tongue with my finger and thumb
and every once in a while i'd start puking
and i choked on it three times
this chick kept having to heimlich me
and she was high on coke
so she ended up busting one of my ribs

so now on top of the 30-hour iv heroin w/d
i have a broken fucking rib
i figured that with that, i could go to the er
and at LEAST get some vicodan
which would at least ease the pain slightly
i had 3 seizures on the way to the hospital
all 3 of which i came out of screaming at the top of my lungs
i was seeing bugs crawling on me
so i was tearing at my skin trying to get them off
and every time i screamed
my chest hurt worse
then i started puking up blood- lovely
couldn't stop screaming

er diagnosis:
1)broken rib
2)punctured lung due to broken rib
3)severe opiate withdrawal

then they gave me a shot of something
to this day i have no clue what it was
because they needed me to stop fucking screaming
whatever it was, fucking NICE
i went from the bowels of hell to floating on a soft cloud
whoooooooo
plus some roxi take-homes

was it worth it?
...no

[Duckfeet]

Thanks, but no thanks: I know the one thing I have imprinted on my very being is what it's like for me personally to go through withdrawals. Every time people tell me I should see a flick, or a pic about it, I pass...I know what it's like, and that's enough for me...doesn't keep me from doing dope, ever, IMO, so I just try not to think about it, as fear has yet to keep me off dope...might work for some, tho, but for it just gets me depressed...



This is what w/d can feel like!!!
ROTFL

http://www.wowt.nl/images/jaws_jackson.gif

GOR

[boti420]

For me the worst part has always been the restless leg syndrome. I just hate that feeling of stored up tension in your legs where you HAVE to constantly keep them moving for a slight relief. Spend all night tossing and turning moving my legs around and this obviously keeps me from falling asleep cause whenever i stop moving my legs that terrible leg tensions builds again. I HATE IT!!!

Thats the worst symptom for me. There is a close second though, sometimes i get terrible hot/cold flashes and the cold sweats that follow. It's incredibly hard to work while you are sweating balls and it's 55F outside and you work outside. You'll be shivering like a mofo and sweating your ass off at the same time. This doesn't look to good to your coworkers when you'er covered in sweat while you're shivering and wearing sevetal layers of clothing while everyone else n just a light hoodie. People start think you got pneumonia, TB, or Anthrax or something. Sucks.

[Black_Pony]

Rehab. After checking in with a full blown H habit. I shot up on my way in and lasted about 36 hours. 36 hours of hell.

I bolted, driving as fast as I could to my dealers house puking all over myself the whole way. I was drenched in puke by the time I met up with this guy. Christ only knows what he must have thought!

[Seedy]

My first real taste of wd's was on christmas day. This was after a couple of months on seed tea then that week of holiday before xmas on the pods. I thought I was sorted but the seeds I'd bought to tide me over were useless. Had to hang out with both sides of the family all day sweating and twitching, wishing I'd never been born. That was about the point I realised I had a habit.


one time i did a whole bunch of perc 10s in a 3 week continous span, i had a big script 90 or so, i finished the script xmas eve at 4am, went to bed, woke up christmas sick as a fucking dog. spent xmas sick , didn't eat or anything. that was baddd.

[reddragon3668]

This will sound lame compared to many of the stories here, but a few years back, I was on 160mg of 'done for pain. I woke up one morning and just felt awesome. It continued for weeks, so, I just started whittling down my 'done use until I was eventually down to 5mg. Thinking it wasn't worth keeping around, I trashed the rest. Ah, hell... a hurricane come through and everything was down for 3 days or so, and I literally thought I was going to die. I never thought that little bit of medicine would make me so sick without it, but I was climbing the damn walls. I've had worse w/d's since, but that one will never leave me. It was my first real experience with 'done w/d's and I'll never forget it!

[Black_Pony]

I've kicked over the holidaze too, it sucks. My mom says she has too.

This last time I think I tought the whole family why they call it kicking because my legs were jerking so damn much. My uncle even said out loud 'I guess thats why they call t kicking the habit.'

No shit genious.


i never really puked that much in w/d, one time i was copping outside of an old dudes house, someone else went in who knew the dude, i was in my car, sick as fuck stomach churning. i shit myself in my own car, i couldnt hold it back anymore. took off my boxers, stashed them under the old dudes car. guy came out with pills, did one righ away , got unsick drove home happy.

one time i did a whole bunch of perc 10s in a 3 week continous span, i had a big script 90 or so, i finished the script xmas eve at 4am, went to bed, woke up christmas sick as a fucking dog. spent xmas sick , didn't eat or anything. that was baddd.

[IceCold]

I was stuck in newark nj. for 2 days on my way back from Italy due to airlines canceling flights I had a free hotel room and free food but I couldn't eat. On top of being really dopesick I had a cold at the same time that I had b4 I was sick it was terrible. Then when I finally got a flight back to st. louis I immediaely picked up a friend and went to cop. I gave my friend the cash because the dude only wanted 1 person at a time going up there. Right after I saw him cop the dope he was arrested after a short foot chase. I was lucky I wasn't arrested myself. I then got an advance from my credit card and got dope from another guy then I did a fat ass shot....It was awexsome to finally get relief after all that.


Another time when there was alot of crazy good fentanyl dope around... ya know that shit that was killin everyone. it didn't kill me but it gave me a really high tolerance. I ran out of cash after like a 3 week run. I was so fucking sick it was ridiculous the hot/cold flashes were so bad they would make me pass out but only for like 30 seconds. My dad saw me like that and wanted to take me to the hospital but I convinced him not to I finally got dope 4 days later. One good thing is that it dropped my tolerance alot.

[RifRaf]

I couldn't get through all of your stories, started making me "icky" just reading about them.

My worst was in County jail. I had to do 10 days for a DUI. The hour before I had to turn myself into booking I went to my dealers bought three points, since that's all I had on me (which my parents gave me to put on my books in jail, but.. well you know) I then ran down to the nearest Chevron, got the bathroom key and tied off.

Fast forward to the next morning at 4am when they would wake us up for breakfast (and I just HATE being woken up when I know the w/d's are "in the mail" and I won't be sleeping any more) I got some of the cereal down then past the rest of the food around to my cell mates. For the next 6 days I was in hell, and no one understood because around here Meth is the big thing (isn't that like every where though now-a-days?) so they would say "just sleep it off" Yea buddy believe me I'd love too.

The part I hate the most is the anxiety. I get horrid chest and neck anxiety that just makes me want to jump out of my skin. The diarrhea is a killer as well, especially when you're sharing a dorm with 25 other guys. I managed about 3 hours of "sleep" all together in those 6 days which were all filled with bad dreams that don't ever make sense, and if they do it's always disturbing. Luckily on day 8 I was put out for work release, I was 45 minutes late to work because I had to fix myself up.

Since then I kicked heroin 3 times, and went through many end of the month, "my dealer is out of her pills" Methadone withdrawls.

[ein0606]

i was on suboxone for a year and a half. i was stupid enough to start taking methadone forawhile. so i wanted to get back on the suboxone and was stupid enough to let my doctor tell me that if i keep taking suboxone in small doses that i would be in w/d but it would turn relatively quickly. that was the worst 3 hours of my life. i was in that cold dr's office kciking screaming, ripping up the shiity paper blankets and pillows. then i would have to sprint to the freezing cold toilet shit my fucking insides out. go back to the room laying on the bed or whatever u sit on in the drs office is called and almost falling off. it did start to turn after3 hours and i felt it little better but then later that night it started to get bad again andi was out of suboxone and his cell phone died. so i went out and got more methadone. so i went through that whole precipitated w/d for absolutely nothing. it was pure hell.

[Raz]

My o my , i wish i was a poet. But i guess i am , just didnt fuckin know it....All of us are here coz we have to feel things in the extreme, be it high or low and i mean fuckin real low... But thats how we are. Nothin gets through to us , unless we feel it in the extreme. Man if i knew why; or had the answer how to stop this shit i'd write a book and retire from a life of drugs and crime. But my bat is to try and keep this shit under control, coz i've got a family.All i know is once you touch that habit, your on a one way ticket....Either embrace your addiction and go all out. Or be the person that tries to keep it together, but everyday your battling that same ol feeling" life will feel better wiv a bit of gear inside ya!!! We are either one or the other and no matter no crazy withdrawal shit will change that....Tell me how many of us spoke of our worse withdrawal experience when banged up, i guarantee the experience you spoke about (the most) always had a happy ending where you copped your parcel under adverse circumstances.......This is the chat i always found in jail...Tell me why doesnt the worse ever withdrawal change our way???????

[resorcinol]

The last time I kicked pods involuntarily. It was terrible. I felt like absolute shit, sweating, shivering, couldn't sleep much, and when I did fall asleep I had horrible gruesome nightmares that I can't even think about without getting chills. Like not knowing who I am and everyone else morphing into creatures and me chewing some girls face off.

[Raz]

The last time I kicked pods involuntarily. It was terrible. I felt like absolute shit, sweating, shivering, couldn't sleep much, and when I did fall asleep I had horrible gruesome nightmares that I can't even think about without getting chills. Like not knowing who I am and everyone else morphing into creatures and me chewing some girls face off.


And yet we go back everytime.....

[resorcinol]

And yet we go back everytime.....

..... because it feels so good and elevates our perception to optimism. Once tasted and loved, it's near impossible for an opiophile to never touch an opioid again.

Long breaks where we are completely sober are possible though.

[JonnyM]

The first time I ever withdrawed from oxy was the worst. I was on a 200mg a day habit for the whole summer (mind you I was 16 maybe 17). I had finally ran out and didnt know about pod or seed tea... My girlfriend at the time helped me kick and didnt leave my side... It was the worst.

When Im w/ding I get horrible hot and cold flashes.. its the worst part for me.

Anyone else feel that way about the flashes?

Also RifRaf nice leftover crack avatar.


I however like Choking Victim more. =]

[RifRaf]

Also RifRaf nice leftover crack avatar.


I however like Choking Victim more. =]

Same here. The entire Choking Victim LP is amazing. Crack Rock Steady, and Infested booyah. :D

[resorcinol]

The first time I ever withdrawed from oxy was the worst. I was on a 200mg a day habit for the whole summer (mind you I was 16 maybe 17). I had finally ran out and didnt know about pod or seed tea... My girlfriend at the time helped me kick and didnt leave my side... It was the worst.

When Im w/ding I get horrible hot and cold flashes.. like its the worst part for me.

Anyone else feel that way about the flashes?

The flashes are one of the worst for me, along with the related symptom of "cold intolerance" as I call it. It's starting to get chilly here now, and the first w/d symptom that appears is intense shivering in even 45 F degree weather which isn't that cold. Winter is gonna suck since I'm sure there'll be a few below zero nights... unless I kick by then that is... although that cold intolerance may be protracted and part of PAWS which would suck.

[Raisin]

I've kicked too many times to count and still haven't done it for good so as I see it it's the staying kicked that's a bitch. My problem is that by the time I have to kick, I'm usually too broke to have been taking my psych meds so I'm going through wd's from that as well (as am currently). Come on Friday!

[mark_renton]

sorry to bring up an ol’ thread but her is mine.

O.k. my worst has to be either the first time I got the w.d.’s, hell I had no clue what was going on with me, I didn’t even know the pills I had been eating like candy were opiates .

As far as the worst for being sick was a couple of months back, I had been eating a 100 mmg patch a day for 2 months strait, when my dad informs me I gotta go to fucking Iowa to do a job, So I’m start’s to seriously freak the hell out because I know what I’m in for. I don’t know if any of you guys have ever been to spencer or Hartley Iowa, but I couldn’t find a connect to save my ass ( did finally get a friend of mine to mail me a couple 100’s finally). Anyhow I spent 6 days without a wink of sleep, couldn’t eat for 4, and had all the other wonderful symptoms of withdrawal for at least 3. When I finally do get back home I find things are dry, but I didn’t get to search to hard because I got my ass thrown in jail before I was in town for two days ( thank God I didn’t have the w.d.’s in that cell !).

Well it might have not been the best story but it sucked pretty bad to me, I think I have to go to IL here soon so I’m gonna ask for some advice so hopefully this does not happen again!

[Cole Younger]

For me, by FAR, was my Methadone and Xanax kick at the same time 3 years ago. I was on them both for 2 1/2 years and at the highest dose I was on 120mgs of 'Done and 4mgs of Xanax . The kick lasted for several months. I got very little sleep and woke up most nights drenched in cold sweat. The anxiety was like nothing I have ever experienced before, I thought I might actually loose my mind it was so bad at times. It was like a dope or an oxy kick that lasted for months. I didn't feel "normal" for a very long time. Something just didn't feel right. But, it gradually got better, and every day I started feeling better and better. Exercise and being outside in the fresh air helped a lot. Also, it took me a long time to "feel" any other opiates because my receptors were so soaked by the 'Done. Methadone is on a short list of things I will NEVER put in my system again.

[Cognitive_Shift]

My worst kick was prolly from my first time trying to quit. I was using about a gram of tar a day and my dad was staying up through out the night with me. It started out with my starting to get fatigue and the chills, then i would go scrape my spoon and try and do any residue (it was mostly me just shooting water) and then when I KNEW EVERYTHING WAS GONE was when it really set in. The first day wasn't so bad, i had a ton of valerian root and clonidine so my heart wasn't racing or anything... the second day was horrible. My bowls were just letting loose extreme diareah. I didn't eat the day before, my mom made me toast because i needed to eat something but when she brought it to me on a plate i couldn't eat it, the smell of it made me wanna puke. By the night of day two i was going BAT SHIT CRAZY, the clonidine wasn't making me tired, neither was was the valerian root or hydroxyzine. I had no sleep for coming up on 48 hours... the withdrawl was soo bad i was crying and begging my dad to give me vicodin (i knew he had in the house) i kept balling crying begging and pleading for some vicodin. I was on my couch and i had my sleeping bag over my head and my pajamas were SOAKED with sweat. I was so cold and the leather couch and wet clothes didn't help. I then began to just hit my thighs with my fists, kinda like punching them but not too hard. Just enough for me to feel a little pain but kinda hard. I had racing thoughts and suicidal thoughts... and thought i was going to die at any second. I kept screaming "this is the worst pain i've ever had please help" even when my dad had gone to sleep. I would then get up and pace around stop and do push ups, anything besides sitting still because it felt like i was going to die if i did and i would go back to punching myself and screaming and having suicidal thoughts.

By the time the morning had come i had calmed down a little, i was so tired i couldn't scream anymore and i was just thinking of how i was gonna get dope. My mom got home from work and when she went to sleep i tried to steal her car. She woke up from the garage door opening and i was pulling out when she ran behind her car shouting "I'm calling the police on you and your not welcome back!" screaming and crying i said "I'm sry you don't understand i have to do this!!!" and then she got out of the way and i pulled out leaving my mom in the garage on her knees crying. Little did she know i had also stolen her debit card and knew the pin. I went out and copped and was all better, with in a week i was in rehab. Cops were never involved. Worst kick ever!

[898522986]

i was on the fence about resurrecting a thread started in 07 but since the last post is only a couple months old i guess its not as bad.
my worst kick was definitely the last one over the summer of 09. id had an iv habit for about a year and was on mmt at the time on something like 60mgs (i cant remember for sure anymore) and was banging two bundles a day to get high on top of the done. this only lasted a couple of months before i got picked up copping coke in the middle of the night and went down on some old warrants.
the first couple days in county were fine, my done still holding me well enough but that diddnt last long. my stomach never gets too fuct up from kicking i just get rls, anxiety and hot and cold flashes. once the done was out of my system i diddnt sleep for more than fifteen minuets in a clip for three weeks and actually fell off my top bunk half a dozen times from tossing and turning on that tiny ass bed. the fact i was locked up made it a little better in the fact that my mind wasnt going crazy trying to figure out how to get something to stave off withdrawls and i decided that it would be a good lifes lesson to get sick get better and remember it so i dont do it again. since i was on mmt the jail offered me a subutex detox but thankfully since at the time the done was still holding me i told them i would rather ride it out and remember it than make it less miserable and just cop the second i got out. im pretty sure if i knew how sick i was actually gonna get i would have done that a little differently but in hindsight im glad things went the way they did.
I got out after 30 days, clean and feeling alot more human than i had in a long time. i ended up copping some coke that day and doing one shot but that was it for like a year. since i had unseved warrants me and my old lady skipped state and i stayed clean until i came back to ct and turned myself in (kinda, but thats another story).
these days i occasionally get a couple bags or some powder but nothing in the scale of back then. ive kicked cold turkey at least five times but that was the only one that will always stay with me. that along with the knowledge of how lucky i am to have bounced back from where i was two years ago and turned everything around to the "normal" life ive been living since i got out of jail this last time is more than enough to keep me from catching a habit again.