My thoughts on being dependent on morphine (long)

[jersey_emt]

As some of you know, I have been taking morphine sulfate for about 2.5 years now for chronic low back & leg pain from a nasty car accident. My current prescription is for three 60mg MS-Contins per day and 15-30mg of MSIR for breakthrough pain, up to 45mg a day (I get three 15mg pills for each day). So basically, I have a steady supply of 225mg of morphine sulfate per day. Depending on what day it is and the phase of the moon, I need anywhere from 120mg up to the whole 225mg for adequate pain control. The leftovers I save for recreational use. My normal recreational dose is 180-210mg oral (MSIR or crushed MS-Contin). I used to take part of the dose orally and part insufflated, but not anymore, as although the high came on faster when snorting, I seem to prefer the relatively long (1-hour) comeup of oral morphine. The high lasts longer too.

Without a doubt, I'm physically dependent on morphine. I have had a few occasions where I experienced withdrawal, due to running out of my month's supply a day or too early, or just simply falling asleep without taking an MS-Contin to get me through the night. That tends to happen more often when I have an episode of breakthrough pain late in the evening, and take an IR dose which controls the pain. Then I fall asleep without taking the evening MS-Contin, and I wake up covered in sweat, nauseous, and have to run to the toilet to empty my intestines of liquid shit. Those episodes suck, they really suck, but for whatever reason I don't mind them too much, as I know that will be the worst I will feel that day, as I have two pill bottles to save me. I just take 30mg of MSIR along with a 60mg MS-Contin and within 20-30 minutes I'm feeling back to normal.

Tolerance sucks. I'm going to have to have my dose upped next month. I asked the pain management doc at my last appointment to up my dose, he told me to try to wait it out another month but to call him if it gets really bad. I'm not quite at the point where I have to call him, and my appointment is in two weeks, so I'll just be waiting it out. Yes, I know how lucky I am to have a compassionate and understanding pain management doc.

I've accepted the fact that I will need to be on opioids for quite a long time, possibly the rest of my life (I'm only 26). I've accepted the fact that I am physically dependent on morphine and even if my pain does eventually disappear, I will have a very hard time coming off of the drug. I have to live with the constant fear of my pain management doc for whatever reason stopping his practice. I have to live with the fact that if I don't take or forget to take a pill at least 2 times a day I will get horribly sick.

In the end though, it's worth it. It takes my pain away so I can lead a normal life. I have a steady, well-paying job in Manhattan as a computer programmer / database administrator. I have a loving girlfriend who is understanding of my condition and the somewhat controversial aspects of opioid therapy for chronic pain control. My immediate family was not so accepting, but they are coming to terms with it. I think they are seeing that overall, opioid therapy, at least for me, is a positive thing. Of course they do not know about my recreational use, and probably never will.

Morphine allows me to live my life. It melts away my pain without any negative side effects except for physical dependence. I haven't even had any major problems with constipation. This may sound crazy, but I firmly believe that morphine has saved my life. Before my pain was adequately treated, I was hurting so much that I was considering just ending it. Not just the physical pain -- the emotional pain of not being able to do the things that I used to. Before my accident, I was quite active -- biking 15-30 miles a day, hiking/rafting often, etc. While I still am not able to do those things to anywhere near the capacity I was able to before, morphine has gotten me out of my 'rut' and allows me to lead a normal life. For that, Mother Nature, I am forever grateful for your creation of the amazing plant that is Papaver Somniferum.

And for you, fellow Opiophiles, if you're still here after reading all that, I am grateful for your attention as well.

Best,
-Justin

[Duckfeet]

That was a good post, and worth the length, and u broke it up w/double paragraph breaks, which make it readable, and I think u touched on things we all go thru, when it comes to opiates.

I agree, in the sense that opiates have really never been anything but helpful to me. All my problems come as a result of the *legality* of them, not with the drugs themselves. I first discovered this young also, when I had an almost unlimited supply of K4's (dilaudids) and I was a diver, working offshore oilfield in Louisiana. We were walking pipe, at a little over 100 feet, I don't remember exactly, but I found how well I did my job, and how the drugs didn't effect me in any negative way, as long as I didn't run out.

And people in pain have often found out the same thing that you have: that morphine works.

Again, to a libertarian like me, it's all the laws that break me, not the opiates themselves. Now I'm on methadone, with no intent of getting off it, but it isn't my first choice in drugs, but in the U.S. they have a Calvinistic phobia of legalization of heroin, so methadone is probably the best I can do at this time...

Anyway, ur a young man, and seem to have good and sensible attitude towards opiates, and I hope the world doesn't treat u as harshly as I was, when the whole legal system figured it knew better than I did....



As some of you know, I have been taking morphine sulfate for about 2.5 years now for chronic low back & leg pain from a nasty car accident. My current prescription is for three 60mg MS-Contins per day and 15-30mg of MSIR for breakthrough pain, up to 45mg a day (I get three 15mg pills for each day). So basically, I have a steady supply of 225mg of morphine sulfate per day. Depending on what day it is and the phase of the moon, I need anywhere from 120mg up to the whole 225mg for adequate pain control. The leftovers I save for recreational use. My normal recreational dose is 180-210mg oral (MSIR or crushed MS-Contin). I used to take part of the dose orally and part insufflated, but not anymore, as although the high came on faster when snorting, I seem to prefer the relatively long (1-hour) comeup of oral morphine. The high lasts longer too.

Without a doubt, I'm physically dependent on morphine. I have had a few occasions where I experienced withdrawal, due to running out of my month's supply a day or too early, or just simply falling asleep without taking an MS-Contin to get me through the night. That tends to happen more often when I have an episode of breakthrough pain late in the evening, and take an IR dose which controls the pain. Then I fall asleep without taking the evening MS-Contin, and I wake up covered in sweat, nauseous, and have to run to the toilet to empty my intestines of liquid shit. Those episodes suck, they really suck, but for whatever reason I don't mind them too much, as I know that will be the worst I will feel that day, as I have two pill bottles to save me. I just take 30mg of MSIR along with a 60mg MS-Contin and within 20-30 minutes I'm feeling back to normal.

Tolerance sucks. I'm going to have to have my dose upped next month. I asked the pain management doc at my last appointment to up my dose, he told me to try to wait it out another month but to call him if it gets really bad. I'm not quite at the point where I have to call him, and my appointment is in two weeks, so I'll just be waiting it out. Yes, I know how lucky I am to have a compassionate and understanding pain management doc.

I've accepted the fact that I will need to be on opioids for quite a long time, possibly the rest of my life (I'm only 26). I've accepted the fact that I am physically dependent on morphine and even if my pain does eventually disappear, I will have a very hard time coming off of the drug. I have to live with the constant fear of my pain management doc for whatever reason stopping his practice. I have to live with the fact that if I don't take or forget to take a pill at least 2 times a day I will get horribly sick.

In the end though, it's worth it. It takes my pain away so I can lead a normal life. I have a steady, well-paying job in Manhattan as a computer programmer / database administrator. I have a loving girlfriend who is understanding of my condition and the somewhat controversial aspects of opioid therapy for chronic pain control. My immediate family was not so accepting, but they are coming to terms with it. I think they are seeing that overall, opioid therapy, at least for me, is a positive thing. Of course they do not know about my recreational use, and probably never will.

Morphine allows me to live my life. It melts away my pain without any negative side effects except for physical dependence. I haven't even had any major problems with constipation. This may sound crazy, but I firmly believe that morphine has saved my life. Before my pain was adequately treated, I was hurting so much that I was considering just ending it. Not just the physical pain -- the emotional pain of not being able to do the things that I used to. Before my accident, I was quite active -- biking 15-30 miles a day, hiking/rafting often, etc. While I still am not able to do those things to anywhere near the capacity I was able to before, morphine has gotten me out of my 'rut' and allows me to lead a normal life. For that, Mother Nature, I am forever grateful for your creation of the amazing plant that is Papaver Somniferum.

And for you, fellow Opiophiles, if you're still here after reading all that, I am grateful for your attention as well.

Best,
-Justin

[ProdigalSon]

Hell man it seems from you post you taking an extremely responsible avenue to you management. Dont let the shit get away from you, been there and if your family id kinda apprehensive on opiod therapy, theyd be angry as a sumanbitch if you went overboard.

Wait around this site man. Its not just something to do with me anymore. Ive learned alot off of here on pain management and even other ways to help you and the struggle. Fuck an A man PM me when you can and well rap for a bit

Mike

[flipside]

Morphine allows me to live my life. It melts away my pain without any negative side effects except for physical dependence. I haven't even had any major problems with constipation. This may sound crazy, but I firmly believe that morphine has saved my life. Before my pain was adequately treated, I was hurting so much that I was considering just ending it. Not just the physical pain -- the emotional pain of not being able to do the things that I used to. Before my accident, I was quite active -- biking 15-30 miles a day, hiking/rafting often, etc. While I still am not able to do those things to anywhere near the capacity I was able to before, morphine has gotten me out of my 'rut' and allows me to lead a normal life. For that, Mother Nature, I am forever grateful for your creation of the amazing plant that is Papaver Somniferum.

And for you, fellow Opiophiles, if you're still here after reading all that, I am grateful for your attention as well.

Best,
-Justin

Very well thought out post Justin, I feel ya, I'm back at the point where I do not have my meds anymore..it's brings tears to my eyes..honest to see someone else is able to live thier life..both happiness for you and more than a touch of sadness for myself.....

[AZJunkie]

I certainly dont mind a long post when it's as well written and of substance like this one. Good for you bro. I am currently trying to get over the novelty of having legitimate possession of a substantial amount of opioids....always.

I'm trying to get myself into the rhythm of taking the correct amount to handle my pain, so I may have the luxury of being able to stash away a few "recreational" tidbits. Right now, I'm just taking meds all willy-nilly. I'll get it right sooner or later....I hope.

[CIIORNOTHING]

Great post man. And I agree completely, for my low back disk herniations and past surgieries, nothing helps with my back and leg pain like Morphine. They tried me on everything from oxycontin to hydromorphine, and nohting seemed to work as nicely all around as morphine. The hydromorph built tolerance to quickly, constipated me, and made me too lethargic. The oxycontin simply wasnt strong enough to dull the pain. The perfect solution for me wound up being 60mg Kadians three times a day with oxycodone 10mgs TID for breakthrough.

Its cool that you are managing your CP somewhat responsibily. It wasnt long at all that I was banging those avinza which he later changed to kadians due to insurance reasons. I hear rumors of kadian with naloxone or something but mine so far are still nothing but good......

[djnarkotik]

"and nature in all her glory puts the crown on top the poppy head" :)

[Ragdoll]

Beautiful, DJ.

Lovely post there, jersey. Poignantly meaningful - you gave me thoughts to think about and a nice balance to stand on with that post.

[CSiiSEQ]

Honestly, I've gotta tell ya - if you are an emt and are using your morphine that responsibly (I'm assuming you have relatively easy access to needles and the knowledge to easily shoot) - that's really pretty impressive! You're in a situation where it would be easy to shoot and that makes it so easy to let everything get out of hand. I for one, am impressed!

[jersey_emt]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses everyone.

CSiiSEQ -- I'm only an EMT, not a paramedic, so I 'technically' don't have the knowledge of how to easily shoot and easy access to needles. However, it is not uncommon for an EMT to pick that up, at least where I have worked. I've started dozens of IV's in people when a medic on the call with me was busy with other things. So yes, I have the knowledge, and yes, I can easily obtain needles.

[slugbone]

yeah great post friend and glad to see your girlfriend is supportive. i didn't see anywhere that you have tried to potentiate with various things to counteract your tolerance?

[jersey_emt]

yeah great post friend and glad to see your girlfriend is supportive. i didn't see anywhere that you have tried to potentiate with various things to counteract your tolerance?

I use diphenhydramine (Benadryl) to potentiate -- 2 or 3 pills (50 - 75mg total). Haven't had much success with any other potentiators (dextromethorphan, tagamet/grapefruit juice, etc).

[renton]

Reading your post made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, it's almost the exact same story as mine. I took oxycontin for about a year for intense pain in my neck from an old car accident. I tried everything, I even got injections of steroids into my neck but it didn't do anything except hurt really bad. Taking the oxy was the only thing that helped but I slowly realized I was slipping into addiction when I kept taking them after my neck problem improved. I also have some mental health issues and I found opiates were the first thing to really help. But I got frustrated by having my life controled by opiates so I stoped getting the prescription from my doc, but I've continued to take codeine I get from cold water extraction. I know I just traded one habit for another but it's better than taking lots of oxy pills. I think your right though about it letting you live your life, sometimes being dependent is the price people pay for pain relief.