beginning to an end [Archive]

doughsburypillboy

11-23-2005, 02:45 PM

You have all heard this before, i'm sick of feeling sick, i'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat or shaking uncontrollably or just not being able to sleep at all, i'm sick of it all. Well i am sick of it all and if i don't do something about it soon this opiate addiction will finish the long process of ruining my life. My boss (who knows the whole deal and is very nice) says that if i don't get help soon i will lose my job due to being sick at work half the time not to mention my constant mood swings and my sometimes irratic(spelling?) behavior. My job is the last thing i have to lose,i've already lost my wife and daughter my career in the military and the respect of my whole family(except for my mom). I know i could turn my life around if i was on the methadone program. I have said this for years but never actually gone the extra step and gotten on methadone. I don't even know how i would start the process. I'm worried that if i tried to get on methadone i would be denied. I also don't know if any of you out there could give any information to help me with this. Where do i go , who do i talk to? I need help and i need it fast that much i already know. Anything any of you have to say would be appreciated. Thank you very much. Tom

HiJacked

11-23-2005, 04:42 PM

Well, after reading your post I've come to the conclusion that I may just be honor-bound to do everything in my power to make this as possible for you (and anyone else), as it is for you to continue being sick, and from what I've just read and know from experience, miserable. First things first.
Where abouts do you live? As in, are there any clinics in your area? Chances are, there are several, but lets just try to find one. Once you've gotten the phone number for the clinic all you have to do is to pick up the telephone and call them. Sounds to easy to be true doesnt it? It can be for some people, asking for help that is. But if you can handle being sick everyday from lack of (insert opiate here), then you can handle calling the clinic and simply ask them if you can get on methadone maintenance.
Now where I live in California the clinics make you go thru two 21 day detoxes before they'll let you hop onto their maintenance program. Second: Do you have insurance? where I live medi-cal covers over 3/4 of the people on methadones maintenance for them. I however dont have insurance or medi-cal, so I pay weekly at my clinic here.
Before going any further, when looking for the clinic you want ask if they are a private clinic or if they are run by the county. THIS IS IMPORTANT!. If a choice is available to you go with the private practice and go with the county clinic only if there is no other clinics in your area. The difference is like night and day. County run programs are often non-flexible when it comes to payments. The counselers are usually typical county worker assholes (sorry) , and get this, at the county clinic I first went to here, the counselor at the dosing window would not tell me what my doseage was. Can you belive that? Denying a patient their doasage information is just wrong and should be illegal. After leaving that clinic and going to my now daily clinic, they tell you your dose everyday as they hand it to you.
Plus county run programs test your urine several times a month and will boot you off the program after so many dirtys. Also alot of them have dose-caps. Meaning they wont adjust your dose to your needs.
If their maximum amount isnt enough...Too bad!.
So just go with the private clinic ,ok?!

So theres enough to get you started if your seriously sick of being sick. I know I was, and I havnt been sick once since I got on the program here. Also if you think you cant afford whatever your clinic is charging....add up your daily drug expences. Lets say you spend 20 bucks a day. That isnt usually enough to keep anyone hooked on junk anywhere close to stable, but its what I was scraping up daily just before going back onto methadone this last time. So 7x$20 is $140 a week for a drug that you'll never be able to get enough of to remain not-sick everyday. Well I pay $67 a week. For what I was spending every week smoking black tar, I now can afford two weeks worth of methadone that keeps me feeling as close to normal as I can remember. Its not gonna be easy but it is gonna be easier than living being sick. Usually the 21 day detox costs around $200. Ask the nurse on the phone when you call when the soonest they can get you in is and what is required of you at the time you come in.
Usually an ID and the money and your on your way to being well again.
I really hope you give yourself a chance and hope things get better for you. The person I was on smack isnt the person I am today. That bum was a monster. Nobody trusted him. Nobody could. He'd just stab them in the back to get well. Honestly I can credit methadone for each day I dont have to start the day scared and sick. I hope I never feel that fear again. Nobody should have to be that way. Thats not a life worth living. Thats barely surviving, and only for a minute.

Good luck,
HiJacked

duke_nemmerle

11-24-2005, 07:47 AM

lolleedee

11-25-2005, 01:42 AM

I know exactly how your feel...I was there. Getting on methadone was the best thing I could have done for myself. All i did was search the web fro methadone clinics in my state, called the one closest to me, got an appointment the next day and then was immediately put on the program! Also, don't let the detox part of it scare you! When I first went, I thought that meant that they would give me a dose of methadone and then immediately start to wean me off! I was wrong!! The detox phase of the methadone program involves them getting you properly medicated on a dose that works for you so that you can begin your life without using your drug of choic.
Good Luck to you! I know some people don't think to highly of methadone programs, but it truely saved my life and my sanity. I guess it is all in how you look at it. I have said it before that I look at methadone like insulin for diabetics. They use insulin to treat diabetes and I use methadone to treat my opiate addiction. Some diabetics, with proper diet and exercise can eventually get off their diabetic medication, some can not. Some people can get off methadone, some can not. For me, methadone doesn't rule my life~it gives me the ability to have one!:D

Paregoric Kid

11-25-2005, 03:26 AM

it really sucks for those of us that live pretty far from a clinic.

doughsburypillboy

11-25-2005, 01:47 PM

mmnyc9

11-25-2005, 06:32 PM

Getting on a program is a great stopgate I was exatly like that sick of everything. Lost it all burned every bridge I had and then some. I didn't have alot to start with no real family I had made a decent life for myself before drugs,homeless at 16 then the world by the balls at 21. it took 18 months of detoxes in and out,I wanted to get clean but could not. I spent 2 christmases in a row in the same hosipal. I could not stay clean no matter what, Yes there are many fucked up things about a proram but it sure as hell beats the other option suffering like a dog, no way man no way do I want to go back to that. I wish I could have done it without meth but I could not and can not at this rime in my life. NAMA is a good place to start, even if you have to travel anything is better then chasing and all the other shit that comes with the territory

lolleedee

11-25-2005, 08:04 PM

I agree with you all. I don't have a clinic that closr to me, so I spend a good hour and a half + everyday to get my methadone, but it is a small price to pay for getting my life back!!! I can't say enough about how much it is helping me. I know it isn't all sunshine and roses, but before I started it was only hell!! Good luck to you,,keep on trying...be persistant!!!:D

mmnyc9

11-26-2005, 09:43 AM

This is a very common problem when you first decide to get some help the programs have you by the nuts it seams they like this sadidistic type of approach. Plus because were a minorty group of people with certain issues we don't get the support we deserve. many medical people will say yea it's a disease like being a diabetic " you would not punish someone for taking insulin would you?"but don't offer the same support. contact NAMA there are a few other organizations that might be able to help, I know different states have different laws some private md's can and do issue Methadone. If I can help you in any way let me know. good luck

doughsburypillboy

11-29-2005, 12:35 PM

i lost all hope yesterday when i was told that the closet clinic(1 hour) will not have openings for a year or more!!!!!! So i called every clinic within hundreds of miles and the soonest i could even think about getting in is a few months!!!! I am pissed, hurt,sad and have lost hope for this the only chance i have is a bupe doc. like 30 min away but i have to go through a load of bullshit first and won't be on for a couple months and that's if the good doc even decides to write it 4 me at all!!! I'm on evry list for meth to bupe evrywhere in the area and it doesn't look good 4 nething so i think that i'm going to put myself back on "my own" program. I don't think that will be such a great idea unless i can ration something such as oc's to a small enough number to get me through the day and make it last so i have some 4 everyday my friend gets 180 oc 10's a month and splits them so that would be 3 a day and i dunno if that would be enough but it would be better than nothing. This f*!@#^% sucks. Tom

Coddfish

11-29-2005, 02:14 PM

i lost all hope yesterday when i was told that the closet clinic(1 hour) will not have openings for a year or more!!!!!! ... This f*!@#^% sucks. Tom

I am truly sorry my friend.

lyndl

11-30-2005, 07:46 AM

Hey Tom!

And here I am bitching most of the time about the fact that I don't get any choice for chronic pain management other than methadone (cause i was a registered addict). How much I cant stand it (sometimes lol), having 2 do supervised urines, having 2 go 2 the chemist (just around the corner literally 2mins away) and blah blah blah....

Well, I think 4 2day i should just b content that I can actually get on a program here (oz). Not 2 mention on the same day I decide I want 2 go on the program (this is my 3rd time on MMT).

I'm truely really sorry that u came 2 a decision about trying this drug only 2 find that u can't even get it perscribed 2 u. I can't even comprehend that sort of thing happening here. I have been reading some of what's written at this forum and from what I can tell there is good and bad in both countries health care system. Pity we cant take the good from both (uk off the bad) 2 create 1 completely awesome Health system.

Anyway... I hope that somehow someway some kind of miracle happens and u get what ur looking 4 earlier than u expect. Just hang in there. Sometimes when a door gets slammed in our face, it's time 2 thro a brick threw a window!!!

lolleedee

11-30-2005, 11:13 AM

How are you holding up, honey??? I asked the people at my clinic about your situation and they told me a few things. If the clinic that refused you because they were "full" is a federally or state funded clinic(ie not private) they cannot refuse you. There should be a number in your phone book for the drug council of your state and you can call and report them. The director of my clinic said that if the council calls the clinic, most likely they will all of a sudden have space for you and usually see you that day!!!! Hmmmmm, amazing what the threat of a fine will do!!! Also, try your regular doctor. They can prescribe methadone and if he won't, a lot of doctors will prescribe other opiates and put you on a weaning program. Just be honest. I did that about 2 years before I went the meth route. I marched into his office and said that I was addicted to opiates, that I was getting them illegally, that I was soooo sick w/withdrawl and could he please help me.(I don't qualify for public assistance or any of the subsidized drug programs out there and at the time I also didn't have insurance for rehab, or $$for methadone program) He immediately wrote me a narcotic script for vicodin and also ocy's, then started me on a weaning program...from those i went off the ocy just to the vico's after about a month, then he put me on codeine #4 and stopped the vicodin, then after a month of that, out me on tylenol #3 then after about two months of those and with him slowly reducing the amount he switched me to darvocet and then after that was over, he gave me conidine. I have to tell you that this "method" he had did work. I don't know if your dr. would do it~I guess it depends on the dr.! I have been with mine for years and he is very compassionate(especially where addiction is concerned) Of course, I didn't stay clean very long~I have chronic pain due to an injury and I couldn't take the pain, so back I went...but enough about me...the point is maybe your doctor would be willing to work with you..with a weaning program or maybe he will just give you methadone. I wish I had better answers for you, but so far this is all I came up with...i'll keep trying for ya' though!!! Hang in there!!!:D

duke_nemmerle

11-30-2005, 07:39 PM

i found out that the closest clinic from me is an hour away and they are closed for the next few days and they are currently booked up(not to mention they were very rude) so things aren't sounding good. But i will wait with hope as i know deep in my heart this is what i need to better my life. I WILL CONTACT THEM AGAIN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS to find out when the hell i can get started(and how). Thank you all for all your help. Tom
I feel for ya man, after waiting a damned month the doc I visited today tells me he no longer prescribes bupe. I'm fuming and admitedly quite devastated. I'm going to call all of the docs on the list tomorrow that are within an hour, hopefully someone will be able to help. If not, I guess I'm gonna have to detox a few times in my life. I don't want methadone because no clinic is closer than an hour away and I hate driving that much and I live an unstructured life(due to my strange work schedule) so I couldn't justify it in almost any way

Edit: and loll you are so lucky, I can't imagine ANY doctor doing that. I don't know if I'm just too pessimistic, but I have a great doctor and I can't even imagine him doing it, but I think he's scared too. You surely are lucky gal. I'll look into it for sure

poppy

12-11-2005, 11:33 AM

This is just plain wrong, anyone suffering the hell of an opiate addiction who is 100% committed to giving up gear should be given the chance. Here in the uk, addmittedly there are mega waiting lists for meth scripts (a sure sign that the powers that be are totally out of touch with the masses) but at least as long as you attend appointments etc you will eventually get a script, and its free for those on a low income or benefits and the same price as any other prescription if you work.

Works and sin bins are available from the centre and there is no charge for works regardless of income etc, there are various size barrels; tips in a variety of lengths + widths (whoops that sounds rude) along with other injecting paraphinalia such as alcohol swabs,filters,citric acid and sterile water. You can even get these things called 'steri cups' which are a sort of disposible sterile spoon.

I live in a small town in the west midlands uk. Until recently there were 3 chemists where methadone prescriptions could be collected from which acted as needle exchanges along with the main centre. However now things have changed the only place to get works from is the centre which prescribes your methadone which most of us don't like, apart from opening erratically u don't want to tell the right hand what the left hand is doing ( in their eyes if you r supposed to be getting off the gear why do you still need works) This of course is obviously crap in terms of harm reduction I know several people who are sharing or washing out works simply because pins have become less available. This can put people who knowingly have hep c in the awkward position of being forced to explain their condition when other users have come round asking for pins and when informed that there are no clean ones have said well I'll just wash one of yours out, you can understand the dilemma nobody wants to go round with I've got hep c tattooed across their forehead do they?

Anyway having gone totally off the point (rambling as usual) I'll go back to the original thread, basically we may moan but we have it much easier in the uk in terms of getting help for drug addictions.

milky_tears

12-12-2005, 06:25 PM

^^^^I agree, we have it WAY easier over here. I rang my nearest meth clinic, got seen a few days later, now I make an apointment if and when I need/want to, (after 2/3 months they ring me to see if I'm ok) all my prescriptions get sent straight to the chemist down the road from me where I pick up my meth. Also, I got a Christmas card in the post this morning from my "keyworker" at the clinic.
(And it's 100% free... Soooo many people complain about our NHS, but at least we have one!!!)

doughsburypillboy- I hope you manage to sort something out dude, it's such a kick in the teeth to decide that you're going to sort yourself out and then not being able to.

Don't give up.

Zoop

12-13-2005, 02:45 AM

Hey Pillboy. Have you considered buprenorphine? It's way way way eaiser to get than methadone. click on the "SAMHSA" link on the front page of OPIOPHILE, and then click on your state for a list of prescribers in your state. I found that to be very easy. You get bupe from a private doctor's office and can take home up to a month supply (or more maybe, if your doc is cool about it). Bupe takes away every craving and WD symptoms I have. It's very effective and lasts a long time each dose, just like methadone. You can't get nearly as nodded out on bupe as you can with methadone, though. But IT WORKS.

Man, I totally feel for you. I know about waking up in the middle of the night, all sweating and have come close very recently to losing my wife and child and my boss was asking why all the sick leave?

take it sleazy, O.k.?

lolleedee

12-14-2005, 01:09 AM

I tried bupe, but I didn't find it as effective for me as methadone..but, if you can get your hands on it, try it!!! It could be exactly what you need! I know a lot of people who are thrilled(and clean!)with the bupe!! I feel so bad for you...you are in my prayers! It does suck when you want to get the help and it isn't there! There has to be a better way to get help. The usa needs a med makeover!!!!:D

HiJacked

12-15-2005, 12:33 AM

Also, try your regular doctor. They can prescribe methadone and if he won't, a lot of doctors will prescribe other opiates and put you on a weaning program.

You must not live in the united states , do you? (not 2 be sarcastic but...) Its a federal law that licensed physicians can prescribe methadone for any number of symptoms (chronic back pain, and countless other alements) , but by law the second you disclose to your MD that your going through any type of opiate withdrawls, by law US physicians cannot prescribe you methadone. They just cant do it. Now thats not to say that if your in the throws of withdrawal that a licensed MD cant help you with one supervised dose to get you through the pain. But its very clear that methadone is never to be prescribed by any general practioner for treatment of opiate (heroin,oxy's,vicoden,morphine,ect) related symptoms(addiction or detox).

I know this fool that got busted robbing some lady for her purse to maintain his heroin smoking habit of at least a gram a day. Well he wound up in jail kicking and screaming to the county jail sheriffs deputies that he was fucking sick! Help me please! He said he cried and pleaded but they told him to shut the fuck up junkie.
So this moron goes and dismantles the razor they gave him in his booking freebee commissary supplies (1 toothbruch,tiny tube of paste,1soap, and a disposable razor),
Well he proceeded to slice both sides of his neck bad enough that they had to cuff him and take him to the ER. There they gave him a shot of morphine and some other painkiller and shipped him back to jail. I see this guy and oh lord he has two of the nastiest scars on his neck. How he missed his corrodid artery, who knows.

Any ways end of story.
But if you want to read for yourselves (i always do) then peep out this link::

http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:m26W_pAP00IJ:www.doctordeluca.com/Library/WOD/DearDEA04.htm+patients+requesting+methadone+rights&hl=en&start=18

Zoop

12-15-2005, 01:49 AM

Yeah, this is a good point. Docs can give people methadone (the little nice 5mg and 10mg tablets - Roxane makes the best) for pain. Any doctor worth his salt won't prescribe it to you if you flat out say that you are dope-dependent, but you could claim to have really really bad back pain or migraines or whatever. There are some quacks in my area that will prescribe you pretty much anything if you pay for an office visit. You just gotta say the right stuff. "I had this pain really bad a couple of years ago, and I got this 'perca' or 'punkaset' or something? I can't remember, but it worked really well. I yeah, I remember what it was! Percocet! Yeah, that's it! Could you give me like 30 of those to just hold me over until I can get an appointment with a pain management doctor?"

You must not live in the united states , do you? (not 2 be sarcastic but...) Its a federal law that licensed physicians can prescribe methadone for any number of symptoms (chronic back pain, and countless other alements) , but by law the second you disclose to your MD that your going through any type of opiate withdrawls, by law US physicians cannot prescribe you methadone. They just cant do it. Now thats not to say that if your in the throws of withdrawal that a licensed MD cant help you with one supervised dose to get you through the pain. But its very clear that methadone is never to be prescribed by any general practioner for treatment of opiate (heroin,oxy's,vicoden,morphine,ect) related symptoms(addiction or detox).

I know this fool that got busted robbing some lady for her purse to maintain his heroin smoking habit of at least a gram a day. Well he wound up in jail kicking and screaming to the county jail sheriffs deputies that he was fucking sick! Help me please! He said he cried and pleaded but they told him to shut the fuck up junkie.
So this moron goes and dismantles the razor they gave him in his booking freebee commissary supplies (1 toothbruch,tiny tube of paste,1soap, and a disposable razor),
Well he proceeded to slice both sides of his neck bad enough that they had to cuff him and take him to the ER. There they gave him a shot of morphine and some other painkiller and shipped him back to jail. I see this guy and oh lord he has two of the nastiest scars on his neck. How he missed his corrodid artery, who knows.

Any ways end of story.
But if you want to read for yourselves (i always do) then peep out this link::

http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:m26W_pAP00IJ:www.doctordeluca.com/Library/WOD/DearDEA04.htm+patients+requesting+methadone+rights&hl=en&start=18

HiJacked

12-16-2005, 06:14 AM

yep! you could play the 'my back is killing me!' routine if you can act. Depending on what doc you go to and what you present yourself like, how old you are, and mainly, what type of insurance you got. Sometimes its the docs in the clinics that see people on a 'pay as you leave visit' basis that are the easiest to get to prescribe certain drugs.

But, PERCOCET??? Good Lord almighty! thats simply oxycodone and (the Rx cut of choice), Acetominophen. How did that help you in withdrawals? or were you really using it as directed , for backpain? (as if!:D )

In my throws of terror and anguish of heroin withdrawal and sickness 10 Lortab would do nothing for my pains. I know hydro and oxy are two different drugs but their both rather weak and if I went in asking for methadone (when pigs fly) I would be a pissed off patient rolling out of there paying $70-100 bucks for the visit and the shitty pills that wont do me a bit of good.

I'd be more ready to play the anxiety/insomnia for some benzo's and go in there on either a pot of coffee of some methamphetamine (not 2 much) to give the doc a high blood pressure reading and maybe you'll get some clonidine to go with your (Klonopin/Xanax)Benzo's and the
(Paxil/Lexapro) antidepressants they'll most likely give you as well.,
I'd accept the antidepressants along with the godd shit, but never take them unless you are wanting another drug to have to withdrawal from as well. SSRI's are a terrible drugs pushed by far too many doctors for trivial reasons...

I'm done again bye!

exitwound

12-23-2005, 05:57 PM

There are some new drugs that are ostensibly SNRI's with weak DRI and SRI effects as well, which are actually quite good for nerve pain and general chronic pain. There's also Lyrica which works primarily on the GABA system....it's the new, improved Neurontin basically.

Zoop

12-23-2005, 06:35 PM

Hey Hijacked, I wasn't really saying percocet was good for withdrawal. Just using it as an example of a narcotic that a doctor would readily prescribe if a junky came in and said the right shit.

Anyways, I hope you can get on a program, Pillboy. I hope you are allright. If you read this, just post something and say "I'm here" or "feeling shitty" o.k.?

but, you should really check out what doctors can prescribe buprenorphine in your state.

Here's the link - http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwns_locator/index.html.

It worked really really well for me. And it's a hell of a lot easier and less trouble than methadone.

doughsburypillboy

01-01-2006, 12:37 PM

Hi everyone. No i am not dead but i am also not on a program. Im currently at work feeling like sh*t from the newyear bash(which was the only real fun i have had in awhile) and just feelin like sh*t in general. Im filling out the paperwork so i can get insurance(seems expensive to me but i guess better than the alternative) and im trying to figure out how im going to find the last 15mg. oxycodone(i know its weak but its all i can hope 4 right now) i lost in my car, it bounced off the console yesterday and i havent been able to find it. I try to stay hopeful 4 the newyear and everyday therein but as u all know its very hard sometimes. Since i posted last i broke up with my gf which had me very deppressed at first but now gives me something to look forward to with others. Thank you all for actually caring. Im still on many methadone waiting lists but feel ill never be on the program. I've also contacted the local bupe docs and until i get this insurance and another run through inpatient it's not gonna happen. I wish the best for you all this new year. Tom

doughsburypillboy

01-01-2006, 02:05 PM

Found it! Didn't do much but put a lil smile on my face but maybe it's a sign that this will be a better year then all the rest. peace and love. Tom

poppy

01-01-2006, 06:17 PM

Doughsburypillboy I hope so, you've obviously had a rough ride so all the best for 2006, and that seemingly elusive methadone script. Good Luck, take care, laters Poppyx

shoxy

01-02-2006, 04:33 AM

i know its hard to find a good clinic, ive considered it before but i dont want to be registered as an addict, and in my area both clinics register you and its not at all anonymous....thats why small towns suck so bad... and when you can find anything, the prices are jacked up so high its insane....im convinced this place is imploding on itself.....all the pawn shop are dealing with junky inflation, they all have too many dvds no longer buying them....and musical equiptment, everything.....this place is polluted with junkies....and the junk supply is at an all time low.....so im worried about violence and insanity around here........

Zoop

01-02-2006, 07:03 AM

Pillboy, I just looked at the SAMSHA map of the U.S., and the list of bupe docs in upstate NY (I know Buffalo is, but isn't Albany too?) is really really extensive. Waaaay more than we have in Northern Virginia (right across the Potomac river from DC). You should call every one of those docs in youre area. There are a LOT.

What I found from calling around is that most bupe docs charge like $200 for the inital evaluation and first scripts and then charge $75-100 for follow-ups every two weeks or month.

I went to two (the second one was the maintenance guy) and both of them don't take insurance - cash only. So, as far as the insurance goes, I can only put the bupe on my insurance - I still have to pay $35 per script though.

It's actually cheaper than a dope habit (if'n you have to PAY for your dope).

Please don't give up. Don't go down the tubes.

poppy

01-02-2006, 12:59 PM

"all the pawn shop are dealing with junky inflation, they all have too many dvds no longer buying them....and musical equiptment, everything.....this place is polluted with junkies....and the junk supply is at an all time low.....so im worried about violence and insanity around here........"
Shoxy we have the same problems here in uk ie. help is not anonymous at all but neither was hanging round trying to score!!! for me at least the stability of a methadone script was worth the 'notoriety' for want of a better word of being a 'registered addict'. I fear that you're right when u imply that we are suffering a junky epidemic, I truly believe we are (unfortunately I am a fully fledged, card carrying member) but at least I have a small amount of self respect back, my habit no longer makes me beg or borrow; and I am proud to say that I never did steal off anyone which I guess is a small consolation in these tough times. Laters Poppyx