Was this a test or what?

[opiobsessed]

Wow, I think I almost got canned from the clinic last week. I went in as usual to get my dose, we get the mallie wafers 40mg pills. Everyone gets their pills dissolved right there with water or juice and you drink it in front of the dosing nurse.

Well this one day, I came in and said my id, the nurse put the pills in a cup and then I drank it down, then she was preparing my weekend take homes and when she put the pills in both bottles, she said"do you want these filled with water?" I thought, cool maybe I can see how a lower dose works for me since I way back fucked up and went above 150mg when I was feeling my best and then started feeling to opiated. Then I thought, holy crap, what if she is doing this as a test to see if I'm gonna sell em or something fishy. It sure sounded fishy to me, so I said, oh yes fell both bottles. She did and gave me a look like, either she was doing me a favor or I'm a lucky duck that I didn't get in trouble if I had said no dont put water in them.

What do you all think? was this a test or a favor? by the way later that week I saw my counselor there as usual and asked about it and he said, hmmm no I wasn't aware of that option at all regarding that.

Also I've come to the sad reality that its long overdue time for me to "reset" my brain, hence my constant opiate use for 4 years straight now and such a skyrocketed tolerance that I dont feel anything from my done anymore, except just a little uplift and no wd's. I'm down to 190 now, last time I dipped to 180, I got the bathroom runs and had to go back up again. I'm also on 4 10mg valiums daily, is there any way I can ease the discomfort as I get to the lower doses on done? I know for one thing, there is no way I will be able to do this just with benzos unless maybe my psych doc switches me to xanax. Or I will have to resort to pods or hydro again. But is there any way I can avoid pods or just vicodin showing up in my monthly urine test? I thought maybe if I use the opiate of my choice to keep comfy while I get off done, that maybe it wouldn't show up if I stay clean and do my urine test right at beginning of the month and then use for half the month after that test or more.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[youwonhundred]

Well, I haven't been on a clinic since early '03, so I don't know how much, if anything, has changed, but when I got the wafers back then, I got 3 take homes a week, and the nurse never put water on any of them.

[flipside]

^^ I'm with U-100. As far as using other drugs to ease the WD's at 190 I can't imagine done not blocking. And you can be sure they will show up in your urine..unless you are not observed and can use someone elses's urine. be sure to get someones with the benzo's..if they don't show up,.they'll know it's not yours.

have you thought about a really , really slow taper? it's the only way for some people.

Whatever you do..dont risk getting thrown off your program. kicking 190mgs is Hell, or ending up back on your DOC to kick done..that's what happened to me.. right back wher you started..mabey even worse off

Good luck,.it's a hard road..sounds like you know you need to make some life changing decisions

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Black_Pony]

Back in the day done was dispensed in liquid form ONLY tasting a bit like tang. Those wafers are hard enough to keep intact, it makes no sense to dissolve your take homes. You could just as easily sell your dose in liquid form as in the wafer form.

It sounds to me like your dosing nurse woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning and said to herself 'I'm gonna fuck with some junkies today' (in a malicious voice).

I would have looked at her like she was crazy and said 'no thank you, the wafers suit me just fine.'

I agree with Flip entirely when she says you should not do ANYTHING to risk getting booted from the program! 190 mgs a day is a habit Bill Gates himself couldn't afford to substitute with street drugs. Its pretty wild that you've convinced them to keep you on that high of a dose.

Count your blessings and take the nurse's weird bullshit with a grain of salt.

Good luck!

-BP

[Duckfeet]

That's the real curse of methadone: that they fucking *own* us, and my freedom-loving soul just hates that aspect of the whole thing. I'm at a 100mg daily, and I desperately needed to be on it, and it's ten times better than the crappy tar I was strung-out on, spending over 100 bucks a day of 8 years of savings, down the tubes....but Flip said is all I agree with: if yer going to taper, do it really slow...you can drop 10mg every week or so at those higher doses, but as u get lower, u got to drop less. Actually, that is *not* considered extrememly high anymore, and I know prettypoppy, and others that know more about this say that many people on methadone need higher doses to get right.

But the way they treat us, I don't care what anybody says, we are treated just one step above criminals, and it hampers my beloved traveling...fuck. But I do notice the anti-dedpressant side of methadone. No, I no longer get a buzz from it, but I do notice I'm more cheerful, and believe now that the EDS particularly in longtime addicts is fixed by methadone...but I totally sympatihize with people who want off it, since I feel so trapped, but I dont' know what else to do, as I just never have much luck w/docs, and am cover wtrackmarks and prison tattoos and such, and now the fucking databases we've lost whatever freedom of movement we used to have...bitchbitchbitch...it's an old guy thing, u wouldn't un derstand LOL....

[30_Units]

i don't know about your clinic, but in mine the nurse will sometimes ask if you want water, as opposed to the kool-aid they normally use, because some people prefer one to the other.

she might'v just been asking a normal question in a weird way?

[opiobsessed]

Duckfeet, I know just what you mean about these darn databases and crap, I think the usa has already gone way down to hell in a handbasket as far as our concerns go. I've been in trouble with the law for some fairly serious stuff not drug related and the pi*s all tell me shit to scare me etc.

They say after all the stuff I've done, I'm on a national database of suspect mischief creators of some sort. I wish I could read all about the shitlist they have on me, because when I was in the room with an investigator, he had a thin steel box just the size to hold regular letter size papers and my papers were thick. He let me see one picture of my face but quickly put it back and shut the box when I tried to get sneaky(darn idiots).

Anyway, my clinic can drop me a milligram at a time once a week if I need to, I may end up on a long ride that way, but its better than wd. I also get the antidepressant effects of done too, thats why I need to be on it, but due to my metabolisim problem, my body burns stuff faster than normal people and by 4 pm, the done starts falling off the receptors and I get tired and nap till supper and then am depressed again. I then go to bed at 830 almost every night and I used to stay up till midnite on suboxone. Strange but then again, I was taking the subs throughout the day up till last dose at 8 pm.

I'll keep everyone updated when I can and hopefully if the site doesn't run into problems, I really wish I could find a good deal before I get off the done totally and if I can only start making money again good. By the way, has anyone here had someone at their clinic start up a chat while waiting in line and the 2 of you get talking and one says "hey u interested in some oc or my leftover stash etc?" wish someone would do that to me, I think it must have happened at the clinic, cuz they have a new paper on the wall, stating no drug dealing or talk of drug use and some other rules.

Makes me wonder what goes on during a long line, but heck I get there in the morning and I usually only have to wait for one or 2 people before I dose.

[Duckfeet]

That has gotten *so* much worse. I mean, V.A. hospitals around the country notify each other if u have gotten opiates in other places, and national and international criminal databases mean that "going to Florida and starting over" doesn't mean anything anymore.

I posted on here, several months ago, when I tried to fly up to Canada, I got pulled aside in Vancouver, and they had my name on a database for a fellony comtted in 1973 in Florida, and refused me entry. I've got two pages of a letter saying I can apply to some ministry or another up there. But I wanted to go to try to enroll in NAOMI who had/has a legal medical heroin trial going on. I was walked back to the American side of airport, and sent home...hugely embarassing...



Duckfeet, I know just what you mean about these darn databases and crap, I think the usa has already gone way down to hell in a handbasket as far as our concerns go. I've been in trouble with the law for some fairly serious stuff not drug related and the pi*s all tell me shit to scare me etc.

They say after all the stuff I've done, I'm on a national database of suspect mischief creators of some sort. I wish I could read all about the shitlist they have on me, because when I was in the room with an investigator, he had a thin steel box just the size to hold regular letter size papers and my papers were thick. He let me see one picture of my face but quickly put it back and shut the box when I tried to get sneaky(darn idiots).

<snip>

[opiobsessed]

Shit, that must have sucked, this damn country sucks, all thanks to the terrorists and 9/11 and the Ok city federal building bombing etc. All this crap going on, I think The terrorists did this on purpose to make us tighten the war on drugs, but why? Aint they gettin enough money from us for their opium products? I just dont understand the whole thing, but it sucks.

Can you imagine the poor junkies in NYC, I bet its so hard to cop there its sad, and when 9/11 happened, I bet that day or shortly after, there were junkies all over the place in sad horrid wd's, I bet the done clinics quickly filled up then etc and more.

[Nate]

Can you imagine the poor junkies in NYC, I bet its so hard to cop there its sad, and when 9/11 happened, I bet that day or shortly after, there were junkies all over the place in sad horrid wd's, I bet the done clinics quickly filled up then etc and more.

Wow I never even thought of that, that's painful.

[Black_Pony]

I keep thinking about the nurse's actions that day and more and more I do think it was a test of sorts. She could have possibly asked you if you wanted water in the event that you wanted to dose your take home's all at once to get real fucked up, and then cop through the weekend. That would be some REAL fuck-you-up-shit to take 190 mgs x 3 all at once!

I don't know its so bizarre, thats the only logical reason I can possibly think of to do that.

[Tar_Baby]

Water in take homes is unsanitary. Especiially in monthly take homes etc..there was controversy over this and im surprised they stilll water the wafers down at all..